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Dating Skills For Engineers ( 2013 Version)


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I begin by discussing Seth Godin's "Be Remarkable". Then I focus on four skills – Listening (Marshal Goldsmith), Communicating (Heath Brothers), Helping (Edgar Schein), and Don’t Be An Asshole (Robert Sutton). In recent years this lecture has earned a fun nickname Dating Skills for Engineers.

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Dating Skills For Engineers ( 2013 Version)

  1. 1. “Dating Skills For Engineers” “Entrepreneurship Fundamental Skills” Fizz Day 2 Iain Verigin - September 2013
  2. 2. Dating Skills For Engineers • A few years back -- Dr. Waltham suggested I change the title of my talk • Thank You. •  Sidebar
  3. 3. Be Remarkable Seth Godin “How To Be Remarkable” Ted Talk :
  4. 4. Entrepreneurship Fundamental Skills Communicating Helping Listening Don’t Be an Asshole “Be Remarkable!”
  5. 5. Communicating Communicating
  6. 6. The Curse Of Knowledge • when we are given knowledge, it is impossible to imagine what it's like to LACK that knowledge. Communicating
  7. 7. Key Points • Simple is about Prioritizing. • Unexpected is about violating schema/ ―norms‖ • Concrete is about using sensory language • Credible is about human scale statistics or vivid details • Emotional - People care about people (not numbers) • Stories - drive action thru simulation • SUCCES – Simple – Unexpected – Concrete – Credible – Emotional – Stories Communicating
  8. 8. “Listening” Notes From Marshall Goldsmith Chapter 9 - Listening Listening
  9. 9. Listening Tactics – Don’t • Don’t Interrupt • Don’t finish the other persons sentences • Don’t say, ―I knew that.‖ • Don’t even agree with the other person ( even if he praises you, just say, "Thank you" ) • Don't use the words "no", "but", or "however‖ • Don't be distracted. • Don't let your eyes wander, or attention wander, elsewhere while the other person is talking Listening
  10. 10. Listening Tactics - Do • Maintain your end of the dialogue by asking intelligent questions that – (a) show you're paying attention – (b) move the conversation forward – (c) require the other person to talk ( while you listen ) • Eliminate any striving to impress the other person with how smart, or funny, you are. Your only aim is to let the other person feel he, or she, is accomplishing that. ( ie Let them impress you ) Listening
  11. 11. Paradox: The more you subsume your desire to shine, the more you will shine in the other person's eyesListening
  12. 12. Listening • Think Before You Speak • Listen With Respect • Ask Yourself - ―Is it Worth It?‖ • Make The Other Person Feel Important Listening
  13. 13. Background 1. All societies are ―stratified‖ (Status matters ) 2. All behavior is reciprocal Helping
  14. 14. One Up & One Down One ―Up-ness‖ of being asked to help One ―Down-ness‖ of asking for help Helping
  15. 15. Three Roles 1. Expert ( self diagnose and find expert ) 2. Doctor ( diagnose & prescribe ) 3. Process Consultant (engage in humble inquiry ) Helping
  16. 16. Which Role Do You Use? Helping
  17. 17. Seven Principles of Effective Helping 1. Giver & Receiver are both ready 2. Relationship is equitable 3. Helper is in Proper Role 4. Communication is not a choice • Starts w/ Humble Inquiry • Receiver owns the problem • Helper never has all the answers Helping - Extra
  18. 18. The “No Asshole Rule” • The Quiz – /guykawasaki/arse/ Behaviour
  19. 19. Which Mindset? Fixed Mindset: Growth Mindset: Behaviour/Attitude
  20. 20. Rule #1 Fixed Mindset: LOOK SMART OR TALENTED AT ALL COSTS Growth Mindset: LEARN, LEARN, LEARN Behaviour/Attitude
  21. 21. Rule #2 Fixed: DON’T WORK TOO HARD “To tell the truth, when I work hard at my school work it makes me feel like I’m not very smart.” Growth: WORK HARD, EFFORT IS KEY “The harder you work at something, the better you’ll be at it.” Behaviour/Attitude
  23. 23. You Have a Behaviour/Attitude
  24. 24. 20 Bad Habits • Here is a list of 20 Bad Habits • It is very useful to be able to describe them • Unfortunately it is very difficult to assess yourself. Behaviour
  25. 25. Bad Habit 1-4 • 1. Winning too much: The need to win at all costs and in all situations. • 2. Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our 2 cents to every discussion. • 3. Passing judgment: The need to rate others and impose our standards on them. • 4. Making destructive comments: The needless sarcasm and cutting remarks that we think make us witty. Behaviour
  26. 26. Entrepreneurship Fundamental Skills Communicating Helping Listening Don’t Be an Asshole (Mindset) “Be Remarkable!”
  27. 27. The End
  28. 28. Extras Book Links can be found here eneurship-readings/
  29. 29. Johnny Bunko’s 6+ Lessons 1 There is no plan [The economy changes too fast for your career to have a plan.] 2 Think strengths, not weaknesses [Find your advantages] 3 It’s not about you [Serving others serves you best] 4 Persistence trumps talent [Keep showing up] 5 Make excellent mistakes [Take risks, but fail forward] 6 Leave an imprint [Do something that matters] 7Stay hungry
