Hero Training

Hero Training
An Education in Impact Management
“Transforming Ordinary Mortals Into Guardians Of The Good Life”

This Training Is Brought To You By
Shawn Fureys’
Hero Training School
An Education In Impact Management
“Transforming Ordinary Mortals Into Guardians Of The Good Life”
www.theherotrainingschool.com

About Shawn
Shawn Furey is a Hero Trainer and Situation Optimization
Strategist. He created an online hero training and hero
support program which functions as a kind of behavior
guidance system for people who might not have learned
growing up that we are all born to be heroic, that heroes
are situation technicians, and that situations can be
optimized for life success.
Shawn also applies his passion for heroism in his full-time
work as a Behavioral Health Technician at a ‘Supermax’
prison where he facilitates psychoeducational groups and
therapeutic activities with men who have been convicted
of a violent crime and have been diagnosed with a mental
health disorder.
He has a B.A. in Psychology with a double minor in
Sociology and Philosophy and is completing a M.S. in
Educational Psychology.
Shawn spoke at an international conference on Heroism
Science in Perth Australia on July 12th, 2016.

What is it that I’m going to be doing once I complete this training?

You will be intervening to improve situations

What is the value of being able to do that?
What’s in it for me?

A sustainable ‘good life’ experience
A life in which you get your basic human mental health needs met
and advance progress toward personal goals

No, You don’t. At least, most people don’t.

Sadly, what most people have is a ‘not-so-good’ life experience.

Oppression and Repression of Self-Actualization
(Holding Self and Others Down In Order To Avoid Healthy Competition of Ideas and Ways of Doing Things)
Fear-Based Thinking and Action
Shame, Self-Doubt, and Self-Loathing
Bullying and Domestic Violence
Drug and Alcohol Abuse
Loneliness, Despair, and Mental Illness
Child Abuse, Abandonment, and Neglect
Homelessness and Poverty
Obesity and Disease
Criminality and Incarceration
Suicide and Homicide
Racism, Mysogeny, Homophobia, and Xenophobia
(And Many More Forms Of The Not-So-Good Life)

It doesn’t have to be this way
You CAN create a better world – a better life,
for yourself and others,
because…

You were born to be a hero!
You were born to be a Guardian of The Good Life!
You were born to optimize situations for Life Success!

Because experiences don’t just happen – they’re constructed
If you are feeling / noticing that life sucks
(at home, at work, at school, at church)
Then, intervene to improve the situation in those places!

I’m going to teach you how to do it in this hero training
Sound good? Yes? Then, let’s begin…

To start,
let’s take a look at the heroes who’ve gone before us
and see if we can notice a pattern in what they did…

The Heroes You Know
What They Did and Why It Mattered To Other People

Martin Luther King, Jr
In the 1960’s African-Americans marched peacefully in
the streets protesting the fact that they were not
allowed equal access to the same schools, restaurants,
or even water fountains as people with ‘white’ skin.
Martin Luther King Jr took the lead in transforming
the political and social landscape of the United States
during the Civil Rights Movement.
What basic [universal] human mental health need
did Martin Luther King Jr help African American people to satisfy?

Superman
A helicopter crashes as it is attempting to
take off from the top of a skyscraper.
Seconds later a woman falls out of the
helicopter and is hanging onto the edge of
the building. She falls. Far below her a crowd
of people has gathered and are looking up,
waiting for the inevitable – when suddenly, a
man is spotted flying toward her through the
air – he catches her and carries her to safety.
did Superman help Lois Lane and the people in the street to satisfy?

Luke SkyWalker, Han Solo, and Princess Leia
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away
these three individuals fought an evil Emperor and his powerful minion Darth Vader. At
one point, The Emperor even tries to tempt Luke SkyWalker into giving up his free will
in trade for a chance to take his fathers spot as the number one minion.
does Luke satisfy by refusing to submit to The Emperor?

Colonel Munro and General Le Marquis
In the movie Last of the Mohicans the
British are outnumbered and outgunned at
Fort William Henry, during the French and
Indian War (1757), and rather than
annihilate them all the French General Le
Marquis offers them the opportunity to
surrender and receive safe passage back to
their homes if they promise never to fight in
North America again. British Colonel Munro
asks if his troops can carry their weapons
with them on the way home.
The French general agrees.
What basic [universal] human
mental health need are both
men satisfying for themselves
and their troops.

Vulnerability In Social Relating

Harry Potter and Hermione Grainger
Every year Harry Potter and Hermoine Grainger
know two things for sure; first, that Voldemort
will be busy trying to de-stabilize Hogwarts
School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and second,
that they’ll be spending all their time minimizing
the destructive impact of Voldemorts’ attacks so
that Hogwarts doesn’t have to shut down.
do Harry and Hermoine help the students at Hogwarts satisfy?

Jackie Robinson
“I’m not concerned with you liking or disliking me
– all I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”
In 1947, Jackie Robinson became
the first African-American baseball
player to play in the Major League
and as such he endured the hatred
of thousands of racist Baseball fans.
Mr. Robinsons’ choice to treat others
with respect even though they hadn’t
given it to him helped him pave the way
for thousands of non-white Baseball
players and changed American sports culture.
did Jackie Robinson help satisfy for future non-white baseball players?

Robin Hood
Robin Hood stole money from the rich
and gave it to the poor.
did Robin Hood help the poor people of Sherwood
Forest to satisfy?

William Wallace
When English King Edward I started
attacking Scottish towns and wreaking
Havoc on the Scottish people, in an
effort to dominate them, William
Wallace stepped up and defended
the Scottish Turf. In the movie
Braveheart, Wallace says…
“They may take our lives but they’ll never take our freedom”
did William Wallace help the Scottish people to satisfy?

Edward Snowden
In June 2013 Edward Snowden
revealed that the National Security
Agency had been conducting global
surveillance programs in which the
cell phone and e-mail data of
American Citizens had been taken
with the help of cell phone and e-
mail companies without the publics’
knowledge or consent.
did Edward Snowden help the global community to satisfy?

Captain Planet
In the TV Cartoon Captain Planet and The Planeteers,
Captain Planet helps to restore balance to the earths’
environment by protecting it from the people and
events who would pollute and destroy it. Captain
Planet defends the earth from greedy and apathetic
people who attempt to exploit the earths’ abundant
resources without regard for the impact their
overconsumption has on the environment.
does Captain Planet help people and places satisfy?

Katniss Everdeen
Katniss Everdeen volunteers to participate
in the ‘Hunger Games’ as tribute from
District 13 but ends up becoming a
catalyst for social and political change
when she awakens something within the
hearts and minds of the people who
watch her fight to overcome adversity.
does Katniss Everdeen help satisfy for the people of District 13?

John Lennon
“Give Peace a Chance”
Famous musician and social
activist John Lennon worked
tirelessly to promote the idea that
peace was the solution and that
war was the problem.
did John Lennon help people to satisfy through his music and advocacy?

12 Aspects of ‘The Good Life’ Experience
12 Basic Human Mental Health Needs
Equality of Value
Safety
Autonomy
Vulnerability in Social Relating
Respect
Stability
Sufficiency
Freedom
Transparency
Balance
Hope
Peace

What Do All These Heroes Have in Common?

They’ve all intervened to improve situations
For themselves and others

Each of these people
created a situation or protected a situation
in which they and / or others could continue to experience
one aspect of ‘the good life’

They’re all Guardians of The Good Life

What is a Guardian of The Good Life?
Someone who purposefully acts
in a way that creates and / or sustains
a ‘good’ life situation for self and others.

Is everyone already a Guardian of The Good Life?

