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Concise Writing Part 1
The document summarizes a writing workshop on concise writing presented by Rachael Walker on October 1, 2015. The workshop covered techniques for reducing wordiness, including focusing writing on what readers need, using active voice, avoiding vague nouns, reducing prepositional phrases and unnecessary adverbs. Specific examples were provided to illustrate wordy and more concise phrasings. The goal was to teach participants how to express ideas using the essential information and a minimum number of words.
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Concise Writing Part 1
- 1. Writing Workshop Series ConciseWriting How not to use a needlessly excessive amount of words to write or compose what you really want to express or communicate when you have a whole lot to write or compose… Presenter: Rachael Walker Date: October 1, 2015
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- 5. Outline Background and review Problemshit list Activity
- 6. Outline Background and review Problemshit list Activity
- 7. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need
- 8. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Focus
- 9. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Focus Audience use
- 10. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Focus Audience use Level of understanding
- 11. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Focus Audience use Level of understanding Possible reactions
- 12. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need
- 13. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Audience use
- 14. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Audience use Easy to predict
- 15. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Audience use Easy to predict Harder to predict
- 16. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Audience use Easy to predict Harder to predict Imagine yourself in readers’ place
- 17. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need
- 18. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Level of understanding
- 19. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Level of understanding Level of detail
- 20. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Level of understanding Level of detail High-level understanding
- 21. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Level of understanding Level of detail High-level understanding More detail
- 22. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Level of understanding Level of detail High-level understanding More detail Low-level understanding
- 23. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Level of understanding Level of detail High-level understanding More detail Low-level understanding Less detail
- 24. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need
- 25. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Possible reactions
- 26. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Possible reactions Receptive readers
- 27. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Possible reactions Receptive readers Less detail
- 28. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Possible reactions Receptive readers Less detail Skeptical readers
- 29. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Possible reactions Receptive readers Less detail Skeptical readers Even explanations
- 30. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Possible reactions Receptive readers Less detail Skeptical readers Even explanations Hostile readers
- 31. Focus on WhatReaders Want and Need Possible reactions Receptive readers Less detail Skeptical readers Even explanations Hostile readers Soothing words
- 32. Outline Background and review Problemshit list Activity
- 33. Necessary Information Repetition The internalaudit department has adopted a risk-based approach to each audit. A risk-based approach to internal auditing is a best practice in the field of internal auditing. Using a risk-based approach, we first work with the audit client to identify the overall risks within the process. Next, we develop a rating based on the likelihood of the risk occurring and the potential impact of a risk event. We then focus on the internal audit on the highest risk areas as identified by the department’s risk-based approach to the internal auditing.
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- 35. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
- 36. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 38. Word Economy Habitual expressions Inorder to prevent errors in order processing, four specific changes will be made in the procedures.
- 39. Word Economy Habitual expressions Inorder to prevent errors in order processing, four specific changes will be made in the procedures. The department is in the process of revising the personnel manual.
- 40. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 42. Word Economy Redundancies The managerreturned the report back to the finance department for changes.
- 43. Word Economy Redundancies The managerreturned the report back to the finance department for changes. The changes will build on the self-assessment foundation that is already in place.
- 44. Word Economy Redundancies The managerreturned the report back to the finance department for changes. The changes will build on the self-assessment foundation that is already in place. Three separate electrical poles are located in close proximity to the emergency exit
- 45. Word Economy Redundancies The managerreturned the report back to the finance department for changes. The changes will build on the self-assessment foundation that is already in place. Three separate electrical poles are located in close proximity to the emergency exit Changes require advance notice.
- 46. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 48. Word Economy There is… Therewere errors in the credit verification reports.
- 49. Word Economy There is… Therewere errors in the credit verification reports. There were two reasons given for the lack of documentation.
- 50. Word Economy There is… Therewere errors in the credit verification reports. There were two reasons given for the lack of documentation. There are instances in which the lack of duplicate-payment controls resulted in vendor overpayments.
- 51. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 53. Word Economy Noun constructions In2010, the Board gave consideration to merging the two divisions.
- 54. Word Economy Noun constructions In2010, the Board gave consideration to merging the two divisions. The consultant made a recommendation for ways to begin the documentation of the Sarbanes-Oxley project.
- 55. Word Economy Noun constructions In2010, the Board gave consideration to merging the two divisions. The consultant made a recommendation for ways to begin the documentation of the Sarbanes-Oxley project. We recommend the department undertake revisions in the task descriptions used to provide training to new employees.
- 56. Word Economy Noun constructions In2010, the Board gave consideration to merging the two divisions. The consultant made a recommendation for ways to begin the documentation of the Sarbanes-Oxley project. We recommend the department undertake revisions in the task descriptions used to provide training to new employees. Our goal is the creation of a new Standards Division.
- 57. Word Economy Noun constructions In2010, the Board gave consideration to merging the two divisions. The consultant made a recommendation for ways to begin the documentation of the Sarbanes-Oxley project. We recommend the department undertake revisions in the task descriptions used to provide training to new employees. Our goal is the creation of a new Standards Division. When implemented, this new plan will produce a reduction in employee theft.
