TDC Client Manual

Bergen & Associates
Counselling and Consulting
Presents:

Anger Management Group Therapy

Transforming
Destructive Into
Constructive

! 1

TDC Client Manual
Transforming Destructive into Constructive

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Copyright 2010 by Bergen and Associates Counselling. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Any use of materials, including
reproduction, modification, distribution or republication, without the prior written consent of Bergen and Associates
Counselling is strictly prohibited.
2010! Bergen & Associates Counselling & Consulting Ltd. 1

Day 1 - Anger Experience Interventions
Define anger and how it functions in our experience
Reactive Anger and Secondary Anger
Identify the Experience and Escalation of Anger
Anger Thermometer, Somatic Experience
Couple Conflict Negotiation
Safety Skills
Radical Reality Acceptance Interventions
Relaxation Exercises, Emotional Vulnerability, Distortions, Misbeliefs
Day 2 - Anger Expression Interventions
Identify Sources of Learned Anger Expression
Family History Questionnaire
Take Ownership of Self Within our Complaints
Rackets/Resentment Technology
Pros/Cons Analysis of Anger Expression
Address non-verbal expression of anger
Anger Scripts and Kinetic Influence
Awareness of Personal Communication Style
Aggressive/Passive-aggressive/Passive/Assertive
Assertiveness Training
Assertiveness Formula


Table of Contents
Day 1 - The Experience of Anger
Types and Functions of Anger.............................................4-5
Toxic Anger Quiz/Goals of Anger Management..................... .....6
Identifying the Anger Experience......................................... 7-8
Safety Skills in Couple Conflict.............................................9
Reality Acceptance.........................................................10-11
Land mines of Intense Anger..................................................12
Letting Go of Anger: Distraction............................................13
Transforming Negatives Into Positives.....................................14
Day 2 - The Expression of Anger
Learned Anger: Origins....................................................15-16
Rackets: Releasing Resentments.............................................17
Anger Expression: Short-term Goals.....................................18
Anger Expression: Long-term Consequences.............................19
Anger Scripts: Changing Anger Expression..............................20
Communication Styles: Match Exercise....................................21
Obstacles to Assertiveness and Assertiveness Formula.............22
Assertiveness Scorecards....................................................23
References........................................................................24


Types and Functions of Anger

Defining Anger
Anger is ________________ about one’s experience and the
______________ to do something about it.

Anger Info
Body Information - What changes occur in our bodies

______________________________ ______________________________ ____________________________

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________________________

What is our anger trying to tell us?
Anger is like a ____________________ telling us about what is
____________________ to us.

Anger is also like an ______________telling us when someone is
_____________ or when we are _______________.


Types and Functions of Anger
Protective Function
Anger acts as a way to ____________________ others
away or to _______________ ourselves when we are hurt.

Types of Anger
Primary Anger is a ____________________ emotion to
other people or situations.
Secondary Anger is a reaction to another
____________________ or ____________________ emotion.

2010! Bergen & Associates Counselling & Consulting 5

The Toxic Anger Quiz
Quiz
How often during the last week did you become angry?
___ not at all ___ 3 to 5 times
___ 1 or 2 times ___ 1 or 2 times a day
___ 3 times a day
___ 4 to 5 times a day
___ 6 to 10 times a day
___ more than 10 times
On average, how intense is your anger?
1:2:3:4 5 : 6 : 7 : 8 : 9 : 10

How long does your anger typically last?
___ less than 5 minutes ___ less than ½ hour
___ 5-10 minutes ___ less than an hour
___ 1-2 hours
___ ½ day
___ 1 day
___ more than one day

Experiential GOALS
IDENTIFY ONE’S DECREASE LETTING GO/CHANGING
OWN EXPERIENCE VULNERABILITY NEGATIVE EMOTIONS TO
OF ANGER TO ANGER POSITIVE ONES


Identifying the Anger Experience
Intervention
In the following exercise take some time to plug the appropriate
experience of anger along side the corresponding numerical values

IRKED
10
9
ANNOYED
8
FRUSTRATED
7
6 WRATHFUL
5 AGGRAVATED

4 ANGRY
MAD
LIVID
3
2
1
SEETHING RAGE

Try to recall a recent anger episode and identify what how your
anger escalated from 1-10

Identifying the Anger Experience

WE BLAME
OTHERS FOR
HOW WE FEEL

WE TAKE
OWNERSHIP OF
OUR FEELINGS


Safety Skills for Arguments

Rules of
Engagement
_______________________________________

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

Timeouts
_______________________________________

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

______________________________


Reality Acceptance
Introduction
“you
Ha ve you ever heard
bad
have been dealt a
hand,” and, “shit
happens,” etc.
intense
In order to escape k at
wor
anger we need to
accepting realit
y , no
ace.
matter what we f
Automatic Thoughts
Automatic Thought Evidence Present
What from the past is similar to How is it similar to the past?
the present?

