AAMFT 2017 - Allies in the Fight: Working for Justice w/Clients & Communities
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Explores what it means to take action as an ally, and two models of teaching and motivating allies, the Ally Skills Workshop and Showing up for Racial Justice (SURJ)
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AAMFT 2017 - Allies in the Fight: Working for Justice w/Clients & Communities
- 1. Allies in the Fight Working for Justice with Clients and Communities Dr. Sheila Addison, LMFT http://www.drsheilaaddison.com Presented at AAMFT 2017, Atlanta, GA Including slides from Sara Smollett & Valerie Aurora w/permission - https://frameshiftconsulting.com/ally-skills-workshop/
- 2. Who am I? • MFT working with clients for 20 years, specializing in couples, sex, & diversity • Teacher & trainer on LGBTQIA+ issues, sexuality, & diversity • Completed “Train the Trainer” for the Ally Skills Workshop; trained at companies including Google Dr. Sheila Addison
- 3. Learning Objectives • Based on the content of the session, I am able to… • Describe the effects of recent political rhetoric on vulnerable clients and families. • Articulate strategies for identifying and addressing overt and covert fears of vulnerable clients in session. • Generate specific strategies for engaging in allyship in my communities when more vulnerable people are the targets of discrimination, marginalization, or abuse.
- 4. People are feeling vulnerable http://www.nejm.org/doi/pdf/10.1056/NEJMms1702111 https://csbs.csusb.edu/sites/csusb_csbs/files/Levin%20DOJ%20Summit%202.pdf
- 5. People are feeling vulnerable
- 7. Terminology Privilege: an unearned advantage given by society to some people but not all Oppression: systemic, pervasive inequality that is present throughout society, that benefits people with more privilege and harms those with fewer privileges
- 8. Terminology Target: someone who suffers from oppression (also called "a member of a marginalized group") Ally: a member of a social group that enjoys some privilege that is working to end oppression and understand their own privilege Actions
- 9. Example Privilege: The ability to walk into a convenience store and have the owner assume you are there to buy things and not steal them Oppression: The self-reinforcing system of stories, TV, news coverage, and legal system stereotyping Black people as criminals, that benefits non-Black people and harms Black people
- 10. Example Target: Any Black person who wants to enter a convenience store Ally: A non-Black person who donates to legal system reform organizations, publicly opposes racist policies and actions, votes in anti-racist ways, & reads articles about this privilege to understand it better
- 11. Diversity & inclusion Diversity: The state of having people in a group who differ along race, gender, sexuality, age, disability, religion, class, caregiver status, etc. Inclusion: Everyone in a diverse group is valued, included, and respected, without unfair discrimination or bias CC BY Steve Garry https://flic.kr/p/2TTztX
- 12. Diversity & inclusion An individual can’t be “diverse” - diversity exists only in the context of a group Many efforts focus on increasing diversity without also increasing inclusion CC BY Senorhorst Jahnsen https://flic.kr/p/5QSiBv
- 13. Diversity & inclusion • Volunteer-run affinity groups • Minority scholarships • Advice books aimed at targets • Volunteer-run mentoring programs • Recruiting outreach • Conferences or discussion boards for marginalized groups
- 14. Diversity & inclusion Most work is aimed at changing behavior of targets Less work is aimed at changing behavior of targeters & allies
- 15. Changing targets’ bx? • Targets: • Directly benefit from change and are more self-motivated • Are often more aware of oppression • Are often lower status and easier to tell what to do • Are seen as the cause of the problem • Avoids confronting feelings of guilt in privileged people
- 16. What about the targeters? • Targeters: • Have “something to lose” if their behavior has to change • Are able to ignore others’ oppression • Are often higher status and harder to tell what to do • Are good at deflecting blame… and backed up by institutional inertia • Calls for change make powerful people feel bad
- 17. What about the targeters? • E.g. Sexual harassment • Let’s make a safe space for victims • Let’s educate them on their rights • Rather than let’s change the bad behavior of powerful people • And let’s get other powerful people to call them out on it • Targets are easier to… target!
