Ejemplos de retroalimentación gráfica

1. Karla Paulina García Bucio
Professor Paula Zulaica
Blended PCI Level 7
September 28
th, 2014
Very good ideas. I see a lot of potential in your writing. Please
pay attention to my corrections.
Please let me know if you need me to explain anything.
TRAUMA SHOULD CHANGE YOU
Christina. "Trauma Should Change You." Audio blog post. True Story. N.p., 23 June 2014.
Web. 28 Sept. 2014. <http://truestorytime.org/trauma-should-change-you-1/>.
informal suffffering from
which is
This podcast is about a woman who tells her story of a terrible disease that was
Since high school
basically like cancer. From High School she had problems that normally only gives to older
men, so when she told her mom about it, her mom told her to go to the doctor. A year later,
she went, but she was not comfortable because she was very young and she was
embarrassed so she stopped to visit the doctor. Six or seven years later she returned to the
doctor and he told her that this was a disease like cancer so she would need several surgeries.
Now, and after going through the whole process of doctors and surgeries, she lives in a new
place where no one knows her. It is like start again.
This story is told by the woman, she tells what happened with her to a group of people.
When she explains, she start right from her life in high school, then she told them about the
process and finished with her life today. This story is told in first person because they are facts
that happened to her and it shows this in a friendly environment where she can develop easily.
This story makes me think of new beginnings. Many times, we all would like to start in a
new place where nobody know us and they don't know about our past. With the story, I also
think in everyone that suffer a diseases. Maybe if she would visited the doctor from the
beginning, she had not needed surgery. And actually I think that it's a lesson that we should
learn, if we let things go, it will be worse.
- Careful repeating "that" too many times.
- Study other consequence connectors to use instead of "so"
suffffered by
people
because of this going to
and
starting
it
starts
You need to decide if you are going to narrate in
Present or in Past. It is very bad writing if you
mix both styles.
she
everything was real and
it confusing sentence
knows
of suffffering from
had
gone to
wouldn't have needed
, they can get worse.