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Why Can't I Move On? Narcissistic Abuse: A Complex Trauma. Compiled by Jeni Mawter

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Why Can't I Move On? Narcissistic Abuse: A Complex Trauma. Compiled by Jeni Mawter

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A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder sucks the life and shatters the soul out of the caring person in the relationship. Healing from Narcissistic Abuse is a long and painful process. To move on from this toxic and hopeless situation seems insurmountable. This PowerPoint was created to address the question I am most commonly asked: ‘Why Can’t I Move On?’ I hope it helps. Jeni Mawter

A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder sucks the life and shatters the soul out of the caring person in the relationship. Healing from Narcissistic Abuse is a long and painful process. To move on from this toxic and hopeless situation seems insurmountable. This PowerPoint was created to address the question I am most commonly asked: ‘Why Can’t I Move On?’ I hope it helps. Jeni Mawter

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Why Can't I Move On? Narcissistic Abuse: A Complex Trauma. Compiled by Jeni Mawter

  1. 1. “Why Can’t I Move On?” Narcissistic Abuse: A Complex Trauma Compiled by Jeni Mawter www.jenimawter.com
  2. 2. http://www.mymajors.com/blog/creativeoutlook/files/2013/10/chained-dreams-online.jpg
  3. 3. What happened when you met your narcissist? The narcissist mirrored your needs, desires, fears and insecurities. They mirrored your ideals, beliefs and value systems. They shared your ethics and human compassion. They were the whole package. Mind + Body + Spirit + Soul = Soul Mate You’d found your Soul Mate!
  4. 4. Narcissistic Relationships are mutually addictive http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/b4/78/db/b478dbc011d6086ed99c19e7a55a9769.jpg
  5. 5. Narcissistic Relationships are mutually addictive The Narcissist wants to be: Loved Adored Admired Cherished http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/x/chain-hearts- 17930342.jpg You want to be: Loved Adored Admired Cherished
  6. 6. A Relationship with a Narcissist comes at a cost Mental Cost = Sanity/Self- esteem/Confidence Physical Cost = Energy/Safety/Health Psychological Cost = Fear/Depression/Anxiety Spiritual Cost = Lose your ‘Self’/Soul/Spirit Social Cost = Reputation/Networks/Supports Sexual Cost = Relationships/Pleasure/Trust
  7. 7. http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/dd/b2/73/ddb273f68f08c262425fd14f0f10c89d.jpg
  8. 8. “Why do you keep paying with your life?”
  9. 9. Maybe you don’t know what you’ve been dealing with http://www.adamsmith.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/ignorance-620x300.png
  10. 10. Maybe you ignore Warning Signs http://naijaoddstories.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/wpid-17.jpeg
  11. 11. Don’t listen to your intuition? http://brainworldmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/shutterstock_99404807.jpg
  12. 12. Maybe you do know EVERYTHING about Narcissistic Personality http://media-cache-ec3.pinimg.com/736x/dc/23/ec/dc23ec68e11e3fd8856c66529a204c8c.jpg
  13. 13. Yet you still can’t move on!
  14. 14. Knowledge hasn’t helped you http://assets.mixxtopia.com/images/730x%3E/80/91/0d/80910d0dfde84859be2c44a84616f107.jpg
  15. 15. Knowledge alone is not enough https://homesforfamilies.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/knowledgeispower.gif
  16. 16. Maybe you choose not to act? http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs47/f/2009/239/3/4/ i__m_sorry__my_hands_are_tied__ by_boobookittyfuck.jpg
  17. 17. Maybe you don’t know how to act? http://www.psychologyatsouthyarra.com.au/images/psychology_help.jpg
  18. 18. Don’t know where to start? http://orgjunkie.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/when-you-dont-know-where-to-start2.jpg
  19. 19. What to do? Who am I? http://modifiedarts.org/wp-content/ uploads/Potter-11.jpg
  20. 20. Caution! https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7019/6489863301_3269733f06.jpg
  21. 21. Why are you stuck in this perpetual cycle? Stuck in the aftermath of Narcissistic Abuse? Some thoughts …
  22. 22. Have you become dehumanized? As human beings we: - have essential needs to be accepted, loved and respected by ourselves and others. - have dreams and hopes for meaningful and productive futures. - need to feel connected with others.
  23. 23. Society Let You Down? - Myths http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk
  24. 24. Society Let You Down? – Family http://real.fstatuses.com/cards/hearts/642154.jpg
  25. 25. Society Let You Down? – Religious Leaders http://images.3aw.com.au/2012/12/19/3901153/191212-Religious-Symbols.jpg
  26. 26. Society Let You Down? – Health Professionals http://www.paulkiritsis.net/drugabuse.jpg
  27. 27. Society Let You Down? - Counselors http://image.slidesharecdn.com/7mythsaboutnarcissism-110215075316-phpapp02/95/7-myths-about-narcissism-4- 728.jpg?cb=1411737172