- 18. Targets are overworked © RKO Pictures
- 19. Targets are under more stress • Stereotype threat • Discrimination • Harassment • Abuse • Assault • PTSD
- 20. Targets have less money 87%: Asian women vs. white men 79%: Lesbian couples vs. men married to women 78%: white women vs. white men 73%: Black men vs. white men 73%: mothers vs. fathers 66%: trans women vs. their pre-transition income 65%: Black women vs. white men 63%: people with disabilities vs. those without 58%: Latinas vs. white men More likely to have unpaid caregiver responsibilities CC BY Tax Credits https://flic.kr/p/bZwHv5
- 21. Targets are retaliated against "[...] Ethnic minority or female leaders who engage in diversity-valuing behavior are penalized with worse performance ratings; whereas [white] or male leaders who engage in diversity-valuing behavior are not penalized for doing so." - Hekman, Johnson, Yang & Maw Der Foo (2016) Does valuing diversity result in worse performance ratings for minority and female leaders? http://amj.aom.org/content/early/2016/03/03/amj.2014.0538.abstract
- 22. Targets have less power & influence • < 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs are people of color • < 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women • “Smurfette Principle” – K. Pollitt • TV shows have all-male casts with one woman • “The probability that a woman occupies a top management team position is 51 percent lower if another woman holds a position on the same team.” – Deszo, Ross, & Uribe, 2015 • Small programs “can’t have two” (queer people, POC, people with a diversity focus, etc.) CC BY-SA Bruno Girin https://flic.kr/p/4Mv4o2
- 23. Targets are demeaned for speaking out A response to an article I wrote on my blog about using privilege to make things better for targeted people:
- 24. “Just be peaceful.” And yet…
- 25. Allies have more time and energy
- 26. Allies have more money CC BY Pictures of Money https://flic.kr/p/s6895e
- 27. Allies are often in the majority
- 28. Allies have more power & influence
- 29. Allies aren't harmed for valuing diversity CC BY Vic https://flic.kr/p/8v6v22
- 30. Allies = “altruistic, giving, kind” CC BY Kat Ter Haar https://flic.kr/p/8ugZks
- 31. Why are allies needed? • Even in 2017: • Our workplaces, training programs, and conferences can still be sites of injury, exclusion, and silencing for vulnerable people. • While many therapists, supervisors, and faculty understand the effects of oppression, few are prepared to directly intervene as allies in the moment when others experience it
- 32. Why are allies needed? • What are some examples of exclusion, micro- or macro- aggressions, harmful policies, bullying/hurtful interaations, etc. you’ve seen or heard about in your professional settings?
- 33. A theory of allies • Privileged people have advantages in fighting oppression • “Difference” models de- emphasize power • Better than “colorblindness” (sameness) • Not all have equal access • Not all are equally impacted
- 34. A theory of allies • Crenshaw’s intersectionality suggests: most people have some identities that are privileged, even as others are devalued • Therapists, faculty, and supervisors all occupy positions of power relative to clients, students, and supervisees… so… • Strategies for ally work should be part of all family therapists’ skill sets
- 35. Ally = action?
- 36. Ally = action The active ally uses their relative power to block, frustrate, and undermine systems that harm those who are less powerful
- 37. Ally development Dr. Karen Bradberry
- 38. An ally self-educates CC BY mer chau https://flic.kr/p/e2n2zi • Investing time and $ • Doing the work to “keep up” • Not asking to be “spoon fed”
- 39. An ally listens
- 40. An ally listens
- 41. An ally gives credit • Women get less credit with tenure committees for co-authoring, even as first author!* • Example: Whenever possible, credit legal scholar Kimberlé Crenshaw by name when using the term "intersectionality" (the concept that people can be subject to multiple, overlapping forms of oppression, which interact and intersect with each other) * http://scholar.harvard.edu/sarsons/publications/note-gender-differences-recognition-group-work
- 42. An ally gives credit https://storify.com/cisnormativity/the-genderbread-plagiarist
- 43. An ally gives credit
- 44. Allies ask for consent from targets
- 45. Allies ask for consent from targets
- 46. Allies ask for consent from targets
- 47. Allies ask for consent from targets
- 48. Allies ask for consent from targets
- 49. … and follow their lead • Want to start something? See who got there before you • You might not get the credit • You might give up control • Allies aren’t the experts – targets are
- 50. … and follow their lead
- 51. Allies keep the focus on helping targets
- 52. … even when it’s uncomfortable
- 53. … even when it’s uncomfortable
- 54. An ally uses their energy wisely
- 55. Charles’ Rules of Argument 1. Don't go looking for an argument 2. State your position once, speaking to the audience 3. Wait for absurd replies 4. Reply one more time to correct any misunderstandings of your first statement 5. Do not reply again 6. Spend time doing something fun instead http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Charles%27_Rules_of_Argument
- 56. An ally spends money CC BY-SA Japanexperterna.se https://flic.kr/p/srsFmV • Donate $ • Pay people • Train people • Fund scholarships • Money flows toward marginalized people
- 57. … including for invisible/emotional labor • Review an org’s office forms to see if they’re LGBTQ+ friendly • Serve on the “diversity committee” in addition to the job duties I shared with everyone else in the org • Do a training on sizeism and fat-phobia for everyone, and then work my normal hours the rest of the day • Serve on dissertation committees while working as an adjunct, for no pay, because no one else had my “special expertise”
- 58. An ally uses connections & social capital • Professional connections • Friends & family • Social media
- 59. An ally sacrifices personal gain
- 60. An ally makes mistakes - & apologizes CC BY butupa https://flic.kr/p/95iJuo “Sorry about that. Thank you.” “I’ll try to do better next time.”
