Healing from the life traps and pervasive distorted thinking patterns that keeps us from growing to be all we we can be.

1. Exploring The
Life Traps That
Prevent Us From
Living In The
Fullness of Christ
By: Kelly Johnson, MA, LPC
www.centerforhealingandchange.com

2. Scriptural Truths / Realities - Those in Messiah
John 1:12 I am God's child.
John 15:15
As a disciple, I am a friend of
Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1 I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17
I am united with the Lord, and I
am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I have been bought with a price
and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27 I am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8
I have been chosen by God and
adopted as His child.
Ephesians 3:12
I may approach God with freedom
and confidence.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ,

3. Our Identity is in Christ…
! However, often times we struggle with
emotions such as inadequacy, shame, self
hatred, loneliness, abandonment, fear,
etc. Where is the JOY, CONTENTMENT,
SECURITY?

4. Wounds and Life Traps
! When our needs in childhood are not met, we
don’t thrive as children and we develop life
traps that hinder us from functioning in a
healthy manner.
! The reality is everybody has life traps and there
are no perfect parents either! ☺
! Eliminate ALL or NOTHING thinking in your
perspective of your parents and also of
yourself as a parent!

5. Basic Needs of a Child
! Security and Safety
! Connection to Others
! Independent Functioning
! Self Esteem
! Self Expression
! Limit Setting

6. Life Traps 101
! When our basic needs are not met in
childhood we develop a life trap.
! Life Traps are patterns that start in
childhood and recreate themselves
through out our whole lives.
! life traps are very resistant to change and
we view the world through our Life Traps

7. THE ELEVEN LIFE TRAPS
Basic Safety
1. abandonment
2. mistrust and abuse
Connection to others
3. Emotional Deprivation
4. Social Exclusion
Autonomy
5. Dependence
6. Vulnerability to harm or illness

8. THE ELEVEN LIFE TRAPS
Self Esteem
7. Defectiveness /Shame
8. Failure
Self Expression
9. Subjugation
10. Unrelenting Standards
Realistic Limits
11. Entitlement/Narcissism

9. ABANDONMENT / INSTABILITY
The perceived unreliability of those available for support and connection. Involves
the sense that significant others will not be able to continue providing emotional
support, connection, strength, or practical protection because they are
emotionally unstable and unpredictable (e.g., angry outbursts), unreliable, or
erratically present; because they will die imminently; or because they will abandon
the patient in favor of someone better.
MISTRUST / ABUSE
The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or
take advantage. Usually involves the perception that the harm is intentional or
the result of unjustified and extreme negligence. May include the sense that one
always ends up being cheated relative to others or "getting the short end of the
stick.

10. EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION
Expectation that one's desire for a normal degree of emotional support will not
be adequately met by others. The three major forms of deprivation are:
A. Deprivation of Nurturance: Absence of attention, affection, warmth, or
companionship.
B. Deprivation of Empathy: Absence of understanding, listening, self-
disclosure, or mutual sharing of feelings from others.
C. Deprivation of Protection: Absence of strength, direction, or guidance
from others.
DEFECTIVENESS / SHAME
The feeling that one is defective, bad, unwanted, inferior, or that one would be
unlovable to significant others if exposed. May involve hypersensitivity to
criticism, rejection, and blame; self-consciousness, comparisons, and insecurity
around others; or a sense of shame regarding one's perceived flaws

11. SOCIAL EXCLUSION
The feeling that one is isolated from the rest of the world, different from other
people, and/or not part of any group or community.
DEPENDENCE / INCOMPETENCE
Belief that one is unable to handle one's everyday responsibilities in a competent
manner, without considerable help from others (e.g., take care of oneself, solve
daily problems, exercise good judgment, tackle new tasks, make good decisions).
VULNERABILITY TO HARM OR ILLNESS
Exaggerated fear that imminent catastrophe will strike at any time and that one
will be unable to prevent it. Fears focus on one or more of the following: (A)
Medical Catastrophes, (B) Emotional Catastrophes: e.g., going crazy; (C):
External Catastrophes: e.g., elevators collapsing, victimized by criminals, airplane
crashes, earthquakes.

12. FAILURE
The belief that one has failed, will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate
relative to one's peers, in areas of achievement (school, career, sports, etc.).
Often involves beliefs that one is stupid, inept, untalented, ignorant, lower in
status, less successful than others, etc.
ENTITLEMENT / GRANDIOSITY
The belief that one is superior to other people, these people are typically selfish,
narcissistic, struggle with empathy, and resist admitting wrongs or apologizing.

