"Bullying" for #YC14
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Session for Youthwork the Conference (Eastbourne, November 2014): Dealing with Bullying: In recent years, (cyber) bullying has taken up increasing space in the headlines, and there has been a surge of publications on the topic. We question what bullying is, who is involved, identifying risk factors, and suggestions for intervention.
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"Bullying" for #YC14
- 1. DEALING WITH BULLYING Dr Bex Lewis @drbexl Director, Digital Fingerprint Research Fellow in Social Media and Online Learning, CODEC Centre for Digital Theology, Durham University http://www.slideshare.net/drbexl/bullying-for-yc14
- 5. Types of
- 9. • One noticeable difference in the digital era, especially as the social platforms have stabilized, is that it’s difficult to leave anyone behind, which can be delicate to negotiate: – Generally, it is socially unacceptable to delete a Friend one knows. When this is done, it is primarily after a fight or breakup. In these situations, the act of deletion is spiteful and intentionally designed to hurt the other person. Raising Children in a Digital Age, p.106
- 10. Cyber Bullying
- 11. Sexual Bullying
- 13. The Bullied The Bully The Bystander
- 14. The Bullied
- 16. Signs specific to cyber-bullying? • Long hours on the computer • Secretive Internet use • Screen minimization • Refusing to log on or answer phone • Extreme possessiveness of phone, to which constant nervous looks are given.
- 17. 5.5 71
- 18. Emotionally: • No shame: not their fault • Don’t threaten their (online) access • Spend extra time together: time for communication • Nurture self-confidence
- 19. Practically: • Don’t respond • Keep copies of messages as ‘proof’ • Understand how to ‘block’ accounts • Talk to child re contacting school • Think hard before talking to parents of bully • Get phone number blocked
- 20. Practically: • Break it up… • Find out what happened • Support all the children involved • Be involved
- 21. The Bully
- 22. My child a bully…? •Someone will tell you •Talks about other children at school negatively or aggressively •Has money, toys, or other items that don’t belong to them
- 23. Disinhibition The bully doesn’t see the distress that they cause, feels safe from capture, and protected by the technology, able to say things that they would never say offline.
- 24. Zero- Tolerance?
- 25. Any solutions? • Explain what bullying is. • Monitor their e-devices • Ensure a consistent approach with school/youth-group • Are they avoiding being bullied by becoming a bully?
- 26. Any solutions? • Assign him/her a book to read about bullying • Get them to write an essay on the dangers of bullying. • Remove their Internet and mobile privileges (for a fixed period). • Assign him/her to community service or other time-consuming activity. • Encourage them to apologise and take responsibility.
- 27. The Bystander(s)
- 28. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing Quote commonly (and probably erroneously) attributed to Edmund Burke
- 31. Digital Allies
- 33. Matthew 25:40 Whatever you did for one of my brothers or sisters, no matter how unimportant they seemed, you did for me.
- 34. Increased time spent online will most likely increase exposure to negative experiences – but also the positive opportunities. Nancy Willard, a cyberbullying expert, calls for us to work on the “understanding that the vast majority of young people want to make good choices, do not want to be harmed, and do not want to see their friends or others harmed”. We can’t control their whole environment, online or offline, so parents need to give their children the capability to deal with problems as they come across them. Raising Children in a Digital Age, p.63
- 35. Ferguson, a professor from Texas A&M who researches technologies’ effects on human behaviour: “Youth today are the least aggressive, most civically involved, and mentally well in several generations .” ‘Imagining the Internet: Millennials will benefit and suffer due to their hyperconnected lives’, Pew Research Center, http://www.pewinternet.org/~/media//Files/Reports/2012/PIP_Future_of_Internet_2012_Young_brains_PDF.pdf, 29/02/12
- 36. Setting a good example! • Recognising workplace bullying – Verbal abuse – Intimidation – Questions adequacy & commitment – Intrudes on privacy – Undermines your work – Impedes your success – Spreads rumours about you – Isolates you at work • http://bullying.about.com/od/Victims/a/8-Signs-Your-Boss-Is-A-Bully.htm
- 39. Some useful sites for those needing help • http://www.papyrus-uk.org (preventing young suicide) • http://www.thetrevorproject.org (suicide prevention for LGBTQ youth) • http://www.childline.org.uk/ (confidential helpline for those under 19) • http://www.beatbullying.org (advice about cyberbullying, and opportunities to report your own situation, or someone else’s) • http://twloha.com/vision (US based site for those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicidal thoughts) • http://www.athinline.org (MTV site for those suffering digital abuse) • http://www.itgetsbetter.org (for those suffering LGBT abuse)
Editor's Notes
- Dealing with Bullying In recent years, (cyber) bullying has taken up increasing space in the headlines, and there has been a surge of publications on the topic. We question what bullying is, who is involved, identifying risk factors, and suggestions for intervention. Image credits = from Stockfresh or iStockphoto unless otherwise specified…
- Introduce self … particularly digital, but much of digital applies in all realms…
- Headlines full of stories of bullying/suicide – does mean it’s happening, but remember that news focuses on the unusual .. If it happens every day it disappears, particularly from the front pages…
- In early 2013, The New York Times noted that there’s been a huge surge in anti-bullying books (something I discovered in my research for the book), spurred on in part by these high-profile cases. Several of these books are designed for parents to read together with their children, and they don’t necessarily all have happy endings. Went to children’s library event – lots of the YA books coming up are designed to deal with the question of self-esteem, bullying, etc..
