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Consent 101 fall 2020
- 1. Two ₵ents on Con$ent
- 2. 2 Let’s set some ground rules… Remember who is in the room Take care of yourself Be open minded Challenge your assumptions Ask questions Mutual Respect
- 3. Free & Confidential Crisis Intervention Reporting Options Academic Assistance Safety Planning Medical Services Emotional Support Education & Outreach (706) 542-SAFE (7233) • (706) 542-8690 24/7 Confidential Hotline uhs.uga.edu/rsvp/rsvp-intro Relationship & Sexual Violence Prevention and Advocacy Services
- 4. What does “consent” mean to you?
- 5. UGA’s Definition of Consent Consent: Words or actions that show a knowing and voluntary willingness to engage in mutually agreed-upon sexual activity. Consent cannot be gained by force, intimidation or coercion; by ignoring or acting in spite of objections of another; or by taking advantage of the incapacitation of another where the respondent knows or reasonably should have known of such incapacitation. Minors under the age of 16 cannot legally consent under Georgia law.
- 6. RSVP’s Educational Principles of Consent Active (not passive) On-Going Not Incapacitated Between People Equal Power Freely Given Choice Consent
- 7. Active (not passive) Consent RSVP’s Principles of Consent Examples of Active Consent: ● Body language (actively participating and not pulling away) ● Verbal confirmation ● Verbal enthusiasm ● Silence or indifference is not consent
- 8. On-going Consent What is Ongoing consent? ● Just because someone consents to sexual activity once, doesn’t mean that they consent to sexual activity in the future, not even in intimate partner relationships. ● People in IPRs can choose to not to partake in sexual activity at any given time. ● Consent to one level of sexual activity (i.e oral sex) is not consent to other levels of sexual activity (i.e penetrative sex). You need consent at every escalation. ● Just because someone initially gives consent doesn’t mean they can’t change their mind.
- 9. Not Incapacitated Consent Example of Not Incapacited ● Both parties are sober or not under the influence of drugs. ● They are fully awake and are aware of their surroundings. ● They can communicate what they want or do not when interacting with others.
- 10. Between People Equal Power Consent Examples of Unequal Power Balance: ● An 18 year old and a 26 year old. ● A student and a teacher. ● An athlete and their coach. ● A doctor and their patient. ● An intern and their boss.
- 11. Freely Given Choice Consent Example of Freely Given Choice: ● When someone says YES that can also mean they are allow to say NO at any point. ● They should not be threaten, forced, manipulated, pressured, or coerced at any point during an interaction with intimate partner(s). ● A person can be attracted to someone and even envision having sex with them, but not freely give consent in the moment.
- 12. What is Coercion? Coercion is a very common tactic used to intimidate, trick, or force someone into sexual activity without physical force. It can be verbal, emotional, financial, relational, or situational.
- 14. Consent Line Activity! Least Amount of Most Amount of Communication Required Communication Required What activities require the most amount of communication to get consent? *Not the order in which they happen in a relationship… * PollEV.com/cameronconne774
- 15. What barriers/fears do students have for communicating consent?
- 16. 16 What are some ways students ask for consent? • Asking directly about a specific activity • Checking in verbally throughout the interaction • Nonverbal body language- seeing if actions are reciprocated, behaviors that indicate pleasure • Indirect ways- “want to go back to my room?” • What is this person consenting to? • How could someone re-phrase this to be more clear…
- 17. 17 Consent Seeking Phrases • I really want to hug / kiss / …… you. Can I? or What do you want to do with me? •Do you like it when I do this? What don’t you like? What would you like me to do for you? • Is it o.k. if I take off my/your shirt / top / bra / pants? • I like when you kiss / touch / ….. me there. •Have you ever …. ? Would you like to try it with me? • Is there anything you don’t want to do? •Do you want to go further? • Are you comfortable? • Do you want to stop?
- 18. Thank you for taking the time with The Be Well Peer Educators!! Questions? Cameron Conner, MPH cconner@uhs.uga.edu 706-542-8690 Faith Settipani fas46341@uga.edu 7008761345
Editor's Notes
- Common ground rules: Be aware of what you are saying. There may be people in the room who are survivors or co-survivors of assault. Today we are going to be talking about interpersonal violence. I want to acknowledge that everyone has their own experiences or may know people that have been impacted. If at anytime you want to step out of the room or check out mentally, please feel free to do so. Identify the confidential advocate in the room and let them know they will be available at the end of the presentation if they wish to speak with someone. Challenge yourself! be open to new ideas and opinions. All of us in here have different beliefs, attitudes, past experiences so let’s be aware of that and use this as a learning experience to share and learn from each other.
