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Hello there, my name is Annabelle
I write - a lot
At first it was a small hobby but not anymore
This is the current book im writing, i’d love for you to read it and if interested comment on it and
tell me what you think of it
Enjoy <3
Prologue
Ray never liked blondes, that's one of the first things I noticed about her. She had at least one
thing she disliked about every blonde in our biology class. She didn't like the way Cass chewed
gum too loud. She didn't like how Aubrey would always suck up to our teachers for good grades.
But she especially disliked Trisha, because of how much makeup she wore and how she always
bragged about her family's money and economic status.
But the thing that made me actually notice ray is the fact that she puts people in their place.
The only thing I don't understand is how ray disliked blondes but still dates someone blonde.
Theo Luke.
They've been dating for about a year and two months and everytime they cross the hall together
I can't see in rays eyes one thing she dislikes about Theo. The way ray looks at theo, her eyes
show no sign of hate or dislike towards him. Only love and lust.
I find it a bit funny. I've never disliked blondes and yet I can find almost 50 things I dislike in
Ray's partner Theo. His bossy demeanor, how judgmental he is, the way he styles his hair, the
way he smirks at you when you say something stupid. That stupid condescending wink he does
whenever he knows he's right, his nonchalance. His apathy. His smile. His perfect straight white
teeth. His disgustingly huge height difference from other people. The fact that he's dating Ray.
I'm not obsessed with Ray, although it seems the opposite, I'm not.
I got into this college two months ago. Originally from the Netherlands but ever since my mom
started traveling abroad, about 3 years ago, and I haven't seen her since - I found no purpose
staying in my hometown. I don't know if I'm following my mother's steps by traveling abroad for
college but I didn't feel like there would be any use staying in a place I've known and I'm used to
my whole life. As an only child that hasn't really had anyone to hang out with, I feel like a fresh
start can erase my past and help me find myself and new people.
Toronto Canada's - Humber college was the first to catch my eye, with one of the most beautiful
campuses I've ever seen.
The only thing I feel like I'd thank my mom for is saving money for me to study or travel like her,
I guess she expected me to get bored of our town and follow her steps, but I'm not like her. She
abandoned me, she chose to travel over her own daughter.
My dad was super supportive when he found out I got in, he always hoped I'd leave town one
day to "develop" and "progress as a person" - he would say.
Ever since I've gotten here, I've been examining the area, the people, the genuine vibe and
communication.
The first person to catch my attention was Ramona. She was the first person to actually greet
me when I entered the campus and since then she made a mark. From analyzing her from the
side as the new kid I could see she was loved by all her peers, she's friendly, funny, very
charismatic, and intelligent.
When I found out she was assigned to give me a tour of the place, my heart grew a small fire
inside, a fire of excitement, but it was soon put out after waiting for her for more than half an
hour to give me the tour.
Turns out, Ramona is a big fan of protests and it's something dear to her heart. On the same
day of my tour there was a big BLM protest therefore Ramona didn't show up. But the day after
she came up to me and apologized sincerely, it made me appreciate her more. She invited me
to coffee as an apology, insisting she would pay.
We had an amazing time, she smiled her wide smile whenever I said something humorous, she
only slightly giggled when I would say sarcastic things that I didn't mean to be funny, but I soon
got used to her sense of humor.
We were getting along so well the whole time, I was contemplating asking her out on a real date
but that thought was turned down faster than I could think when ray answered her phone with a
classy cliche "hey baby".
The little fire in my heart for Ray grew cold knowing she was in a relationship with someone. It
upset me, but I had way more respect for her than a crush and I didn't make my move. We
became good friends over the months.
We would gossip slightly in classes we shared together, we would eat lunch together, even hang
out to study in our dorms. When I finally met her partner, it was about two months after knowing
her. It felt odd not meeting her partner till then but the moment I met them, I regretted it. Theo
was the obnoxious kind of partner. The one who thinks he're better than everyone else. I find
them seriously agitating. Never have I been so aggravated by a person in my life. The glisten in
he eyes when he smirk, the shine in he smile, so condescending. Not to talk about he
exaggerated height.
As long as Ray is happy with Theo, that's all that really matters to me.
I've gotten to know Ray better everyday. I understand her love for protests, she's very active,
her hobbies interest me as much as her beauty. She really is one of the prettiest girls I've seen. I
love how her dark mocha skin is so smooth, her long dark locs are so neatly styled. But her
eyes are my favorite part - he are a dark blue but he pierce through my skin when she looks at
me. She is mesmerizing.
Something I could never say about Theo.
Chapter 1 - Ashton
I woke up to my roommate screaming in my ear, "wake up, you're going to be late" my eyes
haven't even acclimated to the bright sun piercing through the window in front of me shining
right on my face. I could see my roommates tan freckles as bright as day when she's standing
two inches far from my face. "What? What's wrong?" I ask subtly while rubbing my eyes.
Danielle, my dear roommate, has never woken me up. I've been in this dorm with her for about
3 months now and waking me up has never been one of her usuals. "You're late for your shift, it
started about 20 minutes ago" my eyes widened. Did I forget to set an alarm? I threw my
blanket off me running to my closet, grabbing the first clothes I see and dressing up in them as
quickly as I can trying not to trip over my pants leggings while doing so. I ran to the living room
grabbing my wallet, keys and phone after managing to brush my hair and teeth in less than two
minutes. "Thank you" I managed to say to Danielle right before shutting the entry door behind
me. Danielle's not very talkative, she's a good roommate. I just don't see her as a friend.
I work in a small coffee shop near the college, helps me balance my rent and studying. It's not
the best job I've had but I'm here alone and need to look out for myself. Today's shift though, is
one I'd never forget.
I walked through the door and the first thing no man would want to see in the morning is
standing right in front of me, serving a table.
Theo.
The polite smile I walked in with disappeared but reappeared on Theo's face once he saw me.
"Hey stranger" he said playfully with a smirk.
I didn't react, it's smarter that way with Theo, letting them know he aren't above you.
The moment you give a reaction he feel like the biggest person to walk the planet. he ego goes
up to he dull head and he feel like he deserve the world to bow down to them.
I walked past them and straight to the counter to sign into my shift. I haven't been working here
for a long time but the manager loves me, I really feel as if he took me under his wing when
hiring me. I looked up when I finished signing in to find Theo's smirking condescending face in
front of mine. "No hello for me red?" I looked at them crossing my arms, he can't be serious, he
know exactly how to annoy me. Two weeks after I started school, Theo started to get fond of
annoying me and getting my eyes to roll back so far, I could see my own thoughts. he found a
way to get me pissed by giving me a nickname I despise. One of the first things Theo noticed
and decided to point out about me was my ginger red hair and the fact that my face is quite
often in the shade of a tomato. I guess he decided to nickname me based on my cherry
appearance. I reach for my apron but before I get to it Theo with he freakishly long arms has
already got to it and hands it to me. "Thanks" I say, barely looking them in the eyes. "No
problem", that smirk just does not come off he face does it?
I move past Theo grabbing my notepad and pen ready to head to tables asking for orders, I turn
around to check on Theo still standing in the same spot, in the same position as it seems he're
checking me out, seeing if I'm doing my job right. It infuriates me, who do he think he are?
It's not that I haven't tried to like Theo, I don't hate them for no reason.
The first few weeks I started I actually tried negotiating with them, we both take psychology
classes and I actually asked them for help a couple times since he seemed to be proficient in
the subject. The way he tutor, he manner and attitude is reckless, patronizing, and overall rude
and irritating.
I cannot keep a full conversation with Theo without wanting to punch them in the face.
I approached the table asking what the lovely couple wanted to eat. The woman was sitting on
the right side staring aimlessly at the menu, she had long black hair with what definitely looked
like extensions and the man across from her looked older and stared in my eyes while informing
me what he will both be having. I wrote it down on my notepad and quickly went to give the
order away to the chef. My shifts aren't special, each day either the same couples or loners
come in and order the same things and sometimes new people which I haven't seen come in.
Some of the customers I know by name now. The only new unusual thing in this shift is Theo
Luke working here with me. I'd see them pass by me with orders grinning while looking me in
my eyes, seeming satisfied with the situation. he know I'm not fond of this situation . Even in the
spare time I have working in a place I tolerate now I can't even say that about this place with
Theo roaming the floor, doing my job.
After 2 hours and 47 minutes of working on my feet I finally ordered a sandwich off the menu
and took it to sit outside and read a book for my break. I keep looking back, having a perfect
view of Theo working, looking at me every few minutes. he're skilled in waitering, he probably
worked in it before, or are just naturally talented. I roll my eyes at that thought.
Reading and eating for about 15 minutes while every few seconds taking my eyes off my book
to look at the world around me. Canada is one of the beautiful places I have seen. I enjoy this
view. We have a park in front of the restaurant, full of trees and nature and people making out or
having a picnic. I do love nature but I find it more interesting looking at people spending he time
in nature. he're moods, he positions being changed or he attitude varying near trees and pretty
flowers. Like it's a way to escape he reality. To escape whatever is going on at home, to escape
the truth.
I go back in after 20 minutes of my break and continue my shift, just waiting for it to end.
Chapter 2 - Ashton
I took my apron off and set it on the same hook it was hung on when I walked in. Now it was
only Theo and I closing the cafe. he were cleaning the tables while I counted the cash and
money we earned from today's shift. While counting the bills in my hand I keep glancing at Theo
cleaning the tables with the spray bottle of bleach in he right hand and the napkin he're wiping
with in he left hand. Weird, I never noticed Theo is left-handed, I thought to myself while
continuing to stare at he long veiny arms cleaning the tables. I guess I was staring for a bit too
long because when I looked up at Theo's face he were staring right back at me. It startled me
and focused me back to reality. Focus ash, he shouldn't be distracting you from your work. I
thought while looking down at the bills in my hand, continuously counting them, eager to get this
shift over with and have my nice walk back home to my apartment. Next thing I know a tall figure
is on my left side. A unique scent hit my nostrils and I could only identify it as strawberries in a
garden surrounded by bee hives making exquisite honey. “Anything you want to say to me
red?”. Ugh that annoying voice, and that tone, and that goddamn cursed nickname that I will
never get rid of for the next two years. “nope” , i said subtly, not looking up from the cash in my
hand. I could hear Theo's faint breathing. Why are he standing so close to me? I cursed under
my breath, wishing he would walk away already and continue cleaning tables, or whatever he
were doing. “You've been ignoring me all day, and i'm not trying to push you or anything but I
feel like we should at least try and get along for the sake of this job” oh you feel huh? I thought
you had no feelings, I thought to myself chuckling slightly at my roast. “Come on! What is it red?
I'm trying to be friendly is all '' he said, raising he voice, trying to get my attention. Not to be
mean or anything but I don't exactly want to be “friendly” with Theo, not at work, not in college,
not ever. It might seem like I hate Theo for no reason but I have an explanation for everything. “I
don't think this job requires “friendliness "I said with air quotes on the “friendliness”. Theo just
rolled his eyes in response, annoyed by my comment. “Why won't you talk to me? What have I
done?” he asked. I could actually hear worry in his voice, like he actually cared. But I don't have
time for his pity or explaining to them exactly why I'm annoyed with them. Finally finished with
counting the cash and closing the register, I moved to stand in front of him, making eye contact
with his worried eyes, yet I chose not to say a word. I'm better than that. We stared at each
other for about two long minutes before I crossed my arms showing no interest in answering his
questions. “Fine, have it your way red” he said, giving up and going back to clean the tables left.
I waited behind the register, leaning on the counter taking my phone out of my back pocket to
see if I had any new messages.
“Hey my little rose? How is canada? Treating you nicely?”
A message from my dad sent two hours ago. I miss him, I thought to myself. I'm close with my
dad, ever since my mom decided to travel instead of raising her only daughter. We've gotten
closer and spent more time with each other before I moved for college. I do feel bad leaving him
alone in the house but he always pushes me to fulfill my dreams no matter where I have to go to
achieve them.
“I’m ok daddy, the apartment is nice and I’m getting to know new people everyday”
An utter lie, just to calm my dad down. He trusts me and wants only the best for me.
I shut my phone and put it back in my pocket after hearing theo saying “I’m done, we can leave
now”. I took my keys and wallet off the counter so that we could head out and lock up. We
exited the restaurant and I stood next to Theo while he locked the place up. Guess the manager
gave him a spare key to lock up. I thought to myself confused. The manager only gave me a key
to lock up a month after working here, while Theo got one after for a day.
he locked up and we started heading home in the same direction. “You don't have to walk me
home, you know? I'm fine, '' I said, looking up at the tall figure next to me. “This is my way home
too, don't worry. I know how independent and capable you are” he said with a small smirk rolling
up he cheek. I scoffed at he comment, putting my hands in my pockets and continuing to walk a
silent walk beside them. I can't help but notice how precise Theo's posture is. he walks with
confidence and unity, it looks so intimidating yet safe. he have black headphones hanging on his
neck and a small dagger earring on his right ear. he're wearing big cargo pants and a nice
buttoned up navy shirt that is tight on them and shows a bit of his muscular chest. I never really
noticed how athletic Theo's body is since he don't wear those kinds of outfits to college. “Need
something?” he said, catching me off guard. Obviously he noticed me staring so I focused my
eyes on the nice oak trees we’re just passing by. “Beautiful right?” Yet again in a few seconds I
heard he deep voice again. “Yes, very” I said, still staring at the trees and flowers we’re passing
by. “I used to come to that tree over there a lot as a child, I built a swing there. I'm pretty sure if
you go there today it'll still be there” he said pointing at the far oak tree I could barely see in the
darkness of the night. I usually work the night shifts since I study in the mornings. It's more
comfortable for my schedule. I manage to balance work and study working the night shifts.
After 3 more minutes of silent walking I mustered up the courage and tolerance to ask Theo my
question. “I've never seen you working at the cafe before, why is that?” I ask, looking up at
them. I swear one day I'll get whiplash from just staring at them. he are about 6 feet which is
way too tall for anyone. Anyone that height is considered a tree to me. “I worked at my moms
old cafe before, he shut it down though due to a rat infestation my mother and I knew nothing
about” Theo said, barely looking at me while answering. I nodded my head at he response
before commenting. “Sorry about that” I said feeling bad for his mom and them, but more for his
mom. “Why are you sorry? Did you plant the rats there?” Theo said sarcastically, finally looking
me in my eyes, I chuckled a bit at his cynical response. “Not that I know of” I said looking back
at them with a slight smile. “I missed your smile, red” he said, looking back up at the sidewalk
we were just starting to walk on. Ugh, he just had to ruin the moment, I thought to myself rolling
my eyes at he stupid comment. “You just had to ruin it” I muttered slightly, looking down at the
car coming up on the road. “What? What did I do?” Theo says with worry in his voice again. Be
yourself, I thought to myself trying to keep up my pace with them. Why is he so tall? I cursed in
my thoughts. “I didn't mean to offend you red, i just really like when you smile, i missed it.” he
said brushing his hair behind his left ear. “You used to smile a lot when we worked together on
that assignment professor matthews gave us” he added feeling good with he comment. Why did
he have to remind me of that? My grudge for Theo doesn't come without reason, The first week
of school, we got group assignments for our psychology class. Theo volunteered to be with me
since no one chose me, being the new kid does come with its down sides. We worked pretty
great together except for Theo's few cynical arrogant comments that annoyed me. We worked
on the assignment for about two weeks straight, hanging out with each other more and more
each day, and actually somehow becoming friends. By the end of our work I blurted out a thesis
that I had in mind. I was sure Theo didn't hear me or ignored me even but once it was
presentation day, we presented our assignment astonishingly and by the end of our presentation
we were doing so well I looked over at Theo and gave them a smile. he smiled back brightly
before presenting the thesis that I thought of and taking credit for it. The smile I gave them
disappeared from my face and was switched with a big frown. I was so upset with them. I didn't
even congratulate them when the professor told us we got an A+. I walked out of class
frustrated and with a grudge with Theo luke for doing me so dirty and claiming my thesis as his
and even sharing it with the class without my permission. How could he do me so dirty? How
could he steal my thesis that I've thought about and told him while we were supposedly friends. I
couldn't stand being next to Theo while students came up to congratulate him for his brilliant
thesis that left mr. Matthews stunned and speechless. That was the credit and congratulations I
was supposed to deserve and it wasn't fair at all. This class was very important to me and I
didn't want any fake or distracting people being near me while I study it, I've worked hard
enough to get into this college to be friends with people who will do such dirty unfair cruel
things.
It was already past midnight and I get up at 6 to start my classes at 7. “Ya well, that was
probably the last time you're going to see it” i say, trying to make them feel bad purposely. “That
and just now” he said looking at me with he dumb unattractive smirk. Whatever, I glared at them
trying to walk faster to get home.
After 10 minutes of silent, calm walking I finally reach my apartment which is two blocks away
from the college I study in, so convenient, I always think to myself when I get back home and
have a view of my college right in front of me. “This is me,” I say, stopping in front of the light
blue building with barely four floors in it, each floor having a small terrace facing the street. “Ok,
good night red, see you tomorrow in class” I felt a hand suddenly touching my right shoulder
while seeing Theo get close to me to give me a kiss on the cheek. he smiled slightly after letting
go of my shoulder and continued walking, putting he hands in he pockets, walking so elegantly
away. I stood there for a minute watching Theo walk away. I didn't stand there because I wanted
to see where he were going, I stood there because I was in shock of the tickling soft sensation I
have on my right cheek. Why did he kiss me on the cheek? I thought to myself, so confused. My
thoughts began spiraling more before the street lamp turned off and I startled back into real life
and started heading up the stairs to the third floor, apartment 5. I took the keys out of my pocket
slowly unlocking my front door and walking to the kitchen to get myself a cup of water. After
finishing the fresh water I had in my cup, I walked out to the terrace to get some final fresh air
before going to sleep. When I noticed Theo turning around and heading back the same path we
went on. At first I thought he were confused and didn't know where he're apartment was since it
was so dark but as he continued walking the same path we just walked it dawned on me, he did
walk me home, that annoying jerk.
Chapter 3 - Ashton
Contrary to popular belief I am surprisingly a morning person, and a very organized one at the
very least. When I moved out of town, hell, out of state I decided that this was my chance at a
new beginning. A new start. I wanted to clear my name and live my best life. I organized for
myself a schedule to keep healthy while studying and working. I wake up at 5:30 am every
sunday, tuesday and thursday to have a 45 minute run around the neighborhood. The other
days of the week I end up going to the small gym across the street to do a small workout. That
way, during my run, I get to know the town, the people, the area and where it is best to run. At
these hours there aren't a lot of runners or a lot of anyones really, out running or doing anything.
I occasionally see an average height man walking his doberman around but even he's a rare
sight in the mornings. I've learnt to get used to the chilly weather there is in the morning and just
enjoy watching the sunrises. After that I return at around 6:30 am to my apartment to see
Danielle awaken very sloppily after a night of binge watching her favorite series again which I
can't tell if it's a rom com or horror from her reactions to it. “Morning danielle” i say barely looking
up from my mug while pouring some hot water for my coffee. “Morning”, what a greeting i think
to myself sipping from my hot coffee. I head to the shower we both share and Danielle for
whatever reason chooses not to clean up after herself. I shower with cool water at first to relax
myself from the hot sweaty run I just had, then turn the water to a warmer temperature to have a
nice calming shower before a full day. I get out and see the outfit I set on my bed prior to my
morning run. Today I decided to go bold. A nice navy blue plaid mini skirt but not too mini to not
pass on the dress code or even my morals and ethics. With a white buttoned up blouse which is
a bit see through to see that i'm wearing a bra but not too see through to see what color it is.
