1) The document discusses how assumptions can damage marriages by setting couples up for confrontations and blame. 2) It notes that when entering marriage, partners have expectations and assumptions about each other that may not be accurate and could lead to hurt. 3) Assumptions are dangerous because they are often not based in facts and can destroy relationships when people react emotionally without full information. Overcoming assumptions requires communication, understanding different perspectives, and giving partners the benefit of the doubt.

1. Assumptions can Easily
Drain Your marriage
In order to enjoy life, we have to learn how to get
along with our spouses. Assumptions are
dangerous and we must work on how we can
avoid making assumptions. Assumptions rob us
of living well. Assumptions set us up for
confrontations, and then we blame each other
for the confrontations.
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2. • This is especially so in marriage. When we
enter in marriage we have our expectations
and assumptions about our spouses. We
assume many things and issues. If we set our
minds on those issues, we may be hurt and
blame our spouses on issues and things that
they are not aware of.
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3. • Assumptions possess the ability to kill and destroy
relationships, friendships, and marriages.
Assumptions happen when someone believes in a
thought or a notion even if it is not factual or true,
they then react and respond emotionally based on
their thoughts. Which in turn causes a lot of
damage to the person on the receiving end.
Negative assumptions derive from our own
personal fears and past experiences.
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4. Lets see how this impacts our lives and how
we can avoid making these assumptions. The
definition of assumption is, “the act of taking
something for granted as true without proof,
reason, or evidence.”
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5. 1. At the root of making assumptions is a
spiritual problem called pride.
• In Hebrews 12:1 it tells us, “1. Therefore we
also, since we are surrounded by so great a
cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every
weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares
us, and let us run with endurance the race
that is set before us, . . .”
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6. • Pride shows up in various ways in our lives.
Making assumptions is the result of pride. Pride
tells us that we must have things to go the way
we want them to and that others are
unimportant. In order to avoid making
assumptions, we are going to have to see pride as
the root of our problem.
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7. • 2. Making assumptions is the root behind
miscommunications. The reason we do not
want to communicate adequately is that we are
afraid that we will not get what we want. As a
result, we decide to make an assumption rather
than to communicate. Countless arguments,
strife, and unpleasant encounters have
happened in marriages over the years as a result
of incorrect assumptions.
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8. • Sometimes people hear what they want to
hear, and they spread things they want to be
true. If we as Christians made a quality
decision not to make assumptions, we could
avoid many feelings of anger, rejection, and
bitterness. It happens all the time because we
make assumptions based on things that are
not true.
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9. • 3. Making assumptions is the basis for “taking up
a reproach against a spouse.” It means to take
sides in a dispute that we are not actually
involved in. The real problem is that we make an
assumption based on one-sided information, and
then we choose to be angry or disappointed at
someone who has done nothing to us. The
problem with taking up a reproach against a
spouse is that we have assumed we have all the
information, when we rarely do. The root of the
problem is that we have assumed something
when in fact we have no proof, reason, or
evidence. We only have the word of someone
who may or may not be filling in all the details.
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10. • Proverbs 20:18 says, “Plans are established
by counsel; by wise counsel wage war.”
Before we make an assumption that
someone is wrong, we should take the time
to gather all the facts and realize that any
dispute is rarely one-sided.
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11. • Marriages ended by someone that set out to
divide and destroy beforehand. All it takes is
one or more people willing to make an
incorrect assumption. Proverbs 18:2 says, “ A
fool has no delight in understanding, but in
expressing his own heart.” Instead of living a
life making assumptions, choose to live a life
with understanding, sharing, and complete
communication. Making false assumptions can
lead us to choose the wrong priorities.
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12. .
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• Killing assumption may require us to do the
following:
1. Understand the root of assumption
• It is important to know and identify the root cause of
your assumptions, so that you know how to work on
it. You can’t work on something or make changes in
your life, if you don’t even know what you are
working on or changing. When those assumption
triggers go off, pause and ask yourself “why am I
feeling this way? Where does the fear come from?”
Identify your assumption triggers!
PURPOSE TO KILL ALL ASSUMPTIONS

13. • 2. Forgive, let go, and let God
• Once you know and understand the root of
your assumptions, decide to forgive the past
offense, decide to let it go, decide that you
will no longer let it control you and negatively
affect those around you. The great news is
that we can come to God with our concerns,
because He wants to heal us, He wants to
replace our fears with His promises and with
His truth. He wants us to be whole and
thriving in our marriages.
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14. • 3. Retrain your brain
• Once you have a fair understanding on the root
of your assumptions, and you have chosen to
forgive and move forward from the past. You will
now have to go on a journey of retraining your
brain to think in a different way. Instead of
always fearing the worst, and allowing your mind
to go down that harmful road, you will now have
to train your brain to think in a more positive
manner. This will take time, but if you commit to
it, both yourself and your spouse will benefit
from it long-term.
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15. • 4. Do it together
• Marriage is a partnership, you do things together,
and you experience the ups and the downs
together. Therefore it is important to encourage
and to be patient with your spouse especially if
they are working on this vulnerable area. When
you decided to marry your spouse, you decided
to have the good and the bad, the sweet, the not
so sweet parts of your spouse. There is nothing
more beautiful or rewarding when watching your
spouse grow in all areas, because you did it
together!
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16. • 5. Believe the best
• Start to believe in the very best of your spouse!
Do not allow your mind to drift into assuming the
worst of him/her, before speaking to them.
Therefore that means we need to give each other
the benefit of the doubt! This is not always easy
to do, as it requires us to have faith and to trust in
him/her!
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17. • The assumptions we have acquired over the
years aren’t neutral; they shape the way we
live in the present, both positively and
negatively. We tend to demand our
expectations of normal should be everyone's
default position.
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18. • A lot of times false assumptions about marriage
can keep a person from having the best
relationship with a spouse. And marriage is not
an exception. Also, given the amount of free
advice available everywhere, people end up
making assumptions about marriage, which has
the potential to cause irreparable damage to
the relationship
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19. Finally
• 1. Marriage is all about compromise
A lot of people mistake adjustments for
compromise and end up believing marriage is all
about compromise, whether it’s about their
identity or their lifestyle choices. But to make a
marriage work, a couple needs to make
adjustments, which should not come at the cost
of their happiness or self-esteem.
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20. • 2. You always have to be in love with each other
This is a bitter pill that most people will find it
difficult to swallow. Yes, there might come a
time in your marriage when you might fall out
of love with your spouse. But that does not
mean that is the end of your relationship. All
relationships, including marriage, evolve with
time. And so does the feelings of the spouses
for each other. So, when such a moment arrives,
it means a person needs to work to keep his
marriage alive.
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21. • 3. Marriage means more responsibilities and it
can be a burden
•
It’s true that marriage means more
responsibilities, but that does not mean it is a
burden. Also, what most people tend to forget is
all the responsibilities that come after marriage
are shared by two people and there is a sense of
togetherness in doing so. And this can bring two
individuals closer instead of making marriage feel
like a burden.
•
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22. • 4. Marriage can change a person
There is an old adage that says, “The tragedy
of marriage is that while all women marry
thinking that their man will change, all men
marry believing their wife will never change.”
This is one misconception that most people
have that marriage can change a person for
better or for worse.
•
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23. • If we can be open to each other and
not assume that all is well, I believe we
can have better marriages and avoid
this killer that drains marriages.
STOP ASSUMPTIONS !!!!
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