- If you are a UGA student who has been impacted directly or indirectly by relationship or sexual violence, you are not alone and there are people who can help you on the UGA campus. This includes if the incident was recent or years ago. The RSVP office is located in The Fontaine Center on the 1st floor of the University Health Center and our main role on campus is for prevention education and advocacy services. Walk-ins are also welcome Monday-Friday 8:00am-5:00pm or you can call or email us. RSVP has trained advocates who can provide crisis intervention and support, safety planning, medical and legal accompaniment, as well as academic and housing accommodations. RSVP also provides on-going prevention education, outreach and awareness for students. This includes programs for classes, student organizations, residence halls, anyone. We have a peer educator group of student leaders that help design and implement programs, facilitate discussions, and assist with campus awareness events throughout the year. If you’re interested in being part of our efforts, see me after presentation. -TW We provide 24-hour hotline and on-call advocacy services to assist students who have been impacted – you can contact us 24/7 at the 706-542-SAFE # listed on this slide (feel free to take a picture of this slide) HAND OUT RSVP RESOURCE CARDS… We are unbiased and provide all options to students, and then we assist the student in whatever decision they decide to make, if any We are confidential and we are free – not everyone on campus is able to confidentially talk about options and assist survivors, so it’s important to know who is able to do this 24 Hour in person response for accompaniment to forensic evidence collection exam, reporting to police/University, and/or medical care from the ER Crisis intervention and Support Housing Assistance – Including temporary emergency housing changes Academic Assistance – Contact with professors to request flexibility Medical and/or Counseling Referrals Legal Advocacy – Accompaniment to investigative interviews, court and/or EOO hearings, TPO assistance Safety Planning
- 1 min.
- 1 min. The University of Georgia defines consent as the following: read slide. All students are held to this standard during their time as a UGA student.
- 1 min. At RSVP, we have principles of consent to reinforce this definition that we will discuss today. Move on to next slide!
- Active – The absence of NO is not a YES. We’d like to see BOTH partners enthusiastic, participating, and comfortable with the level of sexual activity. Do you think that consent is only verbal? What are some instances where body language could imply or remove consent from an interaction?
- 2. On-going – Check in with your partner every step of the way. How can you ask for consent and make sure that you have consent throughout any interaction? Is there a point where people feel like they can’t take back their consent? Is Saying YES to oral sex/kissing the same as saying yes to sex? (No) Is consent ever implied or understood? What if two people are in a relationship, do they need check in and get consent? Yes! always check in. Previous sexual consent does not imply given consent in the present moment, even if people have had consensual sex before and/or are in a relationship.
- 3. Not incapacitated – Ask audience: How does alcohol impact consent? Answers include: Lowers inhibition; legally not able to be given due if someone incapacitated due to use of drugs/alcohol. If someone has been using alcohol or other drugs, how can you tell if someone has the capacity to give consent? That level of incapacitation can look different for everyone. If someone is blacked out from drinking alcohol they may be conscious, talking, walking etc. and someone would not be able to tell if they are blacked out but they cannot consent to drinking alcohol. There are a lot of factors that determine incapacitation including: medication, gender, size of person, etc and people will not always know all of this information so we’d prefer it to be sought without the use of drugs/alcohol. Also, many times people use alcohol or other drugs like cannabis as a way to isolate an individual or to make them vulnerable or to take advantage of someone already vulnerable. However, alcohol or other substances do NOT cause someone to assault someone and it is not the reason they were assaulted. Alcohol and other substances inhibit motor control, making it difficult to resist or leave in a potentially dangerous situation. Alcohol affects communication skills and judgment, making it hard to interpret warning signs, make safe decisions, and get or give consent. It’s best to always check in with the person you’re with. If someone does not or unsure if they can effectively give consent due to the use of drugs or alcohol, hold off until able to give effective consent. Sexual assaults happen without the context of alcohol, but the vast majority within college age students involve the use by one or both individuals.