With that i put my silver jewelry - rings, necklace and nice silver bracelet my grandma gave me
before she passed. For my shoes I wear the same ones I wear everyday, my black slick high
boots that don't go too high. I look in the mirror before going out to check if there are any flaws
in my outfit before heading out. Just another day of studying what you like, you'll be fine. I say to
myself taking a few deep breaths in front of the mirror. School wasn't a good experience to me
ever. In elementary school I was considered weird therefore I had no friends, except a nice girl
named Natalie who I keep in touch with till this day. In middle school I decided to get out there
by wearing a unique style that would have people in awe, apparently also the principal. I was
sent home on the fourth day wearing my unique style since it was “too provocative”, which I
disagreed with until this day. My mom, before she fled the country, raised me to be confident
and myself, she tried her best to prepare me to the cruel world outside saying that not everyone
will like me and that's ok, that's something i'll have to deal with and that whoever chooses not to
like me probably doesn't even matter. She's right, people who don't like me are a waste of time
anyway. I loved my mom, she was a role model to me for most of my teenage years before she
left my dad and I when I was 14 to go “travel” the world. When I got older my dad explained that
she fled because she was overwhelmed and felt her life slipping through her fingers and that
she hasn't done enough in her lifetime. It ruined me when she left. I didn't go to school for two
weeks. I was devastated. But I got up on my feet and reminded myself of all that she had taught
me. “Remember my little pomegranate, no one stays in your life forever, and that's ok” she'd say
to me. It's like she was preparing me to be ready when she leaves.
“Ashton!! Did you see my blue toothbrush?!” Danielle screamed from across the hall. That girl is
so messy, I thought to myself, rolling my eyes in disappointment. “I haven't touched it, it's
supposed to be in the drawer '' I yelled back. Danielle is probably one of the only people who
still calls me by my full name. Anyone I meet for the first time I introduce myself as ash, or at
least ask them to call me ash. I like my name, I've just learned that people find it easier to call
me ash and I've gotten used to it over the years.
I check my wrist watch, 7:08, class starts at 7:20. I thought to myself. I walk away from my
reflection and see if I have everything I need in my bag. Keys, phone, wallet, I memorize in my
head. “Bye danielle” i yell opening the front chestnut door. The shower started running before I
reached the door so I wasn't surprised that I didn't hear a response from Danielle when I said
goodbye.
Walking to college has become a usual habit of mine, at this point I can be on my phone the
whole walk to campus and get there on time and to the exact place. It's exactly a 6 minute walk
counting the minutes I wait at the stop. I get to our lovely campus filled with plenty of flowers
and trees to see students roaming around the grass. Some standing, some sitting in a circle,
some talking, some just sitting quietly, and a few of them making out. There aren't a lot of
couples on campus but there aren't a few either. I've heard lots of rumors about a lot of people
hooking up on campus or even with the professors. Not my style if you ask me. I've had only
one boyfriend in this lifetime and that was enough for me. We were together for 3 months before
he finished school and decided to cheat on me with his classmate in college, which is why I'm
not about to jump right into the whole hookup culture, especially in college. “Hey beautiful” I
hear a familiar voice coming from my right to see Taylor sitting on one of the benches outside,
enjoying the few glimpses there is from the sun coming out behind the clouds. “Hey” I say back
with a smile, glad to see a familiar face. Taylor is one of Ramona's friends. I got to know her by
joining Ramona’s clique. Ramona has lots of friends but sticks to a few people that she
especially loves. “Love the outfit honey, what’s the occasion?” Taylor is a very bubbly person,
you can see that in her style, her voice, her haircut and just her general personality. “No
occasion, Tay, just want to look good” I say subtly. It’s true, I have no real reason as to why I
decided to dress nicely today. I just want the world to see the real me. “Well you look great
either way, i'll see you in literature ok?” Taylor says gathering her stuff and heading towards the
building in a rush. I like Taylor, she's the first one to actually befriend me as you may say. She's
been so kind to me since I've arrived and I really do appreciate her for it. I checked my wrist
watch again, 7:17. I start heading to my first class of the day, psychology. I chose to study
psychology and literature since he've both been my two favorite subjects since I was young. I
love reading and trying to decipher what lovely big artists mean in he poetry and stories, and I
love trying to understand people and know what is going on behind he faces, and sadly so does
Theo. Seeing them as one of the first few people to see in the morning is not a pretty scene.
“Good morning m’lady” Theo says smiling while opening the door to class for me. “Thanks” I say
glaring at them. Theo is a very tidy person, which is one of the only traits I admire about them.
Since Theo and I were one of the first few people in class I decided to question them about last
night's incident. “Did you walk me home last night?” i startled myself with how bold and out of
the blue my question was and i could see Theo was too by the look on he face. “I might have”
he say looking me seriously in the eyes, no stutter or crack in he voice. he response just
agitated me more. “Why?” i ask crossing my arms, showing how upset and confused I was.
“What's the big deal red?” Theo noticed I was getting upset. he started walking up the stairs
toward he row of seating. Theo sits a row below me. I chose to sit higher up on the first day to
be able to focus on the subject while not being too much in the professor's face. I've also heard
that most students who sit upfront are students who find difficulty in learning the subject. Which
definitely is the type of student I am. “Just answer the question Theo” I say unfolding my arms.
I'm trying to keep my cool and not let he arrogant personality ruin my morning. “What if I did?
Would that be so bad?” he asked, sitting down leaning on his left hand. “I told you not to,” I said
calmly. Surely he have a brilliant reason as to why he walked me home. Plus, Theo luke, as
shocking as it may be, has a girlfriend, a gorgeous generous girl friend named ramona that
surely wouldn't be satisfied finding out Theo not only walked another girl other than her home
but also kissed that so called girl (aka me) on the cheek. “I sincerely hope you didn't walk me
home thinking i'm so defenseless and hopeless that i need someone to watch out for me” i said
leaning closer to Theo making sure the whole class that filled in by now isn't hearing our whole
conversation. “Trust me red, it definitely wasn't that reason, i know exactly how capable you are
of defending yourself” he said playing with a pen im sure isnt hes. “Good, so please, if we are
still to work together in the cafe, no more walking me home” i say persistently, standing up tall
making sure my point was proven. “Whatever you say red” he says with a slight smirk on he
face. “Ugh” I stomp my foot and go up the few stairs to the row I sit in to take my seat. I take my
seat with my arms folded still frustrated from the so-called “conversation” I just had with Theo
luke. As I see my seat mate Merida about to say something, I see from the corner of my eye
Professor Matthews walking into the class and I quickly sit up straight, take my bag off my
shoulders and take my notebook and pencil out. In highschool i was called a teachers pet, since
apparently some of my only friends in school were teachers and i was such an honorable
student. He adored me. I'm a hardworking student, I listen, I take things seriously, and I submit
all my assignments on time. Fine, I may be a bit of a try hard but I only mean well and this
subject really interests me. “Good Morning class, good to see you all” mr. Matthews says with a
grin while placing his bag on his table. I like mr. matthews. For a teacher he is amazing. He
teaches the material very well, adding a few jokes of humor in it and speaking to us as humans
and not just his students. He establishes authority but also makes sure to us that he is a
listening ear and always here for us, and for that I put my trust in him. As for a man, he is quite
attractive, he has a nicely done buzz cut, he's pretty tall, being about 5 '11, his smile is shiny, his
eyes green as emeralds, and his style is always sharp and tightly fitting to his athletic body.
“Today we will be exploring some of the social aspects in psychology,” he says, putting his
hands together in front of him. I can tell a lot of his female students take his class just because
of his looks but I find the subject interesting no matter who is in front of me teaching it.
~~~
It was a lovely study hour, I could barely tell an hour passed until the bell rang and I caught
glimpses of students packing up their stuff while I did the same. It took about less than 3
minutes for the whole class to disappear out of the room, leaving me alone still packing my
notes and notebooks. I'm a very tidy student and I try my best to write down everything stated in
class so that I would ace the class. Especially if I want to be a psychologist and help people.
Right when I was about to leave the front door of the classroom, I felt a light shoulder tap behind
me and I quickly turned to see mr. Matthews staring my up and down with his familiar grin. "How
was the class today ms. Grosky?" He asked, his grin widening from ear to ear. He was a very
handsome teacher indeed, also one of the youngest, but I wasn't the type of student to fall for
charms and good looks. "It was great sir, I loved the material you brought to us and I made sure
to take as many notes as I could sir" I said, clutching to my book bag that was swaying back and
forth on my left shoulder. "That's good, I can see you are really ambitious about the subject,
which is why I pulled you aside" he said, his grin gently disappearing. He took two steps towards
his desk, grabbing a small thick piece of paper and pen. "This is my number, in case you'd ever
like some tutoring or going over the material" he stated while writing on the piece of paper with
his eyes still looking deep into mine. A few seconds later he gave me the piece of paper and
watched me carefully put it in my pocket, as if to make sure I'll keep the kind gesture in mind.
"Thank you sir, but I understand the material very well so far" I said giving him a kind smile that I
hoped would express that the conversation was pretty much over and I can leave. "Very well
sweetheart, you can always call me if you need help in any other subjects" he said, winking at
me and heading back to his desk. His wink was flattering yet tame, showing that he's reckless
but respectful. Even though he was handsome, smart and pretty close to my age, I wasn't
interested in dating, let alone sleeping with my professor, especially not for good grades. I
nodded to myself, reassuring myself the conversation was over and I could leave. As I closed
the door to the classroom, I got startled by the tall figure leaning on the left side of the
classroom door frame. "What are you doing here Theo?!" I said, with more volume than I
anticipated, Startling myself and Theo seeing from his subtly surprised expression. "Does it
matter?" He asked so subtly and arrogantly it made my calm mood turn into a not so calm one
and my temper to rise. "I suppose not, you're always lurking someplace anyways" I said,
calming down my nerves with that tease I threw at him. Theo didn't respond to my teasing, he
knew it was pointless. What Theo and I have is a very complicated weird relationship, which
isn't even a relationship if you come to think of it. It's basically a very intriguing situationship
between the two of us. I don't believe Theo knows why I find him annoying but it doesn't even
matter to me. As long as we're not friends, that's fine with me. "What did the professor want?"
He said, laying off the wall, taking a few steps to stand in front of me, looking me dead in my
eyes, his face totally expressionless. I tilted my head upward to create the eye contact he so
desperately wanted from me. "Why do you care?" I said tilting my head up a bit more, throwing
him off, showing him I'm not interested in sharing my personal business with him. "Answer the
question Ashton" my name. My full name. The feeling my name gives off when it's coming out of
his mouth is something I've never heard before. Usually when my dad called me Ashton it was a
sign of him being upset with me, and when my friends did it was their sign of how to annoy me,
but the way Theo says it. It gives me an aching goosebump traveling up my spine, from the
bottom of it to the top, causing me to shake off the feeling like I have a spider crawling on my
back. "He offered me tutoring.." I said with such a low tone I felt as if I whispered it. Theo's
eyebrow rose, as if in questions as to why the professor would do that. He stayed silent still
looking me in my eyes until his arms crossed. "You happy?" I asked, straightening my posture,
giving off the confidence I have against him. "Very" he said, unfolding his arms to his sides and
turning to walk away. I watched him walk away from me, down the hall, looking as if he knows
where he's going but he's also not going anywhere. I stood perfectly still in the same spot we
had just chatted in for a matter of minutes before I hopped back to reality and got my mind back
on track.
Next class, mathematics
Chapter 4 - Ashton
Another shift with Theo passed by more quickly than the last time I had to share a shift with him.
Lately, my job has been worse than before, not because of rude customers, bad tips or standing
on my feet for 8 hours but because I had to endure my shifts with the one person I couldn't
imagine being the last person on earth with - Theo.
I suffered from the energy and space we had to share together. Especially the breaks we would
have together. I couldn't stand hearing him eat or talk or read whatever he was reading. We
closed the restaurant together once more, me on the cash register, him cleaning tables and the
floor. There was silence in the restaurant, we could hear each other's breaths, the air
conditioner wasn't even on so every sweep, breath, sigh or grunt Theo made, I heard loud and
clear, and hated it. "Jasper's having a party on Thursday next week" Theo said out of the blue
with his head still facing the floor he was sweeping. He didn't have to raise his voice for me to
hear what he said and he knew that. His expression was blank and I could tell he was waiting
for an answer from me, even though what just came out of his mouth wasn't even a real
question. "That's cool" I said, keeping my eyes on the cash in my hands. I have a huge
responsibility as someone holding cash so I kept my gaze on the cash I held. Silence kept
reverberating in the empty space we were in. Theo didn't react to my comment so I continued to
close the register as fast as I could, so I could go home, have a nice warm shower and wake up
tomorrow in time.
"Everyone's invited.." he kept saying, his gaze lifting slightly from the tables he was now wiping
down. I nodded my head and hmmed, I knew he couldn't see my reaction but I didn't care.
Parties aren't my scene, I'm not invited to many and even if I was I most likely won't go. It's not
that I hate parties, they're just not really my scene, all the puking, yelling, twerking to dumb
songs, skinny feeling and random drunk sex, it isn't my natural vibe. And you might call me a
nerd but yes, I do very much more enjoy a nice book than a party. I do enjoy going out with the
few friends I do care about though, which is why I'm not completely clueless as to what happens
in parties, I've been to some, that's how I figured out I don't enjoy them all that much. Plus, I
heard college parties are much more insane than highschool ones. Now I don't exactly know
how much "more insane" means, but I'm not so ready to find out. "You should come red" Theo
said, finally looking up at me, trying to catch my gaze to make eye contact with me. And he
succeeded because I lifted my head when he opened his mouth. His voice is so deep and
intimidating that somehow whenever he speaks I find myself captivated and paying full attention
to the words slipping out of his mouth, which is one of the worst things I despise about him.
"Jasper's hosting?" I asked knowing damn well what the answer was. Jasper was one of Theo's
friends, I wouldn't say best friend since I don't believe Theo has any. I've seen the way Theo
acts around his friends and I wouldn't dare call any one of them his best friend, I guess he
doesn't get too close with any of them. But Jasper is one of Theo's craziest friends yet, he's an
adventurer, he enjoys risking his life with things that might kill him, like Bungee jumping off a
roof with a rope that he tied together himself made out of shirts of spandex fabric. So I knew his
parties were the most insane ones, I also knew that because of the Instagram stories jasper
posts showing very very drunk people doing very dumb stuff. I saw on one of his stories
someone who was very fucked up walking down the street fully naked yelling absolute
nonsense. "Yes" he said, emotionless, like a robot even, keeping eye contact with me. While he
kept staring me down, my handy work froze, the dollar bills in my hand not moving an inch and
neither did the rest of my body. His body froze the same but it looked as if he could do that
naturally. Annoying Robotic human cyborg, I crushed in my thoughts.
"I'll c-consider it," I said, softly stuttering. I tried my hardest to sound confident but my body was
frozen, as my mouth and my speech were being affected. He just nodded and moved his gaze
slowly away from to get back to work.
I rolled my eyes and finished closing the register. When I finished I removed my apron and took
my bag off of the hanger near the register, then I went to sit at one of the tables Theo finished
wiping. I whipped out my phone and saw a text from Ramona. My posture straightened and my
heart immediately skipped a beat.
'hey girl, wanna join Bianca, Taylor, Simon and I at a bar tonight?'
I read the text without capturing its meaning in my mind. The words made sense but the
sentence didn't, I had to read the text over and over until the invitation finally sinked in. My
eyebrows rose. I want to wake up early tomorrow to go for a run. But I also haven't gone out
with Ramona and her friends in a while.
My thoughts spun and I didn't notice I was staring dead at the screen, my hands holding my
phone, not knowing what to say or even think. "Red, you ok? You look like a statue" Theo's
large hand kept waving up and down in front of my face as he leaned down to do so, still holding
cleaning wipes in his other hand. The fifth time he waved his hand my eyes perked up and I
stared straight at him, giving him a glare that told him to leave me alone or else..
He just stood above me staring at me waiting for my next move which wasn't going to come
soon. "You good?" He asked again, his tone stronger this time and eager for an answer. "Ya I'm
fine" I said staring back at my now turned off phone screen. I thought for too long.
I exclaimed in my head. "What are you up to?" Theo asked, leaning his head in a position to see
what's on my phone screen, and just to my luck, my phone screen was off, he had no business
to poke around.
"Ramona invited me to a bar with her friends"
I told him, immediately regretting sharing that information with Ramona's current boyfriend
whom I dislike very much. Thinking about that, I don't believe Ramona knows how much I dislike
Theo, I guess she's used to it since Theo isn't everybody's favorite person.
"That sounds nice …. You should go" Theo said, straightening his back to indicate his full
length. He stopped staring at my black screen and put his hazel eyes back on mine. I kept
looking at the screen until Theo's question made sense in my mind. "Why do you think I
should?" I asked, looking up at him. When I was sitting he was even more taller than before.
And now that I'm looking at him from a lower angle, I could see his athletic body and how wide
and hard it was. What did he do to look like that?
No no no.
I am not fantasizing about Theo Luke. How revolting and shameful. Have I reached rock bottom
already?
"You and Ramona are good friends, she wouldn't invite you if she didn't like you or want you
there" Theo finished his sentence with his back turned to me, wiping the last table in the empty
dark quiet restaurant we were both stuck in for the next few minutes.
I shrugged at his answer. He was right, and it wouldn't hurt to go out, maybe I'll see new sides of
Canada and get to know Ramona better. I smiled at my thoughts, knowing I already made my
mind up.
Theo took his apron off and was on his way to the exit, walking slowly, waiting for me to join him
so that we could exit and lock up.
We exited the restaurant, the air outside was cold and thick, I let out a small grunt as I grabbed
my arms tightly and held them to my chest. I was wearing a long shirt that held tightly to my
body and emphasized my shape. With that I wore brown cargo pants that were 2 times my size
but worked together with my tight shirt. I had a light thin navy blue sweater that hung low on my
body and didn't warm me up at all. I let out a "brrr" and squeezed myself tighter. my back was to
Theo while he locked the restaurant. I looked at the park that was Infront of us and examinated
the trees, the way the wind moved them, their branches hanging low and flying high, some
leaves falling some staying put fighting for their place on the branch. "All done" Theo stepping
closer to me from behind. I felt his warm physique from behind and I found it tempting to hug
him just to warm up. "Are you cold red?" Theo asked, his voice closer and louder then ever
coming from my left. Startled, I turned my head slightly left seeing his mouth close to my ear.
Why is he so close??
My thoughts startled as well. "a bit, I'll be fine" I said, to make sure he doesn't worry like he has
been these past few shifts. I kept looking at the beautiful tall trees across from us, frozen unable
to move. The bar Ramona invited me to was exactly the opposite direction of my apartment. I
looked down the slightly lit up street on my right that led to the other bars and clubs and then I
looked left towards the dark street, lonely and black, empty with the sound of wind hitting lamps
once in a minute. I sighed, pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened up the chat with
Ramona.
'heyy Ray, I'm on my way, send me your location:)"
I texted back, smiling slightly at the thought of seeing ray. Imagining her beautiful bright smile
she gives me whenever she sees me. I saw the 3 dots that show ray is typing appear on my
screen, I got excited and nervous at the same time knowing I'd see her tonight very soon. The 3
dots kept appearing when suddenly I felt a heavy thick layer fall onto my shoulders. I turned
around alarmed seeing Theo's arms half way in the air where he let go of the coat I noticed he
was wearing before. I looked down at my shoulders seeing his coat now laying on my
shoulders. The size difference being insanely dissimilar. "What are you doing?" I practically
yelled at Theo, stopping myself midway noticing my tone of voice and considering the hour of
the night, I should keep my voice down. "Warming you up, you're going out tonight and you
have no time to go home to change, go have fun" he said, no sign of emotion on his face, but I
recognized how he cared. It disgusted me, I didn't need caring nor pity. "I'm not taking your coat
Theo.." my expression fell flat, showing I was serious, yet my arms stayed still under his coat,
where it was warm and cozy.
