Patrick Arsenault presented on aromanticsm and amatonormativity at the BTtoP National Conference | The Whole Student: Intersectionality and Well-Being in Chicago in 2017. She shared his experiences dealing with amatonormativity in the academy and received positive feedback from attendees from all over the United States and beyond.

1. Confessions of an (A)romantic
Challenging Amatonormativity in the Academy to be More Inclusive of
All Romantic Orientations
Patrick
Arsenault
University of Missouri
www.patrickarsenault.com

2. Problem Statement
▪ “In the academy, much research and
teaching is based on the outdated
assumption that marriage and the nuclear
family dominate adult life. As a result,
people who are single, and perspectives not
based on conventional marriage, are
greatly underrepresented or
misrepresented in scholarship and public
policy” (DePaulo, Rachel, & Kay, 2007) .
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

3. Aim of this presentation
▪ Connect and relate with existing formal and informal research and
lived experiences as a starting point for further studies.
▪ Empower colleagues to develop and implement educational
initiatives about amatonormativity, and that could increase
awareness of aromantiscm on college campuses.
▪ Explore how we can all personally be more inclusive of all romantic
orientations in our professional practice.
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

4. Agenda
▪ Personal Scholarly Narrative
▪ More About Me
▪ Vocabulary
▪ 3 Confessions
▪ Concluding Thoughts
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

5. Personal Scholarly Narrative
▪ Following Nash's (2004) scholarly personal narrative philosophy, I will
build on my lived experiences and make connections with broader
formal and informal theories to better situate my experiences as a
homomosexual, (a)romantic, and amatonormativity challenger in the
academy.
▪ Formal vs informal theories (Reason and Kimball, 2012)
▪ TheTheory to Practice Relationship is not one-sided (Evans, Forney,
Guido, Patton, & Renn, 2010)
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

6. More About Me
“I strive to build and share powerful memories in a meaningful way”
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

7. Vocabulary
Aromantic “An aromantic person is someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction” (Crosswell, 2015)
Amatonormativity “The assumption that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is
a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in the sense that it should be
aimed at in preference to other relationship types” (“Amatonormativity,” 2013).
Relationship Anarchy ”Relationship anarchy is a lifestyle, a way of doing personal relationships. Relationship anarchy is
a philosophy, specifically a philosophy of love. A relationship anarchist believes that love is
abundant and infinite, that all forms of love are equal, that relationships can and should develop
organically with no adherence to rules or expectations from outside sources, that two people in
any kind of emotionally salient relationship should have the freedom to do whatever they
naturally desire both inside their relationship and outside of it with other people (“Relationship
anarchy basics,” 2013).
Gray-Romantic: “A gray-romantic is a person with a romantic orientation that is somewhere between aromantic
and romantic”. Demi-romantics are part of the gray-romantic umbrella (“Gray-romantic,” 2013).

8. Vocabulary (continued)
Zucchinis (also
refered to as
queerplatonic
partners or
compationate
friends):
“A zucchini is a partner in a queerplatonic relationship.The commitment level between
partners is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship, but with platonic
love. Zucchinis may be of any romantic or sexual orientation” (“Zucchini,” 2014).
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

9. Confession #1
There is so little awareness around aromanticsm that we often need
years to understand our identity.
Amatonormativity is harmful
and toxic. It also remains
ignored by most people who
subscribe to it (Neal, 2016).
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

10. Confession 1: There is so little awareness around
aromanticsm that we often need years to understand our
identity.
▪ One of the biggest issues for me transitioning to adulthood was not
being able to explain what I needed to be happy, or even knowing
whether I could ever be. At the time, the best way I could explain
it was that when people grow up, they start to treat their friends like
acquaintances, but still refer to them as friends. Often times, a more
central, prominent, and romantic relationship appears or is actively
sought, leaving little space for other types of relationships (the ones I
craved ). Not knowing that aromanticsm existed or what words to
use to describe my experiences and to ask for support was
problematic.
▪ I went to therapy and was originally diagnosed with a personality
disorder and then my next therapist admitted not believing me for
months and trying to find a way to fix me.
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

11. Confession #2
Engaging in Romantic Relationships Does Not Make Someone More
Mature.
“Compared to married couples or coupled people who are
described in very positive terms, singles are assumed to be
immature, maladjusted, and self-centered” (DePaulo, 2011,
p.19).
Marriage should be reexamined as a social phenomenon. It
does not intrinsically carry transformative moral power, it
contributes to providing an unfair and hostile environment for
aromantics; changes need to happen (Brake, 2012).
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

12. Confessions #2: Engaging in Romantic
Relationships Does Not Make Someone More
Mature
▪ According to Eriskon (1959) engaging in romantic relationships is an
essential part of human development and becomes particularly important
around college years.
▪ I disagree with Erikson’s theory and I remember how anxious it made me to
learn about it myself in a psychology class in my first year of college.
Student affairs professionals can support aromantics by making sure that
students are not only taught one truth and that they understand and
believe that they are free to live their romantic orientations through on-
campus workshops and activities on identity development. Absolutely
nothing makes them less mature or responsible than others for having a
less common romantic orientation.These nuances should also be shared
with interested faculty as well so that curriculum is appropriately adapted
to go beyond the romantic orientation binary.
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

13. Confession #3
Dealing With Being “Singled Out” and Misidentified Has been
Difficult.
“people who do not have a serious couple relationship […] are
stereotyped, discriminated against, and treated dismissively.
This stigmatization of people who are single […] is the twenty-
first-century problem that has no name. [It can be called]
singlism” (DePaulo, 2006) .
Perpetually single individuals are denied intimacy
and care by loved ones who reserve it for others
(Luna, 2017).
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

14. Confessions #3: Dealing With Being “Singled
Out” and Misidentified Has been Difficult.
▪ When you are aromantic, it is uncomfortable to constantly be asked
if you have a partner or why you are single or even worse choose to
remain single. Just like sexual orientations, romantic orientations are
not chosen.This stigmatization becomes exponentially more over
time that a person is single. People in my circles constantly legitimize
their discrimination and oppression of single individuals.
▪ “People who do not desire romance are likened to sociopaths or
psychopaths—both completely invalid terms, but you get the message.
If you are aromantic, then there is literally an entire fundamental
system in our society set up around shaming and marginalizing your
romance orientation.The psychological effects are catastrophic, and I
will never have a healthy relationship with my identity because of it”
(Keenan, 2016).
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

15. Recommendations
▪ 1) Create awareness through educational programs on campus and
curricula that are inclusive of all romantic orientations.
▪ 2) Foster personal development that is not anchored in
amatonormativity only.When interacting with students, recognizing
that being in a relationship has not intrinsic moral value.
▪ 3) Have conversations about how to use a more inclusive vocabulary;
perhaps abandoning the phrase “love is love”. Developing policies
that fill gaps left inTitle IX to protect students and individuals of all
romantic orientations, not just sexual orientations.
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

16. “[w]e understand that these
characteristics are thoroughly
misunderstood by society; we
will aim to include details of
them in general education so
that asexual and aromantic
people can flourish in society”
(Hamdache, 2015, p.7)
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com

17. Thank you!If you can identify as an aromantic,
Please, join nearly 2,000 of us
https://www.facebook.com/groups/aromantictalk/
Or feel free to connect with me:
Patrick Arsenault
www.patrickarsenault.com
PatrickArsenault, M.Ed., M.Sc. - www.patrickarsenault.com