Social Emotional Spiritual Parenting 4 June 2016

Building Family Sakinah through
Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting
(Another Dhuha Workshop Series)
SPIRITUAL DETOX
Your Family Experience
the Difference !
Hours of FUN
At MPR1, Saturday, 4 June 2016, 8.30am to 12.30pm
REMOVE
Self Sabotaging Blocks
& Emotional Virus in
Your Family Life
UNLOCK
Your Family
Full Potential
DISCOVER
Your True Family Life
Purpose
Neuro Linguistic Activity includes Baking Session with Cake Couture II
0830-0930

Amanah Programme Description
0830-0930
60 mins
PURPOSE & AIM What motivate children to behave
the way they do (Intrinsic &
Extrinsic)
0930-1000
30 mins
BAKING SESSION
(Chef Sikin Supelan)
Activities 1, 2 and 3 Hands-on
Coaching Constructive Emotion
1000-1045
45 mins
MODULE1: NEURO
ASSOCIATIVE
CONDITIONING
Neuro (Thoughts), Associative
(Connected/Relate) Conditioning –
Trained, Used to, Conditioned to,
1045-1115
30 mins
DHUHA-BREAK BREAK (Mee Goreng, Drink &
Dhuha-Optional)
1115-1145
30 mins
MODULE2: GLOBAL
METAPHOR
Words Used in Our Thoughts Matter
Words We Use Daily Matter
1145-1230
45 mins
NEURO ACTIVATION Application Begins
WORKSHOP PROGRAMME
Parenting Workshop II
0830hr-1230hr, Saturday, 4 June 2016, MPR1
“The best among you are those who bring the most benefit to mankind.”
(Prophet Muhammad SAW) 0830-0930

0830-0930
“How do I know whether the hardship befalling me is a punishment or a test for me?”

“Do not educate your child
to be rich
Educate him to be happy.
So when he grows up,
He'll know the
value of things
Not the price.”
(FB sharing from sister DiDi Mardiana)
Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting Workshop
(Dhuha Series)
1130-121531/32

SELF-REFLECTION OF SELF-FULFILMENT
ON THE POST IT
Define “what is happiness” to you ?
Define “what is disappointment” to you?
Can Happiness and Disappointment happen
simultaneously to you ?
0830-0930

AVERAGE LEVEL & PERMITTED SAFE LEVEL
Permitted
Safe Level
0830-0930

Permitted
Safe Level
AVERAGE LEVEL & PERMITTED SAFE LEVEL
Average Singaporean Parents' Anxiety & Stress Level
(IMH Random Survey 2001- 2010)
0830-0930

HAPPINESS INDEX
Self-Chart Radar (Before)
PERSONAL
PRESENT
TARGET
NAME: _______________
DATE: _____________
GAPS
GAPS
GAPS
GAPS
GAPS
RESOURCES
RESOURCES
RESOURCES
RESOURCES
RESOURCES
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
FAMILY
PARENTING
WORKING LIFE
SPIRITUAL
Activity 1
0830-0930

“Amazing is the affair of the believer, verily all of his affair
is good and this is not for no one except the believer.
If something of good/happiness befalls him he is grateful
and that is good for him. If something of harm befalls
him he is patient and that is good for him”
(Saheeh Muslim No. 2999)
Spiritual & Emotional Coaching
0830-0930

LIFE MOTIVATION
(Fitrah – Internal Compass)
PAIN PLEASURE
DECIDE
ACTION
Meaning
Connection
BELIEF
SYSTEM
Discomfort
Fulfillment
Satisfaction
0830-0930

CRITERIA OF SELF-FULFILMENT
(Fitrah – Internal Compass)
In Life, We Do Things Which We Find
Meaning / Purpose (Internal Compass)
Who Decide this “Purpose” Or “Meaning”?
To Direct-Coach a Child to Be a Khalifah fil
Ard, A Parent Must First Commit to Strive
to Practice the True Values
0830-0930