"I'm not arguing with you red, just take it,
I'm not cold and even if I was, the moment I started walking I'd warm up" he said, placing his
hands in his pockets nonchalantly.
I rolled my eyes and let out a grunt at his comment. We stared at each other silently for about a
minute, we didn't move, like we were competing in a staring contest. "I'm going back to campus,
I have an extra credit assignment to work on and the warden left the computer room open
especially for me, go have fun ok?" Breaking the silence, Theo tilted his head so I can finally
see his full eyes. I gave him my signature eyeroll, which I knew interpreted to me saying "fine"
without having to say it. He nodded his head, showing he understood. "See you soon red" his
tidied his posture and started walking the direction I live in. As I watched him walk away I kept
thinking, how did he know I decided to go see ray? Did he see my phone? Or did he just guess?
I shrugged at my helpless thoughts and looked at my phone again to see the link to the location
Ramona is at right now. I chuckled to myself and opened the link.
Chapter 5 - Ashton
"Hey wow it's so good to see you!!" Ramona exclaimed, giving me a big warm hug. Ramona is
one of the people I know who gives great loving hugs, she wraps her arms around you and
squeezes tightly around your waist, she hugs with so much love and affection it can be
suffocating. "It's good to see you too" I said, finally staring in her eyes when she let go of my
waist. She smiled a wide ear to ear smile, her eyes almost squeezing shut from how happy she
was. “Guys i’d like you to meet this gorgeous girl i got lucky enough to meet, Ashton” ramona
says slowly revealing me with jazz hands shaking in front of my chest. I blushed at the cute
compliments I was given by Ramona and I tried my best to show I'm not affected by it.
I saw 3 people staring me down, checking me out, seeing if i'm unarmed and safe i suppose,
they looked like they were about to slaughter me but i held my eye contact with each of them
trying to pass the message that i come in peace. 2 girls were sitting on the right of the round
table, one of them was taylor who i managed to already meet, she’s this bubbly blonde babe
with flushed cheeks and curly afro hair, she’s very pretty and quite interesting as well, she
studies business and astronomy, she says she studies them both even though they are both
very different just in case one of the subjects doesn't work out for her, but i know she just
studies business so her father will be proud of her. But deep inside, she's an astronomic geek.
On the left of taylor was another girl, short brunette hair, she had lots of ear piercings and a big
tattoo on her left shoulder that looked like an animal roaring but i couldn't quite figure which
animal since the rest was probably on the other side of her shoulder i wasn't looking at. She sat
slouched, leaning back naturally, and i could tell she was tall even though sitting down the way
she was made her look shorter than taylor, but her legs reached the ended of the table and i
knew that because i felt a kick earlier and saw it was somebody's foot accidentally nudging me.
And on the far left, with a space between the two girls, suspecting that space was Ramona’s
who had just got up to greet me, sat a boy with a kind grin and kind eyes hidden behind very
stylish glasses, he was wearing a blue buttoned shirt, and from the looks of how he sat, looked,
and placed his hands, my gaydar began beeping loudly in my head.
“Hey baby, good to see you” I immediately felt two hands hanging from my shoulders, a soft
slight hug coming from tayler wrapped me up and made me feel more comfortable. Once she let
go she gave me a big smile and squeezed my hands. “Come sit hun” she said, dragging me by
my hands towards a chair near the boy I was recently checking out. “Hi, im simon, it's really
good to finally meet you” simon brought his hand towards mine and i shook it quite instinctively,
Simon is pretty professional, i thought myself smirking at this professional handshake. “Stop
being so formal Simon,” the girl with the short brown hair said with a beautiful light British
accent, lifting up off her chair just a bit. “Im bianca” she said with a very flirty grin, i smiled back
uninterested but very flattered, considering bianca was very appealing. “Welcome to the crew
Ashton” Bianca said leaning on the table with her elbows. Ramona came and sat down beside
me even though her seat was on the other side of simon, i smiled at her, very glad she did so
considering im new to the crew and kind of nervous. I want to make a good impression on
Ramona's friends. Ramona is important to me and I know how much her friends are important to
her, so I know their opinion of me will definitely affect my friendship with ray.
“It’s Ash… just Ash” I said , glancing at all the eyes staring at me at the table. “You got it Ash”
Bianca says returning to her former position in her chair, back slouched with her legs
manspreading.
“So Ash, you already know taylor, simon I’m assuming is familiar to you considering you’re both
in literature together, and bianca is actually a senior so i assume you haven't seen her around
campus since she’s practically a ghost now that she’s leaving us” ramona’s gaze went from me
to bianca with an angry yet sad expression. Bianca just pouted her lips in a kiss shape and sent
Ramona an air kiss making a very squeaky annoying kiss sound. “Oh that’s a shame” I said
trying to sound as bummed as I could since I couldn't really feel that emotion towards Bianca
considering we aren't really friends, and I met her this instant. “You’ll be replacing me here in the
crew cupcake” bianca looked me up and down and winked which i didn't really react to, she left
me pretty speechless. “She’s kidding Ash” ramona said brushing my arm with her hand, i turned
to look at her at the touch and saw her beautiful bright blue eyes looking deep into mine, like
she was trying to read my mind through my eyes, i quickly looked away afraid she would
succeed to do so. “Hey, i just wanted to say your piece about to kill a mockingbird last week was
very moving, i actually started to read it after your piece in class” Simon said with a bright kind
smile. “Oh wow, i'm glad i managed to inspire you” i said very flattered at his comments, i didn't
think anyone was actually paying attention to my assignment other than mrs. Myars. “Why did
you choose that specific book?” Simon asked leaning in closer to me to hear my answer. When
he was closer I could notice how kind his eyes are, how sharp his nose was and how he bit his
lip when he was nervous or in this case impatient. “Well, it was actually a childhood book of
mine, my parents couldn't afford channels so i started reading my moms books cause i was
bored, i read a few of the books she had but after reading to kill a mockingbird i couldn't manage
to read any other book, i read it over and over again for about 6 times continuously.” Simon's
eyes were still on mine, he was very eager to hear what I had to say and I felt heard, I felt loved
and listened to. “Wow, I really get that now. I started reading it 3 days ago and I've already got
half the book, it is an extraordinary book indeed,"Simon said, cleaning his glasses on the fabric
of his shirt. “Aww, I wish I could've been there to hear your speech,” Taylor said, pouting her lips.
I chuckled, “it was actually a presentation” I said smiling at her. She chuckled and apologized
faintly. I decided to change positions in my seat, noticing that my back was arched and I was
stuck in place, nervous and scared to move. But after opening up a bit I finally laid my back
down on the chair and released a deep breath I held in from the moment I saw Ramona and her
friends. “So, are we ordering some shots or what?” Bianca said, rubbing her hands in the other
getting closer to the table in order to see the menu that was placed in the middle of the round
table. “Damn Bianca, some of us have to study, you know,” Ramona exclaimed, looking at her in
shock. “Come on ray ray, lighten up, tomorrow's friday, lets drink” bianca said lifting her hand in
the air trying to catch the attention of a waitress.
A slim girl with a bun approached our table, standing close to Bianca, the girl who invited her
over. “What can I get you guys?” she asked with a cheery tone but a numb face. “We’ll have 10
shots of your strongest vodka please '' Bianca said, brushing her lips with her tongue while
looking up at the waitress making sure her order went through to her. “Woah woah B, we can't
afford that” Ramona said leaning her elbows on the table. Bianca looked at her, expressionless.
“It’s fine babe, it's on me” Bianca shrugged her shoulders and looked back at the waitress,
whispering something to her with her hand hanging around the waitress’s waist. Confusion
dawned upon me. Why did she call Ramona babe? And why is she so “friendly” with the
waitress? “Anything else” the waitress looked up from her notepad, checking us all to see
whether we wanted something else. “Nah we’re good” bianca said after swooping the table with
her eyes quickly checking if we desired anything else. “Hey, can you tell Tony that this is
Bianca’s order? He’ll give me a discount, "Bianca smirked towards the innocent looking
waitress. From afar it looked as if Bianca was a predator capturing her prey. The waitress
nodded with a smile that reassured me she's comfortable and probably knows Bianca. “Thanks
love” Bianca's British accent stood out at that last word she said. The waitress left and Bianca
kept staring back at her until she entered the bar to give our orders. “Shots on me you beautiful
bicthes” bianca raised her arms in the air happily, looking satisfied and pleased with her decision
to pay for us. “You’re such an idiot B” ramona said smiling that stupid smile of hers that gave me
butterflies in my stomach. It was a flirty smile, she smiled that way only once to me when she
made me laugh so hard that coffee ran out my nose. It made me think she liked me, or at least
that she might. Ramona stared at me like she was hearing my thoughts and gave me a
thoughtful smile reminding me that it will be ok and that she’s here for me.
“B, you know i don't drink” taylor said crossing her arms and pouting again at Bianca. “More
shots for me i guess” bianca said shrugging her muscular shoulders. She was wearing a very
baggy gray t-shirt but when she slouched on the chair the fabric stuck to her arms, emphasizing
her fit arms. “At least order me a cider,” Taylor said in a demanding tone. “Anything for you
blondie” bianca sat up kissing taylor on her cheek and speed walking towards the entrance to
the bar to order her a cider.
“So, Ash, are you in a relationship?” startled by the question, I turned my head toward the asker.
Simon, leaning on his elbows eager to hear what I have to say. “Simon! That’s totally out of the
blue” Ramona exclaimed looking at him in shock but with a loving endearing smile. “Oh shit, I'm
sorry Ash, was that inappropriate?” Simon said, crouching down in his chair as if he was
ashamed. “Hey no, everything’s ok, and to answer your question, no i am not in a relationship” i
said brushing my hand on simon’s to calm him and reassure me he did nothing wrong. “Oh,
good to know … you are gay though right?” Ramona and Taylor started giggling from the side,
as if they were used to Simon's random questioning. I giggled as well, surprised and
dumbstruck. “Umm well, im gay ya” i whispered my words, not knowing if they even heard them.
“Yassss” Simon screeched and threw his wrist backward. I smiled at him, feeling a bit shy.
“Honestly I asked because the whole crew is gay, and if you weren’t that would be a deal
breaker” Simon said with an evil grin on his face, i couldn't really tell if he was being sarcastic or
not so i just smiled politely. “I'm obviously kidding,” Simon said, letting go of the evil grin he
stuck on his face. I laughed it off, weirded out by the situation but also feeling belonged. “So are
you pan? Bi? Lesbo? Demi? Abro? Gray? Aro? Ace?” At one point it started sounding like
gibberish. I just recently entered the lgbt community, so I barely know the terms. I came out
when I was 15 to my dad, as pansexual. My father cried a lot, he didn't manage to say a word
and at first i thought he was upset or disappointed but when he caught his breath he got up and
gave me a big big hug, when he let go i asked him why he was crying and he grabbed my
shoulders, squeezed them and told me his was just so happy i came out to him and trusted him.
After mom left us i wouldn’t really talk to my dad, i had this grudge built in me to him, i
persuaded myself that my mom left because she wasn't happy being married to him but didn't
want to hurt his feelings, but after a year or so i knew what i was thinking was bullshit and not
the truth and that i shouldn't blame my only parent that still takes care of me for what my mom
did.
“Im… p-pan” i mumbled, waiting for Simon's reaction. It seemed as if he were to judge if my
sexual orientation is good enough for Ray’s crew.
“Slay queen” Simon said with the most sarcastic tone i have ever heard. “In case you didn't tell
yet im gay, Taylor is pan as well, Ramona is bisexual and Bianca is an obvious butch lesbo” I
smiled at that information. I find it funny that the whole crew was gay people. “Simon stop boring
her” Ramona says burying her head in her arms, totally exhausted from this awkward
conversation. I giggled and smiled at Simon who gave me this important information.
“Who’s ready to get drunk?” I heard a muffled British tone of voice from behind and looked back
to see Bianca's hands filled with small glass cups filled with shots of vodka and a plastic cup she
held in her mouth filled with what I assumed was taylors cider. “Here you go ma'am '' Bianca put
down the 10 cups she managed to hold in her hands and took the plastic cup out of her mouth
and placed it in front of taylor. “Thank you, my king,” Taylor said sarcastically, looking up at
Bianca with puppy eyes. Bianca sat down and scooted her chair closer to the table. “What’d I
miss?” Bianca asked with an eager grin. “Simon was just explaining to Ash all of our sexual
orientations” Ramona muffled and let out a huge sigh while her head was leaning on the table.
She looked exhausted and unsatisfied. “Lighten up Ray, it’s very intriguing information” I said,
placing my hand on Ramona’s back and brushing her back lightly. “Alright, let's drink!” Bianca
threw her hands on the table causing a clashing sound and startling ramona. Her head lifted off
the table and grabbed two shots about to drink them before Bianca stopped her. “Woah woah
woah, we have a newbie here, she needs to learn the tradition” Bianca exclaimed pointing at me
with her eyebrows high up. “Right right, go ahead B” ramona said slowly putting the shot glass
down on the table. “Everyone raise your glasses” Bianca stated while raising hers. Taylor
happily raised her cider glass, Simon grabbed two shot glasses and passed one to me, nudging
me to raise mine as well, and I did as told. “For life, for dough, and to fuck every hoe” our
glasses clinked together causing some of the alcohol from our glasses to spill. Ramona, Bianca
and Simon raised their glasses to their mouths and swallowed all the fluid that was in the glass
in a heartbeat, and I followed their lead, gagging at the horrible taste of the alcohol that was
chosen. “Damn Bianca, what did you put in this?” I asked, still choking on the horrifying taste.
“Ya B, the girls right, this is horrid” Simon exclaimed while his face held the expression of a 3
year old trying to poop. Ramona laughed, not looking phased at all by the disgusting taste of
alcohol. “Shut up assholes” Bianca laughed and nudged simon.
“Hey, what did you mean by dough?” I wondered about the chant Bianca gave a few seconds
ago. “It means money, we’re cheering for life, for money and to fuck all the honeys” bianca
smirked and quickly pinched taylors thigh startling her and bringing a squeal out of her.
“Round 2?” Ramona asked excitedly, looking at me to see if I wanted to have another shot with
her. Her eyes lit up and her cheeks were already flushed by the alcohol, or maybe the
adrenaline. “How could i say no to you ray” i shrugged.
Tonights going to be a long night.
Chapter 6 - Ashton
It was indeed a long tiring night. I woke up with a headache i never felt before but also a smile
that was spread across my face. I got up apparently too quickly because the moment I did my
legs betrayed me and I found myself stumbling and falling to the ground. I clutched my head
and groaned at the panging pain I felt in my head. I got up slowly this time and went to the
kitchen to make myself some coffee so that i could freshen up and remember what happened
the night before. Regardless of the aching headache and irritating hangover, last night was one
of the most fun nights i've had in canada so far, actually, one of the most fun nights i've ever
had. Ramona really is the life of the party, she manages to light up a room that has no electricity
in it.
After Ramona suggested we get more shots, we decided to get more after that, then more, then
more and then cocktails. I was as drunk as I ever was, yet still sober enough to remember small
but crucial details of the fun night.
Once we were all on the 4th round of shots we went walking down the street full of bars and
clubs trying to pick one to dance in, since apparently when taylor’s drunk she wants to dance,
Even when she's sober she wants to dance. She dragged us to a club called “call her juliet”, i
remember that detail specifically because i spent minutes wondering to myself why the owner of
the club chose the specific name juliet for his club, and i came up with a conclusion that it’s
named after his sister or family member who enjoys dancing and partying.
I remember we stopped at the bar in the entrance to ask for cocktails, the barman was very
friendly and chatted up Simon almost all night, and Simon didn't mind at all since he disliked
dancing and was desperately single. I remember the bar man’s name being Derek, or Daniel,
something with a D definitely. Ramona, Bianca, Taylor and I danced in the middle of the dance
floor, laughing and wobbling out of drunk stupidity. People were watching us, judging even but i
didnt care at all, being with girls that dont give a fuck about what others are thinking really did
rub off on me.
Lots of men tried flirting with Ramona but she blew them off quite quickly, as expected. She’s
taken. She seemed so unmoved by it, she was so focused on us and in our dancing, in our little
closed circle that we built for ourselves.
Some boys flirted with Taylor as well, Taylor was a bit naive to their flirtations but she didn’t let
any of the men affect her, she was confident and uninterested, which was very admirable.
A few men flirted with me as well, one put his hand on my lower back, something that ramona
noticed very fast and brushed him off, she noticed i was uncomfortable and she isn't one to sit
aside in these situations. “Are you ok babe?” she’d ask me while putting her hand on my
shoulder and her lips close to my ear whenever men would flirt with me rather aggressively. I
was a bit in shock but I would just nod to Ramona to reassure her.
Back in europe i didn't go out a lot and even when i did men would flirt with me kindly, and very
subtly, sometimes i wouldn't really notice because i grew up very chubby and unattractive, so
most my friends would get hit on while i stood by their side wondering what it would be like to be
in their position. But today, after knowing what it’s like, I don't find it that appealing or interesting,
each guy says the same thing “you’re so beautiful” “can i get your number?” “how come i've
never seen you here before” they all start the conversation the same.
We danced for what seemed like hours, and every half an hour I would turn around to check on
simon. Either he'd be sipping his drink while keeping his eye out for us, or he’d be chatting it up
with the barman, who seemed interested in talking to Simon specifically. I smiled at the sight, I
was happy for Simon, even though I only know him for a couple of hours, he deserves it.
“Someone had a rough night” I turned my head and saw Danielle leaning on the door frame
looking me up and down with pity and judgment. How could she tell? I walked towards the
microwave to check my reflection only to see how smeared my mascara was and how dark my
under eyes were. Not to speak about my hair which was a big knotted mess.
“Ugh, I need a shower” I sighed and took a sip of my boiling hot coffee, burning the tip of my
tongue as I did so.
><><><><><><><><
The water touched my skin softly but firmly, wetting each part of my body evenly, I let out a small
sigh when the cold water was engulfing my body. It stung but calmed my nerves. I closed my
eyes and stood still, waiting for the cold water to turn warmer, until I was comfortable enough to
start soaping up my body. I tried to remember more details about the night before while cleaning
my body.
We danced for hours. I remember Taylor and some other cute girl flirting, she had long black
hair and a nice big tattoo of Coraline's mother with button eyes. She stood out to me, caught my
eye, she looked intimidating but when she talked she looked sweet and lovable even. Taylor
seemed very flattered and flirted back.
I kept dancing glancing between Taylor and the other girl to Bianca and Ramona who were
starting to dance closer together. I could see Ramona slowly dance on Bianca enjoying herself.
It confused me since I knew Ramona had a boyfriend and her morals and ethics would never
agree to cheat. I did know Ramona for only a few months but it's enough to tell if she's a cheater
or not and I know she can't possibly be. "Fuck" I was startled at the bottle of soap that fell out of
my hands and on to the shower floor. I slowly leaned down to pick it up, making sure I didn't slip.
I placed it back on the built in shelf in the shower, closing my eyes while rinsing my hair. I kept
breathing deep breaths in and out trying to focus, relax, get all the alcohol and toxins out of my
body.