- 61. An ally practices cultural humility • Humility: “Having a sense that one’s own knowledge is limited as to what truly is another’s culture.” (Hook et al. 2013) • Life-long commitment to self- evaluation & critique • Staying open to new information • Wrestling with the tendency to view one’s own beliefs, values, and worldview as superior • Willingness to hear “you don’t get it”
- 62. The Ally Skills Workshop • Co-founder and executive director of the Ada Initiative, non-profit for women in open tech/culture • Founder: Frame Shift Consulting • 10+ years volunteer work with international groups such as Geek Feminism, etc. • Taught Ally Skills workshop in Spain, Germany, Australia, Ireland, Canada, Mexico, and U.S. • Linux OS & file systems developer for 10+ years Valerie Aurora
- 63. This is not the Ally Skills Workshop! • This is a one-hour talk about why it’s valuable to act as allies • The Ally Skills Workshop is 3 hours long, mostly group discussion
- 64. Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop • Developed to combat sexism in tech workplaces & conferences • Now can address: racism, homophobia & heterosexism, transphobia & cissexism, fatphobia & sizeism, caregiver discrimination, religious & cultural stereotyping, ageism, etc. • Skills practice for intervening in situations as an ally, not as a target
- 65. Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop • ASW process: • Real-world scenario • Small group discussion of what actions to take • Group report-out • Discussion led by the facilitator. • Each workshop discusses around 6-8 customized scenarios. • Participants learn ally skills by practicing them during the discussion: listening, amplifying voices, identifying patterns, and more.
- 66. Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop • Get in groups of 4-6 • Next birthday: note taker • Most recent birthday: reporter • Most ribbons: facilitator • Best shoes: timekeeper • Goal: discuss what actions you would take in this scenario
- 67. Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop • A woman you don’t know who is wearing a headscarf is standing near your group at a conference. She is alone and looks like she would rather be talking to people.
- 68. Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop • Materials freely reusable; train-the-trainers also available • More about the ASW here: • http://drsheilaaddison.com/allyskills/ • https://frameshiftconsulting.com/ally-skills- workshop/ • Follow @frameshiftllc on Twitter for book-related news
- 69. Ally models - SURJ • SURJ: Showing up for Racial Justice • National network of groups & individuals organizing white people for racial justice • Identifies links between racial injustice and other forms of injustice • Raises funds for POC-led organizations & actions
- 70. Ally models - SURJ
- 71. Ally models - SURJ
- 72. Ally models - SURJ
- 73. Ally models - SURJ
- 74. Ally models - SURJ • See: “SURJ Kaepernick Conversation Guide” in your handout • In groups of 2-4, discuss: • What objections to “taking a knee” have you heard? • Which of these responses might be helpful? • What would that be like for you?
- 75. In conclusion • Most diversity and inclusion efforts focus on targets • Targets have less time, energy, power, and influence • Allies have more ability to make change • Ally skills can be learned Let’s focus on allies
Editor's Notes
- TBH we’re not going to so much address point 2, because I only got an hour, and I had to pick one aspect to focus on. If you like this talk, I hope you’ll rate it well regardless.
- Perhaps you’ve noticed this. The New England Journal of Medicine published a piece called “Health Effects of Dramatic Societal Events —Ramifications of the Recent Presidential Election>” The DOJ’s Hate Crime summit concluded that hate crimes are up in 2017 compared to the same period in 2016, and that was an increase over 2015.
