1. 1
"There was citrus scent in the air."
"What?" I ask getting away from my thoughts.
He looks at me smiling, a smile capable of obscuring the clear water of the lake in front of us and I
would not be here thinking I'm doing the biggest nonsense of my life.
It’s been weeks since we are sitting on the bank of the lake together, our feet dipped into the water
up to the ankles, some pebbles to throw away and nothing more.
I do not know his name, I do not know where it comes from, what he does for a living, but I feel that
my place is beside him.
To tell the truth he is a weirdo, I really can give him an age: his features change depending on the
mood and he tells stories that i do not understand, but the sound of his voice is as delicate as
fingers plucking the strings of a harp.
He never comes close enough to touch me, our legs remain separate, the hands careful not to
brush against one another and despite this distance is like I can feeling him inside of me.
«Maybe i should get back to class» I say getting up uncertain.
I wish he would stop me, take my hand to pull me close to him, but he does not.
«The test will be fine» he says and I realize that I no longer have opened a book since I’ve started
to spend hours here with him.
«Bye» I try to take time, I don’t want to go to college and even go home, I do not want to hear the
lecture of my mother, her problems and suffer his anxieties.
I will not become a woman like her, insecure and unhappy and is this thought make me desist on
sitting down again. I take the Gorge’s green folder, where I cherish my future, made of notes and a
record book and I leave.
«Ayleen.» It’s the first time he calls me by the name, he looks at me and I remain in silence, stuck
into his black eyes, waiting from him to run to me, hold me tight and kiss me with those juicy and
pinky lips, like mature strawberries. «See you later.» he says and I go away, giving him a hint of a
smile and raising the shoulders.
I arrive to school just in time to print the booklet at the third hour of lesson, dazed and confused I
sit beside Tamara, my dear companion of misfortune.
«Where have you been?» she asks whispering.
I pretend not to hear what she says, I know she doesn’t like me to date that boy and I don’t want to
argue with her.
-You saw him again?- she does not give up.
-What’s wrong with that?- I puff.
-Oh god!- Tamy exclaims. – What is wrong, you ask? You don’t even know him, nobody does in
town and you just pass your time at the lake with him.-
-I trust him.-
-Do I have to remember you about the last time you trusted a man?-
Her question is ironic, she does not do that on purpose, but she hurts me regardless. I allow my
gaze to move towards to Gabriel, 3 rows ahead and i sigh.
.You are not going to forget him throwing yourself into some stranger’s arms, Ayleen.-
-You know what, Tamy?- I turn to her with a brand new knowledge. –I don’t care about Gabriel, he
can fool around with 50 girls in a row; he doesn’t hurt me anymore.-
-You don’t even know his name- she continues like I did not just say that I’m over destroying myself
and my soul over Gabriel, that traitor!
-What is about a name? What we call with a name a rose, even if we’d call it with another name, it
would still smell sweetly- I taunt her imitating his favorite writer and the discussion can be
considered completed.

2. The sky is cloudy today, but the temperature is pleasant so I linger a little going back home,
dreaming about his hands, imagining his muscles under his white shirt he wears often with two
buttons undone, I pretend to pet it and it is as if I could feel the muscle he hides under those jeans
and a scar that runs down the leg.
Someone touches my shoulder blade and I wince pretty scared, holding my breath. –Lee- he says
–I’ve been calling you for ten minutes, now.- His voice is annoyed.
I struggle to focus on the figure in front of me, I know who it is, only Gabriel calls me that way.
Once I used to find delightful the sound of that nickname that came from his lips, now makes me
nervous, but I cannot argue.
-Are you ok?-
I feel he is scared and I want to tell him to leave me alone, but I can’t produce no sound, I feel like
my body had been separated and so I grab his shoulders afraid to fall in the middle of the street.
–I’ll take you home.- he says and I don’t answer.
We cross the door and I sense, vaguely, my mother’s voice, afraid, I hear them both arguing for a
little while, then the door closes up and I know that Gabriel went away with no need to ask for
more.
I get up from the couch, slowly and I reach my room upstairs, I open the door and I get hit by an
intense citrus scent, I fall on my knees and I cry.