I finally finished showering after a few minutes of standing still in the shower, getting numb to
the feeling of the hard warm water hitting my back. I wrapped myself up in my towel and dripped
in the hallway floor while walking into my room. I shut and locked the door to my room and
began wiping and drying myself. After getting into neat clothes I picked up a comb and started
combing my hair gently but firmly since I had particularly wavy annoying hair. A flashback of last
night hit me "oh my-" I dropped the comb to the ground covering my mouth with my hands. I
startled backward trying to catch a grip of the memory that just appeared in my head.
Ramona grabbed Bianca's hand and pulled her to the entrance of the girls bathroom, it was
pretty empty near the entrance but they didn't seem to step into the bathroom which got me
thinking the bathroom was probably full. Bianca pressed Ramona back to the wall of the club
near the bathrooms entrance and had her right hand on Ramona's waist. At the same time I
didn't pay any mind to it since I was drunk and my mind came up with every excuse possible as
to what it going on. Ramona grabbed Bianca's nape with both her hands and pulled her towards
her having their lips touch each other with passion and hardness I've only seen in movies. I
remember thinking that couldn't be Ramona but now I know for a fact it was. I remember from
her outfit and long locs that fell off her shoulder while she was making out with bianca. They
looked starved for each other's lips, to taste each other, to have each other's tongues wrapped
around the other. Bianca lifted Ramona's left leg using her right arm which was a second ago on
her waist. Ramona gasped as their lips separated and Bianca's kisses began to run down
Ramona's neck causing Ramona to arch back in pleasure.
At some point, ray must of felt me staring because she made eye contact with me and I
immediately turned away to look at Taylor who was now dancing in front of me with the girl that
flirted with her by her side. And I went with the flow.
I stood still in the same position with my hands covering my mouth and my comb on the floor.
Why would she do that? Was she really that drunk? Maybe she was confused or persuaded, but
it did seem consensual. Why didn't I stop them?
My thoughts spun, with no real reason. This was none of my business, whatever ray needs to
workout with Theo is their problem, I don't need to intervene. If Ramona decides to tell Theo
that'll be the best thing to do, she's smart, I trust her, she'd probably tell him anyway.
Who am I kidding… I have to tell him
Chapter 7
After the long nice shower I took I remember going to the living room and putting on a tv show
on my laptop before falling asleep on the couch. Danielle practically carried me to bed since I
was exhausted and I woke up the next day with my neck sore but a good night's rest. It was
Sunday so no school today. On Sundays in Europe I would go with my dad to church, I went
with him because it was our best quality time. He went to church because it was also his chance
to chat it up with one of the women there at church. Ever since my mom left, my dad felt lonely,
until I was 16 he didn't go on one date because he wanted to stay with me, raise me without
distractions and he felt that if he started dating or bringing women home I'd feel abandoned or
betrayed. But I always pushed him into dating, I saw how lonely he was. We started going to
church out of curiosity and mainly because I asked my dad who is god and why we pray to him.
He decided to show me at the church and all I heard that day from the pastor's mouth was a
bunch of stuff I didn't believe in so I stopped asking about god. But we never stopped going to
church since it gave us peace and purpose. By the third time we went, my dad parked the car in
the parking lot and as we were getting out of the car another car slid into the parking space next
to us, scraping my dad's door. My dad is a very calm guy, never tries to fight or raise his voice,
so he walked calmly to the car and knocked on the window. A woman with a big blonde messy
bun and big cute glasses rolled down the window showing a grin that expressed "I'm sorry", I
could tell my dad fell for her since he was silent for the first few seconds staring at each other.
Then he cleared his throat, about to say something and yet no words came out. I remember
watching from aside the whole scene and cringing the entire time. "I'm really really sorry sir" the
woman said, rolling her glasses up her nose. They were definitely too big for her but made her
eyes look big and full.
"I-its ok" he said smiling and rubbing the back of his neck. I chuckled at the sight because I
could tell they were flabbergasted by each other, but none of them knew how to communicate. "I
can pay or help fix it for you" she said, opening her seatbelt to get out of the car. My dad backed
up to let her get out, and when she did he made it very obvious to stare her up and down in
awe. She blushed back and I could tell they were meant for each other. "Umm, do yo- do you go
to church too?" My dad stuttered nervously. "Yup" she said with a tight, nervous smile.
Ever since that moment we went to church every Sunday, sometimes my dad insisted on going
more but I told him it wasn't smart and that he would never get the girl he wants if he became a
stalker. I gave him a lot of advice during this time, I wanted him to be happy, and she was sweet
and a good match for him.
The 6th time we went to church and saw her, my dad finally asked her out. She blushed so hard
I thought she was going to explode, she agreed and they went on a date. I was so happy for
them I literally teared up.
After about a month she started to come for dinner. Her name is Melissa, she is extremely short
and introverted but so fun and creative when you get to know her. She's an art teacher and
she's so inspiring. She's great for my dad as well. I really am happy for him and support their
relationship.
"Morning sleepy head, you sleep well" Danielle was peeking in my room with her hair falling
down her shoulders and her eyes wide with curiosity. "Surprisingly yes" I said with a smirk and a
chuckle. She smiled back, she looked more friendly than usual and that was already suspicious.
"What's wrong?" I said slowly tilting my head in question. "I made pancakes" she smiled after
finishing the sentence, happy with herself. "Good I'm starving" I said, slouching. Danielle is the
cook of the house, she's really good at it, she wanted to become a chef at some point but her
parents weren't supportive so she studies economics mostly, but I know that she studies
culinary on the side secretly.
Her love language is food and she's good at it.
I got up a bit dizzy and walked towards the living room. While walking I thought about how I
missed my workout this morning which was a bummer but I thought about completing it in the
evening.
I sat at the table waiting for a plate with pancakes to come my way. "Here you go" Danielle
smiled, showing her cute little dimples and placing a plate with pancakes and maple syrup and
whip cream in front of me. "Danielle! This looks amazing!" I exclaim looking at her. She shrugs,
wiping her hands with a towel. I taste the exquisite meal in front of me moaning with pleasure.
"Fis is amazing" I say with my mouth full. Danielle smiles slightly and starts washing dishes. I
finish up my meal and clean after myself.
While cleaning I remember what happened the night I went out with Ramona. Goosebumps
crawled up my neck thinking about it. Ramona a cheater? Can't be, she isn't like that, she
adores justice and the truth.
I'm lost in thought when I feel Danielle's hand on my shoulder gently. Startled, I turned around,
"you've been washing the same plate for like 8 minutes ash" Danielle says leaning on the
kitchen counter. I let go of the plate leaning my arms on the counter. "Hey, can I ask you
something?" I asked Danielle, already regretting it. "Ya sure" she says her lips in a tight grin. "If
you saw someone you know who has a partner .." I trailed off thinking of how to phrase my
question. "If you saw them kissing someone who isn't their partner …. And you know their
partner personally …… Would you tell them?" I could tell Danielle was confused but she thought
about her answer anyway.
"Morally, it would be the right thing to do, but me personally, I wouldn't intervene in another
relationships business" Danielle shrugs and leaps off the counter. I bite my bottom lip in thought.
I'm a very moral person, never cheated, never talked behind my friends back, I know myself and
I know I won't be able to let this go until I did the right thing, even if it's Theo Luke we're talking
about. He deserves to know. And when he finds out maybe they'll even break up and I'll have a
chance with Ramona. I know that's a very disgusting thought but why else would I help Theo out
of nowhere.
"Ugh" my head fell to my hands.
This is so stupid.
Chapter 8
Monday comes, and I am grateful it does. My weekend was tiring enough. Thinking about what
to do with the new information I gathered from the night I went out with Ramona and her friends.
I woke up with the worst headache ever but began my morning workout anyways. I ran through
the neighborhood passing by the school a few times. My thoughts run as fast as my legs. I'm
going to tell Theo today. Should I tell Theo? Maybe Ramona will come clean to him. But the way
Ramona and Bianca were holding each other made it look like it wasn't the first time they've
been doing this.
I shook my head trying to shake the thoughts out of it and focus on the view while I'm running. I
pass by a few people with their dogs focusing on how much the people and their dogs look
alike. I passed by a guy wearing all black sitting on a bench reading a book with his legs
crossed. He looked so focused and the book was so close to his face I could barely see it. But
once I was closer to him, he quickly laid the book down on his lap and stared right at me. I
startled but kept running, when I got closer I could tell it was jasper.
Jasper is one of the students at school, he's very sweet to me. When I first arrived he gave me a
very nice welcome. Making sure I had everything I needed, and that I felt ok. He's very nice and
also a bit popular.
He's 5"9, has flowy brown hair that is a bit curly and brown eyes. He has a few tattoos as well
but not any that were too appealing to me to focus on them. I stopped when I arrived at the
bench Jasper sat on and took one of my earphones out to say hello. "Hi Jasper, I didn't know
you live around here" I said, running in place so that my heart rate doesn't slow down.
He stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "I don't, '' he shrugged. I smiled weirdly not
knowing what to say. Why is he here if he doesn't live here? It's also very early.
Jasper could tell I was thinking so he quickly told me he was out with his dog and pointed at the
pitbull playing on the field behind him with a stick. "He's very cute," I say, smiling. "Thanks, his
name is Billie" he says looking me in my eyes. "you run often?" He asks, pointing at my workout
clothes. "Yes, I try every day," I say, slowing the pace I'm running at. "That's good, it's healthy to
exercise," he says tapping my shoulder. We just stood there in silence while I kept running in
place and he kept staring at me, slowly looking me up and down. "I better go, I want to make it
home in time to shower and get ready for class" I say with a polite smile. "Ya I better get Billie
home" he says with the same smile I gave him. I nodded and continued running slowly to not
seem as if I can't stand this "conversation" anymore. Even tho I really couldn't.
~~~~~
I get home quickly, shower, get dressed and pack my bag. I wear beige cargo pants that are
very baggy with a cute black t-shirt that is tight enough to emphasize my boobs but not touch
my belly. I brush my hair in the mirror, grab my bag and a bagel from the kitchen and leave the
apartment.
I get to school on time, even a few minutes before and head to my first class - literature.
I have an amazing professor, Grace woodman. She's kind and passionate about literature and
manages to go through the material very clearly. I chose literature because like my professor, I
have a passion for poems and stories. When I was little my mom would read me poems about
love and power when she put me to bed. It used to be a tradition. A motivational speech sort of.
She was trying to tell me all along to be independent, like her. But I guess in a more healthier
way as in not to leave your daughter.
"Good morning lovlies" grace walks in with her chest wide and hastily. She sets her bag down,
taking out her books. I straighten my back in my seat and get ready to summarize the beautiful
words that leave her lips with my pen in hand.
~~~~~~
Class is over so quickly and I'm already excited for the next class. If you haven't noticed until
now, I'm so horny for school and learning, I'm a total nerd.
Next class - psychology.
Fuck, I curse under my breath, remembering the next class is with Theo. Theo Luke. Ramona's
Theo.
Remembering what I have to do. That I have to interact with him nonetheless let him know his
beautiful girlfriend is cheating on him with a girl version of him.
How did I get myself into this?? When I moved to Canada all I asked for was education and a
few friends to not be lonely, but I feel like I've just been put in a reality tv show that requires me
to Interact with other people's drama just to make it my drama.
Fuck my life.
Chapter 9
I enter psychology heart with my head thumping, my heart pounding and my fingers fidgeting
with each other. What I'm about to do is not easy and I don't know how I can do it. Obviously I'm
not going to confront Theo about his girlfriend cheating on him in the middle of class but we
work together this evening so I'd rather do it now so that it'll crush his heart enough for him not
to come to today's shift. I'm kidding, that was a bit harsh. I just know that the moment I see him I
won't be able to control myself and I'll spit it out. I'm not a good liar. Or a good secret keeper.
Especially if I know the person the secret is about. And see them everyday. And work with them.
And -
My thoughts run off as I see Theo walking in class. I let out a small squeal that I didn't even
notice escaped my lips and Theo's head turns in my direction, he eyes me, steadily but as if I'm
his prey that he's ready to pounce on. "Morning red" he says expressionless. "mORnInG" my
voice breaks, betraying me and the nonchalant face I'm trying to put on. Theo cocks an
eyebrow, eyeing my up and down. But he shrugs after a few seconds and sits down in the row
before me.
Good morning my beautiful students, shall we begin?" Mr Matthews claps his hands and starts
writing on the board behind him.
A few minutes after psychology class started I can hear Merida scooching over to me with her
chair. She is a good classmate, eager to learn and study, focused yet with a strong sign of adhd
and as a bonus she's friendly and kind. She, like many other students, also admires mr.
Matthews who walked in just a moment ago. "“Pssss” I hear, moments after Merida scooched
her chair closer to mine. I ignore the whispers continuing to copy the new information off the
board. “Pss” I hear once again after only 3 seconds have passed. I look over to my right seeing
Merida leaning way closer to me than she usually does. “Yes?” I asked her in a whisper. “Were
you just talking to Theo luke?” she asks with a bright shimmer in her eyes, as if she's ready to
hear gossip. “Yes, I was. What about it?” I am sincerely confused as to what Merida wants.
“Nothing, I just didn't know you guys were close” she says, shrugging her shoulders and pouting
her lips. “Oh no pff” I scoffed apparently way too loud, because I saw Conner's head on the
other side of the class, just a row above us, propped up when I scoffed. “We aren't close, we
just work together '' I say, still whispering and trying to return to studying. “Really?? That's cool”
she says, sitting straight again and looking at the board. “Why is that cool?” I ask quietly, very
confused. If anything, working with Theo is the exact opposite of “cool”. “I don't know, it just
seems nice” she says under her breath. Nice? Pfff No way. Not nice at all, and I've only had one
shift with them. “So are you guys close?" she asks, copying the words on the board to her
notebook in a very sloppy manner. "Not at all" I rolled my eyes as I realized I practically yelled
that. I lowered my head in shame, trying to focus on the material. “why not? You work together
and I can tell he's always looking at you" Merida says leaning in again. My hand stops writing,
my heart freezes and my eyes widen in shock. Why the fuck would Theo Luke be looking at me.
Merida could tell she hit a nerve and she started apologizing profusely. "It's fine Merida, what
was your point in asking these questions anyway?" I ask trying to keep my temper down and my
voice controlled in a whisper. "Nothing… I- .. look I've known Theo since freshman year, he's
pretty cocky but very obsessed with his girlfriend, I've never seen him talk or say a "good
morning" to any other girl before, he usually just nods his head at the people he knows as some
sort of greeting." God she gossips a lot. I think to myself as she talks about how introverted
Theo is. But all this information about Theo being obsessed with his girlfriend isn't making me
feel better about the fact that I'll have to break the news to him soon. "So what? You think he's
obsessed with me now?" I ask with a bit of sarcasm in my voice. "No, I'm just saying you're
probably special or something" Merida shrugs looking back at the board in awe of all the
material that has been written while she was talking to me. "Well even if I were "special"" I do air
quotes with my fingers, "I'm not interested in him whatsoever, and even if I were, which would
never ever be possible in any universe, he has a girlfriend" I say trying to prove my point and
finish this stupid conversation. "So?" She asks sublty. So? Is she serious? He has a fucking
girlfriend, that would be unmoral and my behalf and his, that would be so unethical and hurtful to
Ramona (even though she did it first). I guess my thoughts radiate on my face because Merida
could tell exactly what I was thinking. “Oh shit, you don't know?” Merida gasps but quickly
shushes herself so that the entire class won't know we’re talking. Don't know what? What is she
talking about? Why is she being so dramatic? “Don't know what?” I am confused and eager to
know what Merida is talking about. “Theo and Ray are polyamorous Ash '' she says with such
utter confidence. “Polyamorous?” I ask, checking to see if I heard correctly. “Ya polyamorous.
You know what that is right?” I lift my head from my notebook in thought. “Polyamorous is when
two people are in an open relationship and can see other people while-” “ya i know what
polyamorous is thank you merida” i say cutting her off. By this point I'm sure our entire row and
even the row beneath us including Theo has heard us and our conversation. Polyamaorous?
How come I didn't know about this? Does the entire school know? This is so strange, I've never
met a polyamorous couple in real life before. I got entirely lost in thought about the new news
Merida had just shared with me and didn't notice Mr. Matthews was staring directly at me with a
questioning face while mouthing the words ``are you ok?” in my direction. Once I notice and
understand what he's mouthing to me I simply nod and put my head back down to face my
notebook. “You ok?” I hear Merida whispering directly into my right ear. I nod and just stare at
my notebook. Polyamorous huh? So, Ramona didn't actually cheat on Theo, did she?
The rest of class I kept my head down and focused only on my work and the faint words I heard
but didn't quite absorb from mr. Matthews while being completely lost in thought.
By the end of class as I was packing my things and heading out I heard mr. matthews calling my
name right before I exited class. “Hey Ashton, are you ok? I saw you zone out a few times in
class. Anything on your mind bothering you?” mr. Matthews asked, leaning on his board. God
those buttoned up shirts sure do him good, I thought to myself trying to focus on the question he
just asked me. “Oh umm, i apologize i wasn't too focused, it's nothing really, im ok, thanks for
asking.” I say not noticing I'm clutching my books in my arms. Mr. Matthews comes up to me
and lets his right hand rest on my left shoulder, he leans in closer and if he wasnt my professor
at the moment, I could see this scene going sideways real fast. “I'm here for you Ashton,
whatever you need, remember that” he says with a nice smile. After a few seconds he slides his
arm down my shoulder and lets go. I just smile a small smile as in thanking him for his kindness
and head out the door with only one purpose. I need to go speak with Ramona.
Chapter 10 - Theo
Ashton grosky. What a hideous name. When I heard there was a new freshman I just had to go
check the fresh meat, especially with a name like that. When I saw her crossing the halls, with
her long curly ginger red hair, hazel eyes and cute little button nose she immediately piqued my
interest. I knew I wanted to get to know her, not because of her basic looks, but because of the
eagerness I saw in her eyes, her pureness and curiosity, and the beautiful noticeable unique
birthmark she has on her right shoulder. It looks like a huge rash if it were brown. But I also
knew it'd be hard for me to get to know her, I'm not extremely good with people, that's why I
decided to study psychology. The human mind is a fascinating place and I wanted to study it.
When I learned Ashton was in the class with me, that made me more eager to learn about her
and with her. She's different from Ramona. She's confident, eager to learn, smart, charismatic
and overall beautiful and positive. I see that she wears a mask most of the time and tries too
hard to be accepted but I understand her effort and the goal she's trying to achieve.
When I transferred to the cafe she was working in, and noticed she works there as well, it made
me a bit excited, gave us more time together. The old cafe i worked in was my mother’s, i
started working there to gain more tips for her and help her financially, until i found out she was
in a much bigger debt than i thought and the only thing she could do was sell her cafe since it
only weighed on her finances and didn't get enough money to pay off her bills. Which is why I
had to find a different job to help her. I dont take pity from anyone, and certainly not donations,
which is why I told Ash the cafe was infested with rats, which still isn't something much better
than being in debt but who am I to share my moms financial business with others.