Recipe of Holistic Excellence
(Every Excellent Family Starts with Excellent Parenting)
Child's Disciplined Action
Disciplined Action without Disciplined
Ummah is impossible to sustain, and
Thought is a recipe for disaster.
Child's Disciplined Action
Ummah is impossible to sustain, and
Thought is a recipe for disaster.
Disciplined UmmahDisciplined Ummah
Child's Disciplined
Thought
Parent learn to manage
self-thought
Learn to generate
constructive environment
Learn to coach child's
thought
Child's Disciplined
Thought
Parent learn to manage
self-thought
Learn to generate
constructive environment
Learn to coach child's
thought
Visionary
Parents focus
primarily on
winning
(bettering)
themselves.
Collins, J. (2001). Good to great.
HarperCollins Publishers Inc
0830-0930

THANKS YOU
VERY GOOD
I WILL KILL YOU
YOU ARE NO GOOD
A MESSAGE FROM WATER
PROF MASARU EMOTO
(NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING)
0830-0930

VIDEO CLIP: THE RESEARCH
0830-0930

VIDEO CLIP: THE MOVIE
0830-0930

HUMAN BODY COMPONENT 66% WATER
(ON AVERAGE 37 LITRES OF H2O)
SCIENTIFIC FACTS:
~ Human brains are 75% water.
~ Human bones are 25% water.
~ Human blood is 83% water.
CRUCIAL QUESTIONS:
~ Can you feel the words we speak affect us
first ?
~ Can you feel our recitation of dzikir, selawat,
Quran affect us ?
~ Can you feel our recitation during our solat?
0830-0930

INTRODUCTION NEURO ASSOCIATIVE
CONDITIONING
NEURO – THOUGHTS
ASSOCIATIVE – RELATE
CONDITIONING - TRAINED
0830-0930

OUR BELIEF SYSTEM IS MADE UP OF NEURO
ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING
Our neurons are conditioned to associate
situations into not so pleasurable (negative)
or pleasurable (positive):
Storm – Not a Bright Day, Bad Day (Negative Mood)
Monday – Working/School Day (Down Mode)
Holiday – Rest Bonding (Positive Emotion)
Watch Movies – Exciting Mood (Positive Emotion)
Homework - ??? Mood
CA1/SA1/CA2/SA2 - ??? Mood
Cane – Fear Mood (Negative Emotion)
Red Mark in Child's Report Book – Child has a
Problem (Negative Emotion)
0830-0930

We are conditioned to associate these with
not so pleasurable (negative) or pleasurable
(positive):
“Life is a Test” - Hardship – Not so pleasurable
“Children are mischievous” - Parenting is not
pleasurable
“Life/Children are Gift” - Very Pleasurable
Work – Hardship – Not pleasurable
Work is an Amanah/Ibadah – Very Pleasurable
0830-0930

We are conditioned to associate these with
not so pleasurable (negative) or pleasurable
(positive):
Serving – Hardship – Not so pleasurable
Humble – Will always be bullied – Negative
Achievement – Needs highlight – Must be
appreciated – Pleasurable
Differences in Thoughts – Disobedience
Negative
0830-0930

These Words are Damaging:
Late Bloomer, Stupid, Fat, Playful,
Hyper, Slow, Old Man, Queen Control,
Donkey, Monkey
These Questions are Damaging:
“Where did you put your brain?”
“Where am I going to hide my face?”
“What is your problem?”
0830-0930

METAPHOR
METAPHOR
~ TWO VERY DIFFERENT OBJECTS ARE
COMPARED
~ THE OBJECT OF COMPARISON AFFECT
DIFFERENT EMOTIONS / FEELING
~ TO COACH / DEVELOP APPRECIATION
FOR ABSTRACT CONCEPTS BECAUSE IT
CONNECTS WELL WITH YOUNG MINDS
~ QURAN CONTAINS LOTS OF METAPHOR
0830-0930

