The document discusses empathy and different types of unempathetic responses people give. It provides actions for empathizing including listening without judgment, connecting with the other person's feelings, acknowledging their pain, and showing love without asking how to help. The author shares a personal story of realizing they were taking a sympathetic rather than empathetic approach. Empathy is defined as understanding another's feelings while sympathy is feeling sorry for their situation. Ways to enhance empathy include learning frameworks, applying them, sharing insights, and training others.

1.
Picture credit - ​Brené Brown on Empathy
Day 28 - Empathy
7 May 2020
─
Prabodh Sirur
sirurp@gmail.com
1

2. 2
My learning for the day
Types of Unempathetic People
1. The Dodger vs The Advisor - ​The Dodgers​ ​don’t know what to say​. Their
eyes dart, they change the topic, they check their phone… they do not know
how to show empathy whereas the ​Advisors provide numerous solutions
to your issues. They suddenly become an expert on everything
2. The Positive Picker Upper vs The One Uppers - The ​Positive Picker
Uppers ​can’t help but ​paint a silver lining​ over your pain. They want you to
look on the bright side whereas the ​One Uppers​’ behaviour is - No matter
what happens to you, ​there will always be someone in the world who has
it worse
3. The Minimizer vs The Dramatist - The ​Minimizers​ look for ways to ​make
the problem smaller​ so they can get out of the conversation whereas The
Dramatists​ ​overreact​ to the news of distress
4. The Storyteller - Their typical response is - “Oh yeah, I know someone who
went through something similar and here’s what happened….”
If you analyse their responses, you will realise that ​they all want to
minimize your pain​ and discomfort. But do not achieve their objective.
So what’s the best way to empathise?
Action 1. Just listen and be there
Action 2. Connect with their feelings (walk a mile in their shoes, think what
you would feel in their situation)
Action 3. Acknowledge their pain (convey “I am there for you”, either verbally
or just by touch, if your culture allows)
Action 4. Show them love - Don’t ask what you can do to help. Just do
something.
2

3. 3
My personal story about sympathy and empathy
Last year we had formed a community of veteran women to coach/ guide
career women.
One of the common issues faced by the coachees was - no one gave them
jobs after their maternity break.
I felt ​sorry​ for them, I felt ​angry​ about the industry and I felt ​helpless
because I couldn’t find them a job. My inability to serve them weighed high
on my mind.
I shared my suffering with a veteran friend, Rajesh Jain. He asked me, “Did
you ask them why they did not get a job?”
This one question gave me a sudden realization that I was ​in sympathy
mode​ all along and ​not in empathy mode​.
Rather than being angry, sad, helpless​, I should have identified if they
needed any training/ hand holding/ confidence building... etc. And then take
action​ to rectify the gaps.
I realised that sympathy is a passive act whereas empathy is a proactive act.
Hope my personal sharing helps you to convert your sympathy into empathy.
Grateful to - ​Brené Brown​, ​Lara Click​, ​Rakesh Jain
What is Empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
This is a nice quote that explains the difference between Empathy and Sympathy -
“Empathy is walking a mile in somebody else's moccasins. Sympathy is being sorry
their feet hurt.” ― Rebecca O'Donnell
How to enhance this skill?
Set a goal to ​become a go-to person​ by mastering the art and science of ​Empathy​.
3

4. 4
Follow the ​LAST model​ to build your personal brand as a Guru of ​Empathy​.
1. Learn​ - Assign time to study different frameworks/ models/ techniques
about ​Empathy
2. Apply​ -
a. Master a framework/ model that you like
b. Find opportunities to use the selected method/ template
c. Maintain record/ process flow of every important acts of ​empathy​ you
did
d. Maintain notes of your thoughts/ insights/ failures/ challenges…. to be
used for sharing/ training others
3. Share​ - Share the insights captured in step 2 above in a planned manner
(social media posts, blogs, videos, study notes…)
4. Train​ - Train others so that they benefits from your efforts
Purpose of this document
I took a 66 day challenge​ to study Life Skills last year (10 April 2019). To my
astonishment, I succeeded in studying for 66 days one skill a day.
I had four objectives -
- to strengthen my mind to face the daily challenges
- to use these skills in my worklife for a better performance,
- tp use these skills in my personal life for enriching my relationships,
- to open new possibilities to surprise myself
This is my next 66 day challenge​ (from 10 April 2020) - To share my Life Skills
learning with my social media friends.
I pray that my toil helps you in your success journey.
What are Life Skills?
UNICEF​ defines Life skills as - ​psychosocial abilities​ for adaptive and positive
behaviour that enable individuals ​to deal effectively with the demands and
4

5. 5
challenges of everyday life​. They are loosely grouped into three broad categories
of skills
- cognitive skills​ for analyzing and using information,
- personal skills​ for developing personal agency and managing oneself,
- inter-personal skills​ for communicating and interacting effectively with
others.
Which LifeSkills are covered?
The ​World Health Organisation​ identified these basic areas of life skills that are
relevant across cultures:
1. Decision-making
2. Problem-solving
3. Creative thinking
4. Critical thinking
5. Communication
6. Interpersonal skills
7. Self-awareness
8. Empathy
9. Coping with emotions
10.Coping with stress.
Some trivia
‘Life skills’ was never part of the school curriculum. WHO/ UNESCO mandated
academia to teach these skills in all schools across the globe in 1993.
Different countries educate their children in these skills with different objectives
- Zimbabwe and Thailand - prevention of HIV/AIDS
- Mexico - prevention of adolescent pregnancy
- United Kingdom - child abuse prevention
- USA - prevention of substance abuse and violence
- South Africa and Colombia - positive socialization of children.
5