- This is stuff that came up in my private practice with clients just this week. And I only saw 8 clients.
- Let’s do a quick example. Here’s an example of a privilege some of you may not even realize you have.
- Note how the ally is defined by their actions.
- “Diversity” without inclusion fails – it’s a cosmetic change only (“tokenism”) and people inevitably realize that your organization’s culture is shitty and they leave. If you’re lucky, they don’t sue you.
- We have our own diversity and inclusion efforts in the field.
- Let’s get you in here! Let’s get you trained! Let’s get you connected with each other!
- So, there are reasons why people focus on changing the behavior of targets. (Read slide) Not always, but often. The classic example here is when women complain about sexual harassment in the workplace, some people say “maybe women just shouldn’t go where they aren’t wanted,” whether that’s STEM professions, the military, atheist and philosophy conferences (really), and so on. Or they say “women should learn to toughen up, to have thicker skins, to not give off mixed signals, to set better boundaries,” you name it. Strangely, it’s usually men who are doing the harassment, but no one suggests removing all men from the workplace to solve the problem.
- Let’s make sure you include people who aren’t exactly like you! Let’s make sure you stop being unfriendly and harassing to them! Let’s get you to stand up when others are being targeted!
- It’s easier to develop tools that inform people “if you’re hearing sexist remarks in your department meetings, that’s bad and you should say something” than it is to get people to stop making sexist remarks. I literally took a mandated sexual harassment workshop when I worked at one university where the entire time was dominated by male, tenured professors trading tips about how to avoid false accusations of harassment, most of which boiled down to “don’t offer much mentoring or feedback to women.” (This is why VP Pence’s “never dine with a woman not your wife” policy is a problem.) (Notice it’s a woman in the cartoon….)
- Targets are already exhausted from trying to function inside all the contradictory and penalizing rules they’re trying to follow – be attractive but not too attractive Be appealing but not sexy, but not prudish either, Be strong but not a bitch but also not a doormat but don’t make enemies. Work harder and faster! “Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels”
- Targets are under more stress from a variety of causes. Stereotype threat is the fear that you will confirm the negative stereotypes about the group you are part of, and it creates an enormous mental overhead that reduces your performance. Discrimination, whether overt or covert, both directly harms your work and creates mental stress that leads to more harm. Harassment comes in many forms and is intended to cause you to leave your position. Outright abuse and assault are far more common than many people think, due to the likelihood of retaliation and job loss if the target reports. And post traumatic stress disorder is the long-term cost of living through these conditions. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3ASymptoms-headache.jpg
- Targets have less money. Here is a selection of statistics on the wage gap in the U.S. between various groups. (Read slide) https://www.disabilityscoop.com/2015/01/06/report-paid-a-third-less/19942/ http://nwlc.org/resources/how-wage-gap-hurts-women-and-families/ (2015 numbers) http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/07/01/racial-gender-wage-gaps-persist-in-u-s-despite-some-progress/
- Targets are more likely to suffer retaliation when they speak out against oppression. This great study from 2016 looked at what happened to men vs. women and people of color vs white people when they did what they called "engage in diversity-valuing behavior." Listen to this quote: This is also true of faculty evaluations by students, particularly for professors from marginalized groups who teach classes on multiculturalism.
- Targets have less power and influence. (Read slide) And it gets worse. There’s a fascinating application of what Katha Pollitt named “The Smurfette Principle,” which is the tendency for TV shows to have all male-casts with the exception of a single woman. A recent analysis of the management teams of S & P 1500 corporations found that (read slide). It seems likely this applies to other categories like race and sexuality. So if you ever see members of the same marginalized group competing with each other for promotion, it’s probably because there really can only be one - and that’s a problem created by the mostly straight white cis men making those hiring decisions. How does this translate in small programs with half a dozen faculty? You don’t need TWO diversity people, or TWO queer people, after all.
- And finally, targets fighting for increased diversity and inclusion are often seen as whiny, complaining, and jealous. They get abused, doxxed, harassed, and demeaned.
- Even quiet, symbolic, respectful protests are labeled “unacceptable” and “deviant.” Voted “most disliked player in the NFL” Burning his jersey Death threats Declared “an embarrassment” by Esiason & “a traitor” by an anonymous NFL exec (talk about privileged)
- They’re seen as stars!