EXAMPLE METAPHOR
HEART SMASHED – NOT THAT THE HEART IS
BROKEN
MY HEART STOLEN – LOVE SICK
DISASTER – JUST ANOTHER BAD NEWS
“TRAPPED” - MAKE FEEL DESPARATE
0830-0930

Your Tour Agent says, “All booked !
If you don't mine...?”
GLOBAL METAPHOR 1
0830-0930

Your Tour Agent says, “All booked !
If you don't mine...?”
GLOBAL METAPHOR 1
What makes you cry?
What makes you so upset?
What is the last thing in your mind
before you sleep?
What is the first thing in your mind
when you get up in the morning?
What is in your mind when you perform your
solat?
0830-0930

We Make Duas for Allah to Grant Us
Success in “This Life” and “the Hereafter”
GLOBAL METAPHOR 1
Which is Which? Which is a Means ? Which is an End?
But Our Thoughts Focus So Much “This Life” Joy & Happiness
Leaving No Room for “the Hereafter”0830-0930

NEURO ASSOCIATIVE CONDITIONING
(Check Your Emotion)
2/5
GLOBAL METAPHOR 2
"Be in this life as if you were a stranger or a traveler on a path."
[Reported by al-Bukhârî]
0830-0930

GLOBAL METAPHOR
Everything Serves Its Purpose, Including Our Hearts
2/5
“I created man and jinn for no other purpose than to worship
Me only.” (Dhariyat 51:56)
GLOBAL METAPHOR 3
0830-0930

GLOBAL METAPHOR
2/5
GLOBAL METAPHOR 3
"Say: 'If your fathers or your sons or your brothers or your wives
or your tribe, or any wealth you have acquired, or any business
you fear may slump, or any dwelling-places which please you,
are dearer to you than Allah and His Messenger and fighting
hard in jihad in His Way, then wait until Allah brings about His
command.'" (Quran 9:25)
0830-0930

A Boy & the Dream Car
METAPHOR 4
0830-0930

CAN YOU SEE THE RIGHT PATH?
METAPHOR 5
0830-0930

PAINTING: A SCENE OF AN OLD FISH MARKET
0830-0930

POWERFUL PROCESS: FISH PHILOSOPHY
0830-0930

Choose
Your
Emotion 'Play'
with
them
Be
there Make your
childrens'
day
The FISH! Philosophy
“Catch the Energy & Release the Potential”
0900-0945
0830-0930

Baking Session
Emotional Coaching
Activity 2
Parenting Workshop, 4 June, 8.30am-12.30pm
(Facilitator Chef Sikin Supelan,Cake Couture II)
0930-1000

Baking Session
Emotional Coaching
Activity 2
Recipe:
(1) Bismillahirohmanirohim.
In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate.
(2) Imagine you are baking for the love one.
(3) Imagine how much he/she will enjoy eating it.
(4) Do this baking with passion. Trigger sense of significance.
(5) Put a little smile into this baking. Trigger sense of connection.
(6) Alhamdullillah. All ingredients are meant to make the best.
Whether it is salt, sugar, floor, etc.
Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting Workshop, 18 May, 9am-1pm
(Facilitator Chef Sikin Supelan,Cake Couture II)
1/2
0930-1000
0930-1000

Anchor & Metaphor (Figure of Speech)
(Learning Points)
(1) You began with “Bismillahirohmanirohim”,
as you remind yourself that all ingredients
(all experience which make you life wholesome) comes from
The Most Merciful & the Most Compassionate
- Salt, Sugar, Flour (are there to make your Tart tasty!)
(2) METAPHOR: Life is like the salt, sugar, and the rest
of the other ingredients which serve as filler of your life,
which make your life more exciting (delicious)
(3) Put a little of your smile at the beginning of every
activity, snowball your smile into unstoppable passion.
(4) The joy of making tart can become an ANCHOR
(To enjoy a PROCESS)
Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting Workshop, 18 May, 9am-1pm
2/2
0930-1000