No. Even though everyone was born to be a Guardian of The Good Life
most people have been conditioned to fear their true power
to fear healthy competition of ideas and ways of doing things
to fear healthy [non-violent] conflict
and to fear the one thing that makes them different from other life forms
the power to influence situations
And so, they need to rediscover their true self.

So, let’s make sure you didn’t miss anything there…
I just gave you 12 examples of people who’ve
already done what you’ll be doing, and
I just gave you 12 reasons to do it

Did you notice
that ‘good life’ referred to that which is good for you- as a human being?
That’s how heroes know when and why to help others.
They help others because they know that others have the same basic
human mental health needs as they do.
So, it’s our humanity [or our human being-ness] that is the anchor
for our heroic interventions.

I mentioned that most people have lost touch with their real power
– they’re not-so-secret super power
– the power to influence situations.
Hence, the reason for Hero Training: An Education In Situation Optimization.
(it’s a second chance to re-learn what we didn’t get taught growing up)
On the next slide you can see why your influence matters.

1. You will influence situations –either consciously or unconsciously
2. Situations will influence the experiences that you and others will have
4. Your experiences will shape your habits
[– unless you consciously over-ride the situations’ influence on you]
So, if the problem is not-so-good life experiences,
Then the solution is to maximize your positive influence on the situation
And to optimize the situation for ‘good’ life experiences

“Heroism is a Life Management Style”

Life Management
is the act or process of making management decisions
about your daily life circumstances,
especially in regards to;
managing the health and functioning of the social ecosystems
in which you live, work, learn, and play, and to
managing the impact
that people, places, and events are having
on your ability to advance progress toward personal goals.

Why You Should Care About Life Management
Ever know somebody who made a poor choice?
Well, when we say somebody made a poor choice
we’re really saying that they made a poor management decision
about their daily life circumstances.
Why wait until after your life falls apart
to step out of the passenger seat and into the drivers seat?
Take this training so that when life happens you’ll know what to do
Because things don’t just happen ‘to you’ – you are happening to things

What Do Heroes Know That Other People Don’t Know?
What Activities Do Heroes Engage In That Other People Don’t Engage In?
What Skills Do Heroes Have That Other People Don’t Have?
What Habits Have Heroes Developed That Other People Haven’t Developed?

What Do I Need To Know, Do, Have, and / or Become
In Order To Increase My Own Ability
To Build and Protect
The Kind of Situational Conditions, In My Own Life,
In Which People Can Be Well and Flourish?

This Training Will Cover 4 Big Topics
Knowledge
Tasks
Skills
Habits

1
Everything you do is really all about getting to ‘the good life’
Famous Greek Philosopher Aristotle said that almost 2000 years ago

What’s Your Idea of a Good Life?

Good Looks
Nice Clothes
A Job
A Car
An Apartment
Money
Popularity
A Significant Other
An Education
A Promotion
More Money
A Vacation
Fame
VIP-Status

What’s good about all those things if you’re basic
human mental health needs are unmet?
What’s good about all those things if you are unable
to use your power to influence situations and to
advance progress toward personal goals?

Nothing.
Those things are only ‘good’ if they are coupled with these things;

What’s Good About The Good Life?

2
‘The Good Life’ is a collection of sustained experiences
In which your basic [and universal] human needs are met
and you are able to advance progress toward personal goals

3
‘The Good Life’
is both a sustained experience
and a sustained situation
You could think of it as ‘the dual aspect of the good life’

There’s a feeling component
and
There’s a noticing component

So, for example… In a ‘Good’ Situation
You can ‘feel’ that your need is met
and
You can ‘notice’ that your need is met
This is also known as subjective and objective aspects of experience

Quality of the Experience / Quality of the Social Environment
Feels Like Need-Satisfaction / Looks Like Nutrient-Rich Content
Feels like Equality of Value / Looks like Dignity
Feels like Safety / Looks like Security
Feels like Autonomy / Looks like Free Agency
Feels like Vulnerability in Social Relating / Looks like Trust
Feels like Respect / Looks like Support
Feels like Stability / Looks like Consistency
Feels like Sufficiency / Looks like Access to Available Resources
Feels like Freedom / Looks like Empowerment
Feels like Transparency / Looks like Honesty and Authenticity
Feels like Balance / Looks like Adherence to Standards
Feels like Hope / Looks like Optimism
Feels like Peace / Looks like Calm

4
If you want to have good experiences
then all you have to do is create them and protect them
Here’s why you can do that…

5
Experiences don’t just happen – they’re constructed

6
Experiences arise out of the character
and arrangement of situational variables

A variable is anything which has an influence on something else

A situational variable refers to some aspect
of your daily life circumstances
which is having an influence
on the development of your managerial style,
on your ability to satisfy your basic human needs, and
on your ability to advance progress toward personal goals

Situational variables include;
People, Places, Interactions, Outcomes, and Events

7
When situational variables interact together
they function as a system

Understanding How Systems Work

A System Is A Set of Interacting Parts
Which Work Together To Produce a Certain Result

A Car Is A System
It’s Parts Work Together
To Produce Forward Movement Toward a Destination (or Goal)

In Nature
Systems that facilitate need-satisfaction are called Ecosystems

Human Beings Live Within Systems Too
But the ones we’re focusing on here
are social systems rather than physical systems
So, whether you are
at home, at work, at school, at church, etc
If you want to be well and do well,
Then, you’ll want to build and protect
Healthy Social Ecosystems

8
Systems can be healthy and functional
Or toxic and dysfunctional

There are two kinds of social ecosystems that we’ll be
discussing in this training, and they are;
The Life Success System / Happiness Machine
The Life Exploitation System / Dominator Hierarchy

9
A healthy social ecosystem is a system
that facilitates need-satisfaction and goal-attainment
for the people who are situated within them
(at home, at work, at school, at church, ect)

A car can be taken apart, and then put back together,
by somebody who knows what they’re doing, right?
Well, so can Social EcoSystems

10
The character and arrangement
of situational variables
can be changed or ‘shaped’
(built up or torn down)

Social Systems are Living Systems – They’re Alive!
They would be in a constant state of change
if it weren’t for one teency weency little thing…

Unlike cars, which run on gas, these systems run on habit!
They stay the same because peoples’ habits stay the same
and they change because peoples’ habits change

One persons’ habits interlock with another persons’ habits
and this coupling of habits
is what keeps the system moving in the same direction.

For example,
Let’s say that Person A threatens to ‘make a scene’
in order to get their way
and Person B rewards that ‘threatening to make a scene behavior’
by doing what Person A wants them to do.

Person As’ habit is using threat of punishment
and Person Bs’ habit is acquiesing to threat of punishment.
In other words, one person is domineering and the other is enabling.

Notice how these two habits are inter-locking?
They fit together. They’re a dysfunctional match.
Person A uses coercive strategies to achieve goals
Person B rewards Person A when they use coercive strategies.
…And just like that, an oppressive social ecosystem is born.

