1. The document discusses the importance and benefits of forgiveness. It argues that forgiveness should form the foundation of human existence, especially for Christians, and is the highest form of love. 2. Forgiveness brings peace, happiness, and life's abundant blessings. It allows one to let go of resentment and hurtful thoughts in order to be free from pain. 3. True love requires forgiveness. Forgiving others, even in difficult situations like infidelity, benefits the person forgiving by restoring their peace of mind and reopening their heart to love. Forgiveness is a choice that allows one to move forward rather than stay stuck in the past.

1. FORGIVENESS
…Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As
many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.
From this Gospel pericope (Mt 18: 21-22), forgiveness is seen not just as a transient virtue but as one
which should form the bedrock of our existence as humans and more so, as Christians. This is so because
forgiveness is the highest and most beautiful form of love, little wonder, Christ bequeathed it to those
that killed him in these words, “Father, please forgive them for they do not know what they are doing”.
In forgiving, we return untold peace and happiness. In order to receive life’s abundant blessings, it
becomes essential that we forgive. Are you not receiving all of the good life has to offer? You should
forgive. Do you harbor hurtful or painful thoughts? You need to forgive. If you feel angry, hurt, resentful,
guilty, or ashamed, it's time to forgive. The liberation from all supposed negative, painful experiences is
forgiveness. When you forgive, you are free to experience love, joy, gratitude, success, and peace. Paul
Boese said, "Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but it does enlarge the future." It results in a shift in
perception. Forgiveness allows you to let go off the past, which aids in releasing the people, things, and
situations that no longer serve a purpose in your life. The longer you hold onto those self-righteous
thoughts, the longer your mind, heart, and life are bound by suspiciousness, anxiety, temporary joy, and
momentary peace. Let go off the "why me" and how you think things should have happened.
Understand that everything in your life happened just as God wanted it to. Allow forgiveness to change
"blame into blessing and hurt into healing. Forgive everything and everyone! Forgive, not for someone
else, but forgive yourself! Forgive so that you reclaim your life and your power!
In the model prayer, Our Father, which Christ taught His disciples, He included, ..forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. A careful attention to the meaning of this prayer
shows forth that we asked to be forgiven only if we had forgiven those who wronged us. We placed
God’s forgiveness on us as one based on the condition that we forgive too. It then becomes hypocritical
if we rattle through the Our Father and still bear grudges against our neighbours; it would only result in
a prayer made in futility or a stark pronunciation that we are not even worthy of the forgiveness which
we ask for. During one of their hospital visitations, a group of Christians met a sick man in the hospital,
and as was the custom, they prayed for him, in the process of saying the prayer, they noticed that the
man blatantly ceased praying when they got to, “… forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who
trespass against us.” On further inquiry as to the cause of his action, he opened up that there is a certain

2. man who had hurt him so much and whom he wouldn’t forgive, both in this world and the world
hereafter.
Many people have misconceptions about forgiveness. We think it is letting someone else off the hook,
when in fact, it is letting yourself off the hook so you can find peace within your own heart. Lewis
Smedes puts it this way, "To forgive another is to set a prisoner free, then discover the prisoner is you."
And many times we hold ourselves and the tough parts of our relationships within us when our bodies
naturally want to let go!
For example, one of your children runs up to you, has a scar on their arm, and says, "Look, look, here! I
have a wound! Look at my wound!" And you say, “Oh, I'm so sorry. Let's get that bandaged up.
Everything’s going to be ok. You can go right back out to play." So, that just what you do. You bandage
your child up and send them right back out to play and they act like nothing ever happened. Forgiveness
and Letting Go is exactly the same. It’s bandaging our hearts up and moving forward in life as if nothing
happened.
Let's try this simple technique to begin letting go of some of the things you are holding on to.
Think of one thing that you would like to let go of. Let’s start small.
Here is a good example. Let’s say your friend didn’t take the trash out. You expected him or her to take
it out, and do it at a certain time, and they didn’t do it! You are angry, frustrated, and mad about it! And
so what we can do is simply is let go of the EXPECTATION we have of them taking the trash out. If I were
to ask, would you better off just for this moment, just for right now, if you were without the thought of
resentment towards your spouse for not taking the trash out? Would you be happier right now without
that thought? Would you be more at peace if you didn’t have to worry about that? Most of you would
say, "Yeah Sure, I'd be able to go and do things that I want to do today and feel good about it!"
Let's just try this for a moment.
Just let go of the expectation you have of the situation like the child with the bandage. And let's say for
this moment that your peace within is a little more important that what's going in outside of you and
around you.
TRUE LOVE WITHOUT FORGIVENESS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
“No gift of love has been more misunderstood than forgiveness. It may seem unfair to ask you to forgive
the person who hurt you, lied to you and disappointed you so badly. I am fully aware of that. However,
keep this in mind: Forgiveness isn’t logical – it is about love; and we are well aware that “the measure of
love is to love without measure”. Characteristically, love cannot be earned, bought, bargained or forced
– it can only be inspired. So what on earth can inspire you to do something as difficult as forgiving a

