My life story is too short. I wanted it to be about 30 pages. But alas I'm too young and not a lot has happened so far.

1. Hana Hinds Biography
FYS 100
My name is Hana Hinds. I am a twenty two year old nerd, and this is my story.
I was born in a hospital in Takoma Park, Maryland on February 14th; yes Valentine’s Day.
According to my mother I was a rather quiet child compared to my older brother Kenji, and
younger sister Emiko. I am close with my sister, and my brother has high functioning autism. My
mother Judy is of Japanese and Chinese origin, my father is just white. I am a fifth generation
Asian American, and damn proud. I have nice parents, both with government jobs that I aspire
to out weird. My mother is an art conservator for the Smithsonian, and my dad designs parts
for the tower at airports. I grew up in Bethesda, Maryland. It has grown into a high class town
for uptight white people. The people who live in Bethesda could give pointers to New Yorkers
about the art of being rude.
A little bit about me before the life story begins. I have always loved comedy. My father
introduced me to the Simpsons and Monty Python at a young age and I never looked back. Now
that I’m older, I have been working on material to try stand-up comedy for the first time. I have
always loved movies and television. So much so that I’ve become a bit of a movie snob. My
family has always had animals in the house, mostly cats. I enjoy weird art, and actively seek it
out. I am also a huge mega fan of Doctor Who. Read below to understand why.
I do not remember much about my childhood. The first memory I have is when I was 3
and stole a pack of playing cards from CVS. I returned them when my mother found them in her
jacket pocket because I had no pockets.

2. Jump to around 6 years old. At this stage in my life I had already become as independent
as one can be at this age. I dressed myself, cooked, did laundry; basically everything a steady 30
something could do. Well everything except a paying job.
When I was eleven I went to sleep away camp for the first time. Hameau Farm in the Big
Valley, an all-girls farm camp in Belleville, Pennsylvania. It is by far one of the three greatest
experiences I have ever had. I unpacked my things as soon as I got there, and shoved my
parents out the door. I was ready for awesome to happen. At this camp we were surrounded by
animals, did arts and crafts, did chores around the farm, explored Amish culture, and many
many exciting things. The best part was that we chose animals and trained them to show in a
farm show at the end of the session. We could choose from calves, cows, sheep, goats, and
piglets. I won grand champion three times, all with different animals. Let me tell you, getting
pink eye from a cow is very embarrassing. I made friends with people that are still my friends to
this day. The counselors were from different countries, mostly England, Australia, Europe, and
the stans. Every session there was a different theme based on where specific counselors were
from. For example, Alicia was from Australia. So we had meals and activities based on
Australian culture; vegemite and jam on toast is not great. Unfortunately, a session was only
two weeks. I loved it so much that I wanted to come back, but I had to go to a different camp.
Camp Friendship. The only way I can describe this place is hell on earth with fishing. This
is a co-ed camp, and the only reason I was there was because my friend Michelle was going. the
dilemma was that we shared different interests, I liked fishing and archery. she liked tennis and
horsemanship. Needless to say, we spent all our time apart. I was there a month and wanted to
escape. I was bullied for being good at fishing by a guy named Shawn. Shoes were stolen, hair

3. was cut, equipment damaged. Hoodlums I tell ya! All of them! It was a terrible, suffering
experience. The only way I could get through was the thought of going back to Hameau! When I
left Camp "Friendship" I felt relieved, like Julie Andrews and the Von Trap family escaping from
the Nazis. After that I went back to Hameau Farm, and I never went to a different sleep away
camp ever again. I kept going back until I was too old to be a camper. When I turned 15 I
became a C.I.T, councilor in training. It was less than fun, being a young naive camper is the
best.
My school life has always been rather difficult. I have a learning disability and ADD. In
third grade I was tested for a learning disability, and I was moved to the special ed class. I
moved from Burning Tree Elementary to Ashburton Elementary school which was closer to my
home. I was there for fourth and fifth grade and had the same teacher, Mrs. Davis. My entire
family still regards her as evil. Don't worry I got revenge in a childish manner. I won't go into the
details because it’s rather disturbing.
Middle school is a big blur. All I remember is every student being in their awkward
stages, and my math teacher calling me H squared. Two incidents do stick out in my mind. My
band teacher who looked like Kristen Chenoweth got arrested for showing us Shrek 2 on vhs
while it was still in theaters. She got arrested as an accessory, her boyfriend taped it. I do
remember that she called herself "vertically challenged". Also at the graduation ceremony a
boy from my history class got an award for asking the stupidest question; "Is Delaware a state?"
When I was in seventh grade my parents were fighting with the Montgomery County
school system about my declining education. Not seeing to my needs and something about
phoning it in. This prompted them to pull me out of school and place me in a smaller school