11
If you change the habits of people
then you change the way that the system functions

Healthy Social Ecosystems Are Like Happiness Machines

12
When built correctly and protected correctly
They facilitate movement toward real happiness in life
(basic [universal] human need-satisfaction and personal goal-attainment)

The Happiness Machine Functions As A Social Ecosystem and as A Success Propulsion System

Most Human Beings
Do Not Live, Work, Learn, and Play
in Healthy Social Ecosystems

74% of Humans Are Not Reaching Their Full Potential In Life
- said Robert Kegan in his Stages of Consciousness Development Theory

The Happiness Machine is Broken

Some Examples of The Problem
Not-So-Good Life Outcomes
Domestic Violence
Homelessness
Incarceration
Suicide
Homicide
Mental Illness

The Social Structure Behind This Problem
Instead of a Life Success System or Happiness Machine
(healthy and functioning social systems)
We’re Living, Working, Learning, and Playing
in Life Exploitation Systems or Dominator Hierarchies
(toxic and dysfunctional social systems)

Life Exploitation Systems or Dominator Hierarchies are dysfunctional
because the human beings who live, work, learn, and play
in these social environments
cannot get their basic human mental health needs met
or advance progress toward their personal goals
And by toxic I mean that they create emotional pain and have other
destructive effects on the human beings who live, work, learn, and play
in these kinds of oppressive social environments

A Dominator Hierarchy Produces This Kind of Experience

In a Dominator Hierarchy
Everybody has to fight for position
in the ‘pecking order’
The ‘alpha’ gets more of everything
than everybody else, and
Those lower down on the social ladder
gain a false sense of safety and power by
submitting to the ‘big dawg’ on top and
by dominating those beneath them
This creates a cycle of abuse and oppression
as individuals compete to move up the social
ladder in a system that makes room for only
three kinds of people; villians, minions, and
bystanders
In the end, everybody loses
Life
Exploitation
Systems

Life Exploitation System
Bystander
Villian, and
Minion, Life
Management
Style
Life Exploiting
and Life
Sabatoging
Social Norms
Destructive
Actions and
Antagonistic
Events
Negative
Consequences
Situational
and
Experiential
Dysfunctional
and
Destructive
Self and
Others

In a Life Exploitation System or Dominator Hierarchy
People do not get get their basic human mental health needs met
Instead they get the opposite of need-satisfaction
They get need-frustration

Villians, Minions, and Bystanders

What Are Villains, Minions, and Bystanders
and Where Do They Come From?
Villians
Minons
Bystanders
function together to form a vertical social structure that is based on
domination, submission, and deception

These terms refer to ‘roles’ that people play
These ‘roles’ are habits of thinking and action
which an individual takes on as a response to growing up in oppressive
social environments when they can’t escape
In other words, these roles are attempts to succeed at life
in places where life success is not actually possible

Each of these roles have ‘rules’
or predictable behaviors that always occur
in response to certain kinds of situations
regardless of gender, socio-economic status,
educational status, age, sexual orientation,
or national / ethnic identity.
You can tell what role
a person might be stuck in by paying attention
to the kinds of behavioral response patterns they display

You see…
I can say that roles have rules because…
Individual behavior does not occur spontaneously
or randomly as you’ve been led to believe
– or at least not as much as you’ve been led to believe

Individual behavior occurs as habituated responses
to certain kinds of situations
Three kinds of situations to be exact

The kind of situations in which situational variables
are supportive of your efforts
to satisfy your basic human needs and
to advance progress toward your own personal goals

Are antagonistic of your efforts
To satisfy your basic human needs and
To advance progress toward your own personal goals

are neutral in regards to your efforts
to satisfy your own basic human needs and
to advance progress toward your own personal goals

Villains, Minions, and Bystanders
structure their social interactions
in ways that allow them to avoid
the thing that they fear the most – vulnerability
Vulnerability means exposure to risk

Villians fear risk of social rejection
Minions fear risk of punishment
Bystanders fear risk of loss

When confronted with supportive situations
(situations in which people want to collaborate with them as an ally in pursuit of mutual goals)
the person who is stuck in the ‘villain role’
will reject the collaborative efforts of the other
and instead will fight for domination over that other
– will fight for control of the others’ will

When confronted with antagonistic situations
(situations in which people oppose their own efforts to be well and flourish)
The person stuck in the ‘minion role’
will lay down and surrender their will and resources
rather than confront the villains’ attempt
to coerce their compliance

When confronted with antagonistic situations
(situations in which people oppose the efforts of heroic others to be well and flourish)
The person who is stuck in the ‘bystander role’
will remain on the sidelines
– refraining from taking any action
even if it means that domination, submission, and deception
will continue as the norm

Villains
People who may be stuck in the villain role
structure their social interactions in ways
that avoid collaboration with others
Because they fear rejection / do not trust others
Instead of collaborating with others
they coerce others or compete against others
as if others were their adversary

Another way to describe the person who is stuck
in the villain role is to use the term ‘King-Baby’
Because the villain displays an entitlement attitude
while simultaneously portraying themselves as incompetent

Minions
People who may be stuck in the minion role
structure their social interactions in ways
that avoid confrontation or social conflict
Because they fear punishment / feel worthless already
(and want to avoid feeling worse about themselves)
Instead of confronting others
who attempt to coerce their compliance / control their will
they submit

Minions will work against anyone
who puts them at risk of being punished by a villain
People in the minion role
are always making excuses for villainous behavior

Villains and their Minions
King-
Baby
Servant-
Caretaker

Villians and their Minions
Villains punish
empowerment and
reward
submissiveness
Minions have been
conditioned to
associate
submissiveness
with rewards and
empowerment with
punishment
this is why villains are
typically very successful
when situated in
oppressive
environments - because
they find people who
will enable them to
continue being
villainous

Bystander
People who may be stuck in the bystander role
structure their social interactions in ways that avoid
engagement with social realities
I’m sure it was a bystander who was quoted saying,
“just keep your head down and your mouth shut
and you’ll do fine.”
- And they were obviously living,
working, learning, and / or playing in an oppressive system
(a.k.a Dominator Hierarchy)

These habits were reinforced in childhood by ones’ experiences

In every home there are unwritten rules of engagement (social norms)
And people are expected to adhere to those pre-established ways of doing things

Parents, relatives and peers might have role-modeled
certain behaviors to the child

Who in turn might have employed those behaviors
in an effort to achieve a goal,

and then certain strategies were rewarded
and others were punished

while rationales were given in support of certain behaviors
and in opposition to certain behaviors

And the child learned certain ways of doing things
Ways of doing things that were ‘functional’
in those dysfunctional places
In other words, those habits of domination,
submission, and deception functioned to keep the
social group structure intact
Those habits kept the child alive – at least physically

The Victim to Perpetrator Cycle

How Victims of Oppression become Perpetrators of Oppression
Experiences
emotional pain /
builds up toxicity
and stays in
oppressive
situation
Chooses to
emotionally
disconnect from
painful situation
masks pain with
drugs, alcohol,
religiosity,
promiscuity, etc
future behavior
lacks humanity -
pushes people
away
(emotionally)
new perpetrator
experiences social
disconnectedness

After your circumstances have changed you, you’ll go out there and change the world…
If you’ve grown up in abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, hatred, etc what kind of change would you be likely to make?
Someone who lacks a
sense of self, lacks an
efficient code of
conduct and lacks the
skills needed to solve
social problems
the task of
managing their
own life and / or
the lives of others
(at home, at
school, at work, at
church)
No wonder our
world is so
screwed up

Our Habits Are Ruining Our Lives

So, Now…
Those innocent children who grew up in those
toxic places become adults
and go out into the world
and continue to live their lives on auto-pilot
constantly using the same behavioral strategies
(or habits)
that they learned as children

The problem now however
is that they’re no longer powerless
or even necessarily in a toxic social environment
– they might be in a fantastic place

But they’ll ruin it as soon as they start interacting
with those new people and places
because those old habits serve only
to perpetuate the status quo
of those old outworn dominator-hierarchies;
those places where people
can’t get their human needs met
or achieve their personal goals

In other words, when confronted
with those ‘triggering situations and events’
the person who is flying on auto-pilot
will respond the same way they’ve always responded
and their response will most likely frustrate people
who didn’t grow up in oppressive homes
(or who did and transcended it).