Ever since my dad was diagnosed with dementia my mom had to work twice as much for his
medication and I knew I had to help her to keep our house running with electricity, water, even
food. Especially since I have a younger sister to take care of. Nataly is only 13 but she’s growing
everyday and I wouldn't want her to grow in a house that doesn't give her what she needs,
which is also why my mom and I agreed not to tell anyone about her debt and just work it off
together. My mom is a very kind person, she's good with people and friendly and calm, i've
never seen her ever riled up, my mom knows how to keep her cool which i find very hard to do if
i had two kids and a husband with dementia that can't find a job to help around the house. He
really doesn't do too much. My dad is pretty old, being 67 as a father. My mom was forced into
marriage at a young age, she loves my dad but it takes a lot of energy out of her. Everytime i go
to sleep in the house I always hear her quietly sobbing. I peek into her room to see her on the
floor weeping and praying to god to take care of her kids. She goes through a lot yet still
manages to be a successful loving mother. Even in my childhood I remember her going through
difficulties with finances and seeing her fight with my dad but she always told me they are "adult
fights" and they aren't too serious just so that I wouldn't worry. She wasn't much in the house
since she worked 3 jobs a day just raising my sister and i. She never showed how hard it was
for her and always cleared her Saturdays to spend time with us and buy us clothes and food we
would dream of the whole week.
She's a good mother. When i came out to her as trans she wept, at first i thought she was upset
with me or confused but she was just so glad i told her and she promised me she’d love me no
matter if i was a worm, and that she'd always be here for me and do everything she can to help
me transition, after she said that i started weeping as well. I was 15 when I finally came out to
her and I was so glad she accepted me and loved me for me. But I was already grown up and
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf
Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf

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Yellow is My Favorite Color By Annabelle.pdf

  • 1.
  • 2. Hello there, my name is Annabelle I write - a lot At first it was a small hobby but not anymore This is the current book im writing, i’d love for you to read it and if interested comment on it and tell me what you think of it Enjoy <3 Prologue Ray never liked blondes, that's one of the first things I noticed about her. She had at least one thing she disliked about every blonde in our biology class. She didn't like the way Cass chewed gum too loud. She didn't like how Aubrey would always suck up to our teachers for good grades. But she especially disliked Trisha, because of how much makeup she wore and how she always bragged about her family's money and economic status. But the thing that made me actually notice ray is the fact that she puts people in their place. The only thing I don't understand is how ray disliked blondes but still dates someone blonde. Theo Luke. They've been dating for about a year and two months and everytime they cross the hall together I can't see in rays eyes one thing she dislikes about Theo. The way ray looks at theo, her eyes show no sign of hate or dislike towards him. Only love and lust. I find it a bit funny. I've never disliked blondes and yet I can find almost 50 things I dislike in Ray's partner Theo. His bossy demeanor, how judgmental he is, the way he styles his hair, the way he smirks at you when you say something stupid. That stupid condescending wink he does whenever he knows he's right, his nonchalance. His apathy. His smile. His perfect straight white teeth. His disgustingly huge height difference from other people. The fact that he's dating Ray. I'm not obsessed with Ray, although it seems the opposite, I'm not. I got into this college two months ago. Originally from the Netherlands but ever since my mom started traveling abroad, about 3 years ago, and I haven't seen her since - I found no purpose staying in my hometown. I don't know if I'm following my mother's steps by traveling abroad for college but I didn't feel like there would be any use staying in a place I've known and I'm used to my whole life. As an only child that hasn't really had anyone to hang out with, I feel like a fresh start can erase my past and help me find myself and new people. Toronto Canada's - Humber college was the first to catch my eye, with one of the most beautiful campuses I've ever seen. The only thing I feel like I'd thank my mom for is saving money for me to study or travel like her, I guess she expected me to get bored of our town and follow her steps, but I'm not like her. She abandoned me, she chose to travel over her own daughter. My dad was super supportive when he found out I got in, he always hoped I'd leave town one day to "develop" and "progress as a person" - he would say. Ever since I've gotten here, I've been examining the area, the people, the genuine vibe and communication.
  • 3. The first person to catch my attention was Ramona. She was the first person to actually greet me when I entered the campus and since then she made a mark. From analyzing her from the side as the new kid I could see she was loved by all her peers, she's friendly, funny, very charismatic, and intelligent. When I found out she was assigned to give me a tour of the place, my heart grew a small fire inside, a fire of excitement, but it was soon put out after waiting for her for more than half an hour to give me the tour. Turns out, Ramona is a big fan of protests and it's something dear to her heart. On the same day of my tour there was a big BLM protest therefore Ramona didn't show up. But the day after she came up to me and apologized sincerely, it made me appreciate her more. She invited me to coffee as an apology, insisting she would pay. We had an amazing time, she smiled her wide smile whenever I said something humorous, she only slightly giggled when I would say sarcastic things that I didn't mean to be funny, but I soon got used to her sense of humor. We were getting along so well the whole time, I was contemplating asking her out on a real date but that thought was turned down faster than I could think when ray answered her phone with a classy cliche "hey baby". The little fire in my heart for Ray grew cold knowing she was in a relationship with someone. It upset me, but I had way more respect for her than a crush and I didn't make my move. We became good friends over the months. We would gossip slightly in classes we shared together, we would eat lunch together, even hang out to study in our dorms. When I finally met her partner, it was about two months after knowing her. It felt odd not meeting her partner till then but the moment I met them, I regretted it. Theo was the obnoxious kind of partner. The one who thinks he're better than everyone else. I find them seriously agitating. Never have I been so aggravated by a person in my life. The glisten in he eyes when he smirk, the shine in he smile, so condescending. Not to talk about he exaggerated height. As long as Ray is happy with Theo, that's all that really matters to me. I've gotten to know Ray better everyday. I understand her love for protests, she's very active, her hobbies interest me as much as her beauty. She really is one of the prettiest girls I've seen. I love how her dark mocha skin is so smooth, her long dark locs are so neatly styled. But her eyes are my favorite part - he are a dark blue but he pierce through my skin when she looks at me. She is mesmerizing. Something I could never say about Theo. Chapter 1 - Ashton I woke up to my roommate screaming in my ear, "wake up, you're going to be late" my eyes haven't even acclimated to the bright sun piercing through the window in front of me shining right on my face. I could see my roommates tan freckles as bright as day when she's standing two inches far from my face. "What? What's wrong?" I ask subtly while rubbing my eyes.
  • 4. Danielle, my dear roommate, has never woken me up. I've been in this dorm with her for about 3 months now and waking me up has never been one of her usuals. "You're late for your shift, it started about 20 minutes ago" my eyes widened. Did I forget to set an alarm? I threw my blanket off me running to my closet, grabbing the first clothes I see and dressing up in them as quickly as I can trying not to trip over my pants leggings while doing so. I ran to the living room grabbing my wallet, keys and phone after managing to brush my hair and teeth in less than two minutes. "Thank you" I managed to say to Danielle right before shutting the entry door behind me. Danielle's not very talkative, she's a good roommate. I just don't see her as a friend. I work in a small coffee shop near the college, helps me balance my rent and studying. It's not the best job I've had but I'm here alone and need to look out for myself. Today's shift though, is one I'd never forget. I walked through the door and the first thing no man would want to see in the morning is standing right in front of me, serving a table. Theo. The polite smile I walked in with disappeared but reappeared on Theo's face once he saw me. "Hey stranger" he said playfully with a smirk. I didn't react, it's smarter that way with Theo, letting them know he aren't above you. The moment you give a reaction he feel like the biggest person to walk the planet. he ego goes up to he dull head and he feel like he deserve the world to bow down to them. I walked past them and straight to the counter to sign into my shift. I haven't been working here for a long time but the manager loves me, I really feel as if he took me under his wing when hiring me. I looked up when I finished signing in to find Theo's smirking condescending face in front of mine. "No hello for me red?" I looked at them crossing my arms, he can't be serious, he know exactly how to annoy me. Two weeks after I started school, Theo started to get fond of annoying me and getting my eyes to roll back so far, I could see my own thoughts. he found a way to get me pissed by giving me a nickname I despise. One of the first things Theo noticed and decided to point out about me was my ginger red hair and the fact that my face is quite often in the shade of a tomato. I guess he decided to nickname me based on my cherry appearance. I reach for my apron but before I get to it Theo with he freakishly long arms has already got to it and hands it to me. "Thanks" I say, barely looking them in the eyes. "No problem", that smirk just does not come off he face does it? I move past Theo grabbing my notepad and pen ready to head to tables asking for orders, I turn around to check on Theo still standing in the same spot, in the same position as it seems he're checking me out, seeing if I'm doing my job right. It infuriates me, who do he think he are? It's not that I haven't tried to like Theo, I don't hate them for no reason. The first few weeks I started I actually tried negotiating with them, we both take psychology classes and I actually asked them for help a couple times since he seemed to be proficient in the subject. The way he tutor, he manner and attitude is reckless, patronizing, and overall rude and irritating. I cannot keep a full conversation with Theo without wanting to punch them in the face. I approached the table asking what the lovely couple wanted to eat. The woman was sitting on the right side staring aimlessly at the menu, she had long black hair with what definitely looked like extensions and the man across from her looked older and stared in my eyes while informing me what he will both be having. I wrote it down on my notepad and quickly went to give the
  • 5. order away to the chef. My shifts aren't special, each day either the same couples or loners come in and order the same things and sometimes new people which I haven't seen come in. Some of the customers I know by name now. The only new unusual thing in this shift is Theo Luke working here with me. I'd see them pass by me with orders grinning while looking me in my eyes, seeming satisfied with the situation. he know I'm not fond of this situation . Even in the spare time I have working in a place I tolerate now I can't even say that about this place with Theo roaming the floor, doing my job. After 2 hours and 47 minutes of working on my feet I finally ordered a sandwich off the menu and took it to sit outside and read a book for my break. I keep looking back, having a perfect view of Theo working, looking at me every few minutes. he're skilled in waitering, he probably worked in it before, or are just naturally talented. I roll my eyes at that thought. Reading and eating for about 15 minutes while every few seconds taking my eyes off my book to look at the world around me. Canada is one of the beautiful places I have seen. I enjoy this view. We have a park in front of the restaurant, full of trees and nature and people making out or having a picnic. I do love nature but I find it more interesting looking at people spending he time in nature. he're moods, he positions being changed or he attitude varying near trees and pretty flowers. Like it's a way to escape he reality. To escape whatever is going on at home, to escape the truth. I go back in after 20 minutes of my break and continue my shift, just waiting for it to end. Chapter 2 - Ashton I took my apron off and set it on the same hook it was hung on when I walked in. Now it was only Theo and I closing the cafe. he were cleaning the tables while I counted the cash and money we earned from today's shift. While counting the bills in my hand I keep glancing at Theo cleaning the tables with the spray bottle of bleach in he right hand and the napkin he're wiping with in he left hand. Weird, I never noticed Theo is left-handed, I thought to myself while continuing to stare at he long veiny arms cleaning the tables. I guess I was staring for a bit too long because when I looked up at Theo's face he were staring right back at me. It startled me and focused me back to reality. Focus ash, he shouldn't be distracting you from your work. I thought while looking down at the bills in my hand, continuously counting them, eager to get this shift over with and have my nice walk back home to my apartment. Next thing I know a tall figure is on my left side. A unique scent hit my nostrils and I could only identify it as strawberries in a garden surrounded by bee hives making exquisite honey. “Anything you want to say to me red?”. Ugh that annoying voice, and that tone, and that goddamn cursed nickname that I will never get rid of for the next two years. “nope” , i said subtly, not looking up from the cash in my hand. I could hear Theo's faint breathing. Why are he standing so close to me? I cursed under my breath, wishing he would walk away already and continue cleaning tables, or whatever he were doing. “You've been ignoring me all day, and i'm not trying to push you or anything but I feel like we should at least try and get along for the sake of this job” oh you feel huh? I thought you had no feelings, I thought to myself chuckling slightly at my roast. “Come on! What is it red? I'm trying to be friendly is all '' he said, raising he voice, trying to get my attention. Not to be mean or anything but I don't exactly want to be “friendly” with Theo, not at work, not in college,
  • 6. not ever. It might seem like I hate Theo for no reason but I have an explanation for everything. “I don't think this job requires “friendliness "I said with air quotes on the “friendliness”. Theo just rolled his eyes in response, annoyed by my comment. “Why won't you talk to me? What have I done?” he asked. I could actually hear worry in his voice, like he actually cared. But I don't have time for his pity or explaining to them exactly why I'm annoyed with them. Finally finished with counting the cash and closing the register, I moved to stand in front of him, making eye contact with his worried eyes, yet I chose not to say a word. I'm better than that. We stared at each other for about two long minutes before I crossed my arms showing no interest in answering his questions. “Fine, have it your way red” he said, giving up and going back to clean the tables left. I waited behind the register, leaning on the counter taking my phone out of my back pocket to see if I had any new messages. “Hey my little rose? How is canada? Treating you nicely?” A message from my dad sent two hours ago. I miss him, I thought to myself. I'm close with my dad, ever since my mom decided to travel instead of raising her only daughter. We've gotten closer and spent more time with each other before I moved for college. I do feel bad leaving him alone in the house but he always pushes me to fulfill my dreams no matter where I have to go to achieve them. “I’m ok daddy, the apartment is nice and I’m getting to know new people everyday” An utter lie, just to calm my dad down. He trusts me and wants only the best for me. I shut my phone and put it back in my pocket after hearing theo saying “I’m done, we can leave now”. I took my keys and wallet off the counter so that we could head out and lock up. We exited the restaurant and I stood next to Theo while he locked the place up. Guess the manager gave him a spare key to lock up. I thought to myself confused. The manager only gave me a key to lock up a month after working here, while Theo got one after for a day. he locked up and we started heading home in the same direction. “You don't have to walk me home, you know? I'm fine, '' I said, looking up at the tall figure next to me. “This is my way home too, don't worry. I know how independent and capable you are” he said with a small smirk rolling up he cheek. I scoffed at he comment, putting my hands in my pockets and continuing to walk a silent walk beside them. I can't help but notice how precise Theo's posture is. he walks with confidence and unity, it looks so intimidating yet safe. he have black headphones hanging on his neck and a small dagger earring on his right ear. he're wearing big cargo pants and a nice buttoned up navy shirt that is tight on them and shows a bit of his muscular chest. I never really noticed how athletic Theo's body is since he don't wear those kinds of outfits to college. “Need something?” he said, catching me off guard. Obviously he noticed me staring so I focused my eyes on the nice oak trees we’re just passing by. “Beautiful right?” Yet again in a few seconds I heard he deep voice again. “Yes, very” I said, still staring at the trees and flowers we’re passing by. “I used to come to that tree over there a lot as a child, I built a swing there. I'm pretty sure if you go there today it'll still be there” he said pointing at the far oak tree I could barely see in the darkness of the night. I usually work the night shifts since I study in the mornings. It's more comfortable for my schedule. I manage to balance work and study working the night shifts. After 3 more minutes of silent walking I mustered up the courage and tolerance to ask Theo my question. “I've never seen you working at the cafe before, why is that?” I ask, looking up at them. I swear one day I'll get whiplash from just staring at them. he are about 6 feet which is way too tall for anyone. Anyone that height is considered a tree to me. “I worked at my moms
  • 7. old cafe before, he shut it down though due to a rat infestation my mother and I knew nothing about” Theo said, barely looking at me while answering. I nodded my head at he response before commenting. “Sorry about that” I said feeling bad for his mom and them, but more for his mom. “Why are you sorry? Did you plant the rats there?” Theo said sarcastically, finally looking me in my eyes, I chuckled a bit at his cynical response. “Not that I know of” I said looking back at them with a slight smile. “I missed your smile, red” he said, looking back up at the sidewalk we were just starting to walk on. Ugh, he just had to ruin the moment, I thought to myself rolling my eyes at he stupid comment. “You just had to ruin it” I muttered slightly, looking down at the car coming up on the road. “What? What did I do?” Theo says with worry in his voice again. Be yourself, I thought to myself trying to keep up my pace with them. Why is he so tall? I cursed in my thoughts. “I didn't mean to offend you red, i just really like when you smile, i missed it.” he said brushing his hair behind his left ear. “You used to smile a lot when we worked together on that assignment professor matthews gave us” he added feeling good with he comment. Why did he have to remind me of that? My grudge for Theo doesn't come without reason, The first week of school, we got group assignments for our psychology class. Theo volunteered to be with me since no one chose me, being the new kid does come with its down sides. We worked pretty great together except for Theo's few cynical arrogant comments that annoyed me. We worked on the assignment for about two weeks straight, hanging out with each other more and more each day, and actually somehow becoming friends. By the end of our work I blurted out a thesis that I had in mind. I was sure Theo didn't hear me or ignored me even but once it was presentation day, we presented our assignment astonishingly and by the end of our presentation we were doing so well I looked over at Theo and gave them a smile. he smiled back brightly before presenting the thesis that I thought of and taking credit for it. The smile I gave them disappeared from my face and was switched with a big frown. I was so upset with them. I didn't even congratulate them when the professor told us we got an A+. I walked out of class frustrated and with a grudge with Theo luke for doing me so dirty and claiming my thesis as his and even sharing it with the class without my permission. How could he do me so dirty? How could he steal my thesis that I've thought about and told him while we were supposedly friends. I couldn't stand being next to Theo while students came up to congratulate him for his brilliant thesis that left mr. Matthews stunned and speechless. That was the credit and congratulations I was supposed to deserve and it wasn't fair at all. This class was very important to me and I didn't want any fake or distracting people being near me while I study it, I've worked hard enough to get into this college to be friends with people who will do such dirty unfair cruel things. It was already past midnight and I get up at 6 to start my classes at 7. “Ya well, that was probably the last time you're going to see it” i say, trying to make them feel bad purposely. “That and just now” he said looking at me with he dumb unattractive smirk. Whatever, I glared at them trying to walk faster to get home. After 10 minutes of silent, calm walking I finally reach my apartment which is two blocks away from the college I study in, so convenient, I always think to myself when I get back home and have a view of my college right in front of me. “This is me,” I say, stopping in front of the light blue building with barely four floors in it, each floor having a small terrace facing the street. “Ok, good night red, see you tomorrow in class” I felt a hand suddenly touching my right shoulder while seeing Theo get close to me to give me a kiss on the cheek. he smiled slightly after letting