  28. 28. Society Let You Down? – Law Enforcement http://d3thflcq1yqzn0.cloudfront.net/022416038_prevstill.jpeg
  29. 29. Society Let You Down? – Legal System Narcissists love Courtroom Drama http://storytweetblog.com/2014/09/13/ narcissistic-repercussion/
  30. 30. Society Let You Down? – You ME?!!! http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/111/3/d/what_do_you_mean_meme_by_jasperseidel-d4x2gtr.jpg
  31. 31. Maybe you won’t believe the abuse is deliberate https://www.pilkington.com/~/media/Platform/Icons/Pilkington%20Product%20Categories/BLC%20Safety%20Securi ty.ashx?mw=200
  32. 32. You’re keeping up a façade http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/231/4/b/behind_the_mask_by_kaizoku_hime-d6it0f3.jpg
  33. 33. You feel ashamed … http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Society/Pix/pictures/2011/7/6/1309962558124/Young-black-man-with- head-007.jpg
  34. 34. You’ve been in denial http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/thumb/msid-22175182,width-310,resizemode-4/poke-me-shouldnt-we- stop-being-in-denial-over-the-health-of-our-leaders-people-readers-react.jpg
  35. 35. You’ve been living with the false hope that things will change http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs14/f/2007/043/0/7/false_hope_by_feelmefromtheINSIDE.jpg
  36. 36. It feels like you’ve got too much to lose http://www.jobboardscripts.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/stay-or-leave.jpg
  37. 37. You’re being Triangulated http://www.theravive.com/blog/image.axd?picture=2009%2F7%2Ftriangulation-a.jpg
  38. 38. You feel overwhelmed http://b.fastcompany.net/multisite_files/fastcompany/imagecache/1280/poster/2014/10/3037633-poster-p-1-6-steps- to-stop-feeling-so-overwhelmed.jpg
  39. 39. You feel abandoned http://www.runningwithspoons.com
  40. 40. You’re confused … http://thereselives.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/large.jpg
  41. 41. When you Dissociate to Disappear, http://metaphoricalmarathons.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/20121115-143310.jpg
  42. 42. it feels like you’ve lost your soul http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/a-lost-soul-brian-graybill.jpg
  43. 43. You’ve become a “Missing Person” in a body http://pixelsatanexhibition-com.zippykid.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/michelle- robinson_uselessness-project-365-looking-for-the-lost-self_130201-1024x768.jpg
  44. 44. You don’t know who you are anymore http://www.pastortullian.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/identity_crisis-291x3001.jpg
  45. 45. Your assumptions about yourself have been shattered. You now feel:- Vulnerable - Unlovable - Irrational - Immoral - Unworthy - Unforgiving - Irrelevant - Weak - A poor judge of character - Shameful - Not Safe - Undeserving - Lack confidence - Gullible - Desperate - Bitter - Angry - Naïve - A failure - Traumatized - Powerless
  46. 46. You don’t have the energy to move on
  47. 47. You were taught wrong! http://www.liveluvcreate.com/image/love_respect_forgive-439073.html
  48. 48. When you expect nothing in return you’ve learnt … http://blank.to/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/5_k.jpg
  49. 49. You’ve become Nothing http://samuelatgilgal.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/criticism-784297.jpg
  50. 50. Maybe you’ve been betrayed too many times! http://www.psychic-medium-readings.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/betrayal-240x300.jpg
  51. 51. You’ve lost all your trust http://drewchial.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/trust-fall.jpg
  52. 52. Maybe there are too many narcissists in your life?! http://uploads0.wikiart.org/images/honore-daumier/meeting-of-thirty-five-heads-of-expression.jpg
  53. 53. Your boundaries are being violated http://musictherapyeolcare.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/fence.jpg?w=672&h=372&crop=1
  54. 54. You are in a permanent state of Hypervigilence http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NJ9wC5l- 8nE/Tqn6nW_3uzI/AAAAAAAABVk/PimfqmmjPX8/s400/Fight%2BOr%2BFlight%2BUncertainty.jpg
  55. 55. You can’t concentrate or sleep http://www.batte.com/images/figures/e.exhaustion.w.jpg
  56. 56. You’re exhausted … http://data1.whicdn.com/images/40542999/thumb.jpg
  57. 57. You’re bogged down with negative self talk http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/image3.jpg
  58. 58. You’re confused by mixed messages http://www.9lenses.com/wp-content/uploads/The_Ultimate_Love-Hate_Relationship_–_Marketing__Sales.gif
  59. 59. You think you’re going Crazy! http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/357/e/5/i__m_not_crazy____am_i__by_maxkill300-d4k1m5d.jpg
  60. 60. The Pain is Physical and Constant http://kalabalu.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/22-649x627.jpeg
  61. 61. Yet your wounds are invisible http://wwwassets.rand.org/content/rand/capabilities/solutions/addressing-the-invisible-wounds-of- war/_jcr_content/par/solution/contextImage.aspectfit.0x0.jpg/1393779650822.jpg