TRIGGERING PLEASURABLE
EXPERIENCE
EMOTIONAL COACHING
1/23
1000-1045

1. Certainty – feeling of comfort. Predictable
2. Uncertainty – variety, surprise
3. Significance – sense that we are unique in some
way
4. Love and Sense of Connection with others
5. Growth – everything that is alive is either
growing or dying… we need to grow
6. Contribution – a need to grow beyond ourselves
What make them “Feel Good” behaving (Simplified)
Children's Six Basic Source of Motivation
3/23
1000-1045

Experience Feel
Good
Good
for Me
Good for
Immediate
Others
Serve
greater
Ummah
Class1 + + + +
Class2 - + + +
Class3 + - - -
Class4 - - - -
Experience Class Matrix
Pleasurable & Fulfillment
Children look forward
Children try to avoid
‘Pleasurables’ but
destroy quality of
life (e.g. Some
Computer Games)
‘Negative’ thru & thru
(e.g.smoking does not
feel good at first)
Turn all Class 2 to Class 1 experience
4/23
1000-1045

• The key to a happy and fulfilling life is
turning Class 2 experiences – the ones
your child try to avoid despite them
being good for them and others – into
Class 1 experiences.
Key to your child’s Happy & Fulfilling Life
5/23
1000-1045

ACTION : YES NO
Certainty – feeling of comfort. Predictable
Uncertainty – variety, surprise
Significance – sense that we are unique in some way
Love and Sense of Connection with others
Growth – everything that is alive is either growing
or dying… we need to grow
Contribution – a need to grow beyond ourselves
Seek Pleasure of Allah
Feel Good
Good for Me
Good for Immediate Others
Serve greater Ummah (Jemaah Synergy)
Decision Matrix for Each Action for a Child
6/23
1000-1045

ACTION : Baking Session YES NO
Certainty – feeling of comfort. Predictable
Uncertainty – variety, surprise
Significance – sense that we are unique in some way
Love and Sense of Connection with others
Growth – everything that is alive is either growing or
dying… we need to grow
Contribution – a need to grow beyond ourselves
Seek Pleasure of Allah
Feel Good
Good for Me
Good for Immediate Others
Serve greater Ummah (Jemaah Synergy)
Coaching* Emotion for Each Action
Coaching* - Each item may be based on individual perception therefore there is a need for coaching
Activity 3
7/23
1000-1045

PARENTING LIFE
IS A CUP OF COFFEE
9/23
1000-1045

Parenting Life is Like a Cup of Coffee !
The happiest parents don't have the best of
everything. They just make the best of
everything.
Live Simply.
Love Unconditionally.
Care Deeply.
Speak Kindly.
Don't miss to smile to your child daily.
Above all, Alhamdullillah !
PARENTING LIFE IS A CUP OF COFFEE
10/23
1000-1045

ARE WE IN ATTENDANCE NOT ONLY IN PHYSICAL
BUT MENTAL EMOTIONAL SPIRITUAL ?
DISCONNECT TO CONNECT !
11/23 1000-1045

Spiritual Social Emotional Parenting
Workshop
Spiritual
Social
Emotion
Response to Parenting Style
Family Response-Able
Personal Accomplishment
Mindful & Heartful Parenting
PARENTS'
STATE
NEURO
ASSOCIATIVE
CONDITIONING
12/23 1000-1045

Tarbiyah Parenting Recipe
• Major tarbiyah objective for parenting is toMajor tarbiyah objective for parenting is to
nurturenurture strong characterstrong character withinwithin our children. Inour children. In
other word, strength of a Muslimin comes fromother word, strength of a Muslimin comes from
within.within.
Ruhiyah
(Spiritual)
Khuluqiyah
(Moral)
Amaliyah
(Operational)
Jasadiyah
(Physical)
Fikriyah
(Intellectual)
13/23 1000-1045

