Social connections can help you stay healthier and happier throughout life Maintaining friendships, new and old, is an essential part of emotional wellness, but it's also important for your continued physical health as you age, experts say.

1. The Healing
Power of
Friendships
By Linda Melone
Social connections can help you
stay healthier and happier
throughout life
Maintaining friendships, new and
old, is an essential part of
emotional wellness, but it's also
important for your continued
physical health as you age,
experts say. When friends fade
from your life, live at a greater
distance, or die, you are more
likely to experience loneliness
and depression in later years. And
with isolation also comes a
greater risk for serious health
issues, such as high blood
pressure and death from a stroke
or heart disease, according to a
study done by researchers at the
University of Chicago. They also
found that links between

2. loneliness and rates of cancer run
parallel, as do increases in
inflammation and decreases in
antibody production.
"This doesn't mean that everyone
who is lonely will have health
problems as they age," says Louise
Hawkley, PhD, associate director
of the Social Neuroscience
Laboratory of the University of
Chicago and one of the lead
researchers in the Chicago study.
"It just puts them at a higher
risk."
Hawkley and fellow researcher John
Cacioppo also found increased
levels of epinephrine, the fight-
or-flight hormone, in the
loneliest people they studied.
"The more years you live, the more
stressful experiences you're bound
to have," says Hawkley. "While not
everyone who experiences losses
will feel lonely, in those who do,
loneliness can lead to problems
like depression. And that may then
contribute to high blood pressure

3. and high cortisol levels, when
stress hormones get out of whack."
Changing Friendship Trends
Today, more and more people are
facing the challenges of
loneliness. According to a 2006
study in the American Sociological
Review, on average most Americans
feel that they have two close
friends, down from three friends
two decades ago in 1985. During
this same period, the percentage
of people reporting no close
confidantes rose from 10 percent
to almost 25 percent, with 19
percent citing only one close
relationship — often with a
spouse. "Men in particular tend to
rely on their spouses for
fulfilling their social needs,"
Hawkley explains. "So if the
socially active spouse always does
the initiating and she dies, it's
a steep learning curve for the
spouse that remains to start from
scratch.
"The older you get, it seems, the
less you want to spend a bunch of

4. energy on less than feel-good
relationships," says Hawkley, who
believes people become more
selective about choosing their
friends as the years pass. That's
not to say that forming new
friendships — or holding onto old
ones — decreases in importance
over time, however. Overall,
friendships become only more
precious as serious life issues
begin to arise with advancing age.
Patterns of Friendship
In fact, relationships shift
throughout our lives because of
changing lifestyles and
circumstances. "It's perfectly
natural that our friendships
change over time," says Irene
Levine, PhD, psychologist and
founder of the blog
fracturedfriendships.com.
"Friendships are usually based on
shared interests and values. And
some situations, like living in
the same neighborhood, or having
children the same age, make it
easy for certain relationships to
flourish. Unfortunately, over the

5. years as your lifestyle changes,
you may lose track of these
friends. And that means it's time
to make new friends, whose life
situation now more closely
resembles your own."
How to Make Friendship a Priority
If you're looking for ways to bond
with new people or even to
rekindle some old-time
relationships, here are some tips
on where to begin:
Make an effort. You need to take
some initiative and not leave
everything to others. And while
it's good to seek out new
acquaintances, it's also important
to stay in touch with your regular
friends too, maybe with a weekly
telephone conversation or lunch
date.
Try to reconnect. You may also
fondly remember people you once
liked and have now lost touch
with. Ask about them through
mutual friends. Use the long arm
of the Internet and social
networking sites like

6. classmates.com and reunion.com, to
try to locate school friends or
work associates from your past.
Take it slow. There's no need to
be overly hasty. A better course
is probably to ease into
friendships rather than trying to
befriend the first person you
meet. A little get-acquainted time
will show you whether the other
person will be compatible and
trustworthy over the long run.
Be realistic. Try to keep your
expectations firmly focused on
what you can bring to a new
friendship. This means demanding
more from yourself than from the
other person.
Just do it. You may need to be
persistent in your attempts to
form friendships, so don't get
discouraged. And try not to get
too caught up in your own
expectations about how difficult
or easy it should be to make a new
friend.
Extend your comfort zone. Spread
your social network by joining
groups that appeal to a wide span
of interests. Though it can be

7. challenging, consider stepping out
of your comfort zone to associate
with different types of people.
Who knows what interesting
characters you'll meet?
Be positive. Try to leave the old
baggage behind. Root out negative
thoughts you may have about
friendships in your past and try
to approach potential new
friendships with an open mind.
Just remember, says Hawkley,
"there are lots of ways to connect
with other people, and making new
friends is a good cushion against
the inevitable losses that come
with time."
Last Updated: 9/15/2008