The document provides 4 tips for dealing with frustrating people with patience. It recommends taking a breath before reacting, focusing on specific issues without personal attacks, listening without interrupting, understanding the other person's feelings, and responding with clarity and compassion while stating your needs. Patience is presented as a powerful skill that can improve relationships and allow one to treat others respectfully, even when frustration cannot be resolved.

1. 4 Tips to Deal with
Frustrating People
Dealing with Frustrating
People
By Judith Orloff My Dear
OMTimes
“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have
patience with yourself.” ~ Saint Francis De Sales
Every day there are plenty of good reasons to be
frustrated. Another long line. Telemarketers. A
goal isn’t materializing “fast enough.” Frustrating
people don’t do what they’re supposed to.
Rejection. Disappointment. How to deal with it
all? You can drive yourself crazy, behave irritably,
feel victimized, or try to force an outcome–all
self-defeating reactions that alienate others and
bring out the worst in them. Or, you can learn to
transform your frustration with patience.
As a psychiatrist, I help others see that patience
doesn’t mean passivity or resignation, but power.
It’s an emotionally freeing practice of waiting,
watching, and knowing when to act. To many
people, when you say, “Have patience,” it feels
unreasonable and inhibiting, an unfair stalling of
goals. In contrast, I’m presenting patience as a
form of compassion, a way to regain your center

2. in a world filled with frustration. In “Emotional
Freedom,” I discuss how to transform frustration
with patience. To tame frustration, begin by
evaluating its present role in your life, how much
it limits your capacity to be happy. The following
quiz will let you know where you are now so you
can grow freer by developing patience.
Frustrating People Quiz: How Frustrated Am I?
To determine your success at coping with this
emotion, ask yourself:
* Am I often frustrated and irritable?
* Do I typically respond to frustration by
snapping at or blaming others?
* Do I self-medicate letdowns with junk food,
drugs or alcohol?
* Do my reactions hurt other people’s feelings?
* When the frustration has passed, do I usually
feel misunderstood?
* During a hard day at work, do I tend to lose
my cool?
* When I’m disappointed, do I often feel
unworthy or like giving up?
Answering “yes” to 5-7 questions indicates an
extremely high level of frustration. 3-5 “yeses”
indicates a high level. 2 “yeses” indicates a
moderate level. 1 “yes” indicates a low level.

3. Zero “yeses” suggests you’re dealing successfully
with this emotion.
4 Tips to Deal with Frustrating People
Even if your frustrations are off the charts,
patience is the cure. In today’s world there are
plenty of opportunities to cultivate this invaluable
skill. Life teaches patience if you let it.
4 Ways to Communicate with Patience to
Frustrating People
When someone frustrates you, always take a
breath first before you react. Decide if you want
to talk now or wait to calm down. If you’re highly
reactive and upset, have the discussion later
when you’re calmer then you’ll be more
persuasive and less threatening. At that time use
this approach:
Tip #1. Focus on a specific issue–don’t escalate
or mount a personal attack. For instance, “I feel
frustrated when you promise to do something
but there isn’t follow-through.” No resorting to
threats or insults. In an even, non-blaming tone,
lead with how the behavior makes you feel rather
than how you think the other person is wrong.
Tip #2. Listen non-defensively without reacting
or interrupting. It’s a sign of respect to hear a
person’s point of view, even if you disagree.

4. Avoid an aggressive tone or body language. Try
not to squirm with discomfort or to judge.
Tip #3. Intuit the feelings behind the words
When you can appreciate someone’s motivation,
it’s easier to be patient. Try to sense if this
person is frightened, insecure, up against a
negative part of themselves they’ve never
confronted. If so, realize this can be painful. See
what change they’re open to.
Tip #4. Respond with clarity and compassion
this attitude takes others off the defensive so
they’re more comfortable admitting their part in
causing frustration. Describe everything in terms
of remedies to a specific task, rather than
generalizing. State your needs. For instance, “I’d
really appreciate you not shouting at me even if I
disappoint you.” If the person is willing to try,
show how pleased you are. Validate their efforts:
“Thanks for not yelling at me. I really value your
understanding.” See if the behavior improves. If
not, you may have to minimize contact and/or
expectations.
4 Tips to Deal with Frustrating People
In communication, patience is a powerful
emotional currency. As you’re more able to
tolerate the discomfort of frustration and not
blow it by acting out, your relationships will
function on a higher level. In any interchange,

5. always define what you’re after. Is it to resolve a
specific frustrating behavior? To say “no” to
participating in a dead-end pattern? Or is it to
simply convey your feelings without expectation
of change? Even if the frustration is irresolvable,
patience sets the right tone to treat frustrating
people and yourself respectfully.
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