  30. 30. Work is Emotional The Startup Curve <<
  31. 31. Why Are People Skills So Important? ! New Ventures fail from lack of customers ! • Not lack of product • Translates to – People make the product – People buy the products – People make the decisions – People sign cheques – People • More info:
  32. 32. Bad Habits 5 - 8 • 5. Starting with NO, BUT, HOWEVER: The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone that I’m right and you’re wrong. • 6. Telling the world how smart we are: The need to show people we’re smarter than they think we are. • 7. Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a management tool. • 8. Negativity, or “Let me explain why that won’t work”: The need to share our negative thoughts even when we weren’t asked. Behaviour
  33. 33. Bad Habits 9-20 • 9. Withholding information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others. • 10. Failing to give proper recognition: The inability to give praise and reward. • 11. Claiming credit that that we don’t deserve: The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success. • 12. Making excuses: The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it. • 13. Clinging to the past: The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a subset of blaming everyone else. • 14. Playing favorites: Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly. • 15. Refusing to express regret: The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we’re wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others. • 16. Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues. • 17. Failing to express gratitude: The most basic form of bad manners. • 18. Punishing the messenger: The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help us. • 19. Passing the buck: The need to blame everyone but ourselves. • 20. An excessive need to be “me”: Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who we are. Behaviour
  34. 34. Rules to Live By • The company is a no-asshole zone. It requires employees to agree to sign this document • Rules of Engagement • 1. I will be passionate—about SuccessFactors’ mission, about my work. I will love what we do for companies and employees everywhere. • 2. I will demonstrate respect for the individual; I will be nice and listen to others, and respect myself. I will act with integrity and professionalism. • 3. I will do what it takes to get the job done, no matter what it takes, but within legal and ethical boundaries. • 4. I know that this is a company, not a charity. I will not waste money—I will question every cost. • 5. I will present an exhaustive list of solutions to problems—and suggest actionable recommendations. • 6. I will help my colleagues and recognize the team when we win. I will never leave them behind when we lose. • 7. I will constantly improve Kaizen! I will approach every day as an opportunity to do a better job, admitting to and learning from my mistakes. • 8. I will selflessly pursue customer success. • 9. I will support the culture of meritocracy and pay for performance. • 10. I will focus on results and winning—scoring points, not just gaining yardage. • 11. I will be transparent. I will communicate clearly and be brutally honest, even when it’s difficult, because I trust my colleagues. • 12. I will always be in sales and drive customer satisfaction. • 13. I will have fun at work and approach my work with enthusiasm. • 14. I will be a good person to work with—I will not be an asshole. • I agree to live these values. If my colleagues fail to live up to any of these rules, I will speak up and will help them correct; in turn, I will be open to constructive criticism from my colleagues should I fail to live by these values. I understand that my performance will be judged in part by how well I demonstrate these values in my daily work. • Behaviour
  35. 35. -Brains grow like a Muscle - practice makes it stronger! - By extension “Groups can grow their intelligence” Attitude
  36. 36. Mindset ? What Do You Believe? 1. Your intelligence is something very basic about you that you can’t change very much. 2. You can learn new things, but you can’t really change how intelligent you are. 3. No matter how much intelligence you have, you can always change it quite a bit. 4. You can always substantially change how intelligent you are. Behaviour/Attitude
  37. 37. Let’s Listen To Vinod Khosla • Persistence • Getting into Stanford MBA School – He didn’t get in the first time. • Closing Sun’s first Deal – Did he really sleep in the lobby? • ~ 7:15 • • Attitude
  38. 38. Helping Helping - Extra - Summary
  39. 39. CustomerCentricBehaviour Traditional CustomerCentric Make Presentations Converse “Situationally” Offer Opinions Ask Relevant Questions Focus On Relationships Focus On Solution Gravitate Towards Users Target Business People Rely on Product Relate Product Usage Compete to Stay Busy Compete to Win Close on Sellers Time Frame Close of Buyers Time Frame Attempt to Sell By • Convincing/Persuading • Handling Objection • Overcoming Resistance Empower Buyers to •Achieve Goals • Solve Problems • Satisfy Needs Note How Traditional Techniques are “Not Helping” Helping