4. that had about 10 kids altogether. There was this person named even who looked a lot like
Andy Milonakis. In the cafeteria there was a juke box and he played “Soak Up the Sun” by
Sheryl Crow everyday. That’s all I remember.
After middle school, I went to see an education consultant about high school. He
worked out of his house and had about 7 small white yappy dogs that were determined to eat
my shoes while I was walking in them. He asked me what I wanted in a school. I replied with
"far away from here with animals." That was it. He found two options. A co-ed boarding school
in Delaware where a required class was belly dancing. I’m not kidding. They had pets, and the
sexes were separated by teachers like history had taken back segregation specifically for this
tiny school. They wore white collared shirts and khaki shorts, and everyone was too quiet too
reserved. I remember asking my mother if this was a cult. That school no longer exists.
Next was Bachman Academy in Cleveland Tennessee. A co-ed boarding school of about
50 students. When I received a tour it seemed like sugar coated Disney land. I felt at home at
last! Everyone I met was super nice, they had horses, and everything was close together. I was
accepted and started my high school life. I moved into the off campus girls dorm with six other
girls. I was bullied once again for being the new kid, but that was over quickly. I found friends,
lost weight and school was fun for the first time! However the niceness didn't last long, drama
outweighed it by a long shot. I have never been in a place with so much out of place anger.
Chairs were thrown everywhere, walls punched, fist fights, things stolen and people ran away.
All four years of high school I was paired with borderline crazy people as roommates, nine of
them. I don't mean "she drank my milk and didn't replace it" annoying crazy. I mean legitimate
crazy. Just out of the hospital crazy. I won't talk about them anymore because it would take too

5. long to explain the different types of crazy that I went through. The campus is located in the
middle of nowhere. There was nowhere to run. In front was a corn field, the sides is a long
stretch of road, and surrounding the back was woods. We were forced to go to church, and
other outdoor excursions. Bachman is the place where I learned mental and physical self-
defense, it was necessary to survive. I like to describe the place as prison but instead of
cigarettes as currency we used ramen noodles and pop tarts. By the time I graduated I was
kicked out of so many stores that I had to count on both hands to give you a running total.
Something’s were nice though, like the teachers. Poor schmucks, they never had a chance. I still
believe that there is no class one could take to prepare you for teaching at Bachman. I went
through so many teachers that I had trouble keeping track. The biggest place I’ve ever been
thrown out of was a zoo. Bachman went through more math teachers than defense against the
dark arts teachers at Hogwarts. History was my favorite subject because of the teacher Mrs.
Henkel. She made learning fun, and downright interesting. She introduced me to British
comedy television, my first renaissance fair, older black and white movies, and opened up my
competitive side. I still compare every teacher to her. In my history classes there was a guy
named Shay from Bermuda. He was my arch nemesis throughout high school but we only
competed over test scores. I kicked his ass every time except once, he beat me by one point. I
will never forget that. To this day I am still friends with Mrs. Henkel; I even went to her
wedding! My graduating class was made up of twelve people and that was not the smallest
class that they ever had.
After high school I was burned out. Bachman had ground my will into a nub. I did not
want to go back to school right away, so I took three years off to explore my options. I did

6. nothing for a few months until I received an opportunity to go to South Africa with my best
friend Hannah. I jumped at the chance! We went through a program based out of a school in
the south of France. It was a little awkward at first because everyone in the group already knew
each other. That trip was the first time I had ever met hardcore hipsters. We drove from
Johannesburg and ended in Cape Town after one month. It was so much fun! The first reason I
wanted to go on this trip was the penguins. They migrate to Cape Town, and I was determined
to hug one, compelled even! On that trip we learned about marine biology, oceanography,
South African history, and botany. This trip took me to the most beautiful places I’ve ever been
too. Number one on that list is the Bulungula Lodge. This place is right next to the beach, it is
self-sustaining, and has a diverse staff. The best part is that it has the most breathtaking sunsets
I have ever seen, they are pretty enough to make you cry.
Back to the trip! I got to see many animals in their natural habitat. I saw a famous
elephant, zebras as far as the eyes could see, a cheetah (very rare), and a monkey stole my box
of cereal in front of me. I had the chance to jump off the world’s largest bungee jump but I
chickened out. Hannah did it, she is now my hero. If I could go back and do it, I would. Needless
to say it was certainly a memorable experience.
After I got back from my trip I landed on a job as a receptionist at a children's hair
cutting salon. I have always been uncomfortable around children. This place definitely
cemented that feeling. After seeing a child sneeze into his hand then stick the same hand into
the lollipop bin is enough to make you want to vomit. I also got to experience the most
horrifying thing ever! I held a baby. It was like holding an eight pound bag of mashed potatoes
that if you drop it might explode. I did not drop it, and afterword my boss noticed my horrified

7. face and approached with concern. Never again. After doing this for a few years I toughened up
again. Let me tell you, getting yelled at by multiple pregnant women at the same time will teach
you not to take crap from anyone. This was a nice job, I watched cartoons all day, and earned
money.
In 2012 I decided it was time to go back to school. I went to see another educational
consultant named Joan; what a nice woman. She asked me the same question as the other one
did. what do I want out of a school? I had more to add this time. "Away from home at least
three states away, nowhere too hot, small, and has a program for students with learning
disabilities." She found Marshall University, and I was accepted. That leads to now. I have my
own apartment and I’m getting a cat!