TNEEL-NE Theoretical Perspectives Learning Activ.docx

TNEEL-NE
Theoretical Perspectives
Learning Activities
Compiled by Jinny Tesiik, M.A., Bereavement Counselor. Used
with permission
Activity 2: The Creative Expressions and Descriptions of Grief
and Loss
Directions: The sayings are separated with dashed lines. To
prepare for the in-class activity,
print the pages and cut on the dashed lines to separate each
saying.
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C:Documents and Settingsgregory.fieroMy
DocumentsUTAN3325 Holistic Care of Older
AdultsResourcesGrief Activity Sayings_TNEEL.doc
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Saying 1: Edgar N. Jackson “You and Your Grief”
GRIEF is...
Grief is the intense emotion that floods life when a person’s
inner security system is shattered by an acute loss,
usually associated with the death of someone important in
his/her life.
In more personal terms, grief is a young widow who must find a
way to bring up her three children, alone. Grief is
the angry reaction of a man so filled with shocked uncertainty
and confusion that he strikes out at the nearest
person. Grief is the little old lady who goes to the funeral of a
stranger and does some unfinished business of her
own feelings by crying her eyes out there; she is weeping for
herself, for the event she is sure will come, and for
which she has so little help in preparing herself.
Grief is a mother walking daily to a nearby cemetery to stand
quietly alone for a few moments before she goes on
about the tasks of the day; she knows that part of her is in the
cemetery, just as part of her is in her daily work.
Grief is the deep sympathy one person has for another when he
wants to do all he can to help resolve a tragic
experience. Grief is the silent, knifelike terror and sadness that
comes a hundred times a day, when you start to
speak to someone who is no longer there.
Grief is the emptiness that comes when you eat alone after
eating with another for years. Grief is the desperate
longing for another whose loss you cannot learn to endure.
Grief is teaching yourself how to go to bed without
saying good night to the one who has died. Grief is the helpless
wishing that things were different when you know

they are not and never will be again. Grief is a whole cluster of
adjustments, apprehensions that strike life in its
forward progress and make it difficult to reorganize and redirect
the energies of life.
Grief is always more than sorrow. Bereavement is the event in
personal history that triggers the emotion of grief
Mourning is the process by which the powerful emotion is
slowly and painfully brought under control. But when
doctors speak of grief they are focusing on the raw feelings that
are at the center of a whole process that engages
the person in adjusting to changed circumstances. They are
speaking of the deep fears of the mourner, of his
prospects of loneliness, and of the obstacles he must face as he
finds a new way of living.
Saying 2: Larry Anderson, Seattle P.I. Columnist
“There is a terrible craving. Insatiable, never ending. It’s like
that that feeling of being hungry for something but
not knowing what it is. But this is deeper, more pervasive, more
elusive. But I think I know what it is, it’s a craving
for Margaret”
Saying 3: C.S. Lewis, “A Grief Observed”
“Grief and pain are the price we humans have to pay for the
love and total commitment we have for another
person. The more we love, the more we are hurt when we lose
the object of our love. But if we are honest with
ourselves, would we have it any other way?”

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Saying 4: Author unknown
The agony is so great
And yet I will stand it.
Had I not loved so very much
I would not hurt so much.
But goodness knows, I will not
Want to diminish that precious love
By one fraction of an ounce.
I will hurt, and I will be grateful to the hurt
For it bears witness to
The depth of our meanings.
And for that I will be
eternally grateful.
Saying 5: William A Miller “When Going to Pieces Holds You
Together”
“Grief is an integral part of the process and experience of life.
No human being exists who is immune to loss and
the resultant dynamics of grief. As a matter of fact, to a lesser

or greater degree, loss and grief are virtually an
every-day occurrence for most of us.”
Saying 6: Nina Petrulius - grief counselor
“The grief process is a rite of passage. It is a time to bid
farewell to the past and open oneself to the coming future.
It helps us to let go of what is no longer with us, to come to
terms with what was and more on.”
Saying 7: Stephen Levine “Who Dies”
“We are all in grief. All have experienced loss. Even if your
loved ones are still alive, there is a place within of
disappointment and loss because we live in a world where
everything changes.”
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Saying 8: David Whyte, “The Well of Grief”
THE WELL OF GRIEF
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe
Will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret Water, cold and clear
nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished
for something else.
Saying 9: Scott Peck, “People of the Lie”
“It is often the most spiritually healthy and advanced among us
who are called on to suffer in ways more agonizing
than anything experienced by the more ordinary… Conversely,
it is the unwillingness to suffer emotional pain that
lies at the very root of emotional illness. Those who fully
experience depression, doubt, confusion, and despair
may be infinitely more healthy than those who are generally
certain, complacent, and self-satisfied. The denial of
suffering is, in fact, a better definition of illness than its
acceptance.”