In which case, the frustrated people
will probably begin to resent the ‘dysfunctional’ other
and will take action-steps to spend less time
with the villianous, minon-like, or bystander-like person
(emotional distancing, separation, break-up / divorce,
calling out of work, quitting jobs, etc)
resulting in a perpetuation of the problem in the other:

sub-conscious maladaptive habits keep re-creating
oppressive social group structures and ill-being
– which healthy / functional people don’t like,
so they leave the place or relationship
Which serves to justify faulty beliefs, in the dysfunctional
person, about why they should keep on being dysfunctional
(because everyone leaves me, nobody likes me, etc)

You may recall from math classes that
positive X negative = negative
negative X positive = negative
negative X negative = positive
positive X positive = positive

Let’s imagine that you are a person who understands
the importance of being able to give an accurate account of your own behavior
(a positive)
and I’m a person who has been taught all my life
that if I admit to wrongdoing it means I’ll somehow cease to exist
or be thrust to the bottom of the social pecking order
– so I violate one of your boundaries
and then I don’t give an accountable apology for the violation
(a negative)
Are you and I likely to depart from that interaction feeling good or not-so-good?
Not-so-good
(a negative)
Hence, a positive [habit] X [times] a negative [habit] = a negative [experience]

Healthy / functional people
(people who are in the ‘hero’ role)
will not be a good fit for oppressive social environments
(dominator hierarchies)
(a positive [managerial style] X [times] a negative [situation] = a negative [experience]
And villains, minions, and bystanders
will not be a good fit for empowerment climates
(life success systems)
(a negative managerial style X [times] a positive [situation] = a negative [experience]

Consequently,
heroes and sidekicks will likely experience frustration and anxiety
in oppressive social environments
and villains, minons, and bystanders
will experience frustration and anxiety in empowerment climates
Because the individual program being run
(habits of thinking and action)
does not match the social environment

Thus we end up with habits of thinking and action
that are very hard to break
because they’re constantly being reinforced
by the matching social environments from which they arose
(since heroes and sidekicks tend to stick with their empowerment climates and
bystanders, minions, and villains tend to stick with their oppressive climates)
It’s no wonder the world is as screwed up as it is

Why People Aren’t Building It Better
They Haven’t Been Taught What a Good Life Situation Is
What It Looks and Feels Like, Or Why It’s Important
They Don’t Realize That The Good Life Is Not Something You Get
– It’s Something You Build and Maintain
They Haven’t Been Taught That They Have Creative Power, and
That It’s Okay To Use That Power To Change Things – For The Better
They Lack The Knowledge, Skills, Guidance, and Support That They’d Need
In Order To Be Able To Build and ProtectThe Kind of Situation
In Which a Good Life Is Possible
Up Until Now, There Hasn’t Been Anywhere To Get This Training!

The Solution
HERO TRAINING
Learn to Be The Kind of Person
Who Can Build and Protect
The Happiness Machine

So Who’s The Kind of Person That Can Build
and Protect The Happiness Machine?

What Do All These Heroes Have In Common?
They each take the lead
in creating and protecting
the kind of situational conditions
in which suffering is alleviated
and flourishing is promoted
for themselves and others.

Heroes Are…
Transformational Leaders
who engage in an activity that I call
Human Ecosystem Recovery Operations
(HERO)

The Hero and The Happiness Machine

The Hero Is…
A Participant
An Observer
A Creator
A Manager
A Protector

As a Participant
They Live, Work, Learn, and Play in Social Ecosystems

As an Observer
They Can Notice When Something Is Wrong
And
They Can Identify The Source of The Problem

As a Creator
They Can Take Action-Steps to Solve The Problem

As a Manager
They Can Monitor
The Health and Functioning
of The Social Ecosystem
(a.k.a. The Happiness Machine)

As a Protector
They Can Recognize and Confront
Threats To The Health and Functioning
of The Social Ecosystem
(a.k.a. The Happiness Machine)

Transformational Leaders
and
Outcome Engineering and Management

The Hero Drives The Happiness Machine Straight Into AwesomeVille

So That People Can Have This Kind of Experience
Community
A unified group of empowered individuals;
sharing a sense of fellowship with one another

In healthy and functional social ecosystems individuality and innovation are the norm
People can get their basic [universal] human needs met and
People can work to advance progress toward their goals unthreatened
Instead of being based on domination and submissiveness - relationships are egalitarian
The social structure supports the experience of life and aliveness as it
promotes psychological well-being and flourishing life

The Life Success System
Heroic Life
Management
Style
Life Promoting
and Life
Enhancing
Social Norms
Constructive
Actions and
Supportive
Events
Positive
Consequences
Situational and
Experiential
Optimally
Functional and
Intentionally-
Constructive
Self and Others

Some of the benefits
of living, working, learning, and playing
in empowerment climates Include;
Better Social Experiences
Increased Productivity
Increased Sustainability
Flourishing Life

Better
Social
Experiences
A Pathway to
the
achievement
of those goals
Teamwork
Shared Values
and Goals
(Well-Being)

Increased
Productivity
Removed Internal
Barriers To
Productivity
Improved
knowledge, skills,
strategy formation,
and increase access
to supportive
resources
Removed External
Barriers To
Productivity

Increased
Sustainability
Social Norms reflect Actual
Human Needs and make room
for real humans to exist there in
the social environment
Attitudes, Intentions, Strategies,
and Actions are based on a Win-
Win Outcome
promote social connectedness
and mutual well-being
Change Agents understand that
everything they do is based on
an unconscious drive to be well
and flourish and that by creating
and protecting empowerment
climates they can get their needs
met more often and for longer
periods of time

Psychological Well-Being
Psychological well-being describes the cumulative effect
that need-satisfaction has on ones’ physiology, or nervous system
– it’s an experience of tranquility, harmony, or contentment that one gets
when all of ones’ basic universal human psychological needs have been met
in the context of functional social relating in healthy social environments.

What Does It Mean “To Flourish?”
Flourishing means ‘to grow vigorously toward
ones’ potential, and ‘to thrive at the peak of ones’
development, activity, or influence
There are nine aspects or signs of flourishing life

Why Do Heroes Build and Protect Happiness Machines?
Because They Know They Can
Because They Know They Should

Why You Can Build a Happiness Machine
The Universal Law of Cause and Effect
Your Not-So-Secret Super Power
Your Role as a Change Agent

We live in a universe of infinite possibilities
- a place where the only constant is change
Our experiences are governed by a universal law
– the law of cause and effect

The
Change
Process
Cause
Effect
Cause
Effect

Your-Not-So-Secret Super Power
Creative
Action
Planning
Imagination
Free Will

You Were Born With…
an imagination,
with which you can imagine infinite possibilities, and
a thoughtful mind,
with which you can take that which you envision
in your imagination,
bring it down into the moment,
and create a thoughtful plan
for bringing what you’ve imagined into existence.

Then,
you can CHOOSE with your
FREE WILL
to act
on your plan, and

in anchoring your actions to your vision for the future
you can influence what happens in your own life
and in the lives of those with whom you interact
(at home, at work, at school, etc)
You can bring about change in your life and
be a catalyst for change in the lives of others
In other words, what this means is that…

YOU HAVE POWER!!!
You have the power
to tap into that chain of causality
and alter the flow of events

Your Role as a Change Agent
Living In A
Reality That Is
Governed By
Cause and
Effect
Your Ability to
Change
Things
You are a
Change Agent

What Is A Change Agent?
Change
means something new or different is happening, and
An Agent
is someone or some thing that can initiate and sustain a course of action
So,
a change agent
would be someone or some thing that
can initiate and sustain a new or different way of doing things

Why You Should Build a Happiness Machine
The Human Drive To Be Well and Flourish
Personal Responsibility Is Unavoidable

The Human Drive To Be Well and Flourish
Before you were a co-worker, friend, mother or father,
brother or sister, daughter or son,
you were a human being.
Like other life forms on planet earth
human beings have an innate drive
to be well and flourish in life

And you can’t be well and do well in life
if you don’t get your human needs met on a regular basis
You can’t get your needs met
in a ‘life exploitation system’ or dominator hierarchy
but you can in a ‘life success system’ or happiness machine

Personal Responsibility Is Unavoidable
You’ve Been Doing It Your Entire Life
There is no way to not be a change agent
Just like the classic rock band Rush once said in their song ‘Free Will,’
– even if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice
Do you see?