- 4. Between = power – Cannot be given by within context of supervisor/student relationship (i.e., professor/student) What do you think this means? What are some different ways people can have power over someone in sexual situations? How do you think power is affected when people have varying degrees of sexual experience? Having power over someone can influence how comfortable they feel saying no to sex — someone may fear negative consequences for not consenting. Age differences and sexual experience: An older or more sexually experienced adult may make a younger or less experienced adult feel they need to “prove” that they are mature or experienced. Level of ability: Some adults who have physical or intellectual disabilities, older adults, or those who need assistance from a caregiver may rely on their partner in some areas of life, but their decision-making in other areas should still be respected. Position in society: Someone may have more social privilege than their partner — through their education, job, wealth, citizenship, or other factors. Privilege: White privilege, male privilege, and other unearned advantages are part of the power some of us bring to relationships. If there’s a difference in power between you and your partner, your partner may feel less able to tell you their needs. Let them know they can tell you when they’re not interested in doing something. Ask questions in a way that communicates you’re okay with their answer — no matter what it is. For example, “I hope you know you can tell me how you’re really feeling – saying ‘no’ is always okay.”
- 5. Freely given choice – The option to say NO is the same as saying YES. Getting your partner to say yes by threatening, forcing, manipulating, intimidating, coercing, pressuring, blackmailing, drugging, or getting them drunk, is coercion. Ask in a way that makes it clear it would be okay if they said “no” — otherwise you might be pressuring them to do something they don’t want to do. If someone is threatened (tell the person’s parents, show sexts, break up), does that mean there was consent? If someone is pressured to have sex with someone (because they bought you drinks/dinner, because they are your partner, etc), does that mean there was consent What is difference between seduction and coercion? Nudes? Ask your partner how they feel about you sharing and tagging photos of them and posting about your relationship online. Find out if they’d like to see what you’re posting first, or maybe they’re okay with you sharing without asking every time. For example, “I love this picture from our last date. Is it OK if I post it to Instagram?” Sexting means sending sexual photos, videos, or messages from your phone or computer. Not everyone feels comfortable sexting, and that’s okay — there are good reasons to have concerns about sharing a private image. It’s never okay to send unwanted sexts — even to a long-term partner. • If your partner is okay with sexting, ask them before you send anything. For example, “I’d love to show you exactly how I’m feeling — can I send you a pic?” Just like any other kind of sex, digital sexual interactions should feel exciting, comfortable, and safe for everyone involved. If someone says “no” to sending a nude photo, respect their choice and move on. Never pressure, coerce, or guilt someone to send photos — especially nude photos. For example, “That’s cool — I can’t wait for our date on Saturday!” If someone shares a nude photo with you, don’t share it with anyone. Sharing intimate photos with someone they weren’t meant for is a violation of trust and could be illegal. It can also be a crime to store or share sexual photos of someone under 18, even if you are also under 18 Talking points: The option to say NO is the same as saying YES. Getting your partner to say yes by threatening, forcing, manipulating, intimidating, coercing, pressuring, blackmailing, drugging, or getting them drunk, is coercion. Seduction: Encourage consent - Build arousal and interest; not putting pressure on other person Coercion: Goal is to get what one person wants regardless of how the other may feel about it
- -Kayla-
- -Kayla- Intimidate: Using any kind of blackmail such as photos, information, or threatening to out someone’s sexuality is 100% sexual assault. Trick: Lying about who you are is not “game”. The person is consenting to the lie, not to you. That’s assault. Verbal: The most common form of coercion has got to be begging. Begging for sex after someone has already said no is not “game”. Making someone so uncomfortable or so exhausted that they eventually give in is sexual assault. Asking over and over and over again until you get a very unsure “okay” is not consent. Emotional: Making someone feel guilty enough that they give you want only you want is sexual assault. Enough with the “we’ve come this far”. Enough with the “you’re gonna give be blue balls”. Enough with that “I’m you’re partner! Don’t you love me?”. It’s manipulation and it’s assault. Financial: No one OWES you sex because you paid for dinner or drinks. Even if you’re paying the person’s bills. No one owes you a damn things and trying to hold what you paid for over a person to get sex is assault. Relational: You’re boyfriend can say no. You’re partner can so no. You’re wife can say no. Consent is not blanketed, it has to be given every time, even is relationships. 