Saying 10: Washington Irving
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of
weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than
10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming
grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”
Saying 11: Howard Thurman “Meditations of the Heart”
I share with you the agony of your grief,
The anguish of your heart finds echo in my own.
I know I cannot enter all you feel
Nor bear with you the burden of your pain;
I can but offer what my love does give:
The strength of caring,
The warmth of one who seeks to understand
The silent storm-swept barrenness of so great a loss.
This I do in quiet ways,
That on your lonely path
You may not walk alone.
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Saying 12: Eda LeShan, “On Living Your Life”
“When someone dies whom I love, I allow my grief all the room
it needs. Great waves of pain wash over me.
When it subsides, I don’t try to shut it off. After a while the
sharpest anguish softens, the waves of pain occur less
frequently, and I go on with my life, never trying to deny the
terrible hole left in my universe by my loss. Through
this process of mourning, all the good memories begin to flow
back and fill my life, and finally I find I’m a better
person, doing more good in the world because the loved one is
now a part of me.”
Saying 13: Renee 'Duvall
“If I could bear the burden of your sorrow, I would.
If I could, but for a minute, take away your pain and make it
mine, I would.
If I could tell you “there’s a reason for this”, I would.
I can’t tell you how sorry I am that your life has been
interrupted this way, how sorry I am that I can’t shelter you
from this.
But I want you to know I’m here if you want to talk, if you need
to cry, if you can find comfort in sharing silence

with me.
I care.”
Saying 14: Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
“I think I am beginning to understand why grief feels like
suspense. It comes from frustration of so many impulses
that had become habitual. Thought after thought, feeling after
feeling, action after action.”
“What we would all like is the happy past restored. Am I going
in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?
But a spiral, am I going up or down? How often--will it be for
always? How often will the vast emptiness astonish
me like a complete novelty and make me say, “I never realize
my loss till this moment?”
“No one told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but
the sensation is like being afraid. The same
fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I
keep on swallowing.”
“Sorrow turns out to be not a state but a process. There is
something new to be chronicled every day. Grief is like a
long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a
totally new landscape.
Not every bend does. Sometimes the surprise is the opposite
one; you are presented with exactly the same sort of
country you thought you had left behind miles ago. That is when
you wonder whether the valley isn’t a circular
trench.”

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Saying 15: Anne Morrow Lindbergh, “Gift from the Sea”
“One learns to accept the fact that no permanent return is
possible to an old form of relationship; more deeply still,
that there is no holding of a relationship to a single form. This
is not tragedy but part of the ever-recurrent miracle
of life and growth. All living relationships are in process of
change, of expansion, and must perpetually be building
themselves new forms.”
Saying 16: Ruth Bender “Book of Qualities”
GRIEF
Before she came to this town Grief was a woman named Eliea.
She was a potter, and she glazed her big-bellied
pots with earth colors until they shone like dull bronze. She had
four children. The daughters live inland now in the
distant foothills, and the oldest son left the family as soon as he
could get away. It was the young boy with the
golden curls and the laughing eyes who gave her great joy. He

loved the ocean. He was barely walking when he
learned to swim and not much older when he started to sail. One
day about two years ago the sailors brought his
boat home empty.
Never have I heard such sounds of weeping as when Grief found
out her son had drowned. She screamed and
howled. She stamped her feet and smashed her pots and bowls.
She ate with all her fingers. She tore at her hair,
and it grew wild and matted. She wandered from place to place
with no sense of where she was or how she came
there.
One day Grief heard another woman cry out. She spoke with
her. She listened to her story. Grief was surprised.
She had never met anyone else who had suffered as she had.
Together the women mourned their children, they
wept and wept and wept and wept. In the morning Grief was
washed clean of her tears. She came to our town and
started to do her real work.
Saying 17: J. Ruth Gendler, “The Book of Qualities”
SUFFERING
Suffering teaches philosophy on a part-time basis. She likes the
icy days in February when she can stay home from
school, make thick soups, and catch up on her reading. With her
white skin and dark hair she even looks like
winter. She has a slender face and dramatic cheekbones.
Suffering’s reputation troubles her. Certain people adore
her and talk about her as if knowing her gives them a special
status. Other people despise her. When they see her
across the aisle at the supermarket they look the other way.

