The document summarizes the reflections of 6 rural educators participating in an online graduate course. Through journaling, the participants shared their experiences with frustration, vulnerability, and feeling out of their depth as online learners. They discussed how these experiences helped them gain empathy for their own students and reflect on their roles as educators. Key reflections included realizing the importance of taking risks, experiencing failure, and the power dynamics between teachers and students. The journaling process helped the participants find commonalities and enriched their learning experience.

1. Heather E Duncan hduncan@uwyo.eduDepartment of Professional StudiesUniversity of WyomingPresentation at the annual conference of the National Network for Educational Renewal Seattle, Oct 15-171Reflections on Learning Lead to Democratic Dialogue: Teachers' Reflections on Learning Lead to New Practices and Nurturing Pedagogy

2. Democratic Dialogue: Teachers' Reflections on Learning Lead to New Practices and Nurturing Pedagogy2OverviewThe StudyOnline graduate course in curriculumParticipantsE-journalingParticipants’ reflections on their own learning

3. The Study3Qualitative methodologyData collection – online responses e-journalsData analysis – ATLASti – emerging themesMy role as researcher

4. The course4Curriculum for rural and remote educatorsConstructivist underpinningsWeekly short individual assignments2 group assignmentsOpportunity to rework after instructor feedback

5. Participants56 rural educators (1 male, 5 female)Elementary teaching principal SusanElementary principal RayHigh school vice-principal ClareCounselor for abused children Betty-Ann Kindergarten teacher AnnHigh school teacher FranAge range 28- 51Teaching experience 3 - 26 yearsNone had taken online course before

6. E-journaling6Provides an opportunity for learners to express opinions, ideas, and concerns about the course materials that would not be shared otherwise. Fosters intellectual exchange between individual students and faculty membersAllows faculty members to encourage, guide, and engage students in an academic venue. Builds a rapport between faculty and students that contributes to positive learning experiences and successful outcomes.

7. What Participants Shared7Experiencing the unknownFrustrationOpenness to risk-takingAssessment, grading and learningStigmaSelf-esteemVulnerabilityThe personal aspect of learningThe role of powerSelf-knowledge

8. Experiencing the Unknown8I think by opening ourselves to risks and new ways of learning, we can understand better how our students feel when they are in places that are outside their comfort zone. And going from a principal back to being a student again, lining up for ID with 18 year olds, sure took me back down to earth with a bump! I was out of my comfort zone, unsure, and it didn’t feel good... and I thought of new kids coming to our school, not knowing anyone, and how they might feel. Sometimes we need to experience these feelings to remind ourselves what ‘the unknown’ feels like, and how intimidating it can be.

9. Ann’s Frustration9“F.R.U....S.T.R...A.T.I.O.NO.K. That just about sums up what I have been going throughthis week. I have cried, scowled, thumped my head, poundedmy chest and touched the abyss of dismay. And yet, I amstill here and I am seeking help and I am going "out of thebox" and am really proud of my accomplishments so far.”

10. What about you?10Think about a time as a learner that you felt out of your depth or frustratedWhat emotions did you feel? What did you do?How did you feel after you had accomplished the task?

11. Ann’s Learning Reflection11“Do I trust myself to be successful using a learning mode that is new to me? Well, I try to encourage students to use new learning avenues, so I guess it's only fair that I take these types of risks myself.”

12. Assignments and Assessment Susan’s - STIGMA!12I appreciate that the professor's role is to support and move my learning to the next level. I also that re-working and re-sending assignments is part of the learning cycle. As a student, I have not been encouraged to do this in the past, and I had felt that there was almost a stigma attached to doing this. I had worked my assignment through the first time and I felt that re-working it after I had been given some advice and suggestions was like having someone else help me with the assignment. That has been clarified and I will take on the challenge of re-working assignments when necessary.

13. Assignments and Assessment Ray – Self Esteem13To see a grade below what I would expect for myself did tick me off. I think it is a little bit of an adjustment for me to have to re-submit an assignment. It seems like a long time since I have had to do it. With the option of re-submitting the assignment, you do want to do your best on the piece of work.