  62. 62. Tactic: Reversal of Victim Role The Narcissist puts a huge amount of effort into their public persona. Bystanders believe that they are genuine, righteous and kind. If a victim attempts to disclose their maliciousness The Narcissist makes derogatory remarks about the target’s mental state, character and motives. They use role reversal, feigning moral indignation and playing the role of victim. Believing the public persona supporters see the real victim, attempting to be heard, as the abusive one.
  63. 63. People don’t understand the extent of your torment http://media-cache- ak0.pinimg.com/originals/9a/c1/25/9ac1255051f26cc63203a58ab14556a1.jpg
  64. 64. So there’s No Validation We heal when we are heard and validated
  65. 65. No Validation means No Justice from  Legal Systems  Family  Friends  Work Colleagues  Peers  New Partners  Health Systems http://www.wallpaperhere.com/System_Failure_6939/downloa d_1024x768
  66. 66. It feels like it’s never over http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bI36yWhwDLw/UciMvOCoDuI/AAAAAAAAAaE/pWKyiAudbKI/s1600/spider.jpg
  67. 67. Nothing gets resolved!!! http://cps-static.rovicorp.com/3/JPG_400/MI0002/095/MI0002095848.jpg?partner=allrovi.com
  68. 68. You feel trapped http://static.squarespace.com/static/540cc627e4b068678cd35206/t/5435aad5e4b09dbd92ea6da2/1412803285714/ 06web.jpg
  69. 69. You’re Emotionally ‘Shut Down’ http://chosen129.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2014/04/HolleyGerth-Quote.jpg
  70. 70. ‘Self’ doubting http://www.nextbigwhat.com/pi-of-life-please-stop-hiding-in-the-cracks-297/
  71. 71. Isolation gives ‘Self’ Protection http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/c7/80/2b/c7802bf8ab9702442374b03cfaaa8c26.jpg
  72. 72. You keep re-living the pain http://www.psychologytoday.com/files/imagecache/og/blogs/40875/2010/12/51578-41666.jpg
  73. 73. Your pain is your identity http://www.imaginationstudio.com/images/digiart/damedium/Identity%20Crisis.jpg
  74. 74. You’re stuck on being ‘The Victim’ http://3.bp.blogspot.com/- 7C9UIz3JozU/Uw2BLvI3AvI/AAAAAAAAARE/eHZEDe4hgBU/s1600/ Steve+Maraboli+Quote+Victim+Mentality.jpg
  75. 75. You’re Stuck in the Past http://images.psxextreme.com/wallpapers/ps3/lost_identity_1273.jpg
  76. 76. Unresolved Grief and Forgiveness http://brainbodybalance.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/forgiveness1-300x227.png
  77. 77. You’re too nice! In order to move on you must reject what drives you http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jfUgrSCsIUI/TnJBF- 42xbI/AAAAAAAAANA/RgeO0vYQf_8/s1600/I+Face+Trials+with+an+Open+Mind%252C+Faith%252C+Love+
  78. 78. You feel meaningless http://farm1.static.flickr.com/203/488566808_3c5703fecb.jpg?v=1178597646
  79. 79. You feel used and discarded http://dethcheez.deviantart.com/art/Discarded-2-Close-Up-60849999
  80. 80. You feel powerless http://www.carolecgood.com/1206409464X4DK13I.jpg
  81. 81. You feel battle worn http://thechive.files.wordpress.com /2013/01/top-taps-127-42.jpg ?w=500&h=750
  82. 82. Why is it so easy for an abuser to get away with it and so difficult for an abuse victim to be heard?
  83. 83. Unless others have experienced Narcissistic Abuse they don’t believe it https://afternarcissisticabuse.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/1inexplicable.jpg?w=604
  84. 84. You can’t change a Narcissist so you have to change your ‘Self’
  85. 85. What is your ‘Self’? http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/who-am-i-sladjana- endt.jpg Needs Desires Opinions Thoughts Feelings Values Beliefs Voice Ideals
  86. 86. Start by finding the missing ‘You’ http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/ originals/7a/54/f6/7a54f6983fa3ae 7506473501c28fee9b.jpg
  87. 87. Maybe create a new ‘You’ http://i.vimeocdn.com/video/493294383_640.jpg
  88. 88. Watch this space! http://www.birmingham-box.co.uk/files/images/applicationfiles/1128.001eeb5e/800x600.fitdown.jpg
  89. 89. About Jeni Mawter Jeni Mawter is an Australian writer whose young adult multi-text novel, Kiss Kill, is about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. http://amzn.com/B00PIADCNY www.jenimawter.com
  90. 90. Narcissistic Abuse thrives in secrecy Please share http://pixabay.com/p-310969/?no_redirect
  91. 91. Other Narcissistic Personality Disorder links to share  http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/red-flags-to- narcissistic-personality-disorder-compiled-by-jeni- mawter  http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/narcissistic- victim-syndrome-a-powerpoint-by-jeni-mawter  http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/moving-on- from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic- personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter  http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/verbal-abuse- and-the-narcissist-communication-tactics-designed- to-make-you-crazy

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