Even though Suffering is considered a formidable
instructor, she is actually quite compassionate. She feels lonely
around students who dislike her. It is even more
painful to be around those who idealize her. She is proud only
because she recognizes the value of her lessons.
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Saying 18: Chinese Proverb
“You can’t prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your
head, but you can prevent them from building a nest
in your hair.”
Saying 19: Angelo Patri
“In one sense there is no death. The life of a soul on earth lasts
beyond his departure. You will always feel that life
touching yours, that voice speaking to you, that spirit looking
out of other eyes, talking to you in the familiar things

he/she touched, worked with, loved as familiar friends. He/She
lives on in your life and in the lives of all others
who know him/her.”
Saying 20: Doug Manning in “Don’t Take My Grief Away”
“A cut finger is numb before it bleeds, it bleeds before it hurts,
it hurts until it begins to heal, it forms a scab and
then a scar where the wound once was. Grief is the deepest
wound you have ever had. Like the cut finger, it goes
through stages and leaves a scar.”
Saying 21: Anonymous
It was only a kindly word
And a word that was lightly spoken
Yet not in vain, for it stilled the pain
Of a heart that was nearly broken.
“In your heart, you probably realize that in time the sadness you
are feeling will fade. But for now, it’s all right to
hurt and I hurt with you.. It’s all right to cry, and I share your
tears. So allow yourself to feel what comes naturally,
But know that someday life will be better and it will be easier
to smile.” Anonymous

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“There is only one thing worse than speaking ill of the dead -
and that is not speaking of the dead at all.”
Saying 24: Joshua Loth Liebman
“The function of friends is to be the sounding board for grief.”
Saying 25: Ashleigh Brilliant
“When death is eventually abolished, how will people ever
understand what it was like to be mortal?”

Saying 26: Christopher Lucas, “The Silent Grief’
“Loss is difficult. People are irreplaceable. You have loved
someone and that loved one is gone. That loss will not
go away, nor can you expect it to. How important a role the
sense of loss plays in your life is another matter. You
can remember and have positive feelings for, the dead person
without continuing to grieve.”
Saying 27: Leo Buscallia, “Bus 9 to Paradise”
“It was difficult to part with such a positive force in my life.
But nothing is forever. In reality we never lose the
people we love. They become immortal through us. They
continue to live in our hearts and minds. They participate
in our every act, idea, and decision. No one will ever replace
them and in spite of the pain we are richer for all the
years invested in them. Because of them, we have so much more
to bring to our present relationships and all those
to come.”
Saying 28: Harriet Sarnoff Schiff
“Understand and accept that for you there is still a future - one
that can be as bright and good as you choose to
make it. You have before you the rest of your life. What you do
with it is entirely a matter of choice. There are no
rules or laws that require you to mourn forever.”

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Saying 29: Historian Roy Nichols
“The most beautiful people I have known are those who have
known defeat, known suffering, known struggle,
known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These
people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an
understanding of life that fills them with compassion,
gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do
not just happen.”
“Bereaved persons are like ducks: above the surface...looking
composed and unruffled. Below the
surface...Paddling like crazy!”

Saying 31: Shakespeare, “Macbeth”
“Give Sorrow words, the grief that does not speak knits up the
o’re wrought heart and bids it break.”
Saying 32: Marcel Proust
“There is no more ridiculous custom than the one that makes
you express sympathy once and for all on a given day
to a person whose sorrow will endure as long as life. Such grief,
felt in such a way, is always present. It is never
too late to talk about it, never repetitious to mention it again.”
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Saying 33: Kahlil Gibran “The Prophet”
“Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow. And he
answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was

oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you
can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine
the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that
was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall
find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is
giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again to your heart, and you shall
see that, in truth, you are weeping for that which
has been your delight.
Some of you say, “Joy is greater that sorrow,” and others say,
“Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your
board, remember that the other is asleep upon your
bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and
your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at stand still and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weight his gold and his
silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or
fall.”
Saying 34: C.S. Lewis
“Bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience
of love.”

