The document discusses how social pressure can make us feel anxious about public performances even if we are skilled, as was the case with the author learning piano in private but not wanting others to know. It also explores how unexpected positive feedback can boost confidence more than we realize, as the author experienced after giving speeches. The key point is that feelings of confidence or lack thereof are often more internally generated than based on our actual abilities or the reactions of others.

2. I remember a long time ago I decided
to learn the piano.

3. I bought a fairly cheap keyboard, and
couple of "do it yourself" learning
books.

4. And I stuck with it long enough to be
able to play a few fairly complicated
songs from memory.

5. At the same time, I didn't really want
anybody to know.

6. If my friends and colleagues knew,
they might ask me to play in front of
them (or so I imagined).

7. Playing at home seemed fine, but the
idea of playing in front of people was
something I was definitely NOT
interested in.

8. Funny how a lot of our behaviors are
like that.

9. We do great on our own, but are
embarrassed as hell if we find out
somebody's watching.

10. If you ever get caught singing in the
car, you know what I mean.

11. There's a reason why that saying,
"Dance like nobody's looking" has so
much power.

12. Something about social pressure
makes us cringe.

13. On the other hand, if you get
unexpected and positive social
attention, there's not much that feels
better.

14. Napoleon learned a long time ago that
the easiest way to generate loyalty
among his troops was to praise them
in front of others.

15. The funny thing is that if you watched
two videos of two different situations,
it would be hard to tell the difference
between social pressure and positive
social recognition.

16. If you've ever done something publicly,
thought it went terrible, and then
were told you did perfect, you know
what I'm talking about.

17. Back when I was doing Toastmasters,
for example, I'd give speeches.

18. I'd think I'd failed miserably, and then
people would come up afterwards and
not only compliment me, but ask me
for more information about the topic.

19. The truth is that feeling confident or
not confident when doing something is
more of an inside game than most of
us realize.

20. If we imagine something is going to be
hard, or we're going to fail, we'll feel
nervous and anxious.

21. But if we imagine something is going
to be easy and we'll succeed, we'll feel
like we own the situation.

22. The good news is that both of these
"hallucinations" is totally under your
control.

23. You just have to learn how to "front
run" your brain so it doesn't slip into
automatic thinking.

24. mindpersuasion.com/selfconfidence