There’s ‘The Universal Law of Cause and Effect’ on one side of the coin
and you on the other side
with the power to tap into that chain of causality
and alter the flow of events
through your choices and their real consequences
So, you may think that you are not steering the direction of your life,
but you are
because even when you let someone else do the steering for you,
you are still CHOOSING to let them do the steering for you.

This Is Why It’s So Important…
that we choose
TO TAKE OUR POWER BACK
from those people to whom we may have reluctantly given it, and
that we CHOOSE TO FIND OUR POWER
if we think we might have lost it, or
had it beaten out of us as children growing up
in abusive or otherwise oppressive homes
BECAUSE…

WE ARE ALWAYS RESPONSIBLE
FOR HOW WE ARE CHOOSING TO USE OUR CREATIVE POWER!!

And Furthermore…
If you won't do it, somebody else will
Somebody who might not have your best interest in mind

We Are Each Co-Authors Of The Moment
You might have seen that commercial that says,
“in life there are passengers and there are drivers.”
I would change that to,
“in life there are drivers and there are drivers’ children,”
because if you’re an adult
then you are responsible for the ways in which you are managing your life
– even when your management style has been non-management.

How Do You Build and Protect The Happiness Machine?
By shaping the character and arrangement of situational variables
(at home, at work, at school, at church - moment-by-moment, choice-by-choice)
In a way that aligns human thinking and behavior with an ideal standard
– one that is based on basic universal human need satisfaction
and personal goal-attainment (for all parties involved)
and how do you do that?

By Developing 6 Habits
and
By Performing 6 Tasks

The Five Areas of Situational Awareness
A Place
With People in It
Interactions Between People and Places
The Outcomes of Those Interactions, and
Unforeseen Events

The People
Can Be Consciously Aware of Their Own
Intuitions, Feelings, Thoughts, Sensations,
Actions, and Reasons for Their Actions
Or
Can Have Unplugged Their Awareness of Their
Own Intuitions, Feelings, Thoughts, Sensations,
Actions, and Reasons for Their Actions

The Interactions
Can Be
Pro-Social
Or
Anti-Social

Pro-Social Means Actions That Have a Positive
Impact on Everyone (A Win-Win)
Anti-Social Means Actions That Have a Negative
Impact on Everyone (A Win-Lose or a Lose-Win)

The Outcomes
Well-Being and Flourishing Life
Or
Ill-Being and a Shriveled / Languishing Life

Unforeseen Events
Constructive and Catalytic
Or
Destructive and De-Railing

Use Your Imagination
Your Thoughtful Mind
Your Free Will
Develop a Vision for The Future
Set Goals
Create Strategies (Action-Steps)
That Suit Your Particular Version of ‘The Good Life’
and Embody Need-Satisfaction and Goal-Attainment

What is LifeScaping?
Lifescaping is like landscaping – but for your life.
In other words, it means that you obtain an ideal standard
of what you, as a human being need,
and of what you, as an individual, want
and you then engage in the following four steps;
Identify and remove barriers to need-satisfaction and goal-attainment
Identify and capitalize on catalysts to need-satisfaction and goal-attainment
Identify and create pathways to need-satisfaction and goal-attainment, and
Protect those pathways

Lifescaping Techniques
Role-Model Selected Behaviors
Provide Rationales for Selected Behaviors
Reinforce Selected Behaviors
Regulate Social Norms / Codes of Conduct
In Ways That Increase the Probability that Selected Behaviors Will Be Selected
Hold Individuals Responsible for Acknowledging Volitional Violations
of Social Norms / Codes of Conduct
Selected Behaviors are Win-Win Strategies and Life Management Skills

What Does ‘Shaping’ Mean?
Shaping = Acting purposefully to shape the present and /
or future behavior of a person, place, or event
Behavioral shaping is an important thing for you to
understand because…
it’s happening to you all the time everywhere you go.

It’s what advertisers do
It’s what police officers do
It’s what parents do
It’s what partners do
It’s what ministers do
It’s what bullies and abusers do
Some people use it for good and some people use it for evil
– either way you need to know about it
You need to know when it is happening to you and others
so that you can ensure that it is being used for good and not evil

Shaping is only socially-appropriate when
the person who is shaping peoples’ behavior, events, or the quality and character of places
has a legitimate claim to the turf being shaped.
For example, parents have a legitimate claim to the turf of shaping their childrens’ behavior.
Employees have a legitimate claim to shaping the social environment where they work when
the workplace effects them or their clients.
Partners and managers have a legitimate claim
to shaping the way co-partners or co-managers treat them and shape social environments.
Conversely, I don’t have a legitimate claim to shaping the behavior of adults living in another
home or working in another workplace – shaping is the responsibility of those people who are
actually impacted by the quality and character of their daily life circumstances.

So What Counts As Shaping?
Role-Modeling
appropriate social behavior and effective strategies

Rationales
for why one ought to engage in a given behavior and
for why one ought to refrain from engaging in another behavior

Reinforcement
rewards and aversive consequences that follow
selected behaviors in order to increase or
reduce the probability of a given behavior
being repeated in the future
Examples of reinforcement include; giving attention, praise and empathy
statements, positive touch, and other rewards and rewarding experiences.

Regulation
of social norms, policies, codes of conduct
and of social-environmental fertility
- a.k.a. nutrient-rich content

Responsibility
For acknowledging volitional violations of the
social norms or code of conduct

Win-Win Strategies
A good strategy is one that takes into account
the impact that it will have
on self, others, relationships, and progress toward goals
both now and later.

Power Vs Force
Power Strategies are Attractive
- They get you what you want and what you need
(Win-Win)
Force Strategies are Repulsive
– they cause you to get the opposite of what want and need
(Win-Lose, Lose-Win)
(Win Now but Lose Later)

Force Strategies are attempts at getting something without earning it;
getting something without maintaining rapport with others.
Force Strategies are manipulative and usually involve;
Deception, Seduction, Intimidation, and / or Coercion
(this [above] is the stuff that Villains do!)
Force Strategies send others a message that says;
“People can’t be trusted and need-satisfaction is irrelevant”

Power Strategies are egalitarian and are usually;
Transparent, Attractive, Persuasive, and / or Supportive
(this [above] is the stuff that Heroes and Sidekicks do!)
Power Strategies send others a message that says;
“Other people can be trusted and need-satisfaction is relevant”

Villains use force strategies against self and others
Minions and Bystanders use force strategies against
themselves and against others (Heroes and Sidekicks)
in order to prevent social conflict with Villains.
Has Beens use force strategies against themselves
Heroes and Sidekicks use Power Strategies

By Being Able To
Recognize, Confront, Transform / Neutralize,
and Navigate Around Threats to The Good Life

Threats to The Good Life
Border-Bullies
(Villains, Minions, Bystanders)
Negative Self-Talk
Emotional Blindness
Toxic Social Environments
Anti-Social Behaviors
Destructive Outcomes, and
Distracting Events

Border-Bullies
Border-Bullies are those people in your life
who will put themselves, and other obstacles, between you and your goal.
Often it’s the people who are closest to us physically and emotionally who
attempt to keep us from changing things
Especially if we’re changing things for the better
If you succeed, it might become obvious that they are choosing
to remain stuck in an adolescent way of being
and are choosing to reinforce adolescent ways of behaving.

