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Concise Writing Part 3

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Rachael Walker
Rachael Walker

The document outlines a writing workshop on concise writing and word economy. It discusses eliminating redundant words and phrases, using active voice and concise verbs, and avoiding vague nouns, strings of nouns, and inflated language. The workshop aims to teach how to express ideas using as few words as necessary.

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Writing Workshop Series Concise Writing How not to use a needlessly excessive amount of words to write or compose what you really want to express or communicate when you have a whole lot to write or compose… Presenter: Rachael Walker Date: October 23, 2015
Outline
Outline Hitlist Activity
Outline Hitlist Activity Email Etiquette
Outline Hitlist Activity Email Etiquette Email Activity
Outline Hitlist Activity Email Etiquette Email Activity
Word Economy
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing doing
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes doing
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes doing
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes doing changes
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation doing changes
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation doing changes
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation doing changes recommend
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of doing changes recommend
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of doing changes recommend
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of doing changes recommend
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of doing changes recommend does, knows
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program doing changes recommend does, knows
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program doing changes recommend does, knows
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group utilize, is cognizant of doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group utilize, is cognizant of doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group utilize, is cognizant of doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees
Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group utilize, is cognizant of doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees uses, knows
Activity Dear neighbour, Our manufacturing establishment will be opening a new store in the neighbourhood of your home in the near future. In the event that you are not already familiar with ABC Shoes, we would like to place emphasis on the advantages of wearing our shoes. We are of the opinion that we manufacture the highest quality shoes possible. In addition, our shoes carry a one year guarantee. In the event that you are not completely satisfied with out shoes, we will, without delay, repair or replace them without charge. Our policy is not without misinterpretation. We have never refused to repair or replace a pair of ABC shoes, up until this time. Your attention is called to the fact that in time past, we have found it impossible to offer our customers shoes at sale prices. At the moment, however, we are in the position to offer you an extremely excellent bargain. From October 16 - October 31, the enclosed coupon will enable you to buy any pair of shoes in our new store at a 20% discounted price. Do not fail to bear in mind that this sale will not proceed after the 31st of October. Visit our new ABC Shoes Stores in the near future. There is no doubt that you will be pleased with our products and our services. Yours truly, Melvin Shoemaker Sales Manager
Outline Hitlist Activity Email Etiquette Email Activity
Email Etiquette
Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail
Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail NOT
Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms NOT
Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms NOT
Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms Consider: NOT
Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms Consider: Audience NOT
Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms Consider: Audience Time between correspondence NOT
Email Etiquette 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
Email Etiquette Email is free 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
Email Etiquette Email is free NOT 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
Email Etiquette Email is free NOT 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
Email Etiquette Email is free Opportunity cost NOT 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
Email Etiquette Email is free NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it When asking a question: 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it When asking a question: Google, Quora, other resources 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it When asking a question: Google, Quora, other resources Wait 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it When answering a question: 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it When answering a question: 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it When answering a question: Written record 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Don’t send it When answering a question: Written record Archive and search 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Keep it short 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Keep it short Email is like an SMS 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Keep it short Email is like an SMS 5 sentence rule 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Keep it short Dear Todd, There will be a meeting to discuss the new Sage software platform Tuesday, Nov. 2 at 10AM in conference room 2. 
 Please read the attached information on the software before the meeting. Thank you, Patty 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects Short but informative 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects Short but informative 70 characters or less 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects Short but informative 70 characters or less Email in the subject 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects Short but informative 70 characters or less Email in the subject Critical details 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" "Event Title, Save the Date: Date.” 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" "Event Title, Save the Date: Date.” Example: 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" "Event Title, Save the Date: Date.” Example: Annual Christmas Party, Save the Date: Dec. 3, 8PM 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects An email to a book supplier. Your company has run out of stock of a popular book, Fun Language Exercises. You need to order more copies urgently. 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Informative subjects An email to a book supplier. Your company has run out of stock of a popular book, Fun Language Exercises. You need to order more copies urgently. An email attaching a final report that you completed, requested by the Chief of Operations two days ago. You studied the results of a product trial. You present your findings with tables, graphs, and detailed conclusions. 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Breaking into points 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text Use of white space 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text Use of white space Independent thoughts 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text Use of white space Independent thoughts Questions 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text Use of white space Independent thoughts Questions Use bullet points 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Breaking into points I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I think the new employee health program will work out because our employees have a stake in it, it provides a great benefits package, and it will definitely save us money in the long run.
