Interpersonal skills

1. Performance Objectives
Identify the elements of effective
interpersonal communication.
Define “Communication”.
Understand your “Communication style”.
Identify “Barriers” to effective
communication.
Identify negative examples of non-verbal
communication.

2. Identify Strategies for dealing with difficult
people.
Identify examples of difficult people.
Identify difficult coworkers. How poor
communication contributes to a negative
workplace.
Identify techniques to de-escalate a verbal
confrontation while remaining
professional.
Identify the importance of self-evaluation
“Tactical thinking” when dealing with
difficult people.
Define “Active listening”.

3. Identify factors that develop a negative
public response.
Identify effective ways to comfort an
emotionally upset individual.
Identify how gender issues contribute to
perceptions of the other’s behavior.
Identify techniques to handle generational
issues.
Identify how personal motivation affects
human behavior.
Officer communication skills. Questioning
and listening techniques

4. Interpersonal Communication

5. Robert Bolton
Eighty percent of people who fail at
work do so for one reason.
They do not relate (communicate)
well with others.

6. Communication Defined
The exchange of: ___________ ,
____________, or _______________;
By _________, ________, ________, or by
___________
Interpersonal Rapport
thoughts
messages information
speech signals writing
behavior

7. What is your Communication Style?
Communication Style Self-Assessment
It is important to be aware of your
communication style and also the
communication style of those that you
are speaking to.
7

8. Roadblocks – What Gets in the Way
Roadblocks can become strengths if we
increase our awareness of our own tendencies,
and acknowledge their impact on all our
interactions

9. 3/6/2023 9
The primary responsibility of
effective interpersonal
communication lies with:
_______________________
The Communicator/ Sender

10. Group Resume
To lead a group of people from many
different countries and cultures
from around the world, into
unchartered territory in the
wilderness to see if it is habitable for
humans.

11. IPC IS IRREVERSIBLE
Once the words are said
Non-verbal cue sent
You cannot take it back

12. Interpersonal Communication
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13. Body Language
Understanding Gestures in Context
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14. Examples of Body Language
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15. Body Language
Hands on hips
Known as confrontational
A non-verbal challenge

16. Body Language
Looking away
Ignoring you
Looking for escape route
Preparing to fight or run

17. Body Language
Rolling shirt sleeves up
High stress or anxiety
Getting ready to fight

18. Body Language
Face and Head
Face conveys emotion
Head conveys attitude

19. Body Language
Foot direction
Often indicates where the
person wants to be
One of the hardest to disguise

20. Body Language & Officer Safety
Head angle indicates fight or flight
Dropped or raise chin – fight
Confirming gesture of fight fixed stare
Watch area around neck (muscle tightening)
possible attack
“Happy Feet”
Short, choppy gestures/verbal threat is real

21. Palms out, can indicate emotion
Watch out for deadly hands
Multiple gestures and deadly gaze
Knuckle-popping, flexing means trouble
Red face
Raised eyebrows
Setting of hands
Hands on hips

22. Fixed dilated stare
Watch the one not talking
Flared nostrils, setting of jaw
Mouth tense, lips down at corners
Eyes wider during periods of intense
emotions

23. 4 Pillars of Non-Verbal
Communication

24. Difficult People
Who are they?
The most difficult person you have to
contend with is ______________
Why are people difficult?
_________________________________
yourself
angry, upset, having a bad day

25. Dealing with Co-Workers
Student Manual
The Aggressor
The Unresponsive
The Underminer
The Egotist

26. 5 Ways to Deal with Difficult
Co-Workers
1. Be prepared for conflict
2. Do not fuel the fire
3. Lend a helping hand
4. Get a third party involved
5. Move on

27. Managed Conflict
 Strengthens relationships
and builds teamwork
 Encourages open
communication and
cooperative problem solving
 Quickly resolves
disagreements and increases
productivity
 Deals with real issues &
concentrates on win-win
resolution
Unmanaged Conflict
 Damages relationships and
discourages cooperation
 Results in defensiveness
and hidden agendas
 Wastes time, money and
human resources
 Focuses on blaming and
fault finding