  • 8. go of my shoulder and continued walking, putting he hands in he pockets, walking so elegantly away. I stood there for a minute watching Theo walk away. I didn't stand there because I wanted to see where he were going, I stood there because I was in shock of the tickling soft sensation I have on my right cheek. Why did he kiss me on the cheek? I thought to myself, so confused. My thoughts began spiraling more before the street lamp turned off and I startled back into real life and started heading up the stairs to the third floor, apartment 5. I took the keys out of my pocket slowly unlocking my front door and walking to the kitchen to get myself a cup of water. After finishing the fresh water I had in my cup, I walked out to the terrace to get some final fresh air before going to sleep. When I noticed Theo turning around and heading back the same path we went on. At first I thought he were confused and didn't know where he're apartment was since it was so dark but as he continued walking the same path we just walked it dawned on me, he did walk me home, that annoying jerk. Chapter 3 - Ashton Contrary to popular belief I am surprisingly a morning person, and a very organized one at the very least. When I moved out of town, hell, out of state I decided that this was my chance at a new beginning. A new start. I wanted to clear my name and live my best life. I organized for myself a schedule to keep healthy while studying and working. I wake up at 5:30 am every sunday, tuesday and thursday to have a 45 minute run around the neighborhood. The other days of the week I end up going to the small gym across the street to do a small workout. That way, during my run, I get to know the town, the people, the area and where it is best to run. At these hours there aren't a lot of runners or a lot of anyones really, out running or doing anything. I occasionally see an average height man walking his doberman around but even he's a rare sight in the mornings. I've learnt to get used to the chilly weather there is in the morning and just enjoy watching the sunrises. After that I return at around 6:30 am to my apartment to see Danielle awaken very sloppily after a night of binge watching her favorite series again which I can't tell if it's a rom com or horror from her reactions to it. “Morning danielle” i say barely looking up from my mug while pouring some hot water for my coffee. “Morning”, what a greeting i think to myself sipping from my hot coffee. I head to the shower we both share and Danielle for whatever reason chooses not to clean up after herself. I shower with cool water at first to relax myself from the hot sweaty run I just had, then turn the water to a warmer temperature to have a nice calming shower before a full day. I get out and see the outfit I set on my bed prior to my morning run. Today I decided to go bold. A nice navy blue plaid mini skirt but not too mini to not pass on the dress code or even my morals and ethics. With a white buttoned up blouse which is a bit see through to see that i'm wearing a bra but not too see through to see what color it is. With that i put my silver jewelry - rings, necklace and nice silver bracelet my grandma gave me before she passed. For my shoes I wear the same ones I wear everyday, my black slick high boots that don't go too high. I look in the mirror before going out to check if there are any flaws in my outfit before heading out. Just another day of studying what you like, you'll be fine. I say to myself taking a few deep breaths in front of the mirror. School wasn't a good experience to me ever. In elementary school I was considered weird therefore I had no friends, except a nice girl named Natalie who I keep in touch with till this day. In middle school I decided to get out there by wearing a unique style that would have people in awe, apparently also the principal. I was
  • 9. sent home on the fourth day wearing my unique style since it was “too provocative”, which I disagreed with until this day. My mom, before she fled the country, raised me to be confident and myself, she tried her best to prepare me to the cruel world outside saying that not everyone will like me and that's ok, that's something i'll have to deal with and that whoever chooses not to like me probably doesn't even matter. She's right, people who don't like me are a waste of time anyway. I loved my mom, she was a role model to me for most of my teenage years before she left my dad and I when I was 14 to go “travel” the world. When I got older my dad explained that she fled because she was overwhelmed and felt her life slipping through her fingers and that she hasn't done enough in her lifetime. It ruined me when she left. I didn't go to school for two weeks. I was devastated. But I got up on my feet and reminded myself of all that she had taught me. “Remember my little pomegranate, no one stays in your life forever, and that's ok” she'd say to me. It's like she was preparing me to be ready when she leaves. “Ashton!! Did you see my blue toothbrush?!” Danielle screamed from across the hall. That girl is so messy, I thought to myself, rolling my eyes in disappointment. “I haven't touched it, it's supposed to be in the drawer '' I yelled back. Danielle is probably one of the only people who still calls me by my full name. Anyone I meet for the first time I introduce myself as ash, or at least ask them to call me ash. I like my name, I've just learned that people find it easier to call me ash and I've gotten used to it over the years. I check my wrist watch, 7:08, class starts at 7:20. I thought to myself. I walk away from my reflection and see if I have everything I need in my bag. Keys, phone, wallet, I memorize in my head. “Bye danielle” i yell opening the front chestnut door. The shower started running before I reached the door so I wasn't surprised that I didn't hear a response from Danielle when I said goodbye. Walking to college has become a usual habit of mine, at this point I can be on my phone the whole walk to campus and get there on time and to the exact place. It's exactly a 6 minute walk counting the minutes I wait at the stop. I get to our lovely campus filled with plenty of flowers and trees to see students roaming around the grass. Some standing, some sitting in a circle, some talking, some just sitting quietly, and a few of them making out. There aren't a lot of couples on campus but there aren't a few either. I've heard lots of rumors about a lot of people hooking up on campus or even with the professors. Not my style if you ask me. I've had only one boyfriend in this lifetime and that was enough for me. We were together for 3 months before he finished school and decided to cheat on me with his classmate in college, which is why I'm not about to jump right into the whole hookup culture, especially in college. “Hey beautiful” I hear a familiar voice coming from my right to see Taylor sitting on one of the benches outside, enjoying the few glimpses there is from the sun coming out behind the clouds. “Hey” I say back with a smile, glad to see a familiar face. Taylor is one of Ramona's friends. I got to know her by joining Ramona’s clique. Ramona has lots of friends but sticks to a few people that she especially loves. “Love the outfit honey, what’s the occasion?” Taylor is a very bubbly person, you can see that in her style, her voice, her haircut and just her general personality. “No occasion, Tay, just want to look good” I say subtly. It’s true, I have no real reason as to why I decided to dress nicely today. I just want the world to see the real me. “Well you look great either way, i'll see you in literature ok?” Taylor says gathering her stuff and heading towards the building in a rush. I like Taylor, she's the first one to actually befriend me as you may say. She's been so kind to me since I've arrived and I really do appreciate her for it. I checked my wrist
  • 10. watch again, 7:17. I start heading to my first class of the day, psychology. I chose to study psychology and literature since he've both been my two favorite subjects since I was young. I love reading and trying to decipher what lovely big artists mean in he poetry and stories, and I love trying to understand people and know what is going on behind he faces, and sadly so does Theo. Seeing them as one of the first few people to see in the morning is not a pretty scene. “Good morning m’lady” Theo says smiling while opening the door to class for me. “Thanks” I say glaring at them. Theo is a very tidy person, which is one of the only traits I admire about them. Since Theo and I were one of the first few people in class I decided to question them about last night's incident. “Did you walk me home last night?” i startled myself with how bold and out of the blue my question was and i could see Theo was too by the look on he face. “I might have” he say looking me seriously in the eyes, no stutter or crack in he voice. he response just agitated me more. “Why?” i ask crossing my arms, showing how upset and confused I was. “What's the big deal red?” Theo noticed I was getting upset. he started walking up the stairs toward he row of seating. Theo sits a row below me. I chose to sit higher up on the first day to be able to focus on the subject while not being too much in the professor's face. I've also heard that most students who sit upfront are students who find difficulty in learning the subject. Which definitely is the type of student I am. “Just answer the question Theo” I say unfolding my arms. I'm trying to keep my cool and not let he arrogant personality ruin my morning. “What if I did? Would that be so bad?” he asked, sitting down leaning on his left hand. “I told you not to,” I said calmly. Surely he have a brilliant reason as to why he walked me home. Plus, Theo luke, as shocking as it may be, has a girlfriend, a gorgeous generous girl friend named ramona that surely wouldn't be satisfied finding out Theo not only walked another girl other than her home but also kissed that so called girl (aka me) on the cheek. “I sincerely hope you didn't walk me home thinking i'm so defenseless and hopeless that i need someone to watch out for me” i said leaning closer to Theo making sure the whole class that filled in by now isn't hearing our whole conversation. “Trust me red, it definitely wasn't that reason, i know exactly how capable you are of defending yourself” he said playing with a pen im sure isnt hes. “Good, so please, if we are still to work together in the cafe, no more walking me home” i say persistently, standing up tall making sure my point was proven. “Whatever you say red” he says with a slight smirk on he face. “Ugh” I stomp my foot and go up the few stairs to the row I sit in to take my seat. I take my seat with my arms folded still frustrated from the so-called “conversation” I just had with Theo luke. As I see my seat mate Merida about to say something, I see from the corner of my eye Professor Matthews walking into the class and I quickly sit up straight, take my bag off my shoulders and take my notebook and pencil out. In highschool i was called a teachers pet, since apparently some of my only friends in school were teachers and i was such an honorable student. He adored me. I'm a hardworking student, I listen, I take things seriously, and I submit all my assignments on time. Fine, I may be a bit of a try hard but I only mean well and this subject really interests me. “Good Morning class, good to see you all” mr. Matthews says with a grin while placing his bag on his table. I like mr. matthews. For a teacher he is amazing. He teaches the material very well, adding a few jokes of humor in it and speaking to us as humans and not just his students. He establishes authority but also makes sure to us that he is a listening ear and always here for us, and for that I put my trust in him. As for a man, he is quite attractive, he has a nicely done buzz cut, he's pretty tall, being about 5 '11, his smile is shiny, his eyes green as emeralds, and his style is always sharp and tightly fitting to his athletic body.
  • 11. “Today we will be exploring some of the social aspects in psychology,” he says, putting his hands together in front of him. I can tell a lot of his female students take his class just because of his looks but I find the subject interesting no matter who is in front of me teaching it. ~~~ It was a lovely study hour, I could barely tell an hour passed until the bell rang and I caught glimpses of students packing up their stuff while I did the same. It took about less than 3 minutes for the whole class to disappear out of the room, leaving me alone still packing my notes and notebooks. I'm a very tidy student and I try my best to write down everything stated in class so that I would ace the class. Especially if I want to be a psychologist and help people. Right when I was about to leave the front door of the classroom, I felt a light shoulder tap behind me and I quickly turned to see mr. Matthews staring my up and down with his familiar grin. "How was the class today ms. Grosky?" He asked, his grin widening from ear to ear. He was a very handsome teacher indeed, also one of the youngest, but I wasn't the type of student to fall for charms and good looks. "It was great sir, I loved the material you brought to us and I made sure to take as many notes as I could sir" I said, clutching to my book bag that was swaying back and forth on my left shoulder. "That's good, I can see you are really ambitious about the subject, which is why I pulled you aside" he said, his grin gently disappearing. He took two steps towards his desk, grabbing a small thick piece of paper and pen. "This is my number, in case you'd ever like some tutoring or going over the material" he stated while writing on the piece of paper with his eyes still looking deep into mine. A few seconds later he gave me the piece of paper and watched me carefully put it in my pocket, as if to make sure I'll keep the kind gesture in mind. "Thank you sir, but I understand the material very well so far" I said giving him a kind smile that I hoped would express that the conversation was pretty much over and I can leave. "Very well sweetheart, you can always call me if you need help in any other subjects" he said, winking at me and heading back to his desk. His wink was flattering yet tame, showing that he's reckless but respectful. Even though he was handsome, smart and pretty close to my age, I wasn't interested in dating, let alone sleeping with my professor, especially not for good grades. I nodded to myself, reassuring myself the conversation was over and I could leave. As I closed the door to the classroom, I got startled by the tall figure leaning on the left side of the classroom door frame. "What are you doing here Theo?!" I said, with more volume than I anticipated, Startling myself and Theo seeing from his subtly surprised expression. "Does it matter?" He asked so subtly and arrogantly it made my calm mood turn into a not so calm one and my temper to rise. "I suppose not, you're always lurking someplace anyways" I said, calming down my nerves with that tease I threw at him. Theo didn't respond to my teasing, he knew it was pointless. What Theo and I have is a very complicated weird relationship, which isn't even a relationship if you come to think of it. It's basically a very intriguing situationship between the two of us. I don't believe Theo knows why I find him annoying but it doesn't even matter to me. As long as we're not friends, that's fine with me. "What did the professor want?" He said, laying off the wall, taking a few steps to stand in front of me, looking me dead in my eyes, his face totally expressionless. I tilted my head upward to create the eye contact he so desperately wanted from me. "Why do you care?" I said tilting my head up a bit more, throwing him off, showing him I'm not interested in sharing my personal business with him. "Answer the question Ashton" my name. My full name. The feeling my name gives off when it's coming out of his mouth is something I've never heard before. Usually when my dad called me Ashton it was a
  • 12. sign of him being upset with me, and when my friends did it was their sign of how to annoy me, but the way Theo says it. It gives me an aching goosebump traveling up my spine, from the bottom of it to the top, causing me to shake off the feeling like I have a spider crawling on my back. "He offered me tutoring.." I said with such a low tone I felt as if I whispered it. Theo's eyebrow rose, as if in questions as to why the professor would do that. He stayed silent still looking me in my eyes until his arms crossed. "You happy?" I asked, straightening my posture, giving off the confidence I have against him. "Very" he said, unfolding his arms to his sides and turning to walk away. I watched him walk away from me, down the hall, looking as if he knows where he's going but he's also not going anywhere. I stood perfectly still in the same spot we had just chatted in for a matter of minutes before I hopped back to reality and got my mind back on track. Next class, mathematics Chapter 4 - Ashton Another shift with Theo passed by more quickly than the last time I had to share a shift with him. Lately, my job has been worse than before, not because of rude customers, bad tips or standing on my feet for 8 hours but because I had to endure my shifts with the one person I couldn't imagine being the last person on earth with - Theo. I suffered from the energy and space we had to share together. Especially the breaks we would have together. I couldn't stand hearing him eat or talk or read whatever he was reading. We closed the restaurant together once more, me on the cash register, him cleaning tables and the floor. There was silence in the restaurant, we could hear each other's breaths, the air conditioner wasn't even on so every sweep, breath, sigh or grunt Theo made, I heard loud and clear, and hated it. "Jasper's having a party on Thursday next week" Theo said out of the blue with his head still facing the floor he was sweeping. He didn't have to raise his voice for me to hear what he said and he knew that. His expression was blank and I could tell he was waiting for an answer from me, even though what just came out of his mouth wasn't even a real question. "That's cool" I said, keeping my eyes on the cash in my hands. I have a huge responsibility as someone holding cash so I kept my gaze on the cash I held. Silence kept reverberating in the empty space we were in. Theo didn't react to my comment so I continued to close the register as fast as I could, so I could go home, have a nice warm shower and wake up tomorrow in time. "Everyone's invited.." he kept saying, his gaze lifting slightly from the tables he was now wiping down. I nodded my head and hmmed, I knew he couldn't see my reaction but I didn't care. Parties aren't my scene, I'm not invited to many and even if I was I most likely won't go. It's not that I hate parties, they're just not really my scene, all the puking, yelling, twerking to dumb songs, skinny feeling and random drunk sex, it isn't my natural vibe. And you might call me a nerd but yes, I do very much more enjoy a nice book than a party. I do enjoy going out with the few friends I do care about though, which is why I'm not completely clueless as to what happens in parties, I've been to some, that's how I figured out I don't enjoy them all that much. Plus, I heard college parties are much more insane than highschool ones. Now I don't exactly know how much "more insane" means, but I'm not so ready to find out. "You should come red" Theo said, finally looking up at me, trying to catch my gaze to make eye contact with me. And he
  • 13. succeeded because I lifted my head when he opened his mouth. His voice is so deep and intimidating that somehow whenever he speaks I find myself captivated and paying full attention to the words slipping out of his mouth, which is one of the worst things I despise about him. "Jasper's hosting?" I asked knowing damn well what the answer was. Jasper was one of Theo's friends, I wouldn't say best friend since I don't believe Theo has any. I've seen the way Theo acts around his friends and I wouldn't dare call any one of them his best friend, I guess he doesn't get too close with any of them. But Jasper is one of Theo's craziest friends yet, he's an adventurer, he enjoys risking his life with things that might kill him, like Bungee jumping off a roof with a rope that he tied together himself made out of shirts of spandex fabric. So I knew his parties were the most insane ones, I also knew that because of the Instagram stories jasper posts showing very very drunk people doing very dumb stuff. I saw on one of his stories someone who was very fucked up walking down the street fully naked yelling absolute nonsense. "Yes" he said, emotionless, like a robot even, keeping eye contact with me. While he kept staring me down, my handy work froze, the dollar bills in my hand not moving an inch and neither did the rest of my body. His body froze the same but it looked as if he could do that naturally. Annoying Robotic human cyborg, I crushed in my thoughts. "I'll c-consider it," I said, softly stuttering. I tried my hardest to sound confident but my body was frozen, as my mouth and my speech were being affected. He just nodded and moved his gaze slowly away from to get back to work. I rolled my eyes and finished closing the register. When I finished I removed my apron and took my bag off of the hanger near the register, then I went to sit at one of the tables Theo finished wiping. I whipped out my phone and saw a text from Ramona. My posture straightened and my heart immediately skipped a beat. 'hey girl, wanna join Bianca, Taylor, Simon and I at a bar tonight?' I read the text without capturing its meaning in my mind. The words made sense but the sentence didn't, I had to read the text over and over until the invitation finally sinked in. My eyebrows rose. I want to wake up early tomorrow to go for a run. But I also haven't gone out with Ramona and her friends in a while. My thoughts spun and I didn't notice I was staring dead at the screen, my hands holding my phone, not knowing what to say or even think. "Red, you ok? You look like a statue" Theo's large hand kept waving up and down in front of my face as he leaned down to do so, still holding cleaning wipes in his other hand. The fifth time he waved his hand my eyes perked up and I stared straight at him, giving him a glare that told him to leave me alone or else.. He just stood above me staring at me waiting for my next move which wasn't going to come soon. "You good?" He asked again, his tone stronger this time and eager for an answer. "Ya I'm fine" I said staring back at my now turned off phone screen. I thought for too long. I exclaimed in my head. "What are you up to?" Theo asked, leaning his head in a position to see what's on my phone screen, and just to my luck, my phone screen was off, he had no business to poke around. "Ramona invited me to a bar with her friends" I told him, immediately regretting sharing that information with Ramona's current boyfriend whom I dislike very much. Thinking about that, I don't believe Ramona knows how much I dislike Theo, I guess she's used to it since Theo isn't everybody's favorite person.
