Welcome back to Ruth’s (un)Officially Wacky BoolpropChallenge! I’m sure you remember the Plot from last time. Thischapter does not contain as much Plot, but I can promise youredecorating and makeovers! Those are almost as good, right?(crickets chirping)Okay, then, be that way. At any rate, time did not stand stillwhile the Old Adam and Oakapple were in college, and I thinkwe’ll start with what happened then.
To begin with, Ruth Grew Up Well and without fanfare.
And promptly got a makeover.Ruth has had a unique look at each life stage, and I don’t seewhy being an Elder should be any different. Certainly there arethe most Wacky options for Elders.
Ryan’s new look is apparently “grounding wire.” There’s areason you don’t go poking around inside a computer monitor,boys and girls. Computer monitors contain a device whichstores enough electricity to kill you instantly if you touch it.**True! Don’t go poking around inside your computer monitor!
Fortunately, Ryan didn’t hit that device, and after a shower, achange of clothing, and a quick trip to the hospital, he was fine.I can’t say the same for his boxer shorts, though…
Here we see a thief who is more interested in the newspaperthan the gnome. It seems an odd preference – after all, gnomesare highly collectible and cost good money, while newspapersdate rapidly and cost about fifty cents. (shrug) Well, there’s noaccounting for taste.Somebody else with sensibilities closer to my own hoisted thegnome later in the day anyway.
Ruth went out and stole it back, of course. In fact, she did sotwice in a row, so now we have an Official Gnome and anOfficial Emergency Backup Gnome.
And speaking of Official requirements, the Tacky Flamingo isdoing well. Patrons include internationally famous rockstars*…*Bertram McClellan, Rock God, of Everybody Loves Bertie.
…secret agents*…*Trixie Sanders, Multi-Regional Sim of Some Question, from Already inProgress.
…and heavily-made-up Vulcans.**I don’t know why everyone calls this an “elf” face. You can make a near-perfect Mr. Spock using it plus certain EAxis-standard makeup and hair.This Sim isn’t anyone notable, but I bet you a nickel he’s named Abhijeet.All my townies seem to be named Abhijeet nowadays.
I wouldn’t have thought it would be their type of place, butapparently Vulcans love the Tacky Flamingo. The business isnow at Level Four, putting me ahead of schedule.
In other news, Ruth and Ryan attended Buttercup’s wedding.Old Adam and Oakapple were not invited, as the party wassupposed to be parents only. However, due to complicatedrelationship issues, only Albert’s fathers showed up – hismother declined to come. And the Welcome Wagon showed upjust as the ceremony started, so there were extra, uninvitedguests.
RUTH: Congratulations, sweetie! I’m so happy for you! Butcan you answer one question for me?BUTTERCUP: Sure, Mom.RUTH: Are you okay with this? You’re not making yourselfinto someone you aren’t just to make this boy happy, are you?BUTTERCUP: (laughs) No, Mom, I’m still me. I still likeyellow, I still cheat at chess, I still grow –RUTH (quickly): Don’t tell me. What your father doesn’t hear,he doesn’t have to do anything about.BUTTERCUP: I didn’t say anything. The point is, the onlything that’s really changed is the color of my hair. And that’s acompromise I’m willing to make.
Albert, as I may have mentioned, come from my storyEverybody Loves Bertie. Buttercup, of course, comes fromRuth’s. Since I can’t decide which story Albert and Buttercupshould be included in, they’re both moving to Already inProgress, and you can read about them there beginning withChapter 37, if you are so inclined. [/shameless self-promotion]
Ryan got a bad chance card at work and lost three skill points.This put him far enough behind that making his LTW becamepretty well impossible, so he retired.I’m actually okay with that, since (if Adam and Myrnacooperate) the No Promotions points are so close I can almosttaste them. And anyway, if Ryan has to work, he’ll miss thewedding.What do you mean, “What wedding?”? THE wedding! Thewedding of the generation! Forget William and Catherine – OldAdam and Myrna are the couple everyone’s talking about.
(At this point, I would like to mention that during her extra dayat home, Myrna spent her time attempting to teach the dog toShake. She did not gain any skill points. Thank you.)