28. Managed Conflict
 Makes allies and defuses
anger
Airs all sides of an issue
in positive supportive
environment
Is orderly, calm and
focused
Unmanaged Conflict
 Creates enemies and
hard feelings
Is frustrating, stress-
producing and
energy-draining
Is often loud, hostile and
out of control

29. Peace is not found avoiding conflict
Peace is attained by learning to live with
and successfully manage conflict

30. Advantages of Conflict
Conflict presents many positive aspects.
It can be an opportunity for __________
_________
personal
growth

31. In a Conflict Situation
Before you attempt to control others,
you must first maintain control of
yourself (mentally, emotionally, and
physically)
Losing control of self can result in:
– Over-reaction, loss of situational awareness,
escalation of violence, lawsuits and
personnel complaints.
You must remain:
“Professional Under Pressure”

32. Elements of Public Safety
Professionalism
Peace Officers enjoy ________________
_________
________ is never out for a
________________
Required to adhere to a set of policies
and procedures, a _______ ___ ________
True professionals honor this
responsibility and do not misuse their
______________
celebrity
status
School
professional
Code of Ethics
authority

33. Remaining Professional Under
Pressure
1. Personalize your service
2. Be a L.E.O. (__________________)
3. Treat people with dignity and respect
4. See the other person’s point-of-view
Leave Ego Out

34. 5. Use active listening
6. Stretch your flash point
7. Give people a way out that looks good
to them
8. Agree, then turn it around
9. Focus on your professional objective;
sidestep insults
10. Role model what you want

35. 11. Give before you get
12. Use positive self talk
13. Life is a marathon, not a 100-yard
dash
14. Project professionalism. Use
professional voice and body language
to strengthen credibility
15. Be reasonable and rational

36. What Are Your Tools?
You can gain or lose control by your:
– _________________
– _______ _____________
Confrontation vs. cooperation – decide
what you want.
Remember, _____ of law enforcement is
done by verbalization.
verbalization
body language
98%

37. Tactical Thinking
Gaining and maintaining control of
situations means control of people.
Controlling yourself comes first
Controlling your thought process, how
you talk to yourself, is the key to
______________
Self Control

38. Problems that Inhibit
Professionalism
Negative mind set = a bad attitude
Negative self-talk
Lacking a positive belief of self
Failure to take responsibility
Lack of self-discipline
Performing less than our best

39. No goals
Failure to be open to learn
Only seeing our own view
Being dishonest
Avoiding Conflict
Lacking self-confidence
Lacking self-respect
Treating others disrespectfully

40. If under duress, you cannot
perform well
Performance
100%
0% 100%
Tension / Stress
Professional
Zone

41. Cycle of Behavior
Consequences
Reinforcement
Self Talk
Beliefs
Self Talk
(Thinking)
Emotions
Behavior

42. How to Stop the Cycle
_____ _____
Challenge long-standing limiting beliefs
Improve from your past
Practice, study, learn
Positive self-talk can break the cycle of
unproductive behavior
Self Talk

43. Expectations vs. Reality
EXPECTATIONS
REALITY
STRESS
The larger the gap the higher your stress level.

44. General Mind Set
To successfully and effectively
communicate, have honest ____________,
and an _____________, __________
_________
Be a L.E.O. (________ _____ _____)
Great Leaders are Great Communicators
Great Communicators are Great Listeners
concern
empathetic caring
attitude
Leave Ego Out

45. Active Listening vs. Listening
________ __________ = understanding
or comprehending the intended message.
Speaker feels respected.
___________ = hearing – not necessarily
understanding or communicating the
intended message.
Active Listening
Listening

46. Active Listening
Gives them what they need and calms
them down because it makes them
feel ___________
It also empties their angry cup
Active listening is ______ ______
You learn a lot
By listening you __________ them to
listen
respected
Hard Work
motivate

47. People speak 100-175 words per minute
We listen at about 300–400 words per
minute
Here is how your message is received:
– What: ____% verbal (words you use)
– How:_____% is your voice (tone, intonation)
– Seen:_____% is body language
7
38
55

48. Active Listening
Three responsibilities for the listener:
___________ __________ ___________
(non-verbal) (verbal) (feedback)
(confirming)
Attending Following Reflecting

