The document summarizes two TED talks about interpersonal skills. The first talk discusses how implementing a motivation strategy in Rajasthan improved public health services. It increased accountability through citizen promises and a ranking system. The second talk provides a four-part formula for giving effective feedback: begin with a question to get buy-in, provide objective examples, explain the impact, and end with a question to build commitment. Both talks illustrate techniques for developing strong interpersonal skills.

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Picture credit - ​Study
Day 36 - Interpersonal Skill
15 May 2020
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Prabodh Sirur
sirurp@gmail.com
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My learning for the day
Today I want to summarise two TED talks on Interpersonal skill. The first talk
is about motivation and the second one is about giving Feedback.
Talk 1 - ​How motivation can fix public systems
Speaker - ​Abhishek Gopalka​, Managing Director, Boston Consulting
Summary -
(This is a real life story how Abhishek and team achieved dramatic results in
public health services using motivation in the state of Rajasthan)
The problem statement​ -
- A general perception about the government health system is - doctors are
nowhere to be seen, drugs are out of stock, quality of care is poor
- Rajasthan was ranked 20th out of 21 large states in the World Bank public
health index
- Neonatal mortality rate (mortality before first month birthday) was ​10
times higher​ than that of the UK (Population of Rajasthan, which is nearly 80
million, is larger than that of the UK)
- Administrative officers not motivated enough to help the doctors
- People had lost faith in the system
The root cause​ - lack of accountability
The insight​ - More doctors, better facilities, clinical innovation - they are all
important. ​But nothing changes without one key ingredient. Motivation
The solution​ proposed - Implement a motivation strategy
The result​ - In two years, Rajasthan showed one of the highest
improvements among all large states in India, leapfrogging four positions. It
showed one of the highest reductions in neonatal mortality, with 3,000
additional newborn lives being saved every year
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The motivation strategy
Their strategy was -
a. There is an inherent ​desire to shine in front of society
b. ​Use the citizens​ to trigger motivation
Strategy 1 - The coffee shop strategy​ - You see a placard on each table in a
coffee shop in India - "If you don't get your receipt, the coffee is free." This
forces compliance upon the cashier in issuing receipts.
Taking cue from this, the team painted very clear ​citizen promises​ along the
walls of the clinics. "We assure you that you will have a doctor each time."
"We assure you that you will get your free drugs each time." "We assure you
that you will get your free diagnostics each time." This ensured availability of
doctors and medicines. As a result, ​patient visits went up by 20 percent​ in
less than a year.
Strategy 2 - Soccer league type ranking​ - The team created a three-tiered
ranking system, whereby every quarter, if a district's performance were to
decline, you could get relegated to the lower tier. But if the district's
performance were to improve, you could get promoted to the premier
league. Every district wanted to be in the Premier League. The team started
making monthly rankings of all districts public - This ensured competition
among districts, the media got excited to showcase the best practices
This great story can be replicated in all public service areas.
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Talk 2 - ​The secret to giving great feedback
Speaker - ​LeeAnn Renniger​, Co-Founder, LifeLabs Learning
Summary -
(Constructive feedback is a robust tool for creating a healthy environment,
boosting productivity and engagement, and achieving better results.)
Confucius, way back in 500 BC, talked about how important it is to be able to
say difficult messages well.
Most of us haven’t mastered the art of giving effective feedback. Surprisingly
those who need the most (low performers) don’t receive feedback because
their managers feel it will upset them.
The way we give feedback ​isn't brain-friendly​. Some of us give ​indirect​ ​and
soft​ feedback - the receiver’s brain doesn't recognize it as a feedback. Some
of us give ​too direct​ feedback - the receiver goes into a defensive mode.
Amygdala​ (an almond-shaped set of neurons located deep in the brain's
medial temporal lobe) plays a key role in the processing of emotions.
Amygdala keeps scanning at all times to figure out whether the messages
received have a social threat attached to it.
Renniger and her team interviewed many great feedback givers. And came
up with a four-part formula that we can use to say any difficult message well.
1. The micro-yes
Great feedback givers begin their feedback by asking a question that is short
but important. It lets the brain know that feedback is actually coming. This
question would be something like, "Do you have five minutes to talk about
how that our last conversation went?".