- 58. Word Economy Noun constructions In2010, the Board gave consideration to merging the two divisions. The consultant made a recommendation for ways to begin the documentation of the Sarbanes-Oxley project. We recommend the department undertake revisions in the task descriptions used to provide training to new employees. Our goal is the creation of a new Standards Division. When implemented, this new plan will produce a reduction in employee theft. Our department submitted an application for funds from the budget surplus.
- 59. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 61. Word Economy Active voice Itis believed by the Board that a cap must be placed on the budget by vote.
- 62. Word Economy Active voice Itis believed by the Board that a cap must be placed on the budget by vote. It was earlier demonstrated by Brown that heart attacks can be caused by high stress.
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- 64. Word Economy Active voice Whenshould you use passive?
- 65. Word Economy Active voice Whenshould you use passive? To emphasize action
- 66. Word Economy Active voice Whenshould you use passive? To emphasize action After long debate, the proposal was endorsed by the committee.
- 67. Word Economy Active voice Whenshould you use passive? To emphasize action After long debate, the proposal was endorsed by the committee. Consistent subject and focus
- 68. Word Economy Active voice Whenshould you use passive? To emphasize action After long debate, the proposal was endorsed by the committee. Consistent subject and focus The data processing department presented a proposal to expand its staff. After long debate, the proposal was endorsed by the committee.
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- 70. Word Economy Active voice Unknownor unimportant actor
- 71. Word Economy Active voice Unknownor unimportant actor Every year, thousands of people are diagnosed as having cancer.
- 72. Word Economy Active voice Unknownor unimportant actor Every year, thousands of people are diagnosed as having cancer. Authoritative tone
- 73. Word Economy Active voice Unknownor unimportant actor Every year, thousands of people are diagnosed as having cancer. Authoritative tone Visitors are not allowed after 9:00 p.m.
- 74. Word Economy Active voice Unknownor unimportant actor Every year, thousands of people are diagnosed as having cancer. Authoritative tone Visitors are not allowed after 9:00 p.m. Tact
- 75. Word Economy Active voice Unknownor unimportant actor Every year, thousands of people are diagnosed as having cancer. Authoritative tone Visitors are not allowed after 9:00 p.m. Tact The procedures were misinterpreted.
- 76. Word Economy Active voice Unknownor unimportant actor Every year, thousands of people are diagnosed as having cancer. Authoritative tone Visitors are not allowed after 9:00 p.m. Tact The procedures were misinterpreted.
- 77. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 80. Word Economy Wordy verbs istaking takes
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- 82. Word Economy Wordy verbs Themanagers are not listening to employee complaints.
- 83. Word Economy Wordy verbs Themanagers are not listening to employee complaints. The new owner will be meeting with each of you.
- 84. Word Economy Wordy verbs Themanagers are not listening to employee complaints. The new owner will be meeting with each of you. The company is planning to expand into Texas.
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- 86. Word Economy Wordy verbs Isaware, has knowledge of
- 87. Word Economy Wordy verbs Isaware, has knowledge of knows
- 88. Word Economy Wordy verbs Isaware, has knowledge of knows are indications
- 89. Word Economy Wordy verbs Isaware, has knowledge of knows are indications indicate
- 90. Word Economy Wordy verbs Isaware, has knowledge of knows are indications indicate are suggestive
- 91. Word Economy Wordy verbs Isaware, has knowledge of knows are indications indicate are suggestive suggests
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- 93. Word Economy Wordy verbs Theexpenses are in excess of the budget.
- 94. Word Economy Wordy verbs Theexpenses are in excess of the budget. John Smith was the recipient of the Employee of the Year award.
- 95. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 105. Word Economy Vague nouns Consumerdemand is rising in the area of services.
- 106. Word Economy Vague nouns Consumerdemand is rising in the area of services. Understanding dividends is important factor in this business.
- 107. Word Economy Vague nouns Consumerdemand is rising in the area of services. Understanding dividends is important factor in this business. The situation with the merger is looking bleak.
- 108. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 110. Word Economy Noun strings Thecity could certainly use a fleet of public operation transportation vehicles.
- 111. Word Economy Noun strings Thecity could certainly use a fleet of public operation transportation vehicles. MHS has a hospital employee relations improvement program.
- 112. Word Economy Noun strings Thecity could certainly use a fleet of public operation transportation vehicles. MHS has a hospital employee relations improvement program. The company is considering branching into electromagnetic radiation assistive astronomical technology.
- 113. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
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- 115. Word Economy Adverbs Do youreally need the adverb?
- 116. Word Economy Adverbs Do youreally need the adverb? Is it absolutely necessary?
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- 126. Word Economy Adverbs The newdivision performed really badly this quarter.
- 127. Word Economy Adverbs The newdivision performed really badly this quarter. The IT department was forced to quickly race to the site that had the crashing server.