3. cheater, liar, and murderer? Only one thing – True Love. Therefore, the real miracle is not forgiving – but
loving someone enough to forgive. With true love, forgiving should be the easiest (or the hardest) thing
you’ll ever have to do because love without forgiveness is like a bird without wings — it has very limited
range. Forgiveness is the “what” that gives ordinary love the wings that lift it up beyond limits, beyond
ego, beyond pride and even beyond the understanding of most people. So, when friends and family say
they cannot comprehend how you could even think about forgiving them, smile because True Love does
surpass all understanding (cf Phil 4:7).
FORGIVING INFIDELITY IS NOT DIFFICULT – BUT IT IS DIFFERENT.
It may surprise you to know this a cold and unforgiving heart has the same potential to ruin a
relationship as an extramarital affair. This is so because an unforgiving heart is at the root of most
relationship problems. The challenge is that most of us don’t recognize this simple truth. Forgiveness is
not the question; it is the answer. It is not the problem; it is the solution to the problem. Until we are
able to separate the truth from the myths about forgiveness, we spend our time avoiding the very thing
we are trying to find.
THERE’S NO SUBSTITUTE FOR TRULY FORGIVING.
“Sadly, there are a lot of counterfeit emotions often mistaken for forgiveness. For example: Every time
you bury the hatchet, you find a way, reason, an excuse or a trigger that causes you to dig it back up. If
this has happened to you, don’t despair — every attempt to forgive, even those that fall short, takes us
closer to actually forgiving. In other words, there’s no wasted effort, but there’s also no substitute for
truly forgiving either. So how many times and how many attempts to forgive should you make? Answer:
As many as it takes (cf. Mt 18: 22). When we truly and sincerely forgive, it is not just a favour done to
other rather we experience a sense of freedom. Suppressing, denying or justifying is not the same as
forgiving. Suppressing is like swallowing a ticking time bomb. Forgiving is like de-activating the bomb.
And keep this in mind: When you truly forgive your partner, you will experience a sense of freedom,
release and relief. No other emotion can replace that feeling. So, do not settle for anything less than
your total and complete freedom from pain – forgiveness – because nothing else will make you happy
again.
TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS — EXCEPT UNFORGIVENESS.
“There are many things that time heals, but unforgiveness is not one of them. In our encounters, we
may have come across partners who, even after five, ten, even twenty years after an affair have still not
forgiven their partners. There was a woman whose husband was dead and she still was bitter about
what he did. The point here is that unforgiveness (bitterness, hostility, contempt, hate) has no
expiration date. In other words, you could carry a grudge all the way to the grave and no one can stop

4. you. But it might be wise to stop and ask yourself: If time will not heal unforgiveness, then “What are
you waiting for?” Forgiveness waits on your decision, not on time. Keep in mind that while you are
waiting on time to decide, you’re also losing your own time and energy to bitterness and anger. So why
put off your own healing? Time is not the deciding factor — YOU are. Remember, time will never give
you permission to do anything; only you can do that. And since you are the only decision maker, I would
suggest you make the decision to forgive sooner than later.
FORGIVING IS A PROCESS OF “REMOVING,” RATHER THAN “ADDING.”
“If infidelity were a fire, then forgiving would be the fire extinguisher. One of the important things that a
fire extinguisher does is to remove the oxygen from the air. Without oxygen, the fire naturally goes out.
The process of forgiving works much the same way; it is really more about removing the obstacles to
forgiving so the unforgiving feelings naturally go away.
FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU.
“One of the big misconceptions about forgiving infidelity is the idea that it is a favor you do for them.
This is not accurate. When you consider that no thought ever leaves the mind of the thinker, you begin
to realize that every unforgiving thought you allow to linger remains trapped in your own mind. And all
those contemptuous thoughts punish you, the angry thoughts sour you, the hateful thoughts drain away
your happiness. And this is why it is so often said: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the
other person dies.” So is there any good news in the midst of all this? Surprisingly, there is. Because the
opposite is also true. Since no thoughts leave the mind of the thinker, this means that loving,
compassionate forgiving thoughts heal you right away. They rejuvenate you and restore your peace of
mind.
SURPRISING REASONS WHY FORGIVING THEM ACTUALLY BENEFITS YOU
Benefit #1
Forgiveness Reopens Your Heart to Love
Forgiveness reopens your heart to love. Love cannot enter into an unforgiving heart. When you forgive,
it is like removing the bars from the doors of your heart and allowing love to return again.
Benefit #2
Forgiveness Frees You from the Negative Side Effects