  • 14. "That sounds nice …. You should go" Theo said, straightening his back to indicate his full length. He stopped staring at my black screen and put his hazel eyes back on mine. I kept looking at the screen until Theo's question made sense in my mind. "Why do you think I should?" I asked, looking up at him. When I was sitting he was even more taller than before. And now that I'm looking at him from a lower angle, I could see his athletic body and how wide and hard it was. What did he do to look like that? No no no. I am not fantasizing about Theo Luke. How revolting and shameful. Have I reached rock bottom already? "You and Ramona are good friends, she wouldn't invite you if she didn't like you or want you there" Theo finished his sentence with his back turned to me, wiping the last table in the empty dark quiet restaurant we were both stuck in for the next few minutes. I shrugged at his answer. He was right, and it wouldn't hurt to go out, maybe I'll see new sides of Canada and get to know Ramona better. I smiled at my thoughts, knowing I already made my mind up. Theo took his apron off and was on his way to the exit, walking slowly, waiting for me to join him so that we could exit and lock up. We exited the restaurant, the air outside was cold and thick, I let out a small grunt as I grabbed my arms tightly and held them to my chest. I was wearing a long shirt that held tightly to my body and emphasized my shape. With that I wore brown cargo pants that were 2 times my size but worked together with my tight shirt. I had a light thin navy blue sweater that hung low on my body and didn't warm me up at all. I let out a "brrr" and squeezed myself tighter. my back was to Theo while he locked the restaurant. I looked at the park that was Infront of us and examinated the trees, the way the wind moved them, their branches hanging low and flying high, some leaves falling some staying put fighting for their place on the branch. "All done" Theo stepping closer to me from behind. I felt his warm physique from behind and I found it tempting to hug him just to warm up. "Are you cold red?" Theo asked, his voice closer and louder then ever coming from my left. Startled, I turned my head slightly left seeing his mouth close to my ear. Why is he so close?? My thoughts startled as well. "a bit, I'll be fine" I said, to make sure he doesn't worry like he has been these past few shifts. I kept looking at the beautiful tall trees across from us, frozen unable to move. The bar Ramona invited me to was exactly the opposite direction of my apartment. I looked down the slightly lit up street on my right that led to the other bars and clubs and then I looked left towards the dark street, lonely and black, empty with the sound of wind hitting lamps once in a minute. I sighed, pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened up the chat with Ramona. 'heyy Ray, I'm on my way, send me your location:)" I texted back, smiling slightly at the thought of seeing ray. Imagining her beautiful bright smile she gives me whenever she sees me. I saw the 3 dots that show ray is typing appear on my screen, I got excited and nervous at the same time knowing I'd see her tonight very soon. The 3 dots kept appearing when suddenly I felt a heavy thick layer fall onto my shoulders. I turned around alarmed seeing Theo's arms half way in the air where he let go of the coat I noticed he was wearing before. I looked down at my shoulders seeing his coat now laying on my shoulders. The size difference being insanely dissimilar. "What are you doing?" I practically
  • 15. yelled at Theo, stopping myself midway noticing my tone of voice and considering the hour of the night, I should keep my voice down. "Warming you up, you're going out tonight and you have no time to go home to change, go have fun" he said, no sign of emotion on his face, but I recognized how he cared. It disgusted me, I didn't need caring nor pity. "I'm not taking your coat Theo.." my expression fell flat, showing I was serious, yet my arms stayed still under his coat, where it was warm and cozy. "I'm not arguing with you red, just take it, I'm not cold and even if I was, the moment I started walking I'd warm up" he said, placing his hands in his pockets nonchalantly. I rolled my eyes and let out a grunt at his comment. We stared at each other silently for about a minute, we didn't move, like we were competing in a staring contest. "I'm going back to campus, I have an extra credit assignment to work on and the warden left the computer room open especially for me, go have fun ok?" Breaking the silence, Theo tilted his head so I can finally see his full eyes. I gave him my signature eyeroll, which I knew interpreted to me saying "fine" without having to say it. He nodded his head, showing he understood. "See you soon red" his tidied his posture and started walking the direction I live in. As I watched him walk away I kept thinking, how did he know I decided to go see ray? Did he see my phone? Or did he just guess? I shrugged at my helpless thoughts and looked at my phone again to see the link to the location Ramona is at right now. I chuckled to myself and opened the link. Chapter 5 - Ashton "Hey wow it's so good to see you!!" Ramona exclaimed, giving me a big warm hug. Ramona is one of the people I know who gives great loving hugs, she wraps her arms around you and squeezes tightly around your waist, she hugs with so much love and affection it can be suffocating. "It's good to see you too" I said, finally staring in her eyes when she let go of my waist. She smiled a wide ear to ear smile, her eyes almost squeezing shut from how happy she was. “Guys i’d like you to meet this gorgeous girl i got lucky enough to meet, Ashton” ramona says slowly revealing me with jazz hands shaking in front of my chest. I blushed at the cute compliments I was given by Ramona and I tried my best to show I'm not affected by it. I saw 3 people staring me down, checking me out, seeing if i'm unarmed and safe i suppose, they looked like they were about to slaughter me but i held my eye contact with each of them trying to pass the message that i come in peace. 2 girls were sitting on the right of the round table, one of them was taylor who i managed to already meet, she’s this bubbly blonde babe with flushed cheeks and curly afro hair, she’s very pretty and quite interesting as well, she studies business and astronomy, she says she studies them both even though they are both very different just in case one of the subjects doesn't work out for her, but i know she just studies business so her father will be proud of her. But deep inside, she's an astronomic geek. On the left of taylor was another girl, short brunette hair, she had lots of ear piercings and a big tattoo on her left shoulder that looked like an animal roaring but i couldn't quite figure which animal since the rest was probably on the other side of her shoulder i wasn't looking at. She sat slouched, leaning back naturally, and i could tell she was tall even though sitting down the way she was made her look shorter than taylor, but her legs reached the ended of the table and i knew that because i felt a kick earlier and saw it was somebody's foot accidentally nudging me.
  • 16. And on the far left, with a space between the two girls, suspecting that space was Ramona’s who had just got up to greet me, sat a boy with a kind grin and kind eyes hidden behind very stylish glasses, he was wearing a blue buttoned shirt, and from the looks of how he sat, looked, and placed his hands, my gaydar began beeping loudly in my head. “Hey baby, good to see you” I immediately felt two hands hanging from my shoulders, a soft slight hug coming from tayler wrapped me up and made me feel more comfortable. Once she let go she gave me a big smile and squeezed my hands. “Come sit hun” she said, dragging me by my hands towards a chair near the boy I was recently checking out. “Hi, im simon, it's really good to finally meet you” simon brought his hand towards mine and i shook it quite instinctively, Simon is pretty professional, i thought myself smirking at this professional handshake. “Stop being so formal Simon,” the girl with the short brown hair said with a beautiful light British accent, lifting up off her chair just a bit. “Im bianca” she said with a very flirty grin, i smiled back uninterested but very flattered, considering bianca was very appealing. “Welcome to the crew Ashton” Bianca said leaning on the table with her elbows. Ramona came and sat down beside me even though her seat was on the other side of simon, i smiled at her, very glad she did so considering im new to the crew and kind of nervous. I want to make a good impression on Ramona's friends. Ramona is important to me and I know how much her friends are important to her, so I know their opinion of me will definitely affect my friendship with ray. “It’s Ash… just Ash” I said , glancing at all the eyes staring at me at the table. “You got it Ash” Bianca says returning to her former position in her chair, back slouched with her legs manspreading. “So Ash, you already know taylor, simon I’m assuming is familiar to you considering you’re both in literature together, and bianca is actually a senior so i assume you haven't seen her around campus since she’s practically a ghost now that she’s leaving us” ramona’s gaze went from me to bianca with an angry yet sad expression. Bianca just pouted her lips in a kiss shape and sent Ramona an air kiss making a very squeaky annoying kiss sound. “Oh that’s a shame” I said trying to sound as bummed as I could since I couldn't really feel that emotion towards Bianca considering we aren't really friends, and I met her this instant. “You’ll be replacing me here in the crew cupcake” bianca looked me up and down and winked which i didn't really react to, she left me pretty speechless. “She’s kidding Ash” ramona said brushing my arm with her hand, i turned to look at her at the touch and saw her beautiful bright blue eyes looking deep into mine, like she was trying to read my mind through my eyes, i quickly looked away afraid she would succeed to do so. “Hey, i just wanted to say your piece about to kill a mockingbird last week was very moving, i actually started to read it after your piece in class” Simon said with a bright kind smile. “Oh wow, i'm glad i managed to inspire you” i said very flattered at his comments, i didn't think anyone was actually paying attention to my assignment other than mrs. Myars. “Why did you choose that specific book?” Simon asked leaning in closer to me to hear my answer. When he was closer I could notice how kind his eyes are, how sharp his nose was and how he bit his lip when he was nervous or in this case impatient. “Well, it was actually a childhood book of mine, my parents couldn't afford channels so i started reading my moms books cause i was bored, i read a few of the books she had but after reading to kill a mockingbird i couldn't manage to read any other book, i read it over and over again for about 6 times continuously.” Simon's eyes were still on mine, he was very eager to hear what I had to say and I felt heard, I felt loved and listened to. “Wow, I really get that now. I started reading it 3 days ago and I've already got
  • 17. half the book, it is an extraordinary book indeed,"Simon said, cleaning his glasses on the fabric of his shirt. “Aww, I wish I could've been there to hear your speech,” Taylor said, pouting her lips. I chuckled, “it was actually a presentation” I said smiling at her. She chuckled and apologized faintly. I decided to change positions in my seat, noticing that my back was arched and I was stuck in place, nervous and scared to move. But after opening up a bit I finally laid my back down on the chair and released a deep breath I held in from the moment I saw Ramona and her friends. “So, are we ordering some shots or what?” Bianca said, rubbing her hands in the other getting closer to the table in order to see the menu that was placed in the middle of the round table. “Damn Bianca, some of us have to study, you know,” Ramona exclaimed, looking at her in shock. “Come on ray ray, lighten up, tomorrow's friday, lets drink” bianca said lifting her hand in the air trying to catch the attention of a waitress. A slim girl with a bun approached our table, standing close to Bianca, the girl who invited her over. “What can I get you guys?” she asked with a cheery tone but a numb face. “We’ll have 10 shots of your strongest vodka please '' Bianca said, brushing her lips with her tongue while looking up at the waitress making sure her order went through to her. “Woah woah B, we can't afford that” Ramona said leaning her elbows on the table. Bianca looked at her, expressionless. “It’s fine babe, it's on me” Bianca shrugged her shoulders and looked back at the waitress, whispering something to her with her hand hanging around the waitress’s waist. Confusion dawned upon me. Why did she call Ramona babe? And why is she so “friendly” with the waitress? “Anything else” the waitress looked up from her notepad, checking us all to see whether we wanted something else. “Nah we’re good” bianca said after swooping the table with her eyes quickly checking if we desired anything else. “Hey, can you tell Tony that this is Bianca’s order? He’ll give me a discount, "Bianca smirked towards the innocent looking waitress. From afar it looked as if Bianca was a predator capturing her prey. The waitress nodded with a smile that reassured me she's comfortable and probably knows Bianca. “Thanks love” Bianca's British accent stood out at that last word she said. The waitress left and Bianca kept staring back at her until she entered the bar to give our orders. “Shots on me you beautiful bicthes” bianca raised her arms in the air happily, looking satisfied and pleased with her decision to pay for us. “You’re such an idiot B” ramona said smiling that stupid smile of hers that gave me butterflies in my stomach. It was a flirty smile, she smiled that way only once to me when she made me laugh so hard that coffee ran out my nose. It made me think she liked me, or at least that she might. Ramona stared at me like she was hearing my thoughts and gave me a thoughtful smile reminding me that it will be ok and that she’s here for me. “B, you know i don't drink” taylor said crossing her arms and pouting again at Bianca. “More shots for me i guess” bianca said shrugging her muscular shoulders. She was wearing a very baggy gray t-shirt but when she slouched on the chair the fabric stuck to her arms, emphasizing her fit arms. “At least order me a cider,” Taylor said in a demanding tone. “Anything for you blondie” bianca sat up kissing taylor on her cheek and speed walking towards the entrance to the bar to order her a cider. “So, Ash, are you in a relationship?” startled by the question, I turned my head toward the asker. Simon, leaning on his elbows eager to hear what I have to say. “Simon! That’s totally out of the blue” Ramona exclaimed looking at him in shock but with a loving endearing smile. “Oh shit, I'm sorry Ash, was that inappropriate?” Simon said, crouching down in his chair as if he was ashamed. “Hey no, everything’s ok, and to answer your question, no i am not in a relationship” i
  • 18. said brushing my hand on simon’s to calm him and reassure me he did nothing wrong. “Oh, good to know … you are gay though right?” Ramona and Taylor started giggling from the side, as if they were used to Simon's random questioning. I giggled as well, surprised and dumbstruck. “Umm well, im gay ya” i whispered my words, not knowing if they even heard them. “Yassss” Simon screeched and threw his wrist backward. I smiled at him, feeling a bit shy. “Honestly I asked because the whole crew is gay, and if you weren’t that would be a deal breaker” Simon said with an evil grin on his face, i couldn't really tell if he was being sarcastic or not so i just smiled politely. “I'm obviously kidding,” Simon said, letting go of the evil grin he stuck on his face. I laughed it off, weirded out by the situation but also feeling belonged. “So are you pan? Bi? Lesbo? Demi? Abro? Gray? Aro? Ace?” At one point it started sounding like gibberish. I just recently entered the lgbt community, so I barely know the terms. I came out when I was 15 to my dad, as pansexual. My father cried a lot, he didn't manage to say a word and at first i thought he was upset or disappointed but when he caught his breath he got up and gave me a big big hug, when he let go i asked him why he was crying and he grabbed my shoulders, squeezed them and told me his was just so happy i came out to him and trusted him. After mom left us i wouldn’t really talk to my dad, i had this grudge built in me to him, i persuaded myself that my mom left because she wasn't happy being married to him but didn't want to hurt his feelings, but after a year or so i knew what i was thinking was bullshit and not the truth and that i shouldn't blame my only parent that still takes care of me for what my mom did. “Im… p-pan” i mumbled, waiting for Simon's reaction. It seemed as if he were to judge if my sexual orientation is good enough for Ray’s crew. “Slay queen” Simon said with the most sarcastic tone i have ever heard. “In case you didn't tell yet im gay, Taylor is pan as well, Ramona is bisexual and Bianca is an obvious butch lesbo” I smiled at that information. I find it funny that the whole crew was gay people. “Simon stop boring her” Ramona says burying her head in her arms, totally exhausted from this awkward conversation. I giggled and smiled at Simon who gave me this important information. “Who’s ready to get drunk?” I heard a muffled British tone of voice from behind and looked back to see Bianca's hands filled with small glass cups filled with shots of vodka and a plastic cup she held in her mouth filled with what I assumed was taylors cider. “Here you go ma'am '' Bianca put down the 10 cups she managed to hold in her hands and took the plastic cup out of her mouth and placed it in front of taylor. “Thank you, my king,” Taylor said sarcastically, looking up at Bianca with puppy eyes. Bianca sat down and scooted her chair closer to the table. “What’d I miss?” Bianca asked with an eager grin. “Simon was just explaining to Ash all of our sexual orientations” Ramona muffled and let out a huge sigh while her head was leaning on the table. She looked exhausted and unsatisfied. “Lighten up Ray, it’s very intriguing information” I said, placing my hand on Ramona’s back and brushing her back lightly. “Alright, let's drink!” Bianca threw her hands on the table causing a clashing sound and startling ramona. Her head lifted off the table and grabbed two shots about to drink them before Bianca stopped her. “Woah woah woah, we have a newbie here, she needs to learn the tradition” Bianca exclaimed pointing at me with her eyebrows high up. “Right right, go ahead B” ramona said slowly putting the shot glass down on the table. “Everyone raise your glasses” Bianca stated while raising hers. Taylor happily raised her cider glass, Simon grabbed two shot glasses and passed one to me, nudging me to raise mine as well, and I did as told. “For life, for dough, and to fuck every hoe” our
  • 19. glasses clinked together causing some of the alcohol from our glasses to spill. Ramona, Bianca and Simon raised their glasses to their mouths and swallowed all the fluid that was in the glass in a heartbeat, and I followed their lead, gagging at the horrible taste of the alcohol that was chosen. “Damn Bianca, what did you put in this?” I asked, still choking on the horrifying taste. “Ya B, the girls right, this is horrid” Simon exclaimed while his face held the expression of a 3 year old trying to poop. Ramona laughed, not looking phased at all by the disgusting taste of alcohol. “Shut up assholes” Bianca laughed and nudged simon. “Hey, what did you mean by dough?” I wondered about the chant Bianca gave a few seconds ago. “It means money, we’re cheering for life, for money and to fuck all the honeys” bianca smirked and quickly pinched taylors thigh startling her and bringing a squeal out of her. “Round 2?” Ramona asked excitedly, looking at me to see if I wanted to have another shot with her. Her eyes lit up and her cheeks were already flushed by the alcohol, or maybe the adrenaline. “How could i say no to you ray” i shrugged. Tonights going to be a long night. Chapter 6 - Ashton It was indeed a long tiring night. I woke up with a headache i never felt before but also a smile that was spread across my face. I got up apparently too quickly because the moment I did my legs betrayed me and I found myself stumbling and falling to the ground. I clutched my head and groaned at the panging pain I felt in my head. I got up slowly this time and went to the kitchen to make myself some coffee so that i could freshen up and remember what happened the night before. Regardless of the aching headache and irritating hangover, last night was one of the most fun nights i've had in canada so far, actually, one of the most fun nights i've ever had. Ramona really is the life of the party, she manages to light up a room that has no electricity in it. After Ramona suggested we get more shots, we decided to get more after that, then more, then more and then cocktails. I was as drunk as I ever was, yet still sober enough to remember small but crucial details of the fun night. Once we were all on the 4th round of shots we went walking down the street full of bars and clubs trying to pick one to dance in, since apparently when taylor’s drunk she wants to dance, Even when she's sober she wants to dance. She dragged us to a club called “call her juliet”, i remember that detail specifically because i spent minutes wondering to myself why the owner of the club chose the specific name juliet for his club, and i came up with a conclusion that it’s named after his sister or family member who enjoys dancing and partying. I remember we stopped at the bar in the entrance to ask for cocktails, the barman was very friendly and chatted up Simon almost all night, and Simon didn't mind at all since he disliked dancing and was desperately single. I remember the bar man’s name being Derek, or Daniel, something with a D definitely. Ramona, Bianca, Taylor and I danced in the middle of the dance floor, laughing and wobbling out of drunk stupidity. People were watching us, judging even but i
  • 20. didnt care at all, being with girls that dont give a fuck about what others are thinking really did rub off on me. Lots of men tried flirting with Ramona but she blew them off quite quickly, as expected. She’s taken. She seemed so unmoved by it, she was so focused on us and in our dancing, in our little closed circle that we built for ourselves. Some boys flirted with Taylor as well, Taylor was a bit naive to their flirtations but she didn’t let any of the men affect her, she was confident and uninterested, which was very admirable. A few men flirted with me as well, one put his hand on my lower back, something that ramona noticed very fast and brushed him off, she noticed i was uncomfortable and she isn't one to sit aside in these situations. “Are you ok babe?” she’d ask me while putting her hand on my shoulder and her lips close to my ear whenever men would flirt with me rather aggressively. I was a bit in shock but I would just nod to Ramona to reassure her. Back in europe i didn't go out a lot and even when i did men would flirt with me kindly, and very subtly, sometimes i wouldn't really notice because i grew up very chubby and unattractive, so most my friends would get hit on while i stood by their side wondering what it would be like to be in their position. But today, after knowing what it’s like, I don't find it that appealing or interesting, each guy says the same thing “you’re so beautiful” “can i get your number?” “how come i've never seen you here before” they all start the conversation the same. We danced for what seemed like hours, and every half an hour I would turn around to check on simon. Either he'd be sipping his drink while keeping his eye out for us, or he’d be chatting it up with the barman, who seemed interested in talking to Simon specifically. I smiled at the sight, I was happy for Simon, even though I only know him for a couple of hours, he deserves it. “Someone had a rough night” I turned my head and saw Danielle leaning on the door frame looking me up and down with pity and judgment. How could she tell? I walked towards the microwave to check my reflection only to see how smeared my mascara was and how dark my under eyes were. Not to speak about my hair which was a big knotted mess. “Ugh, I need a shower” I sighed and took a sip of my boiling hot coffee, burning the tip of my tongue as I did so. ><><><><><><><>< The water touched my skin softly but firmly, wetting each part of my body evenly, I let out a small sigh when the cold water was engulfing my body. It stung but calmed my nerves. I closed my eyes and stood still, waiting for the cold water to turn warmer, until I was comfortable enough to start soaping up my body. I tried to remember more details about the night before while cleaning my body. We danced for hours. I remember Taylor and some other cute girl flirting, she had long black hair and a nice big tattoo of Coraline's mother with button eyes. She stood out to me, caught my eye, she looked intimidating but when she talked she looked sweet and lovable even. Taylor seemed very flattered and flirted back. I kept dancing glancing between Taylor and the other girl to Bianca and Ramona who were starting to dance closer together. I could see Ramona slowly dance on Bianca enjoying herself. It confused me since I knew Ramona had a boyfriend and her morals and ethics would never agree to cheat. I did know Ramona for only a few months but it's enough to tell if she's a cheater or not and I know she can't possibly be. "Fuck" I was startled at the bottle of soap that fell out of my hands and on to the shower floor. I slowly leaned down to pick it up, making sure I didn't slip.