Negative Self-Talk
Polarity of
Self-Talk
Attitudes
toward Self,
others, and
Environment
Polarity of
Care-Giving
Style
Polarity of
Strategy
Formation
Polarity of
Action

Emotional Disconnection
social
experience
emotional
connection to
the experience
awareness of
emotional
polarity
understanding
of need
acquisition
status
capacity to
create or
sustain
nutrient-rich
content

Anti-Social Behaviors or Abuse
There are many anti-social behaviors
and there are at least six forms of abuse
it’s important to be able to recognize when you see them happening
so that you can protect your own mind
from being corrupted by villainous others
and protect your free will
from being taken over and used by villainous others.

Remember that anti-social does not mean ‘shy,’
– rather, it means ‘against the group,’
so anti-social behavior is behavior that prevents oneself or others
from being able to function as a team.
The word for ‘shy’ is ‘asocial.’

Six Forms of Abuse
Social Abuse
Psychological Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse

Social Abuse
Harming an individuals’ social reputation, or social status,
within a group in order to limit their capacity
to create positive social change
and / or to limit their ability to prevent a bully / abuser (villain)
from decieving, dominating, coercing, or exploiting
people or resources in a given place.

Psychological Abuse
Harming ones’ self-image and attempting to provoke mental instability
(put downs, reframing achievements as failures,
head games, deceptiveness, coerciveness,
threatening and intimidating gestures,
gas-lighting / crazy making)
as well as punishing authenticity
and other signs of well-being and flourishing life
so that ultimately they’ll buy into the idea that they are worthless
and may choose to give up their pursuit
of personal autonomy, empowerment, and / or a goal.

Emotional Abuse
Harming an individuals’ emotional stability
by intentionally disrupting their physiological equilibrium
(making them anxious or afraid)
in order to confuse them
or to cause them to be disoriented or distracted
in the hopes that they’ll mess up,
make a mistake,
or otherwise deter progress toward their goals,
so that ultimately they’ll slide back
into dependency and / or disempowerment.

Physical Abuse
Harming the physical body
(spitting on, slapping, hitting, punching, kicking, strangling)
so that ultimately the target / victim will choose to refrain
from taking any further action-steps
toward personal autonomy, empowerment, or a goal.

Sexual Abuse
Harming ones’ physical body and / or gender role / sexual identity
(harassment, molestation, rape)
so that ultimately the target / victim will choose to refrain
from taking any further action-steps
toward personal autonomy, empowerment, or a goal.

Destructive Outcomes
Domestic Violence
Homelessness
Incarceration
Suicide
Homicide
Mental Illness

Distracting Events
Distracting
Event
Unforeseen
Act of God
Competing
Demands for
Time and
Attention
Sabatoge by a
Border-Bully
(Villain or Minion)

Power Struggles
Remember That Power Struggles and Culture
Conflicts Are Always Going To Happen
When You Are Actively Trying
To Improve Situational Conditions
In The Places Where You Live, Work, Learn, and / or Play

Power Struggles: Two Drivers In One Car

When one person attempts to control another
(and the target doesn’t give up their autonomy)
Hero Villian

When one person attempts to neutralize the impact that one person
has in a situation (in order to remove a perceived “competitor”
Hero Minion

Culture Conflicts (Conflicts of Competing Social Norms)
The Old Way
Of Doing Things:
The Way Things
"Have Always Been"
The New Way
Of Doing Things:
The Way Things Are Now

Power Struggles are Predictable
The Example of The Stupid Monkeys

Once upon a time a researcher did an experiment
in which he put some bananas at the top of a ladder
and set a group of monkeys on the floor at the base of the ladder.
Additionally, the researcher set up a sprinkler system above the monkeys
which were hanging out on the floor.

Well, as you might guess,
one of the monkeys climbed up the ladder and grabbed the bananas
– but, when he did he unwittingly triggered the sprinkler system
and the monkeys that were on the floor got doused with water.

As you also might have guessed the monkeys on the floor didn’t like this
and so they beat up the monkey who had gotten the bananas.

Later on, the researcher took out each monkey, one-by-one,
and replaced them with new monkeys,
but every time one of them tried to climb the ladder to get the bananas
he or she would get pulled off the ladder and beaten up
prior to reaching the bananas.
Consequently, nothing changed – nobody got their need met.

Eventually, the entire set of monkeys had been replaced
but still the social norm of beating up any monkey who tried to reach the bananas
continued to be strictly reinforced by the group.

How Does The Example of The Stupid Monkeys Relate to Situational Transformation?
Well, whether you realize it or not you were born into a social system
and every social system remains intact
because people keep doing things the same way that mom and dad did things
- even the stupid things that make no sense and are actually bad for everyone.

So, remember as you go about trying to improve situational conditions
that most people don’t know why they do the things that they do
– they just know that you’re ‘doing something wrong’
and so they’ll try to beat you up
psychologically, emotionally, socially, and maybe even physically.
You can’t let this stop you from reaching for the bananas.
If the group knew the value of the bananas and how easy it is to get them
they’d be happy about what you are trying to do.

How To Get From The Bottom To The Top of The Ladder

How To Navigate Through a Power Struggle

As you endeavor to build and protect
the kind of situational conditions
in which need-satisfaction and goal-attainment are possible
use life management skills
to build-up, participant in, manage, and navigate through
any and all situations that may arise
during the situational transformation process.

Life Management Skills
32 Skills of an Influential and Effective Change Agent

Concentration
You need to be able to focus your attention
on a single object or activity
if you’re going to be able to identify barriers and catalysts
to basic [universal] human need-satisfaction and personal goal-attainment.

Focused Contemplation
You need to be able to think deeply about something specific
if you are going to be able to identify barriers and catalysts

Goal-Setting
Set goals related to your vision for the future
which will serve as the focal point of your efforts
to construct a better social ecosystem.

Situational Design
Design a plan for constructing the kind of situation
in which you can satisfy your own basic [universal] human needs
and advance progress toward your own personal goals.

Critical Point Analysis
You need to be able to deconstruct the big picture view
of your actual current circumstances
and think deeply
about the way that situational variables are interacting with one another
in order to be able to identify barriers and catalysts

Strategy Formation
Develop strategies for advancing progress toward personal goals
A good strategy is one that is going to have a constructive and catalytic
effect on your present and future situational conditions.

Outcome-Based Thinking
As part of the situational transformation process
remember to base your thinking and actions on desired outcomes
rather than on pre-established scripts or social roles.
For example, if your goal is to facilitate self-reliance in your daughter
then a good strategy might be to let her solve her own problems
– instead of you solving them for her.
Versus
I want to be a good mother
and a ‘good mother’ solves her daughters problems for her, right?”
(Just because that’s what your mom did with you doesn’t make it right)

Forecasting
Once you’ve begun to construct the kind of circumstances
in which need-satisfaction and goal-attainment are possible
use probability thinking (inductive logic) to predict the likely outcome
of current situational variables interacting with future events or changes.

Mindfulness
As you engage with social realities
remember to keep your full attention on the task at hand
because once you’ve begun the situational transformation process
there will be a lot of push-back
from those people who don’t want the social ecosystem to change
– they’ll attempt to push your buttons and will try to distract you
so that you might end up making poor choices
and sabotage your own progress.

Connecting Forward
Once you’ve constructed a healthy social ecosystem
remember that, as a participant, the only way to have a relationship
with others is to reach out toward them in connection
and you do that by asking them questions
and by getting to know them for who they are
– not by pretending that they are the same as you
and that they want what you want.

