The document discusses rules for engaging in conflict based on Matthew 18:15-20. It outlines six rules: 1) Seek to restore, not revile; 2) Start privately, not publicly; 3) Stay in community; 4) Don't compromise standards; 5) Grieve lost intimacy but pursue restoration; 6) Be Jesus to the world. The rules are meant to provide guidance for resolving conflicts and disagreements within a community in a loving manner.

1. Conflict Happens

2. Dr. Gary Smalley
Keys to a Lasting
Relationship
Learn to FIGHT WELL
CONFLICT is the gateway
to INTIMACY

3. DATA
THOUGHTS
OPINIONS
FEELINGS
INTIMACY
CONFLICT

4. Rules of Engagement
Matthew 18:15-20

5. Rule #1
Seek to RESTORE,
not REVILE

6. Be and welcome the
little ones
Better to maim yourself
than to keep out
the little ones
If a little sheep is lost,
go after it!
If a “little one” sins
against you…
Always forgive!

7. Rule #1
Seek to RESTORE,
not REVILE

8. Rule #2
Start PRIVATE,
not PUBLIC

9. 15 “If another member of the church
sins against you, go and point out the
fault when the two of you are alone. If
the member listens to you, you have
regained that one.

10. Rule #2
Start PRIVATE,
not PUBLIC

11. Rule #3
Stay in COMMUNITY,
for COMMUNITY

12. 16 But if you are not listened to, take one
or two others along with you, so that every
word may be confirmed by the evidence
of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member
refuses to listen to them, tell it to the
church;

13. Rule #3
Stay in COMMUNITY,
for COMMUNITY

14. Rule #4
Don’t compromise
standards

15. and if the offender refuses to listen
even to the church, let such a one be
to you as a Gentile and a tax
collector.

16. “But speaking the truth in
love, we must grow up in
every way into him who is the
head, into Christ, ”
(Ephesians 4:15, NRSV)

17. The Truth in Love
Truth without love is abuse,
Love without truth is enablement.

18. Rule #4
Don’t compromise
standards

19. Rule #5
Grieve the loss of
intimacy, but always
pursue restoration

20. let such a one be to you as a
Gentile and a tax collector.
How did Jesus treat the
Gentiles and Tax Collectors?

21. Rule #5
Grieve the loss of
intimacy, but always
pursue restoration

22. Rule #6
be Jesus to the world

23. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth
will be bound in heaven, and whatever you
loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19
Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on
earth about anything you ask, it will be done for
you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two
or three are gathered in my name, I am
there among them.”

24. Rule #6
be Jesus to the world