  • 21. I placed it back on the built in shelf in the shower, closing my eyes while rinsing my hair. I kept breathing deep breaths in and out trying to focus, relax, get all the alcohol and toxins out of my body. I finally finished showering after a few minutes of standing still in the shower, getting numb to the feeling of the hard warm water hitting my back. I wrapped myself up in my towel and dripped in the hallway floor while walking into my room. I shut and locked the door to my room and began wiping and drying myself. After getting into neat clothes I picked up a comb and started combing my hair gently but firmly since I had particularly wavy annoying hair. A flashback of last night hit me "oh my-" I dropped the comb to the ground covering my mouth with my hands. I startled backward trying to catch a grip of the memory that just appeared in my head. Ramona grabbed Bianca's hand and pulled her to the entrance of the girls bathroom, it was pretty empty near the entrance but they didn't seem to step into the bathroom which got me thinking the bathroom was probably full. Bianca pressed Ramona back to the wall of the club near the bathrooms entrance and had her right hand on Ramona's waist. At the same time I didn't pay any mind to it since I was drunk and my mind came up with every excuse possible as to what it going on. Ramona grabbed Bianca's nape with both her hands and pulled her towards her having their lips touch each other with passion and hardness I've only seen in movies. I remember thinking that couldn't be Ramona but now I know for a fact it was. I remember from her outfit and long locs that fell off her shoulder while she was making out with bianca. They looked starved for each other's lips, to taste each other, to have each other's tongues wrapped around the other. Bianca lifted Ramona's left leg using her right arm which was a second ago on her waist. Ramona gasped as their lips separated and Bianca's kisses began to run down Ramona's neck causing Ramona to arch back in pleasure. At some point, ray must of felt me staring because she made eye contact with me and I immediately turned away to look at Taylor who was now dancing in front of me with the girl that flirted with her by her side. And I went with the flow. I stood still in the same position with my hands covering my mouth and my comb on the floor. Why would she do that? Was she really that drunk? Maybe she was confused or persuaded, but it did seem consensual. Why didn't I stop them? My thoughts spun, with no real reason. This was none of my business, whatever ray needs to workout with Theo is their problem, I don't need to intervene. If Ramona decides to tell Theo that'll be the best thing to do, she's smart, I trust her, she'd probably tell him anyway. Who am I kidding… I have to tell him Chapter 7 After the long nice shower I took I remember going to the living room and putting on a tv show on my laptop before falling asleep on the couch. Danielle practically carried me to bed since I was exhausted and I woke up the next day with my neck sore but a good night's rest. It was Sunday so no school today. On Sundays in Europe I would go with my dad to church, I went with him because it was our best quality time. He went to church because it was also his chance to chat it up with one of the women there at church. Ever since my mom left, my dad felt lonely,
  • 22. until I was 16 he didn't go on one date because he wanted to stay with me, raise me without distractions and he felt that if he started dating or bringing women home I'd feel abandoned or betrayed. But I always pushed him into dating, I saw how lonely he was. We started going to church out of curiosity and mainly because I asked my dad who is god and why we pray to him. He decided to show me at the church and all I heard that day from the pastor's mouth was a bunch of stuff I didn't believe in so I stopped asking about god. But we never stopped going to church since it gave us peace and purpose. By the third time we went, my dad parked the car in the parking lot and as we were getting out of the car another car slid into the parking space next to us, scraping my dad's door. My dad is a very calm guy, never tries to fight or raise his voice, so he walked calmly to the car and knocked on the window. A woman with a big blonde messy bun and big cute glasses rolled down the window showing a grin that expressed "I'm sorry", I could tell my dad fell for her since he was silent for the first few seconds staring at each other. Then he cleared his throat, about to say something and yet no words came out. I remember watching from aside the whole scene and cringing the entire time. "I'm really really sorry sir" the woman said, rolling her glasses up her nose. They were definitely too big for her but made her eyes look big and full. "I-its ok" he said smiling and rubbing the back of his neck. I chuckled at the sight because I could tell they were flabbergasted by each other, but none of them knew how to communicate. "I can pay or help fix it for you" she said, opening her seatbelt to get out of the car. My dad backed up to let her get out, and when she did he made it very obvious to stare her up and down in awe. She blushed back and I could tell they were meant for each other. "Umm, do yo- do you go to church too?" My dad stuttered nervously. "Yup" she said with a tight, nervous smile. Ever since that moment we went to church every Sunday, sometimes my dad insisted on going more but I told him it wasn't smart and that he would never get the girl he wants if he became a stalker. I gave him a lot of advice during this time, I wanted him to be happy, and she was sweet and a good match for him. The 6th time we went to church and saw her, my dad finally asked her out. She blushed so hard I thought she was going to explode, she agreed and they went on a date. I was so happy for them I literally teared up. After about a month she started to come for dinner. Her name is Melissa, she is extremely short and introverted but so fun and creative when you get to know her. She's an art teacher and she's so inspiring. She's great for my dad as well. I really am happy for him and support their relationship. "Morning sleepy head, you sleep well" Danielle was peeking in my room with her hair falling down her shoulders and her eyes wide with curiosity. "Surprisingly yes" I said with a smirk and a chuckle. She smiled back, she looked more friendly than usual and that was already suspicious. "What's wrong?" I said slowly tilting my head in question. "I made pancakes" she smiled after finishing the sentence, happy with herself. "Good I'm starving" I said, slouching. Danielle is the cook of the house, she's really good at it, she wanted to become a chef at some point but her parents weren't supportive so she studies economics mostly, but I know that she studies culinary on the side secretly. Her love language is food and she's good at it.
  • 23. I got up a bit dizzy and walked towards the living room. While walking I thought about how I missed my workout this morning which was a bummer but I thought about completing it in the evening. I sat at the table waiting for a plate with pancakes to come my way. "Here you go" Danielle smiled, showing her cute little dimples and placing a plate with pancakes and maple syrup and whip cream in front of me. "Danielle! This looks amazing!" I exclaim looking at her. She shrugs, wiping her hands with a towel. I taste the exquisite meal in front of me moaning with pleasure. "Fis is amazing" I say with my mouth full. Danielle smiles slightly and starts washing dishes. I finish up my meal and clean after myself. While cleaning I remember what happened the night I went out with Ramona. Goosebumps crawled up my neck thinking about it. Ramona a cheater? Can't be, she isn't like that, she adores justice and the truth. I'm lost in thought when I feel Danielle's hand on my shoulder gently. Startled, I turned around, "you've been washing the same plate for like 8 minutes ash" Danielle says leaning on the kitchen counter. I let go of the plate leaning my arms on the counter. "Hey, can I ask you something?" I asked Danielle, already regretting it. "Ya sure" she says her lips in a tight grin. "If you saw someone you know who has a partner .." I trailed off thinking of how to phrase my question. "If you saw them kissing someone who isn't their partner …. And you know their partner personally …… Would you tell them?" I could tell Danielle was confused but she thought about her answer anyway. "Morally, it would be the right thing to do, but me personally, I wouldn't intervene in another relationships business" Danielle shrugs and leaps off the counter. I bite my bottom lip in thought. I'm a very moral person, never cheated, never talked behind my friends back, I know myself and I know I won't be able to let this go until I did the right thing, even if it's Theo Luke we're talking about. He deserves to know. And when he finds out maybe they'll even break up and I'll have a chance with Ramona. I know that's a very disgusting thought but why else would I help Theo out of nowhere. "Ugh" my head fell to my hands. This is so stupid. Chapter 8 Monday comes, and I am grateful it does. My weekend was tiring enough. Thinking about what to do with the new information I gathered from the night I went out with Ramona and her friends. I woke up with the worst headache ever but began my morning workout anyways. I ran through the neighborhood passing by the school a few times. My thoughts run as fast as my legs. I'm going to tell Theo today. Should I tell Theo? Maybe Ramona will come clean to him. But the way Ramona and Bianca were holding each other made it look like it wasn't the first time they've been doing this. I shook my head trying to shake the thoughts out of it and focus on the view while I'm running. I pass by a few people with their dogs focusing on how much the people and their dogs look alike. I passed by a guy wearing all black sitting on a bench reading a book with his legs crossed. He looked so focused and the book was so close to his face I could barely see it. But once I was closer to him, he quickly laid the book down on his lap and stared right at me. I startled but kept running, when I got closer I could tell it was jasper.
  • 24. Jasper is one of the students at school, he's very sweet to me. When I first arrived he gave me a very nice welcome. Making sure I had everything I needed, and that I felt ok. He's very nice and also a bit popular. He's 5"9, has flowy brown hair that is a bit curly and brown eyes. He has a few tattoos as well but not any that were too appealing to me to focus on them. I stopped when I arrived at the bench Jasper sat on and took one of my earphones out to say hello. "Hi Jasper, I didn't know you live around here" I said, running in place so that my heart rate doesn't slow down. He stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "I don't, '' he shrugged. I smiled weirdly not knowing what to say. Why is he here if he doesn't live here? It's also very early. Jasper could tell I was thinking so he quickly told me he was out with his dog and pointed at the pitbull playing on the field behind him with a stick. "He's very cute," I say, smiling. "Thanks, his name is Billie" he says looking me in my eyes. "you run often?" He asks, pointing at my workout clothes. "Yes, I try every day," I say, slowing the pace I'm running at. "That's good, it's healthy to exercise," he says tapping my shoulder. We just stood there in silence while I kept running in place and he kept staring at me, slowly looking me up and down. "I better go, I want to make it home in time to shower and get ready for class" I say with a polite smile. "Ya I better get Billie home" he says with the same smile I gave him. I nodded and continued running slowly to not seem as if I can't stand this "conversation" anymore. Even tho I really couldn't. ~~~~~ I get home quickly, shower, get dressed and pack my bag. I wear beige cargo pants that are very baggy with a cute black t-shirt that is tight enough to emphasize my boobs but not touch my belly. I brush my hair in the mirror, grab my bag and a bagel from the kitchen and leave the apartment. I get to school on time, even a few minutes before and head to my first class - literature. I have an amazing professor, Grace woodman. She's kind and passionate about literature and manages to go through the material very clearly. I chose literature because like my professor, I have a passion for poems and stories. When I was little my mom would read me poems about love and power when she put me to bed. It used to be a tradition. A motivational speech sort of. She was trying to tell me all along to be independent, like her. But I guess in a more healthier way as in not to leave your daughter. "Good morning lovlies" grace walks in with her chest wide and hastily. She sets her bag down, taking out her books. I straighten my back in my seat and get ready to summarize the beautiful words that leave her lips with my pen in hand. ~~~~~~ Class is over so quickly and I'm already excited for the next class. If you haven't noticed until now, I'm so horny for school and learning, I'm a total nerd. Next class - psychology. Fuck, I curse under my breath, remembering the next class is with Theo. Theo Luke. Ramona's Theo. Remembering what I have to do. That I have to interact with him nonetheless let him know his beautiful girlfriend is cheating on him with a girl version of him. How did I get myself into this?? When I moved to Canada all I asked for was education and a few friends to not be lonely, but I feel like I've just been put in a reality tv show that requires me to Interact with other people's drama just to make it my drama.
  • 25. Fuck my life. Chapter 9 I enter psychology heart with my head thumping, my heart pounding and my fingers fidgeting with each other. What I'm about to do is not easy and I don't know how I can do it. Obviously I'm not going to confront Theo about his girlfriend cheating on him in the middle of class but we work together this evening so I'd rather do it now so that it'll crush his heart enough for him not to come to today's shift. I'm kidding, that was a bit harsh. I just know that the moment I see him I won't be able to control myself and I'll spit it out. I'm not a good liar. Or a good secret keeper. Especially if I know the person the secret is about. And see them everyday. And work with them. And - My thoughts run off as I see Theo walking in class. I let out a small squeal that I didn't even notice escaped my lips and Theo's head turns in my direction, he eyes me, steadily but as if I'm his prey that he's ready to pounce on. "Morning red" he says expressionless. "mORnInG" my voice breaks, betraying me and the nonchalant face I'm trying to put on. Theo cocks an eyebrow, eyeing my up and down. But he shrugs after a few seconds and sits down in the row before me. Good morning my beautiful students, shall we begin?" Mr Matthews claps his hands and starts writing on the board behind him. A few minutes after psychology class started I can hear Merida scooching over to me with her chair. She is a good classmate, eager to learn and study, focused yet with a strong sign of adhd and as a bonus she's friendly and kind. She, like many other students, also admires mr. Matthews who walked in just a moment ago. "“Pssss” I hear, moments after Merida scooched her chair closer to mine. I ignore the whispers continuing to copy the new information off the board. “Pss” I hear once again after only 3 seconds have passed. I look over to my right seeing Merida leaning way closer to me than she usually does. “Yes?” I asked her in a whisper. “Were you just talking to Theo luke?” she asks with a bright shimmer in her eyes, as if she's ready to hear gossip. “Yes, I was. What about it?” I am sincerely confused as to what Merida wants. “Nothing, I just didn't know you guys were close” she says, shrugging her shoulders and pouting her lips. “Oh no pff” I scoffed apparently way too loud, because I saw Conner's head on the other side of the class, just a row above us, propped up when I scoffed. “We aren't close, we just work together '' I say, still whispering and trying to return to studying. “Really?? That's cool” she says, sitting straight again and looking at the board. “Why is that cool?” I ask quietly, very confused. If anything, working with Theo is the exact opposite of “cool”. “I don't know, it just seems nice” she says under her breath. Nice? Pfff No way. Not nice at all, and I've only had one shift with them. “So are you guys close?" she asks, copying the words on the board to her notebook in a very sloppy manner. "Not at all" I rolled my eyes as I realized I practically yelled that. I lowered my head in shame, trying to focus on the material. “why not? You work together and I can tell he's always looking at you" Merida says leaning in again. My hand stops writing, my heart freezes and my eyes widen in shock. Why the fuck would Theo Luke be looking at me. Merida could tell she hit a nerve and she started apologizing profusely. "It's fine Merida, what was your point in asking these questions anyway?" I ask trying to keep my temper down and my voice controlled in a whisper. "Nothing… I- .. look I've known Theo since freshman year, he's
  • 26. pretty cocky but very obsessed with his girlfriend, I've never seen him talk or say a "good morning" to any other girl before, he usually just nods his head at the people he knows as some sort of greeting." God she gossips a lot. I think to myself as she talks about how introverted Theo is. But all this information about Theo being obsessed with his girlfriend isn't making me feel better about the fact that I'll have to break the news to him soon. "So what? You think he's obsessed with me now?" I ask with a bit of sarcasm in my voice. "No, I'm just saying you're probably special or something" Merida shrugs looking back at the board in awe of all the material that has been written while she was talking to me. "Well even if I were "special"" I do air quotes with my fingers, "I'm not interested in him whatsoever, and even if I were, which would never ever be possible in any universe, he has a girlfriend" I say trying to prove my point and finish this stupid conversation. "So?" She asks sublty. So? Is she serious? He has a fucking girlfriend, that would be unmoral and my behalf and his, that would be so unethical and hurtful to Ramona (even though she did it first). I guess my thoughts radiate on my face because Merida could tell exactly what I was thinking. “Oh shit, you don't know?” Merida gasps but quickly shushes herself so that the entire class won't know we’re talking. Don't know what? What is she talking about? Why is she being so dramatic? “Don't know what?” I am confused and eager to know what Merida is talking about. “Theo and Ray are polyamorous Ash '' she says with such utter confidence. “Polyamorous?” I ask, checking to see if I heard correctly. “Ya polyamorous. You know what that is right?” I lift my head from my notebook in thought. “Polyamorous is when two people are in an open relationship and can see other people while-” “ya i know what polyamorous is thank you merida” i say cutting her off. By this point I'm sure our entire row and even the row beneath us including Theo has heard us and our conversation. Polyamaorous? How come I didn't know about this? Does the entire school know? This is so strange, I've never met a polyamorous couple in real life before. I got entirely lost in thought about the new news Merida had just shared with me and didn't notice Mr. Matthews was staring directly at me with a questioning face while mouthing the words ``are you ok?” in my direction. Once I notice and understand what he's mouthing to me I simply nod and put my head back down to face my notebook. “You ok?” I hear Merida whispering directly into my right ear. I nod and just stare at my notebook. Polyamorous huh? So, Ramona didn't actually cheat on Theo, did she? The rest of class I kept my head down and focused only on my work and the faint words I heard but didn't quite absorb from mr. Matthews while being completely lost in thought. By the end of class as I was packing my things and heading out I heard mr. matthews calling my name right before I exited class. “Hey Ashton, are you ok? I saw you zone out a few times in class. Anything on your mind bothering you?” mr. Matthews asked, leaning on his board. God those buttoned up shirts sure do him good, I thought to myself trying to focus on the question he just asked me. “Oh umm, i apologize i wasn't too focused, it's nothing really, im ok, thanks for asking.” I say not noticing I'm clutching my books in my arms. Mr. Matthews comes up to me and lets his right hand rest on my left shoulder, he leans in closer and if he wasnt my professor at the moment, I could see this scene going sideways real fast. “I'm here for you Ashton, whatever you need, remember that” he says with a nice smile. After a few seconds he slides his arm down my shoulder and lets go. I just smile a small smile as in thanking him for his kindness and head out the door with only one purpose. I need to go speak with Ramona.
  • 27. Chapter 10 - Theo Ashton grosky. What a hideous name. When I heard there was a new freshman I just had to go check the fresh meat, especially with a name like that. When I saw her crossing the halls, with her long curly ginger red hair, hazel eyes and cute little button nose she immediately piqued my interest. I knew I wanted to get to know her, not because of her basic looks, but because of the eagerness I saw in her eyes, her pureness and curiosity, and the beautiful noticeable unique birthmark she has on her right shoulder. It looks like a huge rash if it were brown. But I also knew it'd be hard for me to get to know her, I'm not extremely good with people, that's why I decided to study psychology. The human mind is a fascinating place and I wanted to study it. When I learned Ashton was in the class with me, that made me more eager to learn about her and with her. She's different from Ramona. She's confident, eager to learn, smart, charismatic and overall beautiful and positive. I see that she wears a mask most of the time and tries too hard to be accepted but I understand her effort and the goal she's trying to achieve. When I transferred to the cafe she was working in, and noticed she works there as well, it made me a bit excited, gave us more time together. The old cafe i worked in was my mother’s, i started working there to gain more tips for her and help her financially, until i found out she was in a much bigger debt than i thought and the only thing she could do was sell her cafe since it only weighed on her finances and didn't get enough money to pay off her bills. Which is why I had to find a different job to help her. I dont take pity from anyone, and certainly not donations, which is why I told Ash the cafe was infested with rats, which still isn't something much better than being in debt but who am I to share my moms financial business with others. Ever since my dad was diagnosed with dementia my mom had to work twice as much for his medication and I knew I had to help her to keep our house running with electricity, water, even food. Especially since I have a younger sister to take care of. Nataly is only 13 but she’s growing everyday and I wouldn't want her to grow in a house that doesn't give her what she needs, which is also why my mom and I agreed not to tell anyone about her debt and just work it off together. My mom is a very kind person, she's good with people and friendly and calm, i've never seen her ever riled up, my mom knows how to keep her cool which i find very hard to do if i had two kids and a husband with dementia that can't find a job to help around the house. He really doesn't do too much. My dad is pretty old, being 67 as a father. My mom was forced into marriage at a young age, she loves my dad but it takes a lot of energy out of her. Everytime i go to sleep in the house I always hear her quietly sobbing. I peek into her room to see her on the floor weeping and praying to god to take care of her kids. She goes through a lot yet still manages to be a successful loving mother. Even in my childhood I remember her going through difficulties with finances and seeing her fight with my dad but she always told me they are "adult fights" and they aren't too serious just so that I wouldn't worry. She wasn't much in the house since she worked 3 jobs a day just raising my sister and i. She never showed how hard it was for her and always cleared her Saturdays to spend time with us and buy us clothes and food we would dream of the whole week. She's a good mother. When i came out to her as trans she wept, at first i thought she was upset with me or confused but she was just so glad i told her and she promised me she’d love me no matter if i was a worm, and that she'd always be here for me and do everything she can to help me transition, after she said that i started weeping as well. I was 15 when I finally came out to her and I was so glad she accepted me and loved me for me. But I was already grown up and