The document provides a summary of the biblical approach to healthy, healing relationships as outlined in Matthew 18. It discusses the 4 steps Jesus reveals: 1) the offended party goes to the offender privately, 2) if no resolution, take 1-2 witnesses, 3) if still no resolution, tell it to the church, 4) if still no resolution, treat the offender as an outsider. The key is that the offended party initiates to win over the offender with the goal of reconciliation, not condemnation. Going through the proper biblical steps allows relationships to be healed when offenses occur.

1. THE BIBLICAL
APPROACH
TO
HEALTHY,
HEALING
RELATIONSHIPS

2. THE STORY OF
BILL
and
MY “SABBATH
SHOES”

3. IN
MATTHEW 18
JESUS REVEALS
4 STEPS
TO
HEALTHY, HEALING
RELATIONSHIPS

4. A Brother Who Sins Against You
15"If your brother sins against you, go and
show him his fault, just between the two of
you. If he listens to you, you have won your
brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take
one or two others along, so that 'every
matter may be established by the testimony
of two or three witnesses.'17If he refuses to
listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he
refuses to listen even to the church, treat
him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

5. WHO INITIATES ACTION?
Answer:
The one
who has been
offended.

6. WHAT ARE THE STEPS?
Step 1
15"If your brother sins
against you, [you] go and
show him his fault, just
between the two of you.

7. STEP 2
16 But if he will not listen,
take one or two others
along, so that 'every matter
may be established by the
testimony of two or three
witnesses

8. STEP 3
17 If he refuses to listen to
them, tell it to the church

9. Step 4
…and if he refuses to listen
even to the church, treat
him as you would a pagan
or a tax collector.

10. LET’S EXAMINE THE STEPS
Step 1 –
Part 1
The OFFENDED party goes
to the offender IN PERSON &
CONFIDENTIALLY

11. WHAT ARE THE STEPS?
Step 1 –
Part 2
The OFFENDED party
explains to the offender what
action(s) is breaking down
their relationship

12. NOTES:
The OFFENDED initiates this
process
“…if your brother SINS
against you”

13. Let’s be Biblically clear what SIN is:
SIN = transgression of the LAW
1 John 3:4
“Everyone who sins breaks the law;
in fact, sin is lawlessness.”

14. NOTES:
Let us also be clear about what is
meant by “LAW”.
Based on Matthew 22:
LAW =
LOVE GOD
LOVE ONE ANOTHER

15. MATTHEW 22: 36-40
36"Teacher, which is the greatest
commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus
replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all
your heart and with all your soul and with all
your mind.' 38This is the first and greatest
commandment. 39And the second is like it:
'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40All the
Law and the Prophets hang on these two
commandments."

16. LAW =
Those actions and attitudes which
build up
strengthen
enhance
grow
our RELATIONSHIP
to God
and one another

17. THEREFORE:
SIN =
ACTIONS OR ATTITUDES
THAT BREAK – DAMAGE
REALTIONSHIP

18. ~SIDEBAR~
SIN IS NOT:
personalities,
preferences,
interpretations,
styles,
or methods
THAT WE SIMPLY DON’T LIKE
OR ARE NOT UNIFORM WITH OUR
OWN TASTES!

19. ~SIDEBAR~
Scripture teaches that the saints
are to accept one another
without passing judgment on
such disputable matters.
Romans 14: 1

20. ~SIDEBAR~
2 Timothy 2: 22-26
22Flee the evil desires of youth (spiritual immaturity?),
and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace,
along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure
heart. 23Don't have anything to do with foolish and
stupid arguments, because you know they produce
quarrels. 24And the Lord's servant must not quarrel;
instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach,
not resentful. 25Those who oppose him he must
gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them
repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth,
26and that they will come to their senses and escape
from the trap of the devil, who has taken them
captive to do his will.

21. To review, Steps 1 has 2 parts……
 The OFFENDED party goes
to the offender PERSONALLY
& CONFIDENTIALLY
 The OFFENDED party
explains to the offender what
action(s) is breaking down
their relationship

22. Additional steps ….if necessary:
Step 2
(v.16) “But if he will not listen,
take one or two others along…”
Note: This step does not refute
the need to still meet personally
and confidentially.