13. SUBJUGATION
Excessive surrendering of control to others because one feels coerced
usually to avoid anger, retaliation, or abandonment. The two major forms of
subjugation are:
A. Subjugation of Needs: Suppression of one's preferences, decisions, and
desires.
B. Subjugation of Emotions: Suppression of emotional expression, especially
anger.
Usually involves the perception that one's own desires, opinions, and feelings
are not valid or important to others. Frequently presents as excessive
compliance, combined with hypersensitivity to feeling trapped.
UNRELENTING STANDARDS / HYPERCRITICALNESS
The underlying belief that one must strive to meet very high internalized
standards of behavior and performance, usually to avoid criticism. Typically
results in feelings of pressure or difficulty slowing down; and in hypocriticalness
toward oneself and others.

14. HEALING THE LIFE TRAP
! 1. Identify your top Life Traps and pick one life trap you would
like to work on.
! 2. Understand the Childhood Origins of Your Life Trap.
! 3. Write letters to the parent, sibling, or peer who helped caused
your life trap. (no need to mail ☺ )
! 4. Examine your life trap pattern in DETAIL in the present!
! 5. Create Flash Cards
! 6. Start Pattern Breaking in your Thoughts and Behaviors

15. Thoughts and Behaviors
! All Behaviors and Thoughts either:
! HEAL THE LIFE TRAP (MAKE IT SMALLER!)
Or
! REINFORCE THE LIFE TRAP (MAKE IT BIGGER!)
! Example- if my life trap is social isolation, the more I isolate from
other people, the more different I feel and my fear of people
grows. When I conquer my fears, connect with others, go to
events, and calm the bully in my head that tells me how
different I am, I am healing my life trap.
! Self awareness is power, be AWARE!

16.
The Healing Journey
! Utilize flash cards to help when life trap gets activated (see
example)
! learn to stop catastrophizing about temporary separation from
others
! use cognitive strategies focus on altering the unrealistic
expectation that others should be endlessly available and
totally consistent
! learn to accept that other people have the right to set limits
and establish separate space
! stop pushing partners away with behaviors that are too jealous,
clinging, angry or controlling
! Gradually learn to tolerate being alone and walk away from
unstable relationships quickly, and become more comfortable
in stable relationships.

17. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Mistrust and Abuse)
! learn to recognize a spectrum of trustworthiness
! alter your view of worthlessness/self blame—stop making
excuses for the abuser; place blame where it belongs
! venting anger is of primary importance
! gradually learn to trust honest people—share the secrets and
memories with a partner or friend
! join a support group
! choose non-abusive partners—stop mistreating others and set
limits with abusive people
! be less punitive when other people make mistakes
! allow people to get close and get intimate
! stop gathering evidence and keeping score about the things
people have done to hurt you

18. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Emotional Deprivation)
! antidote to the deprivation is a warm, empathic, and protective
environment where you can get many of your emotional needs
met
! choose good quality partners and friends, identify your own
needs, and ask to have these needs met in appropriate ways
! change exaggerated sense that others are acting selfishly or
depriving you
! choose nurturing partners and friends and actively seek
intimacy
! stop responding with excessive anger to mild levels of
deprivation, or withdrawing or isolating when you feel
neglected by others.

19. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Defectiveness and Shame)
! highlight your assets and reduce the significance assigned to your flaws
! rather than being inherent, flaws are behaviors learned in childhood that can be
changed or they are not flaws at all, but over-criticalness
! reattribute feelings of defectiveness to the criticalness of significant others
! flash cards listing good qualities are very helpful
! work on choosing others who are supportive rather than critical—select partners
who love and accept you
! learn to stop over-reacting to criticism—when it is valid criticism accept it and try to
change; when it is not valid, simply state your point of view and affirm internally
that the criticism is false
! self-disclose more to significant others whom you trust—the more you share and are
accepted, the more you will overcome your life trap

20. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps (Social
Exclusion and Isolation)
! group therapy may be useful, especially if you avoid friendships
! you are not as different from other people as you think—you
share many qualities with all people, and some of the qualities
you regard as distinguishing you are in fact universal
! focus on your similarities with other people as well as your
differences—learn to identify subgroups of people who are like
you
! challenge automatic negative thoughts that block you from
joining groups and connecting to people
! anxiety management can help you cope with social anxiety
! social skills training can assist you to learn important
interpersonal and group skills.

21. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Dependence/Incompetance)
! there is a need to alter the view that you need constant
assistance to function
! use flash cards, problem solving to make decisions and
challenge negative thoughts
! explore the view that depending on others is a desirable
way to live
! excessive dependence on others has a cost i.e.,
unfulfilled autonomy and self-expression
! learn relaxation, meditation, or other anxiety-reducing
techniques
! there is need to confront anxiety-arousing situations via
graded tasks e.g., rehearsals, rewards.

22. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Vulnerability to harm or illness)
! stay focused on the long-term consequence of living a phobic
lifestyle, such as lost opportunities for fun and self-exploration
! focus on the positive benefits of moving more freely in the world,
such as a richer, fuller life
! overcoming anxiety and avoidance are a central focus of
treatment
! lower your estimation of the probability of catastrophic events &
raise your estimation of your capacity to cope
! de-catastrophising helps you to manage anxiety symptoms and
panic attacks
! develop strategies to help give up magical rituals and safety signals,
and face situations you fear
! explore non-phobic ways of viewing and handling acceptable
levels of risk.

23. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Failure)
! challenge the view that you are inherently inept and reattribute
failure to inadvertently acting to defeat your attempts to
succeed (it is the lifetrap that has caused the failure)
! highlight your success and skills, and do not ignore your
accomplishments and accentuate the failures (Success Journal)
! set realistic, long-term goals—lower any unrealistically high
expectations
! Its healthy to express you anger at others for not recognizing
and accepting your strengths and limitations. This is an
important part of the process of letting go emotionally of this
lifetrap ( this can be done with letter writing or in person if the
person is trustworthy)

24. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Entitlement/Narcissism)
! remind yourself what the consequences will be if you’re not willing to
change your sense of entitlement
! working on your interpersonal relationships is very important—you
need to develop empathy and concern for others.
! Work on your defensiveness, listen to people when their talking or
upset with you.
! Apologize when you have done wrong, instead of manipulating
situations so you are never at fault.
! Admit your Flaws in the moment, everybody has them.
! you may have spent your life selectively focusing on your assets and
minimizing flaws and may not have a realistic view of your strengths
and weaknesses, so there is a need to develop a more realistically
balanced view of yourself
! you have to follow the same rules as everyone else—you do not
have special rights

25. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Unrelenting Standards)
! learn to view performance as lying on a spectrum from “poor to
perfect,” with many gradations in between rather than as an all-or-
nothing phenomenon
! explore the advantages of lowering your standards—the benefits
that would accrue to you health and happiness, all the ways you
are suffering as a result of unrelenting standards, and the ways the
lifetrap is damaging your enjoyment of life and relationships with
others
! the cost of the lifetrap is greater than the benefits—this conclusion is
the leverage that can motivate you to change
! reduce the perceived risks of imperfection—imperfection is not a
crime—making mistakes does not have the extreme negative
consequences you anticipate design experiments to help rein in the
perfectionism—to do less and to do it less well—schedule how much
time you are going to spend working versus doing other things, such
as playing or connecting to others,

26. Rx: Remedies for Lifetraps
(Subjugation)
! Realize your negative expectations about the
consequences of expressing your needs and feelings to
significant others are exaggerated—you need to learn
that you are acting in a healthy manner when you
express your needs and feelings appropriately
! it is vital to select relatively non-controlling partners and
friends
! assertiveness techniques can help you learn to assert
your needs and feelings with others—you can work to
individuate from others
! you need to identify your natural inclinations and
practice acting on them—use imagery and role-play,
and then express these preferences for real as a
homework assignment.

27. Relationships and Life traps
! Life traps cause significant miscommunication
and misunderstanding in relationships.
! Identify when your life traps are being activated
vs. taking it out on your significant other. Also
realize that your partners reaction might be
based off of you activating their life trap.
! Bring defenses down, take feedback and
criticism with grace and love when an individual
is speaking truth.
! Participate in active listening

28. Healing our Life Traps
! When we heal our life traps, we can start to believe the
truth about who we are in Messiah.
! We are his daughter
! We are his beloved
! We sin, we fall short, and we need him. (for the
entitlement folks!)
! We are worthy
! We are valuable, our weaknesses make us need him,
they do not make us inadequate.
! We belong
! We are enough
“And The Truth Came to Set You Free!”
God really does LOVE us as much as he says he does!

29. Favorite Quotes!
“fail your way to success. Failure is not
about failing, failure is when we fail and we
don’t get back up again afterwards”
“Healing is all about taking two steps back
and one step forward, but the goal is we are
still taking steps moving forward!”
Grace, grace, grace!

30. Resources/Works Cited
! Reinventing Your Life: How to Break Free from Negative Life Patterns
and Feel Good Again. Author: Jeffrey Young
! www.schematherapy.org (summaries)
! http://www.johnbarletta.com (remedies)
! Online Test to identify your schema’s/life traps.
www.lifetraptest.com
Therapy Referrals for further exploration of issues if needed ☺
! Redimere Group-DTC
303-713-1001
! Front Range Counseling Center
303.933.5800
! Center for Healing and Change (my practice ☺)
720-204-8747