5. There is no doubt you have been negatively impacted by their choices (that is the bad news). The good
news is that it does not have to stay that way. You also have a choice. You can choose to forgive and free
yourself from the negative side effects.
Benefit #3
Forgiveness Ends Your Pain & Suffering
The one thing infidelity unleashes is pain. But remember, if infidelity is the fire, then forgiveness is the
fire extinguisher; because it permanently puts out the flames of anger, bitterness and obsessing.
Benefit #4
Forgiveness Restores Peace to Your Mind
It is a fact: You cannot punish them in your mind without also punishing yourself. And if you have no
wish to cut off your thumb to spite your fingers, then you must forgive. So in the end, forgiving is not a
favour for them; It’s really a favour you do for you. At first, it may be hard to believe, and yet, it is true:
When you forgive them, you win! Why? Because it is what allows you to find (and stay in) that peaceful
place at the eye of storm. Think of it this way: Forgiving them does not prevent the storms from raining
on your dreams, rather it can do is place you at the “center” of those storms, so you can stand there in
peace even in the midst of all the chaos and confusion swirling around you.
ABOVE ALL, FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE.
“Do you know the definition of a miracle? It is been described as having a shift in perception. It is also
been called an “insight” or receiving an intuitive flash. Oprah calls them “Aha! moments.” I believe that
anything that restores your awareness to the fact that you have the power to choose (or to go against)
forgiveness qualifies as a miracle. Because the way I see it, the real issue here is not whether or not you
can forgive them — of course you can, you have done it many times before. And it is not even about
knowing how to forgive —because we are all born with forgiving hearts. The real issue is that most of us
are unaware that forgiveness (and unforgiveness) is a choice. Both of these choices are simply two
different ways of coping with the unfair things that happen in our lives. So the real question you must
ask yourself is this: “Which is the better choice for me?” And while you are thinking about that, I want
you to also consider this: The choice to forgive moves you forward and the choice not to forgive keeps
you circling backwards. So when you really break it down, this is really a question of direction –
Forwards or backwards. These are you r choices. And the choice is always yours to make.

6. There is no doubt you have been negatively impacted by their choices (that is the bad news). The good
news is that it does not have to stay that way. You also have a choice. You can choose to forgive and free
yourself from the negative side effects.
Benefit #3
Forgiveness Ends Your Pain & Suffering
The one thing infidelity unleashes is pain. But remember, if infidelity is the fire, then forgiveness is the
fire extinguisher; because it permanently puts out the flames of anger, bitterness and obsessing.
Benefit #4
Forgiveness Restores Peace to Your Mind
It is a fact: You cannot punish them in your mind without also punishing yourself. And if you have no
wish to cut off your thumb to spite your fingers, then you must forgive. So in the end, forgiving is not a
favour for them; It’s really a favour you do for you. At first, it may be hard to believe, and yet, it is true:
When you forgive them, you win! Why? Because it is what allows you to find (and stay in) that peaceful
place at the eye of storm. Think of it this way: Forgiving them does not prevent the storms from raining
on your dreams, rather it can do is place you at the “center” of those storms, so you can stand there in
peace even in the midst of all the chaos and confusion swirling around you.
ABOVE ALL, FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE.
“Do you know the definition of a miracle? It is been described as having a shift in perception. It is also
been called an “insight” or receiving an intuitive flash. Oprah calls them “Aha! moments.” I believe that
anything that restores your awareness to the fact that you have the power to choose (or to go against)
forgiveness qualifies as a miracle. Because the way I see it, the real issue here is not whether or not you
can forgive them — of course you can, you have done it many times before. And it is not even about
knowing how to forgive —because we are all born with forgiving hearts. The real issue is that most of us
are unaware that forgiveness (and unforgiveness) is a choice. Both of these choices are simply two
different ways of coping with the unfair things that happen in our lives. So the real question you must
ask yourself is this: “Which is the better choice for me?” And while you are thinking about that, I want
you to also consider this: The choice to forgive moves you forward and the choice not to forgive keeps
you circling backwards. So when you really break it down, this is really a question of direction –
Forwards or backwards. These are you r choices. And the choice is always yours to make.