PREPARING & COOKING
WEDDING FEAST
(1) Imagine that you are preparing a feast for 5000 guests
(2) You take charge of every part of feast preparation
(3) Trigger the feeling / emotion of joy of preparation
(4) Trigger the feeling of connection to your guest
(5) Trigger the feeling of how significance this event is
(6) Trigger the feeling of passion.
(7) Are you Fueled ? Are Driven ? Are you excited ?
15/23 1000-1045

PREPARING A CHILD'S
WEDDING CEREMONY
(1) Exhausting process, a lot of sacrifices but you are passionate
about it.
(2) You are very certain you have given your best
(3) Nothing to regret
(4) Outcome is very fulfilling
16/23 1000-1045

PREPARING & COOKING
HARI RAYA FEAST
(1) Imagine that you are preparing a Hari Raya feast for guests
17/23 1000-1045

EMOTIONAL TRANSFER
TRANSFER YOUR PASSION TO AN ACTIVITY YOU
WOULD LOVE TO ENJOY DOING
(1) Imagine that you are preparing a Hari Raya feast for guests
GLOBAL METAPHOR: PREPARING A FEAST
18/23
1000-1045

Activity 4: Scenario 1
Chart Your Feelings
6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm 12 midnight
PositiveEmotionNegativeEmotion
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
10
2
4
6
8
9
7
5
3
1
19/23 1000-1045

EMOTION
OurSenses:Re-Presentreality
REALITY
OurSenses
EMOTION is an interpretation of Reality
REALITY
REALITY
20/23 1000-1045

EMOTION
OurSenses:Re-Presentreality
REALITY
OurSenses
EMOTION is an interpretation of Reality
REALITY
REALITY
NEURO CRITERIA
(Experience Reference)
- When “this” happens it means
“this”
- Becomes “SOP” - Standard
Operating Procedure
- Establish into personal standards
- Ensure [No Violation] of standards
21/23 1000-1045

Activity 4: Scenario 1
Chart Your Feelings
6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm 12 midnight
PositiveEmotionNegativeEmotion
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
10
2
4
6
8
9
7
5
3
1
22/23 1000-1045

NEURO LINGUISTIC (WORDS) IMPACT
ON OUR LIFE'S EXPERIENCE
(Prof Alfred Korzybski)
Prof Alfred Korzybski, "I have just demonstrated that people
don't just eat food, but also words, and that the taste of the
former is often outdone by the taste of the latter."
23/23 1000-1045

DHUHA BREAK
30 Minutes
1045-1115

Four Common Responses to Emotion
EXPERIENCE
EMOTION(1) Avoid
emotion
(2) Deny
emotion but
pile up in the heart
(3) “You think
That you are
feeling bad, I will
show you how I
feel.”
(4) Take “Emotion”
as Action Signal
and change state
1115-1145
1/32

Four Common Responses to Emotion
EXPERIENCE
EMOTION(1) Avoid
emotion
(2) Deny
emotion but
pile up in the heart
(3) “You think
That you are
feeling bad, I will
show you how I
feel.”
(4) Take “Emotion”
as Action Signal
and change state
2/32
1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE
Coaching in the Conditioning of Neuro Association
ANGRY
ANGRY
ANGRY
ANGRY
One-Size-Fits-All-Emotion
3/32
1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE
(Colourful Clothing for Different Weather)
FEARFUL
REGRETFUL
HOPEFUL
JOYFUL
PLEASURE
HONOURED
EMO WARDROBE
4/32
1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE
PROCESS
Change your current thinking about life's situations.
When you change your thoughts (ones that you believe to be
true) your emotions change - your mood changes.
You can do this by re-evaluating the situation; redirecting
your focus to more balanced and realistic and compassionate
thoughts.
5/32
1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE
Remind yourself that
- "People are doing the best they can do at every moment;
given their current circumstances."
- "I don;'t know what others are going through and perhaps
they need patience from me at this moment - just like I may
need patience from others at times."
- "We are all the same at heart - we just want to live better
lives."
- "Everyone is just like me - they are trying their best and
sometimes accidents happen." etc...
6/32
1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE
You are here to make a
difference in the life of others
Register these feelings:
(1) You have received so
Much
(2) Others are less
fortunate than you
(3) Every charity
Allah multiplies
8/32 1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE
Imagine Your Child's First Few
Minutes After Birth
Register these feelings:
(1) Pleasant Joy
(2) Tremendous Amanah
(3) Excitement
(4) Looking Forward
9/32 1115-1145