In order to accept reality as it is we need confront these automatic
thoughts with alternative evidence

Alternatives New Belief
What now is dissimilar to this Articulate reformed belief of
past event? the present?


Reality Acceptance
ABC Model
“Things” that happen to us do not get us mad. Rather, it is our
belief about the things that happen to us

A. B. C.
BOSS DOES BELIEF THAT CONSEQUENCE
NOT GIVE ME BOSS DOES ANGER AT
A RAISE NOT CARE DISRESPECT
ABOUT ME

Interpreting Reality
If you were stranded in this car... What would you do?


LANDMINES OF ANGER

Absolutizing
__________________________________________
Catastrophizing
__________________________________________
MAGNIFICATION
__________________________________________
OBJECTIFYING
__________________________________________


Letting Go of Anger: Distraction
A CRISIS IS THE
EMOTIONS THAT COME
FROM A PROBLEM YOU
CANT SOLVE
Anger that is out of your
control is like a crisis,
because you constantly
think about what is
making you angry. In such
times, distraction is needed
to minimize suffering.

Distraction Skill Personalized Application
A - Activities

C - Compassion

C - Comparison

E - (opposite) Emotion

P - Put away

T - Thoughts

S - Sensations


Transforming Negatives into Positives
ise
Half Smile Exerc ions
d fac ial express
Both emotions an e the other
to
caus
have th e ability to le
a ng er, the simp
occur . Applied to lp
-Sm iling can he
movem ent of Half e
e to the negativ
one brin g acceptanc
e in.
situation they ar

PART 1 - DEEP BREATHING EXERCISE
• Inhale throug your nose (hold your breathe for a second)
• Exhale through your mouth (without making a sound)
• In rhythym with your breathing repeat to yourself “JUST THIS
ONE BREATH”
• Continue this exercise for 5 minutes
PART 2 - MUSCLE TENSION/RELAXATION EXERCISE
• Notice all of the muscles in your face.
• Experience any tension that exists.
• Tense up all the muscles in your face (hold it for 30 seconds)
• Systematically go through the muscle groups of your body
PART 3 - HALF-SMILE EXERCISE
• Relax all of the muscles in your face.
• Experience how that feels.
• Turn the corners of your mouth upward slightly
• Notice how this feels.

Learned Anger:Origins
Anger is na
Violence is tural. .
Although
been viole
anger wit
hin our ch
learned. .
nt . Our ang ildh ood home
parents, er may lo may not h
b rothers, ok like th av e
and sister e actions
s when th of our
ey were a
ngry.
Questions
As a child, could you tell
when your mother/father was
angry? What did it look like?

What impact did your parents’
anger have on you? Others?

What toll has your parents’
anger taken on your life?

What effects has their anger
had on others close to you?

Has this learned anger
created problems for you in
relationships? If so, in what
ways?


Learned Anger:Origins

Questions
Which of your parents’ behaviours that you
notice in yourself would you want to “live
on”? Let go of?

How would you rather live your life? What do
these intentions say about who you are?

Can you think of a time when you were able
to manage your anger?

What does it mean to you that you have been
able to do this?

What abilities or know-how does it show?

Rackets:
Payoff Releasing Resen
tment
In order to release
these resentments we
need to understand
why we are holding
onto them in the first
place!
Persistent
Co_____t _Your_re____nt__________________
___
mplain_ __ _ sentme _
Impact _______________________________
______
Decision
person yo _resent _
_
lf___wa____ar______e ______u ___
____ut _e _ The _
Abo__ S _ y you _ e with th _

Payoff Cost
Right/Wrong Love/Affinity
Control/ Full
Avoid Control Self-expression
Win/Lose Vitality/
Well-being
Justify Self/
Blame Satisfaction

Short-term Goals
If all anger expression is
learned, we must have
learned what such actions
can do for us. In other words,
we have learned that, at
least in some ways, anger
“works.” What are some of
the short-term gains of our
anger?