14. Ray’s Reflection14I then had to put myself back in the shoes of the students. I have worked with and remember the talks I had had with them. Was I just blowing hot air, or did I really mean it when I would say that most people try and try again? If I am going to be a leader in an educational setting, I better remember that if I'm going to talk the talk, I'd better walk the walk. You sometimes think that you are keeping your ego out of it, but it sometimes shows up in the weirdest places.

15. Assignments and AssessmentVulnerability – Betty-Ann15I welcome, yet at the same time worry about the comments, even though I know they are essential to the creation of the well-written final document – the document I am so pleased with once all is said and done – the prize. I know the process works because I see the results and I am happy with them. The comments are thoughtful respectful and constructive and yet they still have the power to injure, to evoke a feeling of not measuring up, not being good enough… Coming from that vulnerable part of us that just wants everything to be OK, to be accepted, to be perfect, to have value

16. Betty-Ann’s reflection16I think of the children I work with who rarely receive esteeming comments, who never have the chance to "re-do", or resolve, or work things out, or receive constructive criticism. They are never allowed the opportunity to re-work and create something that they are eventually proud of. No matter theeffort they put in, they, and not their work, are condemned. It is difficult to imagine their worlds, having never experienced such oppression myself. I see how easy it is to crush a young spirit, and it frightens me. At the same time however it heartens me to know that in some small way I may be able to help a child tobelieve in himself and his abilities - to receive that chance at a re-do, something to build on, and feel pride.

17. Grades - Fran17It's not really about grades, butabout giving folks a nudge to produce their very best. Iwonder if we would be pushed to redo an assignment if therewere only comments and suggestions and no number attached?I've had this discussion with students in high schoolseveral times. Seems like something is only worth doing ifthey get a mark for it, and very few took the opportunity toredo to improve. For me, it's the rethinking of an idea and the new insightsthat that reflection brings, that produces deep learning.

18. Questioning – Susan18I appreciate being asked the questions in this course, and being able to think and reflect upon them. Although the answers are inside of us all along, they have had no reason to take form or be given a voice sometimes. These questions push us to go there and take a look. Reminds me of my work with children. When they have "discovered" something that they knew all along, but didn't know, they smile, and are pleased to know that about themselves. Just asking the questions and letting them go inside to find the answers brings us "out", to life, to a stronger awareness somehow of who we are... We sometimes forget this in the push to raise test results.

19. Engaging19As an adult learner I take it as a compliment when instructors choose material that is inviting, engaging, and thought provoking. It looks like these texts will not onlyprovide content, but also each reader will be able to bring their own experiences to the reading. I feel that it is through this type of interaction between reader and material that true learning takes place. Not rocket science...but how often do we provide reading material to our students that engages them...all of them, and not just a select few.

20. The Personal Aspect – Betty-Ann20I wonder how many times I have "closed off" from other people, or simply walked away from them, or at times referred them to other counsellors if they were clients, because I did not like what I was hearing from them initially, before I allowed them the courtesy offinishing their thought - many unused opportunities for learning here for me I am sure.The personal aspect is somehow very important - encouraging on a personal level, not just at the class level. Even though we are recognized for our contributionsat the group level, the personal aspect seems hugely important here as well. (New learning here for me). In one or two of my student support groups I maintain a professionaldistance - as I was taught to do. I will think about this and whether or not this is a good thing.

21. Power Difference - Ray21We’ve talked a lot about power and ownership of learning in this course. Do I project that power over the studentsor do I put them first and connect with them to help throughthe scary times. I'd like to think it's the latter. I don'twant students scared of me, to be worried about seeing theprincipal. I want them to stop by and say hi, talk a bitand be able to help them through.

22. Student-centeredness v. Academic Standards - Ray22One of the things that seems to be occurring is thatteachers are feeling very driven by the curricularexpectations, they may be forgetting that it is the childwho needs to be at the center. It is the child that we mustbe concerned about, where they are coming from, what theyknow, how to engage and motivate them. The curriculum isour framework and our foundation, but the learner must beour main concern. I plan to talk with teachers next weekabout trying to keep all of this in perspective. It will bea balancing act because I must support maintaining highacademic standards, but I need my staff to understand thatthey can " teach" all they want, but if the learner does not feel safe, supported, competent, and motivated, learning will not occur.

