1. ... and now
faith, hope and
love abide
In the midst of one of life's
most challenging and
sorrowful times, it can
be difficult to find peace.
Yet, even in uncertainty,
every moment provides the
opportunity to cherish the
days God has given ...
... to trust in those who
provide compassion, care
and support in times of
need, and to have faith
in the grace of a Father
and the promise of all that
is yet to come.
... to reflect upon
successes, small miracles
and lessons learned,
and to instill hopein
hearts overwhelmed
with grief that they may
be strengthened and
comforted by memories
that will not fade.
... to seek purpose and
meaning in each joyful
encounter, tearful parting,
gentle silence or tender
embrace and to offer and
receive love abundantly
without condition or
cause, secure in the
knowledge that above all
else, it will last forever.
on your
Support and encouragementfor those mourning the loss of a loved one
Volume 1
You are receiving this mailing because someone you cared for was
receiving comfort care from Luther Manor at the end of his or her
life. They have found relief from the pain and debility of their life,
but now there is an emptiness in your life. You no longer have
that caregiving responsibility. You no longer have that person
with whom to share your experiences and your love. You have
experienced a loss.
In an effort to help you grow through the grieving process
associated with your loved one's death, you will be receiving
several mailings throughout the year. The mailings will contain
articles on grief, prayers, meditations and resources for your
consideration to help you cope with your loss. Unfortunately, no
one can take away your grief without you experiencing pain, but
these items can assist you in your journey.
Your ability to concentrate is seriously impaired by grief,
particularly soon after the death. Be gentle with yourself. You don't
have to read every article of this mailing when you get it. Find the
articles or quotations that are pertinent to you today, and then put
the mailing in a safe place to pull it out later. Next month or in three
months you may be better able to read and retain the information.
Our Bereavement Counselor, is available to accompany you during
this time of sorrow. She may have already contacted you by phone
or left you a message. She is willing to talk to you after normal
business hours if that works best for you. Remember that God will
provide you with individuals and resources such as programs,
books and support groups. Feel that gentle tug in your heart when
He wants to provide those supports to you. s~
Peace be „ i t h you, Q^V^OJ
Luther Manor Bereavement Counselor
(414) 464-3880, ext. 353
L U T H E R M A N O R

2. God can see into your broken heart, my friend.
He hears the groaning from the depths of your grief.
He can understand what you are experiencing and thinking and feeling.
He knows what you want to say or need to say, but find it impossible to say.
He accepts that helpless feeling as your prayer, -by Dr. Oswald Hoffmann
The grieving process
I can't imagine all the thoughts and feelings you are having right now, but I can tell you a bit about the
experience of grieving. Grieving is, first of all, a process. It takes time; it cannot be rushed. Each of us handles
loss in our own way, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. While each experience of mourning is unique,
there are, nevertheless, some similarities in the process. One of those similarities is that there seems to be certain
phases that we all go through as we grieve.
Right now, you may be feeling numb, confused and disorganized. You may feel that things are not real, that this
is a dream, or that your loved one will return. These experiences characterize the first stage of grief. This part of
grieving doesn't usually last very long, but it helps you get through what you have to get through.
The second phase is where you end up doing most of your grief work. Work? Yes, mourning is work; you may
not be doing any heavy labor, but grieving requires a lot of mental labor and readjustment. The trauma of a major
loss can also be thought of as a kind of wound. If you use these two analogies, you can see that you'll probably
need extra sleep, good nutrition and exercise. Your emotions may run the gamut from deep sadness, to anger, to
irritability, to anxiousness, to depression. You may feel that you are losing control or going crazy. Don't worry.
There is no one way to mourn and these are all normal reactions to grieving.
Another aspect of this stage of grief is the experience of "secondary losses." You will find yourself mourning
not only your primary loss, but all the other little losses connected to it. When one woman's only son died, for
example, she not only mourned her son but the fact that there would be no grandchildren and no one to look
after her in her old age.
Sometimes people have experiences of seeing or feeling the person who died. These experiences are often
encouraging and comforting. They remind us of our belief that there is life after death and that both the living
and the dead are part of the "communion of saints" in which all believers share.
The final phase of mourning is called the "reconciliation phase." Reconciliation is what occurs as the mourner
works to integrate the new reality of moving forward in life without the physical presence of the person who
died. The sharp, ever-present pain of grief gives rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose. Your feelings of
loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense pangs of grief will become less frequent.
Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the
person who died will never be forgotten, yet knowing that your life can and will move forward. It may help you
to know that this phase will come; you will feel better eventually. Many people do most of their grief work in a
year or two, but it varies considerably. Allow yourself the same grace and love our Lord lesus gives to you.

3. Coping with the physical
stress of grieving
Within the first few months of the
loss of someone central in your life,
it is a good idea to have a complete
physical checkup. Mention the
loss to your physician along with
any new symptoms that you have
noticed. Otherwise, you may want
to consider the following activities
on a daily basis to keep yourself in
shape during your grief.
Attempt to keep a regular sleep
and wake cycle; rest more often
than usual.
Eat as well as you can;
drink water.
Take sufficient time off
from work.
Simplify your schedule,
eliminate activities that take
too much energy.
Move your body - walk, bike
ride, exercise, swim.
Loaf and rest.
Listen to music.
Talk to friends or family;
join a support group.
Pray and meditate.
Journal about your feelings.
Get massages.
Avoid alcohol and drug use.
Understand the difference between
grief and mourning
By Dr. Alan Wolfelt, from the book Healing Your Grieving Body: 100 Physical
Practicesfor Mourners.
• Grief is a constellation of internal thoughts and feelings we have when
someone loved dies. Grief is the weight in the chest, the churning in the
gut, the unspeakable thoughts and feelings.
• Mourning is the outward expression of grief. Mourning is crying,
journaling, creating artwork, talking to others about the death, telling
the story, speaking the unspeakable.
• Everyone grieves when someone loved dies, but if we are to heal, we
must also mourn. If you grieve, but don't mourn, your body will keep
telling you it is under distress. Over time, and with the support of
others, to mourn is to heal.
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Resources that may help:
Fitzgerald, Helen. The Mourning Handbook: A Complete Guide for the
Bereaved. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994.
Grollman, Earl A. Living When a Loved One Has Died. Boston, MA: Beacon
Press, 1977.
Wolfelt, Dr. Alan D. The Wilderness of Grief: Finding Your Way. Ft. Collins,
CO: Companion Press, 2007.
'Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired, eating when you are hungry, or
sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature's way of healing a broken heart." -Doug Manning

4. LUTHERMANOR
4545 N . 92nd Street • Wauwatosa, W I 53225
Hospice Care
As a nonprofit, faith-based organization and one of the finest
senior living communities in Southeastern Wisconsin, Luther
Manor has been caring and advocating for seniors for more
than 50 years. Our mission is to share God's love by enriching
the lives of older adults through excellent housing, care and
services. Guided by our Christian heritage and values, we
consistently strive to exceed the expectations of those we serve.
At Luther Manor, we believe all people are created in the image
of God, and we honor Him by surrounding those nearing the
end of their lives, as well as their loved ones, with compassion
and understanding. We recognize dying as a natural process
and we seek to affirm life by respecting the unique wishes,
needs and goals of each person entrusted to our care.
HSP20100923-02
r and now # i/i^n
hopeJ love
abide