Email Etiquette Breaking into points I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I think the new employee health program will work out because: - our employees have a stake in it, - provides a great benefits package, - it will definitely save us money in the long run.
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Reply to points 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Reply to points Discussion 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Reply to points Discussion Many points 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Reply to points You can't use Sage to track renumeration changes at the moment, but you will be able to do so once we upgrade near the end of the year. Talk to Patty in IT for updates. You’re right that switching will be a lot of work. We are considering hiring temporary data entry technicians. It’s a great idea to use it to track promotions. We’ll be looking into that as well. I haven't seen the bulletin. Can you send it? It’s great that employees feel involved in the health plan. Unfortunately, we might not be able to include the allergy tests in the yearly exam, as it’s too expensive. The prevention program will certainly save us money. From: Todd in HR >I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? > - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. >I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. >I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? >I think the new employee health program will work out because: > - our employees have a stake in it, > - provides a great benefits package, > - it will definitely save us money in the long run.
Email Etiquette Reply to points >I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? No, not at the moment. It will me once we upgrade at the end of the year. Talk to Patty in IT for updates. > - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. Indeed. We are considering hiring temporary data entry technicians. >I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. Great idea! We’ll be looking into this as well. >I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I haven’t seen it. Can you send it? >I think the new employee health program will work out because: > - our employees have a stake in it, This is great. > - provides a great benefits package, Unfortunately, we might not be able to include the allergy tests in the yearly exam, as it’s too expensive. > - it will definitely save us money in the long run. Agreed!
Email Etiquette >I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? No, not at the moment. It will me once we upgrade at the end of the year. Talk to Patty in IT for updates. > - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. Indeed. We are considering hiring temporary data entry technicians. >I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. Great idea! We’ll be looking into this as well. >I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I haven’t seen it. Can you send it? >I think the new employee health program will work out because: > - our employees have a stake in it, This is great. > - provides a great benefits package, Unfortunately, we might not be able to include the allergy tests in the yearly exam, as it’s too expensive. > - it will definitely save us money in the long run. Agreed!
Email Etiquette Reply to points 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Reply to points Exceptions: 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Reply to points Exceptions: Single point reply 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Reply to points Exceptions: Single point reply Delete unnecessary points 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: Two paragraphs on the criteria for new requirements. Can you send me a list of our products that meet this criteria before Dec 1? 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: Can you send me a list of our products that meet this criteria before Dec 1? Two paragraphs on the criteria for a new requirements. 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: Can you send me a list of our products that meet this criteria before Dec 1? Two paragraphs on the criteria for a new requirements. 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: Can you send me a list of our products that meet this criteria before Dec 1? Two paragraphs on the criteria for a new requirements. 28% 19% 14% 39% the following
Email Etiquette Prioritize 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize Only the top 5 lines will be read 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Prioritize Only the top 5 lines will be read Sort remaining points 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Multiple emails 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Multiple emails Distinct topics 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Multiple emails Distinct topics Individually processed emails 28% 19% 14% 39%
Email Etiquette Multiple emails I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I think the new employee health program will work out because: - our employees have a stake in it, - provides a great benefits package, - it will definitely save us money in the long run.