23. Online learning - Clare23Students in my school who have taken online courses are more likely to drop the course or fail. Teachers who have delivered onlinecourses have expressed concerns over the workload involvedwith this type of curriculum delivery. In the past, when thestudents' results were not favorable, and teacherschallenged us about delivering a curriculum online, we justcancelled the online sections. Now I am looking at the programs we have in school from the students’ point of view and from a delivery point of view. I see now that online learning can be an extremely meaningful, but we have to teach our teachers and the students the process and provide the support they need.

24. Self-knowledge - Betty-Ann24Who we are as teachers/counsellors and where we "fit" personally andprofessionally, is central to how wedeliver and interpret curriculum and curriculum issues.When we "fit", weoperate from a position of commitment and integrity, whichallows us to put our heart and soul into our work withstudents. We become passionate, creative, and alive in ourwork when this happens. We feel rooted, that we belong,that we are linked. That’s what we must strive for with our students.

25. Ray’s Learning25I had to reflect about my own journey. As an educator, we stress to students the importance of taking risks and not being afraid to fail. Not doing well on assignments did make me want to blame others (the instructor!) rather than take responsibility for my own learning. It's a blow to the ego when you find out you may not be as smart as you think you are. I appreciate the life lesson. As a life long learner, I have to remember this as I continue on my learning journey, as I work with students, and staff and parents.

26. Betty-Ann’s Learning26We struggled to manageemotions such as frustration or disappointment and keptmoving towards the goal until finally, we glimpsed what wewere capable of achieving. Here we experienced many of the same frustrations and anguish that our students feel as they too struggle to become the educated people we want them to be. The prize, if they and we persevere, is an end result that we are pleased with.

27. Ann’s learning27Throughout the course, my own search for meaning, understanding, and shared wisdom has been scaffolded bylistening to others, sharing my thoughts, reflecting deeply,and seeing the connections we have, and are striving tomake. It is only through thorough understanding, mutualsupport, and respect for each other that we can move forward.We are all so different, yet share so many commonalities.Our differences can force us apart, but itis our humanness that will draw us together. It is this humanity that makes us all powerful.

28. Fran’s Learning28I have gained an appreciation andunderstanding of many concepts, including, dialogue,curriculum, voices of the people, stakeholders,commonplaces, issues, policies, and connections. I feel akeener perception of the struggles faced by all who lead and all who learn.

29. Susan’s Learning29When my creations come from the heart, I am very vulnerable. I am still a bit shy about writing an emotional piece to share with others. Maybe this still has roots in my experience in school when I was somewhat afraid to lay bare a piece of writing that I felt an emotional connection to. Then I think of the students I teach, and of how I sometimes ask them to open up, to take risks, and I become frustrated when there is no depth... but then I ask myself, what have I done to make school, my classroom, a place that invites trust, and fosters risk-taking?

30. Clare’s Learning 30I am much more aware of the power of technology than I previously was. This was definitely a period of growth for me as an on-line learner. The sense of accomplishment each time I master a "new" tool has been great. It helped me see the potential of technology in education. It made me more competent with technology. I now look at the programs we have in school from the students’ point of view and from a delivery point of view.

31. E-journalling31It is a shot in the dark sharing our own inner feelings with someone we don't know.I've found that opening myself to others has helped me be more open to my own feelings and thoughts, and certainly made me more confident in my own voice.

32. Building trust32I feel a positive connection to you through your comments to my reflections. I do feel that the reflections are much different than the assignments. My reflections aremore free-flowing and personal and I think because they are personal and you are responding to them, it strengthens the connection between us.

33. The e-journaling process33the challenge to look deeply at thoughts and ideas and find answers within raised their self-awareness. the questioning allowed them to find their own answers. the sharing that occurred during the back and forth of question and response in the e-journaling allowed the finding of commonalities and the creation of connections with participants. This not only enriched the data for this study but also enriched the experience for me and for participants.

34. And finally… in Ann’s words34As teachers we are evokers of thought, developers of skills and companions of curriculum. We truly have the future of the nation in our hands. So often, I take this great responsibility for granted when I am in the day-to-day craziness of standards and tests. I need to step back and enjoy my students as we go on this journey together.