2. What is the technique?
• The shoppers sailed up the escalator like a
flock of birds.
Simile
3. What is the technique?
• The sun smiled down through the crystal clear
dome.
Personification
4. What is the technique?
• A pack of wild animals rampaged around the
food court dripping ice-cream everywhere.
Metaphor
5. What is the technique?
• A hot dog sizzled and hissed as it was thrown
onto the grill along with its comrades.
Onomatopoeia/
personification
6. What is the technique?
• Painful pins and needles prickled my feet as I
was finally able to sit down.
Alliteration
7. Simile – comparing one thing to another using ‘as’ or
‘like’.
Metaphor – saying that one thing IS another that it
has similar qualities to.
Onomatopoeia – words that make the sound of the
thing they are associated with, e.g. pop, bang, bubble.
Alliteration – words that begin with the same letter
The five senses – touch, taste, sound, sight, smell
Personification – giving an inanimate object the
features or actions of a person or animal
8. Show me don’t tell me.
‘Welcome,’ said Hagrid, ‘to Diagon Alley.’
Harry was amazed. They stepped through the archway and then it
disappeared after them.
There were lots of different shops that sold magical things. There
was a cauldron shop, an apothecary and lots of people buying and
selling. Harry could see there was also a shop selling owls which was
quite noisy.
Some boys were looking on the window of the broomstick shop
obviously wanting the latest model. Harry quickly looked past them
as there was much more to see. There were shops selling things
Harry had never even seen before.
9. Show me don’t tell me.
‘Welcome,’ said Hagrid, ‘to Diagon Alley.’
He grinned at Harry’s amazement. They stepped through the archway. Harry looked
quickly over his shoulder and saw the archway shrink instantly back into solid wall.
The sun shone brightly on a stack of cauldrons outside the nearest shop. Cauldrons – All
Sizes – Copper, Brass, Pewter, Silver – Self-Stirring – Collapsible said a sign hanging over
them.
‘Yeah, you’ll be needin’ one,’ said Hagrid, ‘but we gotta get yer money first.’
Harry wished he had about eight more eyes. He turned his head in every direction as
they walked up the street, trying to look at everything at once: the shops, the things
outside them, the people doing their shopping. A plump woman outside an apothecary’s
was shaking her head as they passed, saying, ‘Dragon liver, sixteen Sickles an ounce, they’re
mad ...’
A low, soft hooting came from a dark shop with a sign saying Eeylops Owl Emporium –
Tawny, Screech, Barn, Brown and Snowy. Several boys of about Harry’s age had their noses
pressed against a window with broomsticks in it. ‘Look,’ Harry heard one of them say, ‘the
new Nimbus Two Thousand – fastest ever –’ There were shops selling robes, shops selling
telescopes and strange silver instruments Harry had never seen before, windows stacked
with barrels of bat spleens and eels’ eyes, tottering piles of spell books, quills and rolls of
parchment, potion bottles, globes of the moon ...
10. Your tasks
1. Explain, in one paragraph, which version is
better and why.
2. Rewrite the paragraph as if you are someone
who has just walked into Meadowhall for the
first time. Use at least three of the persuasive
techniques and show me rather than tell me.
11. Plenary
• Check that your complex sentences have used
commas correctly.
Although it was late afternoon, the sun still
shone brightly through the window.
The sun, although it was late afternoon, still
shone brightly through the window.
The sun still shone brightly through the window
although it was late afternoon.