Email Etiquette
Email Etiquette Use plain text instead of rich text
Email Etiquette Use plain text instead of rich text Longer to deliver
Email Etiquette Use plain text instead of rich text Longer to deliver Considered spam
Email Etiquette Use plain text instead of rich text Longer to deliver Considered spam Messy formatting
Outline Hitlist Activity Email Etiquette Email Activity
Email Etiquette Email 1: An email to your line manager about a training course you would like to go on. Ideas: what the course will teach you; why you would like to go; how you and the organization will benefit; basic information like the cost and dates; whether you want the company to pay all or just a part of the cost etc. Email 2: An email to all staff about a special event that is going to take place inside the organization. Ideas: a product launch? an anniversary? somebody leaving after long service? basic information like dates and times; what will happen at the event; any action you want staff to take etc. Email 3: An email to all staff announcing a change in policy or procedure. Ideas: changes to the security procedures in the building? changes to Health and Safety procedures? changes to some aspect of working conditions like office hours or lunch breaks? changes to company policy about personal use of the Internet during working hours? changes to some aspect of company ‘perks’ like a mobile phone, laptop or health club membership?

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Concise Writing Part 3

  • 1. Writing Workshop Series Concise Writing How not to use a needlessly excessive amount of words to write or compose what you really want to express or communicate when you have a whole lot to write or compose… Presenter: Rachael Walker Date: October 23, 2015
  • 8. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words
  • 9. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing
  • 10. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing
  • 11. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing doing
  • 12. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes doing
  • 13. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes doing
  • 14. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes doing changes
  • 15. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation doing changes
  • 16. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation doing changes
  • 17. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation doing changes recommend
  • 18. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of doing changes recommend
  • 19. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of doing changes recommend
  • 20. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of doing changes recommend
  • 21. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of doing changes recommend does, knows
  • 22. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
  • 23. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
  • 24. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
  • 25. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
  • 26. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree doing changes recommend does, knows
  • 27. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program doing changes recommend does, knows
  • 28. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program doing changes recommend does, knows
  • 29. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
  • 30. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
  • 31. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
  • 32. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
  • 33. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
  • 34. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
  • 35. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
  • 36. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group doing changes recommend does, knows health program for hospital employees
  • 37. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees
  • 38. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group utilize, is cognizant of doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees
  • 39. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group utilize, is cognizant of doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees
  • 40. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group utilize, is cognizant of doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees
  • 41. Word Economy Habitual expressions Redundancies There is… Noun constructions Active voice Wordy verbs Vague nouns Noun strings Adverbs Prepositional phrases Inflated words in the process of doing specific changes make a recommendation is doing, has knowledge of factor, area, aspect, degree hospital employee health program really, very, totally, extremely the opinion of the group utilize, is cognizant of doing changes recommend does, knows The working group’s opinion health program for hospital employees uses, knows
  • 42. Activity Dear neighbour, Our manufacturing establishment will be opening a new store in the neighbourhood of your home in the near future. In the event that you are not already familiar with ABC Shoes, we would like to place emphasis on the advantages of wearing our shoes. We are of the opinion that we manufacture the highest quality shoes possible. In addition, our shoes carry a one year guarantee. In the event that you are not completely satisfied with out shoes, we will, without delay, repair or replace them without charge. Our policy is not without misinterpretation. We have never refused to repair or replace a pair of ABC shoes, up until this time. Your attention is called to the fact that in time past, we have found it impossible to offer our customers shoes at sale prices. At the moment, however, we are in the position to offer you an extremely excellent bargain. From October 16 - October 31, the enclosed coupon will enable you to buy any pair of shoes in our new store at a 20% discounted price. Do not fail to bear in mind that this sale will not proceed after the 31st of October. Visit our new ABC Shoes Stores in the near future. There is no doubt that you will be pleased with our products and our services. Yours truly, Melvin Shoemaker Sales Manager
  • 45. Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail
  • 46. Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail NOT
  • 47. Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms NOT
  • 48. Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms NOT
  • 49. Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms Consider: NOT
  • 50. Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms Consider: Audience NOT
  • 51. Email Etiquette Email is electronic mail Letter format and formalisms Consider: Audience Time between correspondence NOT
  • 52. Email Etiquette 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
  • 53. Email Etiquette Email is free 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
  • 54. Email Etiquette Email is free NOT 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
  • 55. Email Etiquette Email is free NOT 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
  • 56. Email Etiquette Email is free Opportunity cost NOT 28% 19% 14% 39% Role specific tasks Collaboration Research Email