- 128. Word Economy Adverbs The newdivision performed really badly this quarter. The IT department was forced to quickly race to the site that had the crashing server. Verb strength
- 129. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional Phrases Inflated words
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- 131. Word Economy Prepositional Phrases Wewill be deferring to the opinion of the working group.
- 132. Word Economy Prepositional Phrases Wewill be deferring to the opinion of the working group. The obvious effect of such a range of reference material is to assure management of the completeness of the report.
- 133. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies Thereis… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional Phrases Inflated words
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- 139. Word Economy Inflated words Cognizant Know Impacton Affect Implement
- 140. Word Economy Inflated words Cognizant Know Impacton Affect Implement Start, create, begin
- 141. Word Economy Inflated words Cognizant Know Impacton Affect Implement Start, create, begin Subsequent to
- 142. Word Economy Inflated words Cognizant Know Impacton Affect Implement Start, create, begin Subsequent to After
- 143. Word Economy Inflated words Cognizant Know Impacton Affect Implement Start, create, begin Subsequent to After Utilize
- 144. Word Economy Inflated words Cognizant Know Impacton Affect Implement Start, create, begin Subsequent to After Utilize Use
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- 146. Word Economy Inflated words Three-quartersof those surveyed answered in the affirmative.
- 147. Word Economy Inflated words Three-quartersof those surveyed answered in the affirmative. We should formulate an alternative plan in the event that the stockholders impeach the president.
- 148. Word Economy Inflated words Three-quartersof those surveyed answered in the affirmative. We should formulate an alternative plan in the event that the stockholders impeach the president. In view of the fact that solar energy is not yet fully developed at the present time, we will have to continue utilizing fossil fuels well into the next century.
- 149. Word Economy Inflated words Three-quartersof those surveyed answered in the affirmative. We should formulate an alternative plan in the event that the stockholders impeach the president. In view of the fact that solar energy is not yet fully developed at the present time, we will have to continue utilizing fossil fuels well into the next century. The report recommended a substantial reduction in the remuneration received by the vice-presidents.
- 150. Word Economy Inflated words Three-quartersof those surveyed answered in the affirmative. We should formulate an alternative plan in the event that the stockholders impeach the president. In view of the fact that solar energy is not yet fully developed at the present time, we will have to continue utilizing fossil fuels well into the next century. The report recommended a substantial reduction in the remuneration received by the vice-presidents. The new project is designed to institute improvements in taste.
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- 152. Word Economy Inflated words Priorto the time when the chairman of the board submitted his resignation, stockholders were of the opinion that it was time for a change.
- 153. Word Economy Inflated words Priorto the time when the chairman of the board submitted his resignation, stockholders were of the opinion that it was time for a change. In the event that the photo lab cannot accommodate the increased work load, it is within the realm of possibility that their facility will be enlarged.
- 154. Word Economy Inflated words Priorto the time when the chairman of the board submitted his resignation, stockholders were of the opinion that it was time for a change. In the event that the photo lab cannot accommodate the increased work load, it is within the realm of possibility that their facility will be enlarged. The chemicals exhibit a tendency to accumulate in the liver.
- 155. Word Economy Inflated words Priorto the time when the chairman of the board submitted his resignation, stockholders were of the opinion that it was time for a change. In the event that the photo lab cannot accommodate the increased work load, it is within the realm of possibility that their facility will be enlarged. The chemicals exhibit a tendency to accumulate in the liver. It has been shown by Smith and Brown that high-speed neutrons retard the spoilage.
- 156. Word Economy Inflated words Priorto the time when the chairman of the board submitted his resignation, stockholders were of the opinion that it was time for a change. In the event that the photo lab cannot accommodate the increased work load, it is within the realm of possibility that their facility will be enlarged. The chemicals exhibit a tendency to accumulate in the liver. It has been shown by Smith and Brown that high-speed neutrons retard the spoilage. Building a microcomputer involves the necessity of packing thousands of components on microscopic chips of silicon.
- 157. Outline Background and review Problemshit list Activity
- 158. Activity Dear neighbour, Our manufacturingestablishment will be opening a new store in the neighbourhood of your home in the near future. In the event that you are not already familiar with ABC Shoes, we would like to place emphasis on the advantages of wearing our shoes. We are of the opinion that we manufacture the highest quality shoes possible. In addition, our shoes carry a one year guarantee. In the event that you are not completely satisfied with out shoes, we will, without delay, repair or replace them without charge. Our policy is not without misinterpretation. We have never refused to repair or replace a pair of ABC shoes, up until this time. Your attention is called to the fact that in time past, we have found it impossible to offer our customers shoes at sale prices. At the moment, however, we are in the position to offer you an extremely excellent bargain. From October 16 - October 31, the enclosed coupon will enable you to buy any pair of shoes in our new store at a 20% discounted price. Do not fail to bear in mind that this sale will not proceed after the 31st of October. Visit our new ABC Shoes Stores in the near future. There is no doubt that you will be pleased with our products and our services. Yours truly, Melvin Shoemaker Sales Manager