I don’t realize anything else, when I feel better I find myself in bed; Tamy is beside me and my
mother was walking up and down in the room, smoking a cigarettes.
Only after few minutes I notice the figure who was sitting on the chair and it’s the first person , in
that room, I lay my eyes on: Gabriel.
-How do you feel?- he stands up and touches my forehead with his cold hand. I can’t do less then
chill to that touch like his hands were passing me something or, even worse, token away.
-I’m fine- I say dodging him badly with an arm –I must had some kind of sugar loss, nothing
serious.-
I’m about to stand up, but my body seems to weigh tons and it doesn’t want to get up from the bed.
-Rest- my mother says, putting out her cigarette in the full ashtray –I go call the doctor.-
-You made me worry.- Tamy kisses my forehead and I know I should feel comfortable because of
that gesture, but I can’t, my eyes fill with tears and I’m struggling to let them out.
-Did that boy give you something weird?- she continues.
-What boy?- Gabriel says.
I can’t understand if he is irritated or simply jealous not seeing me struggling for his behavior
anymore.
-Nobody- I answer with a low tone of voice.
-What do you care?- Tamara addresses him. –You were the one throwing away your relationship.
And for what? For a fake blond girl with fake tits!-
-That wasn’t the reason. Eva doesn’t mean nothing to me and you know it well.-
-Excuse me so!- she continues. –I’m not in the right mood to stand your arguing.-
My mother gets in the room with a hot cup of herbal tea with berries. The light smell of lemon
enacted by it brings me back to my entrance in the room, something is trying to reach my mind, but
there are too many voices around to be able to listen to them.
-Leave her take some rest, now.- my mother says. –I’ll tell her to call you as soon as she feels
better- she continues talking towards Tamy, purposely ignoring Gabriel.
-Call me, as well- he whispers in my ear.
And so we remain alone, wrapped in the silence of those never said words, an embarrassment for
the confidence we lack, waiting for the doctor.
The doctor prescribes a series of tests to do: I don’t have fever, the pressure is well and I do not
show any symptoms that he can be traced back to one of the many known diseases.
He says I have to rest a few days and goes away.
My mother tucks just like when I was little, but she forgets the kiss she used to give me before she
left for the night, the kiss that I miss to reconnect with her, to feel still her baby.
I take the copy of “Away from you” from the nightstand: a book about a time travel and love,
strong enough to overcome any difficulty.

3. I think I'd like to play as Elena, the main character, to lose myself in the safe arms of Mark and that
thought brings me back to him, sitting on the lake’s shore with his lost gaze towards something too
far from me to be able to understand the meaning.
2
I feel like trapped in a cage. It’s been three days and my mom hinders me to go out; she doesn’t
care I repeat her I’m fine, I feel better, I did not show any symptoms and the tests went pretty well:
I’m healthy like a fish.
Tamy keeps me company every afternoon, but I feel different, like I can’t share with her all that I
hold inside of me.
I know her from a very long time. We used to meet up at the park like we were babies and since
then we have walked our way together; hand by hand.
-Did you see him?- I ask her timidly.
She makes a face. –Again?- she buffs.
I remain silent.
-No- she continues –He wasn’t in school, maybe he went away, flied away just like he came the
first time.-
It hurts like a punch.
-I need to get out of here.-
-Have you called Gabriel?- she asks like I did not pronounce a word. –he is really worried about
you, he always ask me news.-
-Wasn’t you the one telling me to leave him alone?- I answer kind of mad.
-You are untreatable, Ayleen!-
I fall on my bad. –Sorry-
We talk about school, about the upcoming tests. We gossip about our friends and, finally, I laugh
again.
The next day I allowed myself to get my life back, I feel restless as if it were the first day of school.
I take my usual Gola bag, where I keep my notebooks and I get out of my house earlier then the
usual.
The air is cool, but the sun is shining in the sky, there is not a cloud, only a faint smell that I cannot
recognize yet but It’s familiar.
I should go to class and then go home, but I take the path to the lake, without realizing it.