5. Freely given choice – The option to say NO is the same as saying YES. Getting your partner to say yes by threatening, forcing, manipulating, intimidating, coercing, pressuring, blackmailing, drugging, or getting them drunk, is coercion. Ask in a way that makes it clear it would be okay if they said “no” — otherwise you might be pressuring them to do something they don’t want to do. If someone is threatened (tell the person’s parents, show sexts, break up), does that mean there was consent? If someone is pressured to have sex with someone (because they bought you drinks/dinner, because they are your partner, etc), does that mean there was consent What is difference between seduction and coercion? Nudes? Ask your partner how they feel about you sharing and tagging photos of them and posting about your relationship online. Find out if they’d like to see what you’re posting first, or maybe they’re okay with you sharing without asking every time. For example, “I love this picture from our last date. Is it OK if I post it to Instagram?” Sexting means sending sexual photos, videos, or messages from your phone or computer. Not everyone feels comfortable sexting, and that’s okay — there are good reasons to have concerns about sharing a private image. It’s never okay to send unwanted sexts — even to a long-term partner. • If your partner is okay with sexting, ask them before you send anything. For example, “I’d love to show you exactly how I’m feeling — can I send you a pic?” Just like any other kind of sex, digital sexual interactions should feel exciting, comfortable, and safe for everyone involved. If someone says “no” to sending a nude photo, respect their choice and move on. Never pressure, coerce, or guilt someone to send photos — especially nude photos. For example, “That’s cool — I can’t wait for our date on Saturday!” If someone shares a nude photo with you, don’t share it with anyone. Sharing intimate photos with someone they weren’t meant for is a violation of trust and could be illegal. It can also be a crime to store or share sexual photos of someone under 18, even if you are also under 18 Talking points: The option to say NO is the same as saying YES. Getting your partner to say yes by threatening, forcing, manipulating, intimidating, coercing, pressuring, blackmailing, drugging, or getting them drunk, is coercion. Seduction: Encourage consent - Build arousal and interest; not putting pressure on other person Coercion: Goal is to get what one person wants regardless of how the other may feel about it
- -Kayla- 15 mins. Physical Consent Line Physical Consent Line Directions Explain activity before asking for volunteers and passing out cards. You want students to arrange themselves in a line (in sequential order, based on the card they’re given) from “requires less amount of communication to participate in this activity” to “requires more communication to participate in this activity” Less communication More communication Ask for volunteers, pass out cards. Tell the people with cards to come to the front Have the students who are not volunteering to help. Prompt if needed. For example, as students are arranging themselves, ask students: Where do you think Facebook Official should go? How do you define ____? etc. to get them talking Have students sit down, and process the activity. What were your thoughts while doing this activity? Ask the group to compare and contrast some of the terms: relationship vs. dating vs. hooking up and how they decided to place them where they did; Emphasize that everyone has their own definitions. What “hooking up” means to one person may mean something different to another. We must communicate with one another to make sure everyone is on the same page when getting consent. Which activities require consent? All of the activities require consent. But how we communicate consent may look different for each activity. Ask students to provide examples of how someone could ask for consent to highlight effective communication skills If not brought up, include the following - How does someone communicate to ask for consent and know the other person is consenting when: hold their hand? make out? use a condom not have sex? How might communication and consent look different if someone has been drinking alcohol before participating in these activities? Define incapacitation and compliance. Consent requires on-going active participation Purpose: Showing the nuance of consent. Consent is a part of literally everything we do, it just looks differently. This is why having conversations around consent are so important. People define terms differently. What “hooking up” means to one person may mean something entirely different to another. We can’t rest on language alone – we must communicate further.
- -Faith- 3 min. Sample answers: Awkward The person may not like them May think the act does not require consent Who is usually in charge of asking for consent? Does this responsibility often fall to men? Difference between internal and external consent: what you say you want to do vs. what you actually want to do Sometimes people verbally consent to sex they do not desire
- -Faith- Remind students that consent is on-going, just because they accepted drinks for someone, made out with them DT, went home with them etc. does not mean they are consenting to sex.
- -Faith- 1 min. Incorporate responses from previous slides– (i.e., you mentioned that it’s awkward to get consent, implied, etc), but we talked about how it’s an important aspect of a healthy relationship if you’re engaging in sexual activity. Ask audience: Does giving/getting consent have to be awkward? Follow up: Does it need to be stated quite literally – Do you want to have sex with me? Yes, that can be a great way to ask and it’s clear, but what are some other ways to ‘check in’ with the person you’re with? How do you ask? Here are some ways to do about doing it: (Click on slide) Make sure you and the person you’re with are on the same page- how else would you know unless you communication and have a dialogue around each others’ expectations with sexual activity. After: Why are we talking about consent in a Healthy Relationships program?
- -Faith- Switch out with your Qualtrics link and QR code!