23. Additional steps …. if necessary:
Step 3.
(v.17) If he refuses to listen to
them, tell it to the church

24. CRITICAL COMPONENTS:
The
RIGHT
MOTIVE & PURPOSE

25. The RIGHT MOTIVE/PURPOSE
15"If your brother sins against
you, go and show him his
fault, just between the two of
you. If he listens to you, you
have WON your brother
over.

26. MOTIVE/PURPOSE
Strong's Number 2770 Greek: kerdaino
”WON”
in the original Greek:
to gain a person, winning them
from alienation and the
consequences of his/her fault

27. The RIGHT MOTIVE/PURPOSE
is motivated by a desire to:
WIN OVER
RECONCILE
REDEEM
RESTORE RELATIONSHIP with
The OFFENDER!

28. The RIGHT MOTIVE/PURPOSE
The OFFENDED believer who has
been sinned against should respond not
out of his "offendedness" .... or even in
his own defense...but rather,
functioning at a higher level of spiritual
maturity, will take the steps of Matthew
18 for the selfless purpose of redeeming
the one who has sinned against him.

29. The RIGHT PURPOSE
As soon as Jesus finishes giving the directive
in of vv. 15-19, Peter, understanding that
Jesus was obviously calling on the
"offended" to extend redemptive
reconciliation to the "offender", inquires (in
the spirit of the letter of the law) "if
another member of the church sins
against me, how often should I
forgive?" (v.21)

30. Jesus responds 7x70, illustrates with a
dramatic parable, and closes (v.35),
"So my heavenly Father will also do to
every one of you, if you do not forgive
your brother or sister from your heart.”
This closing statement leaves no doubt
that the driving purpose of Matthew 18
is not about justifying the offended or
squeezing a confession out of the
offender.

31. Rather, THE PURPOSE is to
present multiple opportunities
for the offended (and the entire
community of believers) to "win
over" the offender through
redemptive spirits/attitudes and
actions ("from the heart").

32. LET’S CAREFULLY EXAMINE
THE IMPLICATIONS OF STEP 4
17…and if he refuses to
listen even to the church,
treat him as you would a
pagan or a tax collector.

33. Jesus’ attitude toward pagans
(sinners) and tax collectors:
Mark 2:15
While Jesus was having dinner at
Levi's house, many tax collectors and
"sinners" were eating with him and
his disciples, for there were many
who followed him

34. Jesus attitude towards
sinners and tax collectors:
Luke 7:34
The Son of Man came eating and
drinking, and you say, 'Here is a
glutton and a drunkard, a friend of
tax collectors and "sinners." '

35. Jesus attitude towards
sinners and tax collectors:
Luke 5: 29-31
29Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his
house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and
others were eating with them. 30But the Pharisees
and the teachers of the law who belonged to their
sect complained to his disciples, "Why do you eat
and drink with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"
31Jesus answered them, "It is not the healthy who
need a doctor, but the sick.

36. Luke 18: 9-14
9To some who were confident of their own
righteousness and looked down on everybody else,
Jesus told this parable: 10"Two men went up to the
temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax
collector. 11The Pharisee stood up and prayed
about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like
other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even
like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week and
give a tenth of all I get.' 13"But the tax collector
stood at a distance. He would not even look up to
heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have
mercy on me, a sinner.'
14"I tell you that this man, rather than the other,
went home justified before God. For everyone who
exalts himself will be humbled, and he who
humbles himself will be exalted."

37. “…treat him as you would a pagan
or a tax collector” means:
Let the OFFENDER experience the
natural consequences of breaking
relationship with the BODY ….. In
hopes that the OFFENDER will miss
that relationship so much that he
chooses to be reconciled (restore
relationship) with the Body …including
the specific brother he has offended.

38. HOW I KNOW THE BIBLICAL
APPROACH WORKS:
A STORY OF HOW
A RELATIONSHIP
IN MY OWN HOME
WAS HEALED AND
MADE HEALTHY

39. cunningham@gccsda.com