The media both celebrates and condemns “hookup culture,” a mythical environment in which college students have an endless string of casual sexual partners. In fact, students are having a lot less sex than these stories suggest. More, they report that the sex they are having is disappointing, to say the least. In this talk, I discuss the difference between hooking up as a behavior, a script, and a culture; what it means to live in a hookup culture; and why students report distress, disappointment, and trauma. The solution? Not to abandon the casual hookup (it has some interesting advantages), but to even the playing field on college campuses by taking power away from privileged students, giving everyone the information they need to make informed decisions, and then let students themselves nurture and innovate new sexual cultures, thus diversifying sexual options on campus.