Preparations began as soon as everyone moved in: new looksfor bride, groom, and brother/ex-fiance/current brother-in-law…
Pre-wedding job searches… Not traditional, but hey – whateverfloats your boat.EILEEN, MYRNA’S MOTHER: Myrna, we’ve been looking allover for you! What are you doing?MYRNA (half-wails): I don’t know! I’m so nervous – I was justclicking around – Somehow I’m a Medium now! I don’t want to be aMedium! Why would I want to be an Medium?!EILEEN: Shhh, shhh. It’s okay. Just pick up the phone and quit.MYRNA: I can just quit?EILEEN: You can just quit. Don’t cry – you’ll ruin your makeup.(Medium is high enough that Myrna earned a Resurrect-O-Nomitron. Since she never went to work there was no promotion.)
The final preparations were made secretly by Adam.OLD ADAM: You are certain this will work?MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: Of courseit will.OLD ADAM: I just slip it in his drink and then everyone willlove him?MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: Just like itsays on the label.
So Adam went off to have a quiet word with the bartender.
Although perhaps the word was a little too quiet, given whathappened next…
SONG. Wild with adoration! Yes, and mad with fascination! To indulge my lamentation No occasion do I miss! Wild with adoration! To indulge my lamentation No occasion do I miss!**Adapted from W.S. Gilbert, The Sorcerer, act I, scene 9. Available fromhttp://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/sorcerer/web_opera/sorc14.html; accessed17 May 2011.
MYRNA: Adam, what’s going on?OLIVER: The matchmaker said to ask you why everyone isacting weird.OAKAPPLE: “Weird”? My mother is heartfarting her father!MYRNA: What’s going on, Adam?
OLD ADAM: Please, I meant no harm! I only – I only meant tohelp you, Oakapple. I purchased a love potion, and I asked thebartender to slip it you so that everyone would love you, just asyou wanted.OAKAPPLE: You what? Oh, Adam, you idiot…OLD ADAM: Only it seems that everyone got a dose, and thatis very bad indeed.MYRNA: What are we going to do?
OLD ADAM: (raises his voice) May I have your attention,everyone?(Everyone turns to face him as the chatter dies down)OLD ADAM: Thank you. You may have noticed that you feel abit… peculiar. That is entirely my fault. You have allaccidentally consumed a love potion. (raises his voice again tobe heard over the hubbub) I am very sorry for it – very sorryindeed – but fortunately we have with us Mrs. McClellan, of theGypsy Matchmaker’s Association, who can tell us how toreverse its effects. Mrs. Mrs. McClellan?
MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: The onlyway to break the spell is for someone to sacrifice themselves toAhrimanes.RYAN: Ahrimanes?MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: Theancient Chaldean equivalent of the devil. Or Persian, maybe.RUTH: Why does someone have to sacrifice themselves to theChaldean – or Persian – equivalent of the devil to reverse a lovepotion?MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: I’m inSales, hon, not R&D.
OLD ADAM: Why does it have to be one of us? Is it not yourproduct that is faulty?MRS. McCLELLAN, THE NEW MATCHMAKER: You’reabsolutely correct, and normally I’d make it right, but it’sinventory next week and I really can’t leave the company in thelurch like that.OLD ADAM: True. Well, this was all my idea, so I ought to bethe one to rectify the situation.MYRNA: No!OAKAPPLE: Don’t be stupid! You did it for me, so it’s myfault. I’ll be the sacrifice.OLD ADAM: No, you will not. I will.
OAKAPPLE: Let’s vote. Everyone who thinks Adam shouldsacrifice himself?(Old Adam raises his hand; nobody else does)OAKAPPLE: Now everyone who thinks I should sacrificemyself.(A thicket of hands shoots up)ALBERT: Sorry, Buttercup. You have to admit, he’s kind of ajerk.
OAKAPPLE: Come on, Oliver. Put your hand up.OLIVER: I think the matchmaker should die. Screw theirinventory.OAKAPPLE: That’s not very nice.OLIVER: I’m not very nice. Neither are you. I vote for thematchmaker.OAKAPPLE: Overruled. Okay, Ahrimanes, I’m ready.
(Sobs, screams, shrieks, fainting)OLIVER: What is wrong with you people? I thought you had aBone Phone!