- Are any actions considered ally-ship? Consider: The day after 59 people were murdered by a sniper in Las Vegas, the Indianapolis Power & Light Company lit up their building like a heart. Guns & Ammo magazine ranks Indiana 16 on its list of “best states for gun owners.” These “Ally Pledge” signs say “I signed the Ally Pledge because… everyone deserves a smile. I am a human and love all humans. We are all fabulous.” This action involved taking photos for your “A-License,” which is subtitled “I pledge to understand, accept, and support the LGBT community.” All of these were well-intentioned, I’m sure. But a photo-op is not the same as taking action. A client of mine just went to see a doctor listed on the “Fat Friendly Professionals” list, and was told she should consider gastric bypass surgery, and ignored when she tried to talk about her actual health concerns. It’s easy to put your name on a list, hard to actually change your attitudes and stand up for others.
- Which means acting, not just knowing something is wrong and feeling bad about it.
- It is a process. This model was apparently developed by Karen Bradberry, director of Equity & Inclusion at Greenhill School in Addision, TX. https://www.greenhill.org/page/about/diversity
- An ally self-educates. An ally spends time and effort and money to learn about oppression, without demanding targets spoon-feed them the information, or do the research for them. At the Ally Skills Workshop that I teach, I often have people ask me for the web site containing the list of all the words to use and not use. I tell them that this list is always changing, and that it’s part of their work as an ally to make an effort to keep up with the latest terminology on their own, much the way they might do with the latest mental health laws or ICD-10 codes. Then I point out that their hand-out has a dozen links that are good starting places.
- People who don’t listen aren’t allies. At the Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing in 2014, despite widespread protest, the organizers scheduled a plenary panel called the Male Allies panel, where 4 men, all executives from big corporations like Google and Facebook, talked on stage while several thousand women listened in the audience. Predictably, it was a disaster, with every panelist sticking his foot in his mouth several times during the session. In spring of 2017, the Journal of Political Philosophy published a special “symposium” on the Black Lives Matter movement. None of the articles were authored by Black scholars. Of course marginalized people often complain that when they point out the way society needs to change, they’re ignored by people in power.
- At the Grace Hopper conference, one of the panelists, Alan Eustace, now retired from Google, scheduled a new panel where the men sat and listened while the women took turns at the mic telling them about their experiences. It was eye-opening and an amazing save by Alan. https://twitter.com/omojumiller/status/520322326924365825 https://twitter.com/alan_eustace/status/520273699857915905
- An ally gives credit. A great example of this is the cultural norm within social justice circles of, whenever feasible, crediting legal scholar Kimberlé Crenshaw for inventing the term intersectionality whenever you use the word. Intersectionality, by the way is (read slide). For example, Kimberlé is a black woman, whose experience of oppression is different than it would be if she were a black man or a white woman, or if you just added the two kinds of oppression together. https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Nw78Urme_gk/maxresdefault.jpg
- Perhaps you’ve seen the “Genderbread Person” graphic circulated online as a tool for understanding different aspects of gender and sexuality. It’s meant to be a tool to develop understanding of and empathy for the queer, trans, and asexual/agender communities. Unfortunately, a straight, white, cisgender man stole the idea from actual queer & trans activists, put his brand name and a QR code on it, published it in his “guide to gender” book that he crowdfunded, and makes money giving talks about how to use it.
- So instead, I refer people to the Gender Unicorn, developed by Trans Student Educational Resources, free for use with credit, developed in an ongoing way by members of trans communities.
- An ally asks for consent before doing something that could harm a target. This is one of the hardest situations for anyone involved in social justice. Often, the path towards progress comes at the expense of an individual person who is a target. Think test court cases, such as when gay couples went to court to challenge laws against same-sex marriage. Each of those couples suffered hugely over a period of years, and some of them lost their cases. In the long term, it paid off for all gay couples. But the key here is that each of these couples voluntarily chose to be part of a test case. The version you’re likely to encounter is when a co-worker is suffering some kind of harassment, and if you make an issue of it in any way, that person is likely to suffer retaliation and could even lose their job – and depending on where you live, this could all be perfectly legal. That’s the kind of situation where you need to ask for consent before you act, and if you don’t get it, you’ll have to find some other way to be an ally without putting them in danger. It’s really tough.
