This document provides guidance for effectively communicating difficult information to employers. It begins with establishing goals and identifying personal values that may help or hinder the discussion. Guidelines are presented for joining the employer's perspective, maintaining boundaries, understanding behavior as a form of communication, and using anger constructively. Solutions include finding creative ways to problem solve, focusing on strengths, and getting outside input through consultation, training and therapy. The importance of self-care is also emphasized.

1. HOW TO TELL EMPLOYERS
SOMETHING THEY’D
RATHER NOT HEAR
William SharpWilliam Sharp
Boston Graduate School ofBoston Graduate School of
PsychoanalysisPsychoanalysis
617 216 3871617 216 3871

2. @DRWILLIAMSHARP
#Understanding

3. K-W-L CHART:
What Works/What Doesn’t
 Know  Want to know

4. GOALS
At the end, you should be able to:
1) Identify your own reasons for saying something
2) Apply guidelines for effective interactions with
employers
3) List steps to change your approach
This work is heavy on YOU!

5. VALUES
 What are yours?
Honesty
Integrity
Family
Loyalty
Hope
Financial Stability
“I believe…” change happens slowly
Talk is cheap.

6. ACTIVITY:
Choose your top 3 values.
What does this tell you about yourself?
How might anyone of these values help you when
working with a client?
How might anyone of these values hinder you when
working with a client?

7. SELF CARE:
CLIENT WILL ADJUST WHEN YOU DO.

8. WHEN YOU INTERVENE
 Remember it is because of what you think, value
and mostly…
 FEEL!!!

9. ALL BEHAVIOR IS AN
ATTEMPT TO
COMMUNICATE
SOMETHING.
YOU WANT TO
UNDERSTAND IT FIRST
TO MAKE DECISIONS…

10. THE LION WON’T EAT ME-
I AM A VEGETARIAN
Remember, the more regressed, the more likely it
comes down to fight or flight.
Keep people out of their critter brains! (Feed,
fight, flee, f@$#%, Freeze)

11. WE BELIEVE WE ARE
THINKING CREATURES
WHO FEEL, BUT WE ARE
FEELING CREATURES
WHO THINK.

12. GUIDELINES FOR INTERVENING
WITH EMPLOYERS
Join their perceptions to get a better
understanding of the situation.
Remember, you are in charge and
just because you are listening to
them doesn’t mean you agree with
them.

13. SOLUTIONS
Maintain boundaries
You can be friendly, but you cant be their
friend
TALK TALK TALK.. .use your thoughts
and feelings to show words have a power
without a side effect.

14. SOLUTIONS (CONT)
Utilize strengths
Find creative ways to be with them
Try new things to see results
Get consultations and help
Mind-body breaks
Breath
Count to 125
Be…

15. EXPLORATION WITH THE CHILD
 Object oriented questions
Avoid YOU, use I or talk to the universe
Share your adult ego with those who
are thin skinned.
Ask what you are supposed to do
when…
Read up on Active Listening…

16. HOW DO I USE ANGER?
(*MINE AND THEIRS)
Meet them where they are.
Be the mature adult.
Never work harder than them!
Optimal Frustration is the key to change.
Consultation, Training, Supervision, Therapy ????

17. AVOID
 The Blame Game
 The Righteous Game
 Remember- families come to you with
solutions – not problems!!!
 defenses, ways of being, etc. that have evolved in
their environment.
 Respect and leave them
 Try to see if they are interested in other solutions.

18. WHY DO THIS WORK?
Only work that
promotes growth and
ego development in
both client and
therapist [or care giver]
is worth what
[it] costs both to do.
- Margaret Little

19. K-W-L AND EVALUATION
 What have we learned?
 What are you going to do now?

20. THE SIGNIFICANCE OF ZOMBIES?

21. IS THERE
HOPE?
EXHUME
Stay Together. Keep safe.
Stay together. We are changing
everything.
APRIL 11th
Boston Graduate School of
Psychoanalysis
7-9pm

22. @DRWILLIAMSHARP
#Understanding
The end…

23. RESOURCES
Interested in taking a Myer-Briggs type test:
 http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-
win/JTypes2.asp
Good books for teachers
Reaching the Unreachable Child, Shelia Zaretsky
Good books for Parents
Emotional Muscle, John and Kerry Novick (ages 0-
5, but it applies to ALL of us! )

24. RESOURCES CONTINUED
GOOD BOOKS ON ADOLESCENT
DEVELOPMENT
Highly recommend:
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me
and Cheryl to the Mall?: A Parent's Guide to the
New Teenager.
How talk so your teen will listen.
Good as well:
I’d listen to my parents if they’d just shut up.
When we are in public, pretend you don’t know me.
Trust me mom, everyone is is going
Yes, Your Teen is Crazy
I’m not mad, I just hate you.

25. THEORETICAL BUT GOOD
Modern Psychoanalysis in the Schools, William
Kirman
Resolving Resistances, Leslie Rosenthal

26. SOMETHING I LIKE TO REVIEW NOW
AND THEN ABOUT THE LD CHILD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=O4f4rX0XEBA&feature=related
Have you ever told someone to look at something
harder? How about bribing them instead of
intervening to help? How about threatening them
when the bribe didn’t work? Have you ever
blamed the victim (“you are not
trying”/motivated)?

27. 2 OF 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=01tGtFQ0Ivs&feature=related
If you were learning disabled, do you see how you
might avoid taking risks? Do you see how lack of
reinforcement for the right answer and
punishment for the wrong answer can lead you to
not wanting to respond to surprises in class?

28. 3 OF 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G9--hUQDwY
Fair and Equal? Have you ever used the “its not
fair to others” argument to not help someone who
needed something?

29. Dr. William Sharp
617 216 3871
DrWilliamSharp@gmail.com
One Harvard St., Brookline MA 02445
ANNE MCCAULEY
617 566 2200
School Based Counseling
Boston Institute for Psychotherapy
AMcCauley@bostoninstitute.org