OLD ADAM: Hello. This is Old Adam Shankel. I would like toresurrect my brother Oakapple, please. Do you prefer Visa orDiscover?OLD ADAM: What do you mean, you do not accept credit cards?!What do you accept, then? (to the rest of the room) Cash only. Whohas cash?(Everyone goes through pockets, purses, sofa cushions, etc.)OLD ADAM: Sir? Sir, we can give you $1,021.73 as a deposit. Canwe provide the remainder in a few hou– ?OLD ADAM: “Alive – sort of”? What do you mean, “sort of”? No,wait! We’ll go to the bank and call agai –OLD ADAM: He hung up!
SONG.Sprites of earth and air –Fiends of flame and fire –
SONG. Demon souls Come here in shoals,This fearful deed inspire!
SONG. Appear, appear, appear!**Adapted from W.S. Gilbert, The Sorcerer, act I, scene 13. Availablefrom http://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/sorcerer/web_opera/sorc14.html;accessed 17 May 2011.
OLIVER (fiercely): I give a rat’s backside about what happensto you, you idiot! Don’t you ever do anything as stupid as thatagain!OAKAPPLE: I –OLIVER: Don’t you even think about it! Do you hear me?(surreptitiously dashes away tears)OAKAPPLE: You… kissed me.OLIVER (suddenly awkward): Yeah, well… Sorry about that.OAKAPPLE (bewildered): But I thought… the spell was…broken.OLIVER: It was. Look, can we watch your brother get marriednow, please?
SONG.Now to the banquet we press;Now for the eggs and the ham;Now for the mustard and cress; Now for the strawberry jam!
SONG. Now for the tea of our host, Now for the rollicking bun, Now for the muffin and toast,And now for the gay Sally Lunn!
SONG. Now for the muffin and toast, And now for the gay Sally Lunn!**A “Sally Lunn” is a particular type of sweet bread/bun/cake thing, usuallyserved with cream. Song adapted from W.S. Gilbert, The Sorcerer, act II, scene24. Available fromhttp://math.boisestate.edu/GaS/sorcerer/web_opera/sorc14.html; accessed 19May 2011.Yes, this is really how the opera ends. I can’t make this stuff up!
Notes, disclaimers, and other triviaThis chapter’s title is taken from the one song from Patiencethat I couldn’t work into Myrna. (Given the genetics I canpredict, I may never have another chance to use it.) It’s scriptedthat the contralto accompanies herself on a cello while singing.Most singers fake it and have one of the musicians in theorchestra do the actual work, but if you check out the songprovided in the handy reference links, you will see that thewoman I picked actually does play the cello. Not very well,perhaps, but she plays.
This chapter is partly based on The Sorcerer, which, unlikemost Gilbert & Sullivan operas, doesn’t have a permanentsubtitle. The Sorcerer is particularly short, and is oftenperformed with Trial By Jury, which is a one-act opera. Thetwo together clock in at right about two hours, not countingintermissions.I also shot a lot of the wedding in a duplicate ‘hood, since Ineeded to use cheats like maxmotives and quit-without-savingover and over. But all the events portrayed really did happen inthe real ‘hood, so I consider this okay and no different thanusing poseboxes. I’ve included pictures of the real versions inthe following few pages.
I have made some substantial changes to the plot of TheSorcerer. In the original, the wildly inappropriate “heartfarting”occurs between people who are from different social classes,and that is what makes the matches inappropriate. This offendsmy twenty-first century egalitarian American sensibilities. Plus,I never bothered to establish a class system. Since my Sims willheartfart inappropriately at parties anyway, I just let them geton with it.(This is Adam and Myrna’s actual wedding.)
In addition, there are two subplots that I eliminated: theromance between the groom’s widowed father and the bride’swidowed mother – in my game, both are still happily married toother people – and the romance between the young and poor-but-honest daughter of a pew-opener and the local middle-agedvicar.(This is where Oakapple actually burned to death. I should haveleft the flame jet in the picture, but I was afraid that someoneelse would catch fire…)
The provider of the magic potion in the original is actually theeponymous sorcerer, John Wellington Wells. If I hadApartment Life, perhaps I could have recruited a witch, but Idon’t, which leaves only the Matchmaker as a source ofpotions. Mr. Wells does offer inventory as an excuse for notsacrificing himself, but when he is outvoted, he resignedlyvanishes in a ring of fire and brimstone. However, I need tomake a zombie for the points, and this was a perfectopportunity.(This is the most passionate kiss a Shy sim can be Influenced todo.)Until next time, Happy Simming!