Gottman Presentation Philosophy & Implementation of Couples Interventions
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John Gottman’s philosophical assumptions towards couples therapy interventions is most closely realized in the Collaborative Couples Therapy model of Dan Wile. It is the intent of this presentation to show how.
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Gottman Presentation Philosophy & Implementation of Couples Interventions
- 1. GOTTMAN COUPLES THERAPY METHOD PRESENTATION #3
- 2. GOTTMAN COUPLES THERAPY METHOD PRESENTATION #3
- 3. GOTTMAN COUPLES THERAPY METHOD PRESENTATION #3 “When it comes to the treatment of relationships, I must consider myself utterly at a loss!” Sigmund Freud (1912)
- 5. Sound Marital House cREATING sHARED mEANING Making Dreams come true 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
- 8. Intervention Assumptions Should not be idealistic
- 9. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 10. Intervention Assumptions LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 11. Intervention Assumptions Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 12. Intervention Assumptions Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 13. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 14. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 15. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic • Goal is to shift from the Tx as necessary to not needed Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 16. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic • Goal is to shift from the Tx as necessary to not needed • The center pole of the circus tent Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 17. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic • Goal is to shift from the Tx as necessary to not needed • The center pole of the circus tent • Tx has to learn how to shut up Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 18. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 19. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing • The “Unfortunate Heritage” systemic therapies regarding emotion Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 20. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing • The “Unfortunate Heritage” systemic therapies regarding emotion • Typical example of Tx posture to emotion Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 21. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing • The “Unfortunate Heritage” systemic therapies regarding emotion • Typical example of Tx posture to emotion • Therapeutic attunement to client energy Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 22. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 23. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion • All emotions all wishes are acceptable LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 24. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion • All emotions all wishes are acceptable • Need for therapist to look at their own meta- emotion internal working model LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 25. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion • All emotions all wishes are acceptable • Need for therapist to look at their own meta- emotion internal working model • Do not declare war on anger LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 26. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion • All emotions all wishes are acceptable • Need for therapist to look at their own meta- emotion internal working model • Do not declare war on anger • Learning about emotion is state dependant LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 27. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 28. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST • Interventions should seem easy to do Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 29. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST • Interventions should seem easy to do • Should not be mystifying or foreign Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 30. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST • Interventions should seem easy to do • Should not be mystifying or foreign • Expect “oh... this is all there is to it?” Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 31. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST • Interventions should seem easy to do • Should not be mystifying or foreign • Expect “oh... this is all there is to it?” • Reader Rabbit Approach Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 32. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 33. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive • All too common - the client’s flaws pointed out to them Should not be idealistic
- 34. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive • All too common - the client’s flaws pointed out to them • The culture of “Nailing People” Should not be idealistic
- 35. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive • All too common - the client’s flaws pointed out to them • The culture of “Nailing People” • Needs to highlight two homeostatic states Should not be idealistic
- 36. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 37. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic
- 38. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic • My approach “the good enough marriage”
- 39. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic • My approach “the good enough marriage” • Some assert that couples therapy success can heal childhood wounds
- 40. Intervention Assumptions Therapy should be dyadic Therapist’s role in self soothing Role of emotion LOW PSYCHOLOGICAL COST Therapy should be positive Should not be idealistic • My approach “the good enough marriage” • Some assert that couples therapy success can heal childhood wounds • You wont be alone in your woundedness
- 43. Session Structure • Catchup on burning issue
- 44. Session Structure • Catch up on burning issue • If not, process the last week
- 45. Session Structure • Catch up on burning issue • If not, process the last week • Ask for the couple’s Intervention
- 46. Session Structure • Catch up on burning issue • If not, process the last week • Ask for the couple’s Intervention • Homework intervention that is in keeping with in- session learning
- 47. Session Structure • Catch up on • Get the couple to burning issue own the • If not, process the intervention last week • Ask for the couple’s Intervention • Homework intervention that is in keeping with in- session learning
- 48. Session Structure • Catch up on • Get the couple to burning issue own the • If not, process the intervention last week • RESISTANCE??? • Ask for the couple’s Intervention • Homework intervention that is in keeping with in- session learning
- 49. Session Structure • Catch up on • Get the couple to burning issue own the • If not, process the intervention last week • RESISTANCE??? • Ask for the • Poor responses couple’s Intervention • Homework intervention that is in keeping with in- session learning
- 50. Session Structure • Catch up on • Get the couple to burning issue own the • If not, process the intervention last week • RESISTANCE??? • Ask for the • Poor responses couple’s • “Hitting Paydirt” Intervention • Homework intervention that is in keeping with in- session learning
- 51. Session Structure • Catch up on • Get the couple to burning issue own the • If not, process the intervention last week • RESISTANCE??? • Ask for the • Poor responses couple’s • “Hitting Paydirt” Intervention • Process they are • Homework stuck on intervention that is in keeping with in- session learning