EMOTIONAL WARDROBE
Solat Experience
Understand Al Fateha, Surah and
All Recitation in Solat
Trigger these feelings:
(1) Fear
(2) Shameful
(3) Smallness
(4) Loads of Shortcomings
(5) This is Last Solat
(6) Mikraj of Rasullullah SAW
Rasullullah SAW said,
"To worship Allah as if you see
Him, and if you cannot achieve
this state of devotion then you
must consider that He is seeing you."
10/32
1115-1145

Imagine Your Excitement due to Your Departure
(At Changi Airport Terminal 3)
Trigger the Feeling of Happiest Moment of Your Life
12/32
1115-1145

2/5
GLOBAL METAPHOR 3
Condition Our Childrens' Heart to Associate
Seeking Allah's Pleasure as Child's Pleasure
Reciting Quran as Child's Pleasure
Solat as Child's Pleasure
Role Model of Rasullullah SAW as Child's Pleasure
13/32
1115-1145

2/5
GLOBAL METAPHOR 3
Condition Our Childrens' Heart to Associate
Allah's Words / Promise in Quran as Source of Certainty
Test of Hardship as Child's Pleasure
Spreading Truth as Child's Pleasure
Spreading Beauty of Islam thru Good Character as Child's Pleasure
14/32
1115-1145

THIS IS NEURO ACTIVATION EXERCISE
32/32 1145-1230

WHAT A PERSON DOES TO EMOTION MATTERS
(SELF-SABOTAGE - ZHALIM)
2/20 1145-1230

FOR THE AMERICAN, THIS IS THEIR ICON OF SUCCESS
3/20 1145-1230

EMOTIONAL RESPONSE CAN CAUSE SELF- DESTRUCTION
4/20 1145-1230

A family of a father, a mother and 3 children driving
across a highway, and met 4 people along the way,
bro 'Money', bro 'High-Pay-Job', bro 'Deen', Mr :(
DEATH METAPHOR
THE STORY OF A JOURNEY
1/20 1145-1230

“The day whereon neither wealth nor sons
will avail, but only he [will prosper] that brings
to Allah a sound heart (Qolbun Salim).”
(Al Quran 26:88–89)
Qolbun Salim
Qualities of Heart and Mind
9/20 1145-1230

USEOFMANIPULATIVEREFLECTION MANIPULATIVE(S)
STRING/RIBBON, WHITE CLOTH, CARD
MY JOB SCOPE
HOW LONG HAVE
I LIVED?
1145-1230

NEURO ACTIVATION
WASIAT FROM MY MUM
5/20 1145-1230

If you can ONLY write 3 last reminders to your
children, what would that be:
(1)
(2)
(3)
Spend last 3 minutes of your life,
pen your thoughts from your heart.
ACTIVITY 5
THE LAST MESSAGE
WASIATS
6/20 1145-1230

PARENTING IS A GIFT FOR LIMITED TIME ONLY
11/20 1145-1230

PARENTING IS A GIFT FOR LIMITED TIME ONLY
12/20 1145-1230

You are not able to choose how you die.
BUT you can choose how you live.13/20
1145-1230

Imagine . . .(Reflection)
15/20 1145-1230

Imagine . . .(Reflection)
16/20 1145-1230

WHEN EVERYTHING IS TOO LATE
17/20 1145-1230

HEART ACTIVATION TIME
FOR PEAK PERFORMANCE
19/20 1145-1230

Social Emotional Spiritual Parenting 4 June 2016

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Social Emotional Spiritual Parenting 4 June 2016