- Building a member directory that includes ways of self-ID’ing as transgender – how do you not out or delegitimize people? The FB was complex, though. A plurality of respondents preferred “male, female, trans male, trans female, non-binary, decline.” However, there were many comments that it does not feel affirming to have trans designated, but cis not designated. And there were a number of strong comments that “trans men are men, and trans men are women” - i.e., this option does not feel trans-affirming to many people.
- When asking about whether it would feel OK to self-identify, I deliberately excluded cis people because I only cared what trans/GNC people thought.
- And there were a significant number of comments on various questions that raised doubts about whether indicating “trans male/female” as a gender designation would adequately protect the privacy of trans/GNC therapists. For example, almost half the respondents felt that separating out trans/GNC clinicians from cis clinicians would potentially increase discrimination against them.
- So what I did was break “gender of therapist” into multiple categories, only some of which were part of our search engine, in a way that hopefully will feel more trans-inclusive and trans-affirming, while protecting trans-identified therapists from discrimination and those who are less comfortable being out from targeting. I fully expect that as I get more feedback from trans people, I’ll learn ways this could be improved.
- The thing is, most targets know way more about the problems they are facing and usually have already started their own programs to make things better. They just need the support and money and influence of privileged folks, which they can’t get if people with privilege are off doing their own feel-good thing.
- If only the organizers of Rock Against Racism in Indianapolis had considered this. They tried to organize a benefit concert in Indianapolis after the murder in Charlottesville. But it didn’t’ go as they’d hoped. https://rebelleswords.com/2017/10/03/intentions-steeped-in-privilege-benefits-no-one/
- An ally keeps the focus on the targets, redirecting when people try to re-center it on people of privilege. We’re so used centering privileged people in a discussion - for example, talking about racist police violence in terms of how it makes white people feel - that it takes effort to notice it happening and redirect the conversation back to the targets. I love this example from Twitter: Jenn Schiffer, a programmer who is also an incredibly funny tech writer and a talented artist, says (Read slide). Some rando says (read slide). Moishe sees this and speaks up to redirect the conversation back to the original topic by saying (read slide). This is a great example of an ally speaking up to stop derailing, which is when someone tries to change the topic from oppression of targets to something else, usually a minor inconvenience to privileged people which nonetheless looms LARGE, so LARGE in their mind. https://twitter.com/moishel/status/519833743859912704
- An ally acts even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s hard to be the person who calls out people using the words “lame” and “crazy” at work, but it’s even harder for the co-worker in a wheelchair or with an undisclosed mental illness to listen to it. The discomfort that you’re feeling as a bystander is a tiny proportion of what the target is feeling. My friend Anand is a faculty member in a STEM field. He’s taken a number of actions as an ally, like trying to get his department to provide an appropriate, private area for breastfeeding parents to pump milk, because he’s aware that for some faculty, staff, and students, this is an important access issue. As a man, he can push for action on this issue and not be labeled “emotional” or “distracted,” which are labels used to justify keeping women out of critical and executive positions. It wasn’t surprising that when the infamous “Google memo,” in which a white male employee argued that women are emotionally unsuited for technology and are being unfairly promoted, broke into the news, it was all over the Facebook feeds of many people in STEM. Anand stepped up to post a critique of the “science” behind the memo, and when other male colleagues aggressively argued with him, he did the lion’s share of rebutting them. This is work that was almost entirely being done by women elsewhere on Facebook and Twitter.
- Hey, why don’t we have accessible, affordable childcare at family therapy conferences? Why is it so hard to find the breastfeeding room? How did we do on gender-neutral bathrooms this year? Who’s advocating for these needs at your school or organization – is it primarily the people impacted, or is it allies? Turn to your neighbor for a couple of minutes and brainstorm: What’s one thing in your workplace, school, or community that would not directly benefit you or your concerns, that you could take action as an ally to encourage or promote?
- An ally uses their energy wisely. Being an ally doesn’t mean indiscriminately protesting every time you see oppression - you wouldn’t be able to go to the grocery store. It does mean being strategic about how you use your time and energy so that you get the most effect out of it.
- One method is called Charles’ Rules of Argument, aka how not to get sucked into a flame war, which explains how to protest something on a mailing list or social media without wasting days of your time angrily reading and replying for no real benefit. We won’t go into detail on this here, but I talk about it in the Ally Skills Workshop I teach.