Area of Benefit Description of Benefit
Physical

Psychological

Social

Occupational


Long-Term Consequences
e
The sayin
g “won th r”
ost the wa
battle, l elevant!
yr
is extremel ome
th ere are s tunate
Although re are unfor
he
benefits t es associated with
nc
conseque tense, and
, in
frequent odes of a
nger.
d epis
prolonge
Area of Description of Consequences
Consequence
Physical High cholesterol levels, Coronary heart
disease, Myocardial infarctions, Stroke,
Cancer, Anger-related chronic physical pain
Psychological Frequent negative feelings, Increased frequency
of revenge fantasies, diminished performance,
poor/high-risk decision making, hyper-
vigilance
Social

Occupational


ithin the context
of Anger Scripts
Anger occurs wions.
particular act e actions anger
s
Without the nue escalating.
i
cannot cont e their
ho does not hav ot fight a
A fireman wannot and will n
fire-gear c ire-gear
fire. Angry actions are this f
The Anger Script
The Script Example Opposite Action
Raised voice Well beyond the norm
for the client
Accusatory Blaming others for our
content feelings
Sarcastic Condemning humour
content
Harsh tone Showing an attitude in
your voice
Profanity You Bastard!
Gestures Pointing a finger/quick
movements
Posture Leaning forward/
looking down at target
Strong I hate her/I will never/
Words You always
Vocal Loud/fast/high pitched
Quality

Communication Styles
In the left column there are the four communication styles. Match
them with the corresponding examples in the column on the right.
Examples
A “I felt hurt when you came home late, because I
was up all night. I would appreciate if you would
Passive call next time.”

__ __ __
B A person who gets angry at him/herself as a
result of this communication style
C A communication style often associated with
Passive- revenge or “getting even”
Aggressive D A person who takes control of their feelings and
__ __ __ the situation, not the other person
E Sarcasm is an example of this communication style
Aggressive F George confronts Paul and says that he is a
“slacker” at work and should not have his job
__ __ __
G Margaret tells John that he is not making enough
money and that there is nothing he can do to
Assertive change her mind

__ __ __ H In the above scenario John responds by saying,
“Yes dear.”
I Pity is a common sentiment of others for those
who use this communication style
J “The topic is NOT up for discussion!”
K A “snake-in-the grass” is an appropriate analogy
for this communication style.
L The objective of this communication style is to let
one’s words to do the talking

Obstacles to Assertiveness
identify the people and situations that you find it most difficult to
deal with in an assertive manner
(i.e. Parents, spouse/partner, politics, money, sex). Identify your DEFAULT style
in addressing these people or issues
People/Issue DEFAULT Style

Assertiveness Formula
In order to be assertive at appropriate times, we need to be
prepared prior to these occasions. The following is a way to honor
yourself and the other person in the expression of your anger.
I felt
__________________________________________________________
When you
__________________________________________________________
Because
__________________________________________________________
I would appreciate it if
__________________________________________________________

Assertiveness Scorecards
Use this scorecard to record your difficult or challenging
interactions with others.

Person/situation
_______________________________________________________
Your Response
_______________________________________________________
Assertive, Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive?
_______________________________________________________
How did it turn out?
_______________________________________________________
Feelings Afterward?
_______________________________________________________
Alternative Response
_______________________________________________________

Manual References
Kassinove, Howard & Tafrate, Raymond Chip. (2002). Anger Management: The
" Complete Treatment Guidebook for Practitioners. CA: Impact Publishers.

Landmark Education (2009). The Landmark Forum. Seminar.

Leahy, Robert L. (2003). Cognitive Therapy Techniques: A Practitioner’s Guide. NY: The
$ Guildford Press.

Lineham, Marsha M. (1993). Ski$s Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality
" Disorder. NY: The Guildford Press.

Maddi, Salvatore R. & Khoshaba, Deborah M. (2005). Resilience at Work: How to Succeed
" No Matter What Life Throws at You. NY: American Management Association.

Sapolsky, Robert M. (2004). Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress,
" Stress-Related Disease, and Coping. NY: Owl Books.

Schiraldi, Glen R. (2001). The Self-esteem Workbook. CA: New Harbinger Publications.


Bergen & Associates
Counselling and Consulting

Bergen & Associates is a counselling
center that provides individual, couple,
and family therapy in addition to TDC.
Carolyn O Bergen Experienced therapists with a variety of Rod Minaker
Carolyn’s experience expertise work with clients to help them Rod has been leading
includes working with reach their goals in their relationships anger management
men and women as with themselves and others. groups for men and
individuals, couples women since 2007.
www.bergenandassociates.ca
and families in a Rod’s passion is to
counselling setting. empower men and
She has 20 years of women to manage
experience working as their anger utilizing
a therapist, over 8 evidence-based
years in her present research to date
setting.
Consulting

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