- 52. Session Structure • Catch up on • Get the couple to burning issue own the • If not, process the intervention last week • RESISTANCE??? • Ask for the • Poor responses couple’s • “Hitting Paydirt” Intervention • Process they are • Homework stuck on intervention that is • Explore narratives in keeping with in- of their internal session learning working model
- 53. 6 Goals of Intervention
- 54. 6 Goals of Intervention
- 55. 6 Goals of Intervention MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 56. 6 Goals of Intervention Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 57. 6 Goals of Intervention ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 58. 6 Goals of Intervention Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 59. 6 Goals of Intervention 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 60. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 61. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 62. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing • Biofeedback, in-session breaks, 5 markers 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 63. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing • Biofeedback, in-session breaks, 5 markers • Homework to have discussion about stress 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 64. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing • Biofeedback, in-session breaks, 5 markers • Homework to have discussion about stress • Offer soothing action to partner 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 65. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 66. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair • First step - have a recovery conversation later Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 67. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair • First step - have a recovery conversation later • 2nd step - Have a recovery conversation right after the fight Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 68. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair • First step - have a recovery conversation later • 2nd step - Have a recovery conversation right after the fight • 3rd step - Repair during the fight (Having the conversation they needed to have) Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 69. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 70. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes • Identify the 4 Horsemen and offer them the antidotes right in session ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 71. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes • Identify the 4 Horsemen and offer them the antidotes right in session • Identify evidence of psychological abuse and offer alternatives ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 72. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 73. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS • 4 Horsemen Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 74. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS • 4 Horsemen • Soften start up Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 75. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS • 4 Horsemen • Soften start up • Accepting Influence Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 76. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS • 4 Horsemen • Soften start up • Accepting Influence • Self-soothing Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 77. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS • 4 Horsemen • Soften start up • Accepting Influence • Self-soothing • Repair and de-escalation Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 78. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS • 4 Horsemen • Soften start up • Accepting Influence • Self-soothing • Repair and de-escalation • Compromise Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 79. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 80. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship • Defensiveness & NSO MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 81. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship • Defensiveness & NSO • Anatomy of failed bids MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 82. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship • Defensiveness & NSO • Anatomy of failed bids • Building rituals of connection MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 83. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship • Defensiveness & NSO • Anatomy of failed bids • Building rituals of connection • Deepening Love Maps MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 84. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship • Defensiveness & NSO • Anatomy of failed bids • Building rituals of connection • Deepening Love Maps • Resistance/SMH/psychopathology MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 85. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 86. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions
- 87. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions • Longer earlier sessions (1.5 hrs)
- 88. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions • Longer earlier sessions (1.5 hrs) • 2-3 wk vacations once couple trajectory has shifted
- 89. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions • Longer earlier sessions (1.5 hrs) • 2-3 wk vacations once couple trajectory has shifted • Ongoing homework - MAGIC 5 HOURS/wk
- 90. 6 Goals of Intervention Self/other Soothing 3 Steps towards repair Label Dysfunctional actions provide antidotes ESTABLISH 6 SOCIAL SKILLS Build Marital Friendship MASSING/fading/long sessions • Longer earlier sessions (1.5 hrs) • 2-3 wk vacations once couple trajectory has shifted • Ongoing homework - MAGIC 5 HOURS/wk • Follow couple for a year (sessions 3-6 mos)
- 91. Dan Wile PhD
- 92. Dan Wile PhD
- 93. Dan Wile PhD
- 94. Dan Wile PhD
- 95. Dan Wile PhD "I love Wile's writing and thinking. They are entirely consistent with many of my research findings. I think that Wile is a genius and the greatest living marital therapist. I am blessed to have been able to exchange ideas with him.”
- 96. Dan Wile PhD
- 97. Dan Wile PhD ATTACK & DEFEND MODE
- 98. Dan Wile PhD ATTACK & DEFEND MODE ADMITTING MODE
- 99. Dan Wile PhD ATTACK & DEFEND MODE ADMITTING MODE Collaborative Mode
- 100. Dan Wile PhD
- 101. Dan Wile PhD
- 102. Dan Wile PhD Clearing the air - fight For many years, I felt that if only I were able to reach through to soft-underbelly feelings, I could snap partners out of their "feeling-so-stung-by-what-their-partners-just- said-that-they-must-immediately-sting-back adversarial" couple state. I now believe that what I need to do is to help them sting back better -- that is, sting in a way that touches closer to the heart of what is upsetting them, provides greater satisfaction and sense of vindication, or make it a little more likely that their partners will be able to listen instead of just immediately sting back harder. I want to turn the partners into the kind of couple for whom fighting clears the air -- partners who feel that
- 103. Dan Wile PhD
- 104. Dan Wile PhD
- 105. Dan Wile PhD Confiding Soft underbelly emotions This minute in a life of a couple shows how little of what goes on in anyone's mind ever gets expressed -- or even remembered. It reveals a reality about couple relationships so squarely in front of our eyes that it is hard to see. The therapeutic task, when partners are in such a state, is to dig through to soft underbelly feelings. It is the inability of partners to confide their soft-underbelly feelings -- their failure to bring the other in on their experience (or realize what it is themselves) -- that creates the "alienated" couple state. Shifting into another state means suddenly having a new set of feelings, wishes, thoughts, and awarenesses; it
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