This document contains a collection of quotes that poke fun at or criticize lawyers and the legal profession. Some key themes across multiple quotes are that lawyers are expensive and will find ways to prolong legal processes, that most lawyers give the honest ones a bad reputation, and that the legal system overall benefits lawyers the most through their involvement. The quotes portray lawyers as untrustworthy actors who complicate straightforward issues.

1. Quotes
About Lawyers

2. The judicial process is like a
cow. The public is impaled on
its horns, the government has
it by the tail, and all the while
the lawyers are milking it.

3. Old lawyers never die. They
just establish law firms.

4. He who has said that „talk is
cheap‟, has never hired a
lawyer.

5. There are two kinds of lawyers,
those who know the law and
those who know the judge.

6. The trouble with the legal
profession is that 98% of its
members give the rest a bad
name.

7. You win some and you lose
some, but you get paid for all
of them.

8. A man was prosecuted. The
judge asked him, “Don‟t you
need a lawyer?” To which he
replies, “No, I don‟t need any,
I‟m going to tell the truth.”

9. If it wasn‟t for lawyers, we
wouldn‟t need them.

10. Talk is cheap… until lawyers
get involved.

11. Old lawyers never die, they
just lose their appeal.

12. A small town that cannot
support one lawyer can always
support two.

13. Between grand theft and a
legal fee, there only stands a
law degree.

14. If it ain‟t broke, don‟t fix it.

15. Lawyer‟s creed: A man is
innocent until proven broke.

16. Experts are people who know a
great deal about very little and
who go along learning more
and more about less and less
until they know practically
everything about nothing.

17. Lawyers, on the other hand,
are people who know very little
about many things and keep
learning less and less about
more and more until they
know practically nothing about
everything.

18. The exact date that
professional attorneys came
into existence is unknown,
although the first complaints
about them were recorded in
the twelfth century.

19. Be frank and explicit with your
lawyer… It is his business to
confuse the issue afterwards.

20. You win some and you lose
some, but you get paid for all
of them. – Anonymous

21. You cannot live without the
lawyers, and certainly you
cannot die without them. –
Joseph H. Choate

22. A judge is a law student who
marks his own examination
papers. – H. L. Mencken

23. The minute you read
something that you can‟t
understand, you can almost
be sure that it was drawn up
by a lawyer. – Will Rogers

24. If there were no bad people
there would be no good
lawyers. – Charles Dickens

25. Don‟t misinform your Doctor
nor your Lawyer. – Benjamin
Franklin

26. And God said: “Let there be
Satan, so people don‟t blame
everything on me. And let
there be lawyers, so people
don‟t blame everything on
Satan.”