Chapter 08 - Communication Matters, 3rd ed. Kory Floyd

1. Chapter
8
Communicating in
Intimate Relationships
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2. 8-2
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Coming Up
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
Characteristics of Romantic Relationships
Forming and Communicating in Romantic
Relationships
Communicating in Families
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships

3. 8-3
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(1 of 7)
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4. 8-4
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(2 of 7)
Intimacy in relationships requires deep
commitment.
• Commitment is the desire to stay in a
relationship no matter what happens.

5. 8-5
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(3 of 7)
Intimate relationships require deep commitment.
• Commitment takes several forms:
• Emotional commitment
• Social commitment
• Legal commitment
• Financial commitment

6. 8-6
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(4 of 7)
Intimate relationships foster interdependence.
• When something happens to one person, it affects
everyone else in the relationship.
• Intimate relationships usually have high
interdependence.

7. 8-7
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(5 of 7)
Intimate relationships require continuous
investment.
• Investment is the commitment of resources and
energies to a relationship.
• People in intimate relationships are often aware of
how much they invest.

8. 8-8
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(6 of 7)
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9. 8-9
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
The Nature of Intimate Relationships
(7 of 7)
Intimate relationships spark dialectical tensions.
• Dialectical tensions are conflicts between two
important but opposing needs.
• Autonomy versus Connection
• Openness versus Closedness
• Predictability versus Novelty

10. 8-10
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (1 of 7)
Some romantic relationships emphasize
exclusivity.
• Monogamy means being in only one romantic
relationship at a time and avoiding romantic
involvement with others outside the relationship.
• Infidelity means having romantic or sexual
interaction with someone outside of one’s
romantic relationship.

11. 8-11
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (2 of 7)
Some romantic relationships emphasize
voluntariness.
• Many people expect to choose for themselves
whether to be romantically involved, and with
whom.
• Even if people enter a romantic relationship
voluntarily, they do not always stay in it
voluntarily.

12. 8-12
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (3 of 7)
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13. 8-13
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (4 of 7)
Some romantic relationships emphasize love.
• Much of the Western world thinks of romantic
relationships as being based on love.
• People sometimes enter romantic relationships for
financial stability or power.

14. 8-14
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (5 of 7)
Some relationships are between same-sex people
and some between opposite-sex partners.
• Both types of relationships communicate similarly.
• In 2015, same-sex couples gained the right to
marry throughout the United States.

15. 8-15
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (6 of 7)
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16. 8-16
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Characteristics of Romantic
Relationships (7 of 7)
Exceptions to intimate relationships can be
determined by culture.
• Expectations for exclusiveness (polygamy)
• Expectations for voluntariness
• Expectations for love
• Expectations for sexuality

17. 8-17
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (1 of 9)
Knapp’s model of relationship has five-stages:
1. Initiating
2. Experimenting
3. Intensifying
4. Integrating
5. Bonding
Stages vary across cultures and online.

18. 8-18
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (2 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle
conflict.
• Wilmot and Hocker: Conflict is “an expressed
struggle between at least two interdependent
parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce
resources, and interference from the other party in
achieving their goals.”

19. 8-19
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (3 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle
conflict.
• Validating couples discuss disagreements openly
and cooperatively.
• Volatile couples discuss disagreements openly
but competitively.

20. 8-20
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (4 of 9)
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21. 8-21
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (5 of 9)
Conflict-avoiding couples discuss
disagreements covertly rather than openly.
Hostile couples have frequent, intense conflict.

22. 8-22
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (6 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle
privacy.
• Petronio believes we all experience tensions
regarding disclosure (communication privacy
management theory).
• Partners in a couple jointly own the information
about their relationship.
• We form and manage privacy boundaries.

23. 8-23
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (7 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they handle
emotional communication.
• Happy partners share more positive emotion and
less negative emotion than do unhappy partners.
• Unhappy partners are more likely than happy
partners to reciprocate expressions of negative
emotion.

24. 8-24
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (8 of 9)
Romantic relationships vary in how they
handle instrumental communication.
• Day-to-day tasks require completion.
• The way in which partners divide everyday tasks
often reflects the balance of power in their
relationship.

25. 8-25
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Forming and Communicating in
Romantic Relationships (9 of 9)
Knapp’s model of relationship dissolution has
five stages:
1. Differentiating
2. Circumscribing
3. Stagnating
4. Avoiding
5. Terminating

26. 8-26
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
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Communicating in Families (1 of 5)
What makes a family?
• Genetic ties
• Legal obligations
• Role behaviors
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27. 8-27
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Communicating in Families (2 of 5)
Families come in various types.
• Family of origin (family in which we grow up)
• Family of procreation (family we start as
adults)
• Nuclear family
• Blended family
• Single-parent family

28. 8-28
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Communicating in Families (3 of 5)
Families enact roles.
• Family roles are the functions people serve in the
family system.
• Four roles commonly emerge during conflict:
• Blamer
• Placater
• Computer
• Distracter

29. 8-29
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Communicating in Families (4 of 5)
Families enact rituals.
• Family rituals are repetitive activities that have
special meaning for a family.
• Some family rituals are “imported” from families
into blended families.
Families tell stories.
• Family stories give families a sense of their
history, their expectations, and their
connections.
• Family web pages often embody a family’s
stories.

30. 8-30
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Communicating in Families (5 of 5)
Families share secrets.
• Some families have secrets they intentionally
keep hidden from others.
• Secrets can also be kept within families.

31. 8-31
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (1 of 5)
We can improve communication in our
relationships by emphasizing excitement and
positivity.
• Sharing exciting activities increases our
relationship satisfaction.
• Using confirming messages emphasizes
positivity.
• Disconfirming messages imply a lack of
respect or value for others.

32. 8-32
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (2 of 5)
Handle conflict constructively.
• According to Gottman, these four conflict
behaviors are destructive:
• Criticism (judgment)
• Contempt (hostility and disrespect)
• Defensiveness (playing the victim)
• Stonewalling (withdrawal)

33. 8-33
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (3 of 5)
Have realistic expectations.
• No one person—not even a spouse—can meet all
of your social and emotional needs.
• Remember that the important people in your life
are important for different reasons.

34. 8-34
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
copied, scanned, duplicated, forwarded, distributed, or posted on a website, in whole or part.
Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (4 of 5)
Manage dialectical tensions.
• Denial
• Disorientation
• Alternation
• Segmentation
• Balance
• Integration
• Recalibration
• Reaffirmation

35. 8-35
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instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner. This document may not be
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Improving Communication in Intimate
Relationships (5 of 5)
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36. 8-36
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For Review
What makes some relationships intimate?
How do we form, maintain, and dissolve
romantic relationships?
What makes a family, and how do we
communicate in families?