The micro-yes option transfers power to the recipient - he/ she can either say
Yes or No. It creates a buy-in.
2. Cut out the subjective
Specifically name what you saw or heard
Cut out any words that aren't objective.
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Cut out the blur words (words that can mean different things e.g. "You
shouldn't be so defensive" or "You could be more proactive.")
Convert the blur words into actual data points (e.g. instead of saying, "You
aren't reliable," we would say, "You said you'd get that email to me by 11, and
I still don't have it yet.")
Specificity​ is important ​for​ ​positive feedback​ too.
3. The impact statement
Name exactly how that data point impacted you (e.g. "Because I didn't get
the message, I was blocked on my work and ​couldn't move forward​" or "I
really liked how you added those stories, because it helped me grasp the
concepts faster."). It gives a sense of purpose and meaning which ​the brain
really craves
4. Pose a question
Great feedback givers wrap their feedback message with a question (e.g.
"Well, how do you see it?" Or "This is what I'm thinking we should do, but
what are your thoughts on it?"). This builds commitment. The conversation
becomes a ​dialogue​/ a joint problem-solving situation
What is Interpersonal Skill?
Interpersonal Skill is an ability to recognize and understand other people’s moods,
desires, motivations, and intentions.
These skills are part of interpersonal skills -
Negotiation skills
Conflict management skills
Assertiveness skills
Refusal skills
Influencing/ persuasion skills
Networking skills
Motivation skills
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My learning so far on this topic
Day 6 post​ - Eric Bern’s Games people play
Day 16 post​ - How to Express Feelings... and How Not To
Day 26 post​ - Negotiations skills - BATNA
How to improve this skill?
Set a goal to ​become a go-to person​ by mastering the art and science of
Interpersonal Skills​.
Follow the ​LAST model​ to build your personal brand as a Guru of ​Interpersonal
Skills​.
Learn​ - Invest time in learning different frameworks/ models/ techniques of
Interpersonal Skills
Apply​ -
Identify a model suitable to you
Create a template to document the flow of the process
Find opportunities to use the selected method/ template
Maintain record/ process flow of every important activities you did with
respect to ​Interpersonal Skills
Maintain notes of your thoughts/ insights/ failures/ challenges…. to be used
for sharing/ training others
Share​ - Share the insights captured in step 2 above in a planned manner (social
media posts, blogs, videos, study notes…)
Train​ - Generate opportunities to train your peers and team members so that, over
time, your organization benefits from your efforts
Purpose of this document
I took a 66 day challenge​ to study Life Skills last year (10 April 2019). To my
astonishment, I succeeded in studying for 66 days one skill a day.
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My objectives of learning these skills were - To strengthen my mind to face life’s
challenges with ease, To use these skills in my worklife for a better performance, To
use these skills in my personal life for enriching my relationships, To open new
possibilities to surprise myself.
This is my next 66 day challenge​ (from 10 April 2020) - To share my Life Skills
learning with my social media friends.
I pray that my toil helps you in your success journey.
What are Life Skills?
UNICEF​ defines Life skills as - ​psychosocial abilities​ for adaptive and positive
behaviour that enable individuals ​to deal effectively with the demands and
challenges of everyday life​. They are loosely grouped into three broad categories
of skills
- cognitive skills​ for analyzing and using information,
- personal skills​ for developing personal agency and managing oneself,
- inter-personal skills​ for communicating and interacting effectively with others.
Which LifeSkills are covered?
The ​World Health Organisation​ identified these basic areas of life skills that are
relevant across cultures:
1. Decision-making
2. Problem-solving
3. Creative thinking
4. Critical thinking
5. Communication
6. Interpersonal skills
7. Self-awareness
8. Empathy
9. Coping with emotions
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10. Coping with stress.
Some trivia
‘Life skills’ was never part of the school curriculum. WHO/ UNESCO mandated
academia to teach these skills in all schools across the globe in 1993.
Different countries educate their children in these skills with different objectives
- Zimbabwe and Thailand - prevention of HIV/AIDS
- Mexico - prevention of adolescent pregnancy
- United Kingdom - child abuse prevention
- USA - prevention of substance abuse and violence
- South Africa and Colombia - positive socialization of children.
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