49. Listening with Purpose
(Mental Discipline)
Listen to more than words – how does
the person feel
Listen with your eyes
What are they saying and how is it said
“Law of Reciprocity”
Physical Discipline
Deep Listening

50. Speaking:
Projecting Professionalism
What we say vs. How we say it
Audience will only get ___% from ______
38% by your _____ ___ ______
55% is what they pick up _________
Only ___% is delivered by words you use.
_____% by how you say what you say.
7 verbal
tone of voice
visually
7
93

51. 3/6/2023 51
Factors That Develop a Negative
Public Response
Condescending
Dishonest/ deceptive
Manipulative
Threatening/ confrontational
Inattentive
Insincerity
Lack of follow-through
Lack of preparation
Assumptions, bias, prejudice

52. How to Deal with Insults,
Challenges & Verbal Hostility
Remain professional in how you project
yourself
Remain professional while taking verbal
flak
Maintain your self control (Do not allow
anyone to push your buttons)

53. Be a _____________ not a thermometer
_______ _____ ______ ______
thermostat
Never play their game

54. Six Steps to Manage Verbal
Hostility
1. Use _________ _____ ______
2. Ignore, deflect insults
3. Use a process comment
4. Use active listening
5. Make an agreement comment
6. State what you need.
Positive self talk

55. Upset, Difficult, Dangerous
______ ____________: projects an
example of what you want to accomplish.
Presenting yourself in a calm, professional,
peaceful image does not add to the tension
Seek cooperation
Role Modeling

56. 7 Steps in Gaining Cooperation
1. Use __________ ______-_______
2. Project _________________
3. ____ - for what you want
4. __________
5. ___________ (good vs. bad)
6. Clarify cooperation vs. resistance
7. Time to repeat and reinforce the
negotiation points or escalate to force
Positive Self Talk
Professionalism
Ask
Explain
Negotiate

57. Practical Solutions to Real
Problems
1. Provide clear information
2. It is OK to tell the person you are sorry
for their pain
3. If experiencing confusing emotions,
explain that it is normal
4. Avoid interrupting

58. 5. Help people focus on short-term goals
6. Be willing to accept people for who they
are
7. Be tolerant
8. Do not be afraid to say “I do not know”

59. Emotionally/Mentally
Disturbed People
1. Size can be deceiving
2. Perceptions may differ considerably
3. Pace the contact
4. Patience can be priceless
5. Maintain tactical vigilance
6. Get as much information as possible
prior to contact

60. Police and ASD
1. Autistic Disorder
2. Asperger’s Disorder
3. Rett’s Syndrome
4. Childhood Disintegrative Disorder
5. Pervasive Developmental Disorder

61. 28 Principles to Guide You
When Dealing with ASD
1. First be safe
2. Persons with ASD are diverse
3. Manage your back-up
4. Do not interfere with “self-stimming”
5. Move
6. Allow for acclimation
7. Do not expect eye contact

62. 8. Do not equate inability to speak with
deafness or illiteracy
9. Do not read meaning into words alone
10.Use a normal volume of voice
11.Keep your tone of voice soft
12.Use an economy of words
13.Give them extra time to answer (11 sec)
14.Dispel their fear
15.Say “good job: to kids and adults
16.Use unthreatening body language

63. 17. Model the behaviors you want to see
18. Personal space is relative
19. Look for a cause
20. Striking out is communication
21.Tell them the “rules”
22.Quiet hands and feet
23.Biting is a common defensive behavior

64. Gender Issues
 Men – final solution oriented
– Use fewer words to express themselves
– Go straight to the bottom line and back fill only if
necessary
– Tend to finish one topic before going to another topic
– Does not nod head unless agreeing during conversation
Women – Talk all points of the issue
– Use more words to make a point
– Want to discuss the issue or problem to come up with
a solution
– Often change topic in middle of conversation
– Nods head as a person speaks (not agreement)