Saying 35: George F. Simons
“The memory of past dark days is testament to the individual’s
capacity to weather storms.”
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Saying 36: Brenda Neal, “There’s Always Hope”
Now
whenever i see
dark clouds
gathering
on far horizons
i’m not
frightened-
i’ve weathered
other storms
their fury and power

have slashed
through my life
i’ve weathered those
i’ll weather others to come
Saying 37: Brenda Neal
“My life was suddenly divided into BEFORE and AFTER, and
there was no going back to BEFORE. But then I
realized I had a choice how to live the AFTER. I had to decide.”
Saying 38: Axl Rose from Rolling Stone
“You have to re-experience it and mourn what happened to you
and grieve for yourself and nurture yourself and
put yourself all back together.”
Saying 39: D.H. Lawrence
“And dimly she realized one of the great laws of the human
soul: that when the emotional soul receives a
wounding shock, which does not kill the body, the soul seems to
recover as the body recovers. But this is only
appearance. It is really only the mechanism of the reassumed
habit. Slowly, slowly the wound to the soul begins to

make itself felt, like a bruise, which only slowly deepens its
terrible ache, till it fills all the psyche. And when we
think we have recovered and forgotten, it is then that the
terrible after-effects have to be encountered at their
worst.”
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Saying 40: John Brantner
“Only people who avoid love can avoid grief. The point is to
learn from it and remain vulnerable to love.”
Saying 41: R. Coles
“Sorrow may be fated, but to survive and grow is an
achievement all it’s own”.

Saying 42: Stephen Levine
“Grief is the rope burns left behind when what we have held to
most dearly is pulled out of reach, beyond our
grasp.”
Saying 43: John Bradshaw
“Losses are a necessary part of the human condition. To live
well is to grieve well. Everything you have ever done
has ended. Life is a prolonged farewell. Grief is the process that
finishes things. The end of grief work is to be born
again. So, to live well is to grieve well”.
Saying 44: Joshua Loth Liebman
“The function of friends is to be the sounding board for grief.”
Saying 45: Unknown
“Grief work is like winding a ball of string. You start with an
end and wind and wind, then the ball slips through
your fingers and rolls across the floor; some of your work is
undone, but not all. You pick it up and start over
again, but never do you have to begin again at the end of the
string. The ball never completely unwinds; you’ve
made some progress.”

TNEEL- vestigators Grief:
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Saying 46: Harriet Sarnoff Schiff
“Understand and accept that for you there is still a future - one
that can be as bright and good as you choose to
make it. You have before you the rest of your life. What you do
with it is entirely a matter of choice. There are no
rules or laws that require you to mourn forever.”
Saying 47: Unknown
“Grief rewrites your address book.”
Saying 48: Unknown
“In grief, one can endure the day, just the day. But when one

also tries to bear the grief ahead, one cannot compass
it. As for happiness, it can only be the ability to experience the
moment. It is not next year that life will be so
flawless and if we keep trying to wait for next year’s happiness,
the river of time will wind past and we shall not
have lived at all.”
Saying 49: Dr. Joyce Brothers, “Widowed”
“I will always have a pocket of sorrow in my heart, but that will
not keep me from plunging into life again. It will
make me value every living minute, because I know how
precious each one is.”
Saying 50: Old Chinese Proverb
“We can’t prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over our
heads but we can keep them from making nests in our
hair.”
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Saying 51: Stephanie Ericsson, “The Agony of Grief’
“What is there to grief? Grief is a tidal wave that overtakes you,
smashes down upon you with unimaginable force,
sweeps you up into darkness, where you tumble and crash
against unidentifiable surfaces, only to be thrown out on
an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped, and unwittingly better for
the wear.”
Saying 52: John Claypool
“From our earliest days we are all persons of sorrow. We are all
acquainted with grief But if we are willing, the
experiences of grief can deepen and widen our ability to
participate in life. We can become more grateful for the
gifts we have been given, more open-handed in our handling of
the events of life, more sensitive to the whole
mysterious process of life, and more trusting in our adventure
with God”.

· | Module 5: Assignment (Part 1)
Grief and Final Reflections - Part 1
This assignment consists of two parts. Submit the completed
assignment by 23:59 Saturday of Module 5.
Part 1: Grief Activity Sayings
· Locate "Grief Activity Sayings"
· Select and copy a saying from the list. You will type the
saying into your Module 5 Assignment Document.
· Reflect on the saying from the perspective of someone in your
life.
· Reflect on the many ways that grief manifests itself.
Holistic Care of the Older Adult

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