I feel my heart beating in my chest and my footsteps echoed on the unpaved road leading to the
shore.
He is not there.
The eyes are pinching, but I realize that I have arrived too early so I sit down, I pull the book out
and start reading.
I get angry with the characters, despite the love that binds them, they do their best to stay away
from each other!
My phone rings, I would not look at it because, then, I should admit that it's late and that he will not
come, of course.
I try to ignore him, but if I don’t read that damned text message , it will continue to ring forever.
It’s Tamara and, at the moment, I would throw my IPhone away in the clear water of the lake. She
asks where the hell I am and she warns me to let loose and go right back to the university.
I cannot hold back the tears.

4. I could have asked him, at least his name, any information that would allow me to find him, but I
didn’t and now I find myself with a couple of empty hands and a heart that seems to tear apart.
I'm a fool, I realize. You may not feel the lack of someone you do not know, with whom you do not
have shared more than a few morning on the shore of a lake, without ever touching. Why, then, do
I feel like someone had ripped my heart out?
That night nightmares came to visit me.
I don’t remember much about my awakening, I scream in the middle of the night, i’m sweaty,
crying, with a strong pain into my chest.
And a name: Nathan.
My mom starts seriously to worry about my health. I’m admitted in a specialized center for sleep
disorders, doctors turn me over like a sock, but for what I know there is nothing wrong with me.
Their diagnosis say that I have a depressive symptomatology which is probably caused by stress,
they prescribed me sedatives and sleeping pills.
The first few weeks I feel reborn, I can sleep without waking up, i no longer think, almost do not
even remember why I was so afflicted. I follow the lessons, i chat with Tamy, sometimes I hang out
with Gabriel, but this is not me.
It's just my body embracing my soul as a shell.
I don’t want to be this bad surrogate of myself, condescending, calm, numb and practically senile.
No, I want to return to feel something, even if I do not like it.
I start to pretend to take my medications daily. I hide them under the tongue and then throw them
in the toilet. I'm not ready to face my dreams again, but my clear mind is suggesting me that I
should find the courage to do so.
I wait a few days before taking the risk of losing courage. I go to bed, my heart is anxiously
pounding, I read, I watch TV, but I cannot get to sleep until dawn, not before then and when I do, I
do not dream.
I wake up almost disappointed. I'm afraid I wish that those dreams come back to me, but that's
what I feel, I feel the need.
Before going to university, that same morning, i go the lake.
There is a fisherman in the distance, I see him while casting his line into the water and wait.
I feel similar to him, I am also waiting for something. I am convinced that, if i prove enough
patience, like that fisherman, I will be rewarded.
-Hi- he takes a lock of hair and takes them close to his nose –what are doing here?-
-Nothing.- I turn around to go away, but Gabriel follows me, insisting to engage a conversation.
-You are late for lesson.-
-I know.-
-Look, Ayleen- he stands in front of me, squeezing my hands –I wanted to apologize to you. Ive
been acting like an idiot.-
-Yeah, you did.- I add
-I miss you.-
My stomach tightens, if I'm not careful I risk of rejecting my daily breakfast. I laugh to keep myself
from crying and I struggle trying to leave it behind.
I can take two steps before being hit by the usual intense smell of citrus. I cannot breathe, the view
becomes blurred once again. I look for Gabriel with my eyes and I can see a strange glint into
them.
-You smell that too?- I ask hopefully.
-What should I smell?- he asks, worried, but he is not enough convincing, I’m sure he did smell it. I
don’t know why he doesn’t want to admit it.
I walk, unsure about the strength oh my legs, I don’t want his help. – I will agree on talking to you
only when you going to learn to be sincere with me!- I yell at him, trying to avoid his arms to hold
me.
-You are not so good, Ayleen.- He becomes serious. –It’s the medicine’s fault, they make you see
things are not real.-
I laugh. –I don’t take them anymore.-

5. Gabriel opens his eyes widely, I see his Adam's apple twitching, I put him in trouble and, at the
same moment, the scent of citrus comes back, much more intense than any other time and now he
cannot deny it, I clearly saw his eyes get up in the direction of the smell.