  • 57. Email Etiquette Email is free NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 58. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 59. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 60. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 61. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 62. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 63. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 64. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 65. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 67. Email Etiquette Don’t send it 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 68. Email Etiquette Don’t send it When asking a question: 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 69. Email Etiquette Don’t send it When asking a question: Google, Quora, other resources 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 70. Email Etiquette Don’t send it When asking a question: Google, Quora, other resources Wait 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 71. Email Etiquette Don’t send it 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 72. Email Etiquette Don’t send it When answering a question: 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 73. Email Etiquette Don’t send it When answering a question: 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 74. Email Etiquette Don’t send it When answering a question: Written record 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 75. Email Etiquette Don’t send it When answering a question: Written record Archive and search 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 76. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 77. Email Etiquette Keep it short 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 78. Email Etiquette Keep it short Email is like an SMS 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 79. Email Etiquette Keep it short Email is like an SMS 5 sentence rule 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 80. Email Etiquette Keep it short Dear Todd, There will be a meeting to discuss the new Sage software platform Tuesday, Nov. 2 at 10AM in conference room 2. 
 Please read the attached information on the software before the meeting. Thank you, Patty 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 81. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 83. Email Etiquette Informative subjects Short but informative 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 84. Email Etiquette Informative subjects Short but informative 70 characters or less 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 85. Email Etiquette Informative subjects Short but informative 70 characters or less Email in the subject 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 86. Email Etiquette Informative subjects Short but informative 70 characters or less Email in the subject Critical details 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 88. Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 89. Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 90. Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" "Event Title, Save the Date: Date.” 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 91. Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" "Event Title, Save the Date: Date.” Example: 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 92. Email Etiquette Informative subjects "Save the Date" "Event Title, Save the Date: Date.” Example: Annual Christmas Party, Save the Date: Dec. 3, 8PM 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 94. Email Etiquette Informative subjects An email to a book supplier. Your company has run out of stock of a popular book, Fun Language Exercises. You need to order more copies urgently. 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 95. Email Etiquette Informative subjects An email to a book supplier. Your company has run out of stock of a popular book, Fun Language Exercises. You need to order more copies urgently. An email attaching a final report that you completed, requested by the Chief of Operations two days ago. You studied the results of a product trial. You present your findings with tables, graphs, and detailed conclusions. 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 96. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 97. Email Etiquette Breaking into points 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 98. Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 99. Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 100. Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text Use of white space 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 101. Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text Use of white space Independent thoughts 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 102. Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text Use of white space Independent thoughts Questions 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 103. Email Etiquette Breaking into points Wall of text Use of white space Independent thoughts Questions Use bullet points 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 104. Email Etiquette Breaking into points I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I think the new employee health program will work out because our employees have a stake in it, it provides a great benefits package, and it will definitely save us money in the long run.
  • 105. Email Etiquette Breaking into points I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I think the new employee health program will work out because: - our employees have a stake in it, - provides a great benefits package, - it will definitely save us money in the long run.
  • 106. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 107. Email Etiquette Reply to points 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 108. Email Etiquette Reply to points Discussion 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 109. Email Etiquette Reply to points Discussion Many points 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 110. Email Etiquette Reply to points You can't use Sage to track renumeration changes at the moment, but you will be able to do so once we upgrade near the end of the year. Talk to Patty in IT for updates. You’re right that switching will be a lot of work. We are considering hiring temporary data entry technicians. It’s a great idea to use it to track promotions. We’ll be looking into that as well. I haven't seen the bulletin. Can you send it? It’s great that employees feel involved in the health plan. Unfortunately, we might not be able to include the allergy tests in the yearly exam, as it’s too expensive. The prevention program will certainly save us money. From: Todd in HR >I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? > - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. >I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. >I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? >I think the new employee health program will work out because: > - our employees have a stake in it, > - provides a great benefits package, > - it will definitely save us money in the long run.