- An ally spends money. People with more privilege tend to have more money than people with less, and they tend to have more money than time. Donating money to non-profits that fight oppression Paying money to people from marginalized groups to teach and train you Investing in professional development for employees Funding scholarships A good rule of ally work is that money should flow toward marginalized people. Not “come here and pay an organization run by privileged people and we’ll help you get a leg up.” And avoid organizations where the people who are being “helped” are not represented in the organization’s administration & governance. “Nothing about us without us.”
- These are all things I’ve been asked to do, for free, or with extremely minimal compensation (e.g. a few hours of “comp time” for work that absorbed the better part of several nights and weekends, and then put me in a position of being constantly consulted as an “expert” in an ongoing basis.) The work of “improving diversity” is real, time-consuming work. But it also involves emotional work – thinking about your own oppression, the micro- and macro-aggressions you’ve experienced, making yourself vulnerable, making your story of oppression or victimization available for others to question or be curious about, being the identified expert/safe space/mentor/etc. – that is all work too. Many creatives working in the new media economy have adopted a mindset from the classic film “Goodfellas”: “Will you (design a website, make a flyer, take headhots, produce a video)?” @%#$ you, pay me. “But it’s for an important cause.” @%#$ you, pay me. “But you’re such an expert in this area, and it’s for a cause you care about.” %$#% you, pay me. If you want to be an ally to me, pay me when you need my expertise.
- Allies are more likely to know “The Big Cheese.” Escalate problems to the attention of people who can address them. Tell people why an issue matters to you and bring your influence to bear on setting goals and priorities. Encourage people on your social networks to donate to those same non-profits. Speak out about injustices instead of waiting for someone else to do it and hitting “like,” or at least re-share things written by marginalized people. And do the work of engaging with your suburban friend from high school, your racist uncle, that jerk who married your best friend, etc. when they argue and spout hurtful and wrong-headed things – who are they going to listen to, me? Yes, have that conversation at the Thanksgiving table.
- The thing about privilege is that if you just relax into it and go with the flow, you’ll get all kinds of personal benefits. That’s how the system perpetuates itself. And sometimes you’ll need to give up unearned privilege if you want to be a good ally. It’s normal to want the spotlight for yourself, but an ally brings marginalized people to the center instead of taking up space for themselves. A good example is when a white person is invited to be part of a panel at a conference, and it turns out that the whole panel is white. If they are already relatively well-known and powerful in their field, this is an excellent time to say that they are withdrawing from the panel unless at least one person of color is added. They may even give up their place in favor of a person of color. Remember, it's highly likely that someone more qualified than you wasn't invited to the panel because they weren't part of the social networks of the dominant race or gender.
- An ally makes mistakes - and apologizes. I often see people who, when called out for saying something harmful, start listing off the social justice non-profits they’ve donated to, the diversity initiatives they’ve started, and the people they are related to who are members of marginalized groups. That’s (a) really embarrassing for the person doing it, (b) doing zero good for targets. Or, they go into how upset they are that they’ve made a mistake, how ashamed they are, how bad they feel, etc. This happens to trans people a lot – someone gets their pronouns wrong and then freaks out tripping over themselves to apologize when corrected. Then the trans person feels like they need to reassure them “no, it’s OK.” Another tactic is to start demanding that marginalized people educate you on exactly why what they did was wrong, what they should have done instead, and of course argue with them the whole way. An ally will apologize first, do some research on their own (or find someone consenting to educate them), and then come back later if they figure out they were actually in the right. Here’s the one phrase that will serve you very well 90% of the time in ally work when you get called out. (click slide) And here’s a follow-up.
- o Allyship is a developmental process that is never over o What you don’t know will always be greater than what you do know You don’t reach a destination and then become “competent” So you avoid this: (click)
- Sadly the Dalai Lama and President Obama have not taken part; I just thought it might make us feel better to look at them for a minute.
- I offer the Ally Skills Workshop, which was developed at the Ada Initiative to encourage men supporting women in tech, and has been expanded to cover a lot more axes of oppression. While this presentation was very high-level and hand-wavy, the workshop teaches specific concrete ally skills. The cool thing about the workshop is that you use the skills during the workshop, since it is structured as 3 hours of mostly small group discussion. And if you want a small group discussion to go well, you have to learn to listen, to follow leaders from target populations, to apologize - all that good stuff. The goal of the ASW is changing culture – either helping growing organizations build a culture that is inclusive, or giving people skills that they can take with them into new orgs and cultures when they get sick of the one they’re stuck in.