Connected Knowing
As a participant in a good situation, remember that you don’t have to share
the same beliefs and values as somebody else
in order to have a good rapport with them socially
- it’s okay to think and act differently.

Vulnerability
As part of keeping a good situation a good situation
remember that the only way to be yourself truly
is to be yourself privately and publically
– and to do that requires that you put yourself at risk of social rejection.
Sometimes you’re going to meet people
who will not like you simply because you are not a clone of themselves
and you have to be okay with that in order to keep being yourself.

Boundaries
One of the ways that you can help yourself feel comfortable
around people who might be antagonistic to your own self-interests
is to set up and maintain semi-permeable boundaries.
In other words, engage with others
in ways that allows you to experience social connection
without becoming enmeshed
– without acting as if you and they are the same person
and without acting as if you are responsible
for their thoughts, feelings, and behavior, etc.

Accountability
If you or someone else violates
one of your agreed upon social and personal boundaries
it’s important that all parties involved
can give an accurate account of true events;
especially related to the destructive impact
that ones’ behavior might have had on situational variables.
Additionally, if you are trying to shape someones’ behavior,
or habits of approach and response,
it’s important that you insist that they acknowledge
the ways in which they created their own problems.
After all, they can’t fix it if it’s not broken.

Motivating Forward
As a participant in a healthy social ecosystem
one of the things you can do
to keep it healthy and to keep yourself and others
on the road to ‘the good life’
is to motivate one another toward flourishing life.
You do this by reinforcing those behaviors
which facilitate the cultivation and sustainability of nutrient-rich content
in the social environment
and progress toward the achievement of personal goals.
Also, it’s important to avoid reinforcing behaviors that reduce the
probability of progressing toward need-satisfaction and goal-attainment

Emotional Intelligence
It’s important to be able to identify the way that you’re body feels
when you are experiencing an emotion
and to be able to name the feeling as it arises.
Additionally, it’s important to be able to recognize the polarity
of the feeling; is it positively poled or negatively poled
(joy, peace, contentment vs sad, hurt, lonely, angry).
Feeling states clue you into the climate of your situation
– they reveal the weather in your social ecosystem
Once you know the polarity of your feelings
you can take an action-step to resolve the issue from which it arose

Situational Awareness
The ability to identify five variables
that may be present in every situation
will help you focus your engineering and management efforts
in the right direction when necessary.

Situational Assessment
Having a standard of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable
will help you to be able to assess situational variables
for their conduciveness to the standard.
In other words,
by assessing your daily life circumstances
for conduciveness to need-satisfaction and goal-attainment
on a regular basis
you’ll be able to keep the social ecosystem
in a state of optimal health and functioning.

Situational Understanding
Once you’ve obtained information
about the conduciveness of situational variables
to need-satisfaction and personal goal-attainment
you’ll be in a much better position to decide what to do next
and you’ll be able to spot barriers and catalysts,
and to create pathways to need-satisfaction and goal-attainment.

Social Intelligence
By being aware of social norms in a given place
and of the way in which you and others are behaving
you’ll be in a much better position
to navigate social realities without incident.

Goal-Directed Action
By acting on purpose with your goal in mind you’ll increase your odds
of managing the impact that situational variables have
on your ability to advance progress toward personal goals.

Conflict Resolution
By being able to re-establish rules of engagement post-conflict
you’ll be able to minimize the destructive impact that situational variables
have on progress toward need-satisfaction and personal goals.

Stress Management
By finding socially-appropriate and strategically-effective ways
to manage stress you’ll prevent toxic energy build-up
and avoid acting out in ways that might halt progress toward personal goals.

Delayed Gratification
By being able to delay gratification
you’ll be able to sustain your progress
toward need-satisfaction and personal goal-attainment
despite the impulse to give in, give up, shut down, or act out
when situational variables conspire against you
during the situational transformation process.

Critical Thinking
By being able to critically evaluate the meaning of actions and events
before forming any concluding beliefs about situational variables
you’ll be able to avoid being duped into making a poor management
decision about your own daily life circumstances or about someone elses.

Depth Perception
By being able to see beneath the surface of a behavior
to it’s hidden meaning or message
you’ll be able to recognize patterns
between situations and individual behaviors.
In this way you’ll be able to identify
when an individuals’ behavior is out of alignment
with their typical way of approaching or responding to similar situations.

Pattern Recognition
By being able to recognize
when an individuals’ behavior has occurred so often
in conjunction with similar situational conditions
that it can no longer be viewed as a fluke or coincidence
you’ll be able to recognize the scripted roles that a person might be playing.
In other words,
you’ll be able to see the way in which
they are sub-consciously acting out a script
– continually recreating the same kind of oppressive social environments
in which they grew up.

Problem Recognition
By being able to recognize
when a patterned behavior has become a problem behavior
you’ll be in a better position to make management decisions
about how to address this individuals’ behavior.
For example, you might think your mom is perfect
and that she’d never sabotage your success in life,
but now you can’t help but have noticed
that she seems to have sabotaged your success five times
in the past two months. Coincidence, I think not.
Sometimes the people we least expect are actually the ones
who have been playing a border-bully role with us for a long time.

Assertive Problem-Solving
Once you’ve identified a patterned behavior as a problem behavior
you’ll be in a position to confront that problem behavior
in a way that is both socially-appropriate and strategically-effective.

Assertive Communication
By being able to communicate with others
in a way that allows you to advocate
for your own needs, wants, and desires
without imposing yourself on others
you’ll be able to maintain a good rapport with others
even during times of social conflict.
(Remember that a good rapport with others is necessary for need-satisfaction).

Limit-Setting
By being able to set limits on yourself and on others
regarding what is and is not okay to do
you’ll be in a much better position
to prevent and to navigate through social conflicts.

Tolerating Discomfort
By being able to tolerate the emotional and physical discomfort
that will inevitably arise during the situational transformation process
you’ll significantly increase your odds of achieving your goal

An Internal Locus of Responsibility
Heroes Know That They Have The Power to Influence
Situational Outcomes – That Even If They Were Once
Victimized They Don’t Have To Stay a Victim.
You can contrast this with…

A Victim-Mindset
The Faulty Belief That Bad Things Just Keep Happening
To Me and That There’s Nothing I Can Do To Change
Things Anyway So I Might As Well Just Accept “It.”

Another way to describe the Victim-Mindset
is to say that the person with a victim-mindset
has an external locus of responsibility.
They see the events that effect their life
as something that ‘just happens’ to them
If you don’t know that you have creative power and
that can use it to intervene on your own behalf and on behalf of others
then you won’t initiate any positive change at all
So, bearing that in mind,
You can see why the victim-mindset does not work as a life management style

Self-Sacrifice
Heroes are willing to get involved
in the situational transformation process
despite the risk of loss
Loss of time
Loss of access
Loss of support
Loss of resources
Loss of social status

Another way to describe The Bystander
Is to say that they are risk-averse
They see engagement with social realities as too risky
and so they refrain from getting involved
Consequently, even though they may know
that they have the power to improve situational conditions
they choose not to use that power
And so the bystander enables oppression to go on unchallenged
As you can see,
The Bystander role doesn’t work as a life management style

Collaboration
Heroes Always Take The Needs and Goals
of Self and Others Into Consideration
Before They Take An Action-Step.
Heroes Always Treat Others As Relevant
In Every Decision – They Include Others,
They Reach Out To Others.
Heroes Are Willing To Risk Rejection.

