This is a Workshop Presentation that I did at The bayside Church ULEAD training to 180 people on January 9, 2015.

1. January 9th
, 2015 ULEAD.
Building Teams By
Embracing Conflict

2. Write out what is the
most impacting memory
that you have from
your family of origin
(both positive & negative)
and explain why…
Systemically: Ontological
Who You Are – “BEING” before “DOING”

3. Imago Dei
People are valued and they are the one
commodity that has the power to change!

4. Eastern:
Integration of the Cognitive,
Emotional & Spiritual
Approach: Transformational
Western:
Platonic-Divided
Approach: Informational
Cultural / Historical

5. SYSTEMS APPROACH TO
LEADERSHIP
“We Teach What We Know, But We Reproduce Who We Are!”

6. Team Conflict:
Necessary/Unnecessary
Disturbance

7. Thinking Systemically is Key to Team Leadership
Edwin Friedman’s Theory: By applying a family
systems theory to leadership, Friedman argues
that leaders lead in a systemic environment in
which the elements (i.e. individuals, their
relationships, vision, causes, values, etc.) are
all interrelated and interconnected.

8. Five Elements of Chronic-Anxiety
• Reactive–the vicious cycle of intense emotional reactions of each
member to events and to one another
• Herders–a process thru which the forces for togetherness triumph
over the forces for individuality and move everyone to adapt to the
least mature members
• Blame displacers–an emotional state in which members focus on
forces that have victimized them rather than taking responsibility
for their own being and destiny
• Quick-fixers–members have a low-threshold for pain and thus
constantly seek symptom relief rather than fundamental change.
• Lacking well-differentiated leaders–a failure of nerve in leaders
that both stems from and contributes to the first four
characteristics.

9. Crucial Issue
A system will either benefit or suffer from the
way the leader is present because the
functioning of the leader (or leaders) affects the
emotional processes inherent in all relational
systems.

10. Characteristics of a Differentiated Leader
• HAVING CLARITY ABOUT ONE’S OWN LIFE PRINCIPLES,
VISION AND GOALS
• BEING ABLE TO REMAIN CALM IN THE PRESENCE OF
OTHER’S ANXIETY AND REACTIVITY
• BEING SEPARATE WHILE BEING CONNECTED (WHAT I
WILL BE DISCUSSING AT THE
• MAINTAINING A NON-ANXIOUS AND SOMETIMES
CHALLENGING PRESENCE
• MANAGING ONE’S OWN REACTIVITY TO THE
AUTOMATIC REACTIVITY OF OTHERS
• TAKING A NON-REACTIVE STANCE THAT RISKS
DISPLEASING OTHERS & OVER- FUNCTIONING

11. Over- functioning Kills Team Leader’s
• ADVICE-GIVING
• DOING THINGS FOR OTHERS THAT THEY CAN DO
THEMSELVES
• WORRYING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE
• FEELING RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS: KNOWING
WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM
• TALKING MORE THAN LISTENING
• HAVING GOALS FOR OTHERS THAT THEY DO NOT
HAVE FOR THEMSELVES
• EXPERIENCING PERIODIC, SUDDEN “BURNOUT

12. A Functional Definition of Leadership
• LEADERSHIP IS AN EMOTIONAL PROCESS
RATHER THAN A COGNITIVE PHENOMENON.
• LEADERSHIP IS MORE THE CLARITY OF SELF
THAN IT IS TECHNIQUE OR DATA.
• LEADERSHIP IS A DANCE BETWEEN PEOPLE
WHO ARE SHAPING AND BEING SHAPED BY
EACH OTHER.

13. Individual charismas compliment
one another toward a common
purpose/goal
Team members are committed
to each other — providing
support for one another and
holding each other accountable
Agroupofindividuals
becomesateamwhen…

14. How Teams Form

29. Unhealthy conflict
stems from dysfunction
Stylize, edit, and animate your media

46. Agreement
 We are committed to having a prayerful attitude
and intentionally following through on our
commitments to others.
 We are committed to unselfishly treat others with
mercy, grace, kindness, humility, gentleness, and
patience.
 We are committed to maintaining a healthy team
atmosphere, putting the team needs first, remaining
teachable and open to counseling.
 We are committed to living in peace, speaking the
truth in love, and actively seek to resolve conflicts.

47. Agreement
 We are committed to affirming the members of
the team both publicly and privately.
 We are committed to exercise discernment which
is the ability to step-back, reflect, and listen in order
to nurture a wider awareness.
 We are committed to acting in a way that honors
God and the team.
 We are committed to sharing God’s unique
spiritual gifts with joy and thanksgiving with the
team.