This document provides information about codependency, including what it is, where it comes from, symptoms, and how to overcome it. Codependency is an addictive relationship with other people or things where a person's self-worth depends on being in a relationship. It develops as a coping mechanism for dysfunctional families and can stem from substance abuse, mental illness, abuse or neglect. Symptoms include caretaking, low self-esteem, control issues, and responsibility for others. Overcoming codependency involves self-discovery, setting boundaries, and not basing self-worth on others through counseling or support groups. True intimacy involves each person being responsible for their own feelings.

1. YOUR GUIDE TO CO-
DEPENDENCE
And how to overcome…

2. What is it?
 “Codependency is a dysfunctional
relationship with the self.“
 Co-dependency is a pathological or
addictive relationship to people, behaviors
or things. It is the fallacy of trying to
manage internal feelings in the external
environment. It inhibits the ability to have
healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.

3. Where Does it Come From?
 Developed as a Coping
Mechanism
 Dysfunctional family: one
in which members suffer
from fear, anger, pain or
shame that is ignored or
denied.

4. More than Just Families with
Addictions
Adapted as a response to
 Substance Addiction
 Mental illness
 Chronic physical illness
 Anger and Hostility
 Hyper Critical Environment
 Physical or Emotional Neglect
 Any Kind of Abuse

5. Symptoms
 Care Taking
 Low Self Worth
 Repression
 Controlling Behaviors
 Denial
 Poor Boundaries
 Exaggerated Sense of Responsibility
 Fear of Being Alone

6. What they learn…
 It's not okay to talk about problems
 Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself
 Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as messenger
between two others; known in therapy as triangulation
 Be strong, good, right, perfect
 Make us proud beyond realistic expectations
 Don't be selfish
 Do as I say not as I do
 It's not okay to play or be playful
 Don't rock the boat

7. The Disconnected Brain
 Limbic System- the
primitive memory and
emotion center.
 The Prefrontal Cortex- the
reasoning, evaluative
center.
 The Healing Space

8. The Upside
 Never accepting
responsibility
 Being the Special One
 Feeling needed
 Being admired as a saint

9. The Down Side
 Intimacy problems
 Hyper vigilance (a heightened
awareness for potential
threat/danger)
 Physical illness related to
stress
 Broken Relationships

10. What a Cute Little Idol…
Does it have a name?
 Creator
 Creation
 Worship

11. Overcoming Co-dependency
 Self discovery, self
awareness, pulling away from
care-taking behaviors, and
being responsible for other’s
moods, happiness or well
being.
 CR, Co-dependents
Anonymous.
 Education about the cycle of
addiction

12. What A Recovered Co-Dependent
Looks Like
Able to…
 Identify his own needs and make a
plan to meet those needs.
 Learn and practice good self care.
 Set boundaries with love and respect.
 Stay Connected without enmeshment
 Sit with the discomfort of being alone
 Assert his needs and desires
 Teach others how to respect him.

13. True Intimacy
 True intimacy is when you are
able to hold your own
experience and
feelings, allowing the other to
hold their own experience
and feelings with no fear or
attempt of
controlling, changing or
judging the other.

14. To find out more…
Michelle Hollomon, LMHC
Counselor, Coach, Author
Eastside Counseling & Coaching
8201 164th Ave NE, Suite 200
Redmond, WA
Ph: 425-999-9470
www.counselingtheeastside.com