Because the person who is stuck in the villain role
refuses to collaborate with others
as equally valued allies in pursuit of mutual goals
they are unable to create healthy social ecosystems
Bearing this in mind you can see why the villain role
doesn’t work as a life management style

Self-Directedness
Heroes Do Not Allow Themselves To Be Used By Others.
Heroes Protect Their Personal Autonomy or ‘Free Will’
Heroes are willing to stay the course
- even if it means that somebody might punish them for it

Because the person who is stuck in the minon role is unable
to maintain their own autonomy or self-directedness
they are unable to sustain any positive change
that they have made
once pressured by a villain
to give up the ground that they’ve gained
As you can see
because of their inability or unwillingness
to say ‘NO’ to the villain
the minon role does not work as a life management style

Self-Efficacy
When Heroes recognize a threat
to the health and functioning of the happiness machine
They don’t look for someone else to take the lead
in confronting the threat because they believe in themselves
Heroes believe they can rise to the occasion
– that they can meet any challenge head on and be victorious!

Sidekicks tend to doubt themselves
and their ability to overcome challenges
For this reason, sidekicks tend to allow threats to remain
in their social environment unchallenged
This creates a constant state of emergency
In other words, the Sidekick is unable to sustain those good life
situational conditions for long because they allow threats to creep in
and launch attacks on system functioning
Obviously, for this reason,
the sidekick role does not work as a life management style

Self-Motivation
Heroes Motivate Themselves To Keep Going
Even When They Want To Give Up,
To Give In, or To Act Out.
Heroes Stay Focused on The Value
of Need-Satisfaction and Goal-Attainment

Because the Has Been is unable to maintain self-motivation in the
face of intense opposition they quit working toward their goals and
quit defending their turf from those who would destroy it.
Consequently, they are unable to sustain the good life
that they’ve built for themselves and others.
For this reason,
The ‘Has Been’ role does not work as a life management style.

So, What Do You Need To Know, If…
You find that you, or someone you care about,
is stuck in one of those other roles?

You need to know that…
Life is a journey not a destination – a heroes’ journey to be exact!
Character development is
a two-steps forward one-step back kind of process

It’s a constant swing from
Who I am 25% of the time (next stage of development)
Who I am 50% of the time (current stage of development)
Who I am 25% of the time (previous stage of development)
And the more I practice the easier it’ll be for me
To stay in the hero role more often

How do you help somebody
to move from one stage to the next?
In general, you’re going to act as a mirror for them
by asking questions that help them to reflect
on what it is that they are doing
and
By asking questions about how what they are doing is
impacting the things in their life that they value
And you’ll point out when they give you contradictory answers
(I want to be happy but I know I never will be)

By allowing them to reflect on their own choices
and on the consequences associated with those choices
you’ll create an opportunity for them
to develop intrinsic motivation
for engaging in personal development.
Don’t debate them.
Don’t send messages that threaten
rejection, loss, or punishment.
Don’t give them the answer – they’ll only hate you for it.

The Ideal Life Management Style?
If your goal is to build and protect a life success system
in which you and others can be well and do well in life,
then you’ll want to develop the six social habits of heroism.
An Internal Locus of Responsibility
Self-Sacrifice
Collaboration
Self-Directedness
Self-Efficacy
Self-Motivation

To Break Out of The Bystander Role
Take a leap of faith
Because there really isn’t any way for the Bystander
to think their way into behavior change
because it’s precisely the way they think
that is keeping them stuck
So, they’ve really got to just jump right in
and try doing something different than they usually do
– even though it’s scary!

To Break Out of The Villain Role
Give people a chance to screw you over!
Practice trusting people
who have a history of treating you well
and stop trusting people
who have a history of hurting you

To Break Out of The Minion Role
Start Loving Yourself!
Increase your own sense of self-worth
Focus on your past achievements
Create new achievements for yourself
You matter too!

How To Break Out of The Sidekick Role
Increase your knowledge and ability
to apply life management skills in real life situations
By increasing your competency in the area of life management
you’ll increase your self-confidence
Practice, Practice, Practice

How To Break Out of The ‘Has Been’ Role
Focus on the value of need-satisfaction and goal-attainment
and on what will happen
if you continue to remain on the sidelines

What do you call it when somebody slips back
into an old way of thinking and acting
– when somebody slips back into their old patterns of behavior
– their old habits?
I call it ‘Character Relapse.’

Character Relapse
Is a slide back into an old habit of imbalanced thinking and action
(Like When a Hero Slides Back Into The Villain Role)
Is To Be Expected as Part of The Journey
It’s Not a Reason To Give Up on Self or Others
Character Relapse Can Last Up to 2 – 3 Weeks
Anything Longer Than That is Most Likely a Regression - Not a Relapse
In Other Words, The Person Is Choosing To Go Back To The Way Things Were Before
Character Relapse Does Threaten The Health and Functioning of The Life Success System

Prevent Character Relapse From Happening More Often, By;
Paying Attention to When You Are
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
And By Paying Attention To When You
Encounter People, Places, and Events
That Make You Feel The Pain of Loss, Rejection, and / or Punishment.

Most Important Is This
Don’t Avoid or Dissociate From The Pain
Caused By Those Not-So-Good Experiences With Border-Bullies
Accept That Some People Will Not Want You To Succeed
At Becoming Your Best Self Or At Building Your Best Life
And Will Attempt To Destroy What You’ve Built
Within Yourself and Around Yourself.
Instead of Giving Up, Giving In, or Acting Out Get Some Hero Support!
Find The People and Places Who Support Your Efforts to Excel At Life!

Every Hero Needs Support
If you want to live, work, learn, and play in places that are conducive
to need-satisfaction and goal-attainment
(AKA Life Success)
then provide emotional and social support
to those heroic people in your life.
After all, Batman had Alfred, Bond had Q,
The Angels had Charlie, and The X-Men had Professor Xaiver.

If you can maintain your motivation
for heroic life management
then you can feel good
about having joined the ranks
of all those heroic men and women
who’ve gone on before you
throughout time and space
as ‘guardians of the good life.’

For More Information Visit:
www.theherotrainingschool.com
www.herosupportnetwork.com
Financially Support The Work I’m Doing At
https://www.patreon.com/MrHeroSupport
https://twitter.com/MrHeroSupport
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGqeiAPAJe4TD-5oSrkDFLA
https://www.facebook.com/TheHTS
E-mail shawn@theherotrainingschool.com

Thank-you!
Have a great day and a great life!

Bibliography
Bandura, A. (1999). Social Cognitive Theory: An Agentic Perspective. Asian Journal Of Social Psychology, 2(1), 21-41.
Burton, K. & Ready, R. (2010). Neuro-Linguistic Programming For Dummies. Chichester, West Sussex, England. John Wiley & Sons.
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2008). Flow: The Psychology Of Optimal Experience. New York, New York. Harper Perennial Modern Classics.
Fromm, E. (1956) The Art Of Loving. New York, New York. Harper Collins Publishers.
Irwin, T. (1999). Nicomachean Ethics. Hackett Publishing Company, Inc. Indianapolis, Indiana.
Maslow, A. (1943). A Theory Of Human Motivation. Psychological Review, Vol 50(4).
Seligman, M. (2011). Flourish. Simon & Shuster, Inc. New York, New York.
Rosenberg, M. (2003). Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life. PuddleJumper Press. Encinitas, California.
Rosenberg. M (n.d.). The Center For Non-Violent Communication. Retrieved November 14, 2013 from https://www.cnvc.org/
Williams P. & Menendex D. (2007). Becoming A Professional Life Coach. New York, New York. W.W. Norton & Company, Inc
Barton, J (n.d.). The Famous Pool Table Example. Virtue Science.com. Retrieved July 22, 2012, from
http://www.virtuescience.com/pool.html

Billington, E. (1968). Understanding Ecology: How All Living Things Affect Each Other And The