- Let’s try it. Get in groups of 4-6. The person with the next birthday coming up is the note taker. The person with the most recent birthday is the reporter. The person with the most ribbons on their badge is the facilitator. The person wearing the best shoes is the timekeeper. The goal is to briefly discuss what actions you might take in this situation – not how to prevent it, not how to react if it were you, but what you could do. A second goal is to share the talk time, particularly if you suspect you might have more relative power or privilege than others in your group. Facilitators, it’s your job to keep the group on task, and encourage people who have spoken a lot to step back, while encouraging people who haven’t spoken yet to step forward. Timekeepers, put 4 minutes on a watch or phone please.
- Here’s your scenario. OK, let’s have some reporters report out.
- The workshop is scalable too - the materials are freely reusable and modifiable, and Valerie also teaches a Train-the-Trainers. Currently the workshop is being taught internally at Google, Square, and Slack. There is now a “Post-Election Ally Skills” version addressing community interactions. I’ve adapted it for academic and not-for-profit settings, like the museum world.
- • Originally picked the name “U.S.” for “All of Us.” But they got feedback from Native Americans that the idea of the “United States of America” is for them a reminder of their stolen land and loss of sovereignty. And other POC questioned the assumption that there is an “us with common goals” – a racist assumption by White people. ALLIES LISTEN o Then they tried “Standing Up for Racial Justice,” but realized not everyone can stand. In dialogue with disability justice activists, they heard that the metaphor wasn’t a problem, but they decided they were still uncomfortable with potentially furthering ableism and centering able bodies as “the norm.” ALLIES LISTEN o They decided on “Showing Up for Racial Justice” because there are lots of ways to show up, literally and metaphorically
- “Scaffolding” entry into racial justice organizing for white people – doing the emotional labor of dealing with white guilt, white anxiety, etc. instead of making POC organizers do it. Trainings on racial justice topics, how to be safe at protests, how to follow POC leadership “Easy” actions like “human billboards” – the Bay Area actions focus on the Movement for Black Lives, but welcome intersectional messages of support, especially those that might be timely due to current events (e.g. “no ban, no wall,” “we welcome immigrants & Muslims,” etc.) It’s been interesting to have POC stopped at a stoplight, or crossing at the crosswalk, say “it feels really good to see white people out here making time to show that we matter.” Also “Wear Out Your Voice” Fridays – they sold “Black Lives Matter” t-shirts, donated the profits to Movement for Black Lives, and encourage people to wear them on Fridays to work or out in the community. Movie nights, speakers, discussion groups, etc. – all focused on raising white consciousness about racial injustice and motivating white people to take action.
- And they help members take more challenging steps – for example, coming out to be part of the recent protests in Berkeley when white nationalists tried to hold rallies in city and university spaces. SURJ was part of a multi-coalition group, led by Black churches & community groups, that made strategic decisions about when and where to meet, what messages to march for, etc. They coached members on non-engagement skills with the white nationalists and police, worked with street medics and safety crews, and got bodies in the streets instead of letting POC take all the risks.
- SURJ creates events suitable for family involvement that combine activism and education, like including kids in their human billboards, and Anti-Racist Story Time, which has been offered both as a stand-alone event, and as a family-friendly activity during marches and protests. This allows parents to participate in actions, and helps kids develop an understanding of the importance of using privilege to help support targeted people and change unfair situations. Here’s my friend S wearing her BLM shirt on Fridays, and making a “No ban, no wall” banner with the SURJ family contingent for a march.
- * They have developed “action kits” aimed at addressing intersectional issues, e.g. an LGBTQ Pride Week toolkit suggesting messages and actions to affirm the importance of solidarity with LGBTQ POC and the importance of acknowledging how racial inequality impacts them as well as heterosexism, cissexism, homophobia, and transphobia. They have also developed materials to increase rural organizing, and to reduce barriers to access for people with disabilities.
- You’ve got a copy of their “talking about Colin Kapernick” sheet in your handout – this was written last year, before other players had started “taking a knee” in protest against police killings of black people, but the talking points are still helpful in having conversations with people around you who might take a negative view of the protests. (Talk with each other about what arguments you’ve heard and what points might be helpful?)
- (Read slide)
- Okay, it’s time for questions and answers! We have about 20 minutes I believe? I’ll also be sticking around afterwards to chat for a bit one-on-one. If you’d like to learn more about the Ally Skills Workshop, check out my web site.