Elasticsearch easily lets you develop amazing things, and it has gone to great lengths to make Lucene's features readily available in a distributed setting. However, when it comes to running Elasticsearch in production, you still have a fairly complicated system on your hands: a system with high demands on network stability, a huge appetite for memory, and a system that assumes all users are trustworthy. This talk will cover some of the lessons we've learned from securing and herding hundreds of Elasticsearch clusters.