  • 111. Email Etiquette Reply to points >I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? No, not at the moment. It will me once we upgrade at the end of the year. Talk to Patty in IT for updates. > - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. Indeed. We are considering hiring temporary data entry technicians. >I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. Great idea! We’ll be looking into this as well. >I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I haven’t seen it. Can you send it? >I think the new employee health program will work out because: > - our employees have a stake in it, This is great. > - provides a great benefits package, Unfortunately, we might not be able to include the allergy tests in the yearly exam, as it’s too expensive. > - it will definitely save us money in the long run. Agreed!
  • 112. Email Etiquette >I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? No, not at the moment. It will me once we upgrade at the end of the year. Talk to Patty in IT for updates. > - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. Indeed. We are considering hiring temporary data entry technicians. >I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. Great idea! We’ll be looking into this as well. >I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I haven’t seen it. Can you send it? >I think the new employee health program will work out because: > - our employees have a stake in it, This is great. > - provides a great benefits package, Unfortunately, we might not be able to include the allergy tests in the yearly exam, as it’s too expensive. > - it will definitely save us money in the long run. Agreed!
  • 113. Email Etiquette Reply to points 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 114. Email Etiquette Reply to points Exceptions: 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 115. Email Etiquette Reply to points Exceptions: Single point reply 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 116. Email Etiquette Reply to points Exceptions: Single point reply Delete unnecessary points 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 117. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 119. Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 120. Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 121. Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: Two paragraphs on the criteria for new requirements. Can you send me a list of our products that meet this criteria before Dec 1? 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 122. Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: Can you send me a list of our products that meet this criteria before Dec 1? Two paragraphs on the criteria for a new requirements. 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 123. Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: Can you send me a list of our products that meet this criteria before Dec 1? Two paragraphs on the criteria for a new requirements. 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 124. Email Etiquette Prioritize Place action items first Example: Can you send me a list of our products that meet this criteria before Dec 1? Two paragraphs on the criteria for a new requirements. 28% 19% 14% 39% the following
  • 126. Email Etiquette Prioritize Only the top 5 lines will be read 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 127. Email Etiquette Prioritize Only the top 5 lines will be read Sort remaining points 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 128. Email Etiquette Email is free Don’t send it Keep it short Informative subjects Breaking into points Reply to points Prioritize Multiple emails NOT 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 130. Email Etiquette Multiple emails Distinct topics 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 131. Email Etiquette Multiple emails Distinct topics Individually processed emails 28% 19% 14% 39%
  • 132. Email Etiquette Multiple emails I had some ideas about using our new Sage software to track renumeration changes. Is that possible? - It doesn't seem possible to do it effectively without putting in a lot of back data. I also thought we might be able to use it to record promotions. I saw there is a new bulletin on management responsibilities. Did you read it? I think the new employee health program will work out because: - our employees have a stake in it, - provides a great benefits package, - it will definitely save us money in the long run.
  • 134. Email Etiquette Use plain text instead of rich text
  • 135. Email Etiquette Use plain text instead of rich text Longer to deliver
  • 136. Email Etiquette Use plain text instead of rich text Longer to deliver Considered spam
  • 137. Email Etiquette Use plain text instead of rich text Longer to deliver Considered spam Messy formatting
  • 139. Email Etiquette Email 1: An email to your line manager about a training course you would like to go on. Ideas: what the course will teach you; why you would like to go; how you and the organization will benefit; basic information like the cost and dates; whether you want the company to pay all or just a part of the cost etc. Email 2: An email to all staff about a special event that is going to take place inside the organization. Ideas: a product launch? an anniversary? somebody leaving after long service? basic information like dates and times; what will happen at the event; any action you want staff to take etc. Email 3: An email to all staff announcing a change in policy or procedure. Ideas: changes to the security procedures in the building? changes to Health and Safety procedures? changes to some aspect of working conditions like office hours or lunch breaks? changes to company policy about personal use of the Internet during working hours? changes to some aspect of company ‘perks’ like a mobile phone, laptop or health club membership?