65. Generational Possibilities
Veteran BB GenX GenY
1925-1945 1946-1964 1965-1979 1980-2000
Outlook Practical Optimistic Skeptical Optimistic
Work Ethic Dedicated Driven Balanced Need
Guidance
View of
Authority
Respectful Love/Hate Un-
impressed
Un-
impressed
Leadership
by
Hierarchy Consensus Competence Flexibility
Relation-
ships
Personal
sacrifice
Personal
gratification
Reluctant to
commit
Personal
gratification
Perspective Civic Team Self Self

66. 5-Star Treatment
You must give before you get respect
___-_____ _____________ cost you
nothing but it pays big dividends.
5 Star Treatment

67. How to Maintain Self Control
Energy, effort and self-discipline
Strengthen your self-confidence and self-
discipline

68. Turn Weakness into Strength
Plato had a speech impediment so he put
pebbles in his mouth and practiced trying
to speak clearly.
Wilma Rudolph was in leg braces at age
11 due to polio. At 16, she won a silver
medal for sprinting at the Olympics. At
age 20, she won 4 gold medals at the
Olympics.

69. Spud Webb N.C. Hornets – NBA slam
dunk champ. He is 5’9”
Demsey, NFL football place kicker only
has ½ a foot

70. All four of these people:
Took __________ _________________
for their short comings
Had or ___________ a __________
_________ in themselves
Developed a high frustration tolerance
(_____-____________)
Developed and maintained tremendous
self-control.
Personal Responsibility
developed positive
attitude
Self Discipline

71. Officer Communication
Interview Skills
Information Questions
– How, Who, What, Where, When, Why
Precision Questions
– What exactly? When exactly? Who exactly?
How Much?
Powerful Questions
– What is stopping you? What are you afraid
might happen if you….?
Reflective Questions
– So you are saying that…..

72. Probing Questions
Clarifying – Are you saying that …?
Understanding – Could you explain
further?
Offering Ideas/Insights – Have you
thought of….?
Digging Deeper – What else happened?
Unpeeling Layers – And then what
happened?

73. Use Open-Ended Questions
Make no suggestions
Invite witnesses or victims to talk in
their own words
Act as a memory prompt
Get people talking
Encourage full answers
Help to get accurate information

74. Examples
What can I do to help? (open-ended)
Can I help you? (closed- ended)
Can you explain to me how you feel?(open)
Are you upset? (closed)

75. Avoid Closed-End Questions
Courts may consider them as leading
Do not suggest an idea to the witness or
victim
Do not lead the witness or victim to
repeat what YOU said
Avoid one word answer questions.
Example: Does the suspect have a beard?

76. How To Get Information
Let the witness or victim talk 80% of the
time
Use their words when you ask subsequent
questions
Do not interrupt a statement
Ask victim to confirm points

77. Examples of Powerful
Questions
What can I do for you?
What do you think the problem is?
What is your role in this situation?
What is preventing you from….?
Tell me more about that?
Explain to me how you are feeling?

78. Emergency/Death Message
_____ ____ ______ _____
Be sure of your victim’s ID and status
Choose location
Keep objectivity
Keep information release minimal
Discreet radio traffic
Bring support
Be prepared for different reactions
Leave contact information
Be kind, considerate and professional
Follow Your Agency Policy

79. Media
Know your agency policy
What can happen if released improperly
If you have to give out information
– Keep it to a minimum
– Never say “No Comment”
– Refer them to person who can assist or give
a time when information can be released

80. The media are paid to get the story, do
not let it be _____ who gave them the
information that compromises an
investigation, embarrasses the
department or who is charged with a
policy or law violation.
you

81. How to Meet and Greet
Professionally
1. Set the tone
2. I.D. yourself and your organization
3. State the reason for the contact
4. Their reason for behavior
5. Make request
6. Inform them of your actions
7. Professional close

82. P = ____________ belief in yourself
R = _______________ for who you are
O= _______ to the reality of life
F = _____ for life: mentally, emotionally,
E = ___________: concern for others
S = _______________: build high tolerance
S = __________________
I = ______________: maintain expertise
O= __________: Good time management
N = ________: high moral character
A = ___________: take control
L = _______: yourself, others, your work
Positive
Responsible
Open
Fit
Empathy
Self Discipline
Self Confidence
Intelligence
On Time
Noble
Assertive
Love

83. Questions, Comments,
Concerns