- We’re going to look at different types of bullying that could happen… want to read a bit from my book (p114) Those at risk from cyberbullying will tend to be similar to those at risk of offline bullying: they may be physically or mentally challenged, non-heterosexual, highly intelligent or “nerdy” (socially inept), and lacking in self-confidence; they may look or dress differently, or be rule-followers. They may not defend themselves, or may be unaware of the potential danger of bullying so don’t nip things in the bud, and they may have poor relationships with parents or caregivers. We have returned, then, to the need for parents to be aware of the characteristics of their own children, and the need to communicate, communicate, communicate! http://bullying.about.com/od/Basics/a/6-Types-Of-Bullying.htm
- First thing most people think of, because it’s easy to identify – kicking, hitting, punching, slapping, shoving – so schools, etc. tend to focus on this over other forms. Usually a question of physical power – bigger-stronger than their target.
- Usually insults/name-calling, belittling, demeaning, etc. focusing on looks/behaviour, particularly special needs. Tends to occur out of sight, and often becomes one word against another. When told to ‘ignore it’ because it’s ‘not a big deal’ = damaging as can leave deep emotional scars.
- Also known as emotional bullying – social maniplation to sabotage social standing – ostracising others from a group, spreading rumours, manipualte situations & break confidences…. By which they increase their own social standing [I’m thinking ‘Mean Girls’!].. Typically used by girls more than boys End up teased, ignored, insulted, excluded and intimidated.
- Friendship, 150 people, etc. another discussion topic…
- We hear more and more about this, in which the internet, mobiles, etc. are used to harrass, threaten, embarrass another. Includes posting hurtful images, making threats, sending hurtful messages. Quote a bit from my book: The core difference between “traditional” bullying and “online” bullying is the nature of it. Previously, bullying would typically stop at the school gates, or at least once the child got home, although there was always the potential for phone calls, notes falling out of homework books, bricks through the window, or events replaying themselves in the mind. Online bullying, however, can be constant, happening any time of day and night, affecting the child regardless of location, including at home, and leaving a feeling that there is nowhere to escape to. The other particular characteristic of online bullying is that it is much easier for others to get involved quickly. It rapidly collects and remains permanently in cyberspace, rather than being a spur-of-the-moment action. It is therefore difficult to obtain “closure” because at any time the information might resurface and another episode of bullying, with accompanying public humiliation, could kick off. (p110) Bullying, in its traditional form, involves aggressive and repeated actions over time by individuals or a group against a chosen victim. Cyberbullying adds a layer enabled through technology, most often via mobile phones. Parents need to be particularly aware of it between the ages of thirteen and sixteen, when there’s a noticeable peak in cyberbullying. The older child is more typically the perpetrator, although there are an increasing number taking the roles of both victim and bully, using the internet as a space to seek revenge, particularly on someone physically bigger. (p112)
- As you may expect, this includes sexual name-calling, crude comments, vulgar gestures, uninvited physical contact, portgraphy, etc. Girls may attract comments, propositioning, etc. from boys, whilst also receiving names such as ‘slut’ and ‘tramp’ from girls… Sexting images sent whilst in a relationship may be circulated after break-up attracting the kind of negative comments as expected…
- Typically based upon kids picking on those who are different to them, can be severe, and lead to hate crimes. If related to race, religion or sexual orientation, it should be reported.. DISCUSS: Which of these have you observed, are you particularly concerned about?
- Situation of particular concern…. want to focus on the 3 groups of people involved in any form of bullying….
- Don’t want to use term victim, as are not powerless…. But this is the group that we are most concerned about as every individual case is a tragedy … but is it as bad as we fear?
- Do you know the signs to look out for? Though could also be signs of being teenage, so not to assume the worst… (2 mins video)… http://www.stopbullying.gov/at-risk/warning-signs/
- The familiar signs of bullying may be present .. But particular to cyber-bullying … 2010 statistics demonstrated that 19% had experienced ‘traditional’ bullying, whilst only 6% had experienced ‘online’ bullying – however – the two arenas overlap so much for children, important to understand both … but cyber-bullying rarely stands alone – human nature amplified…
- ASK: Anybody any ideas what these numbers reflect? Research = those affected by bullying of any sort - from 5.5% to 71% (obviously press = worst figures), but these figures can cause their own problems. Nancy Willard = makes people think that it’s a ‘rite of passage’ – put up with it // not really causing harm… = means more get involved – whereas if we can show that most behave positively online, inspired to copy that instead… Policies by government, schools and parents are also dictated by a belief in the height of stats … the higher the stats – the more likely we are to limit access, want more surveillance – and call for bans on technology!
- “Ensure they understand that it’s not their fault, that they did nothing to draw this upon themselves, and there’s no need to feel ashamed.” Note that may be worth taking time away from (the situation) for a while to take a breath and think about how you are going to deal with things when you go back online … come back to some of that with bystanders in a minute…
- Advice from book – of course v. online focused… Encourage them not to respond, as this rewards the bully. Download copies of messages before deleting them, incase they are needed in future. Search for “How to block users/accounts” for the platform your child is using, although be aware that the bully may have multiple logins. Talk to your child about whether they are happy for you to contact their school (particularly important if their schoolwork is being affected). Consider talking to the parents of the bully (if known), although be aware that this can make things worse. If you do decide to take this route, write down the facts, decide what you are going to say, and try to remain calm. If illegal information is on another website, contact the web host: they have a legal obligation to remove it. Call your network provider to have a particular number blocked.
- So do what I’m doing – have a hunt around online – there is SO much advice – tending to trust the more government, school youthgroup focused stuff (and note that if people are looking for this – could highlight the work that your organisations are doing) . http://www.stopbullying.gov/respond/
- So, let’s have a brief look at who/why bullies partake…
- People typically don’t want to think this… and these signs don’t mean that they are bullying, but it is time to open the conversation! http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/bullying_-_your_child_bullying.html
- Re – cyberbullying - Feels disconnected from impact of bullying (like WW2 bombers), and can find ways to justify it, often dehumanising the victim … it’s that danger of seeing the screen rather than the person behind the screen!
- Need help not banishment. Need to learn from their mistakes. If feel abandoned will seek others who will support how they feel. Shaheen, S. & Churchill, A.H., Truths and Myths of Cyber-bullying: International Perspectives on Stakeholder Responsibility and Children’s Safety, Peter Lang Publishing, 2009, p7
- Explain what bullying is. Talk about what they are doing, and why Monitor your child’s use of e-devices Talk to school/youth group about their approach to bullying for consistency Listen in case they are being bullied, or avoiding being bullied – and feels only way is to become a bully themselves. Note – a later resource (http://emdp.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Safe_from_Bullying-Youth_Activities.pdf) will give some suggestions for how youth groups can respond to bullying within their groups.. Most important – make space to discuss it!
- How effective? I’m not sure – will be interested to know what you think… For many, it won’t be as simple as this. Your child won’t necessarily want to sit and listen, and may be actively looking for opportunities to bully once more, waiting until late at night to access the Internet, shutting down their devices as soon as their parents enter. This may be good time to monitor what your children are doing online, and restrict their access to technology…
- Now, the group that’s typically not talked about…
- If we refuse to engage – what is that doing .. Can be scary, but this phrase is powerful..
- 3 min video …
- 2 min video from a military academy…
- Things move fast, so others can pile in – but can also use this to your advantage to get other friends, etc. to support you as well…
- If you’ve not come across DC – space for LGBT 18-30 year old Christians – many of them not ‘out’, but using mechanisms (e.g. tweeting as DC), raising awareness & support…
- … to bring it back to Biblical thinking … am I misusing this Bible verse, but it seems worth holding onto – the same as in offline life … think about what we are doing online!
- A final encouraging thought to leave with…
- Important to note in here, with regards to the behaviour that others observe in us – to recognise if/when we are bullying/being bullied/bystanding ourselves in the workplace… just thought I’d put that in there…
- This is hard to tackle on your own – need schools, youth groups, parents, community, etc. all involved… DISCUSS: What kind of initiatives can you put in place, or what has worked that you can share?
- http://www.learningpeace.com/pdfs/NoKiddingAboutBullying_Intro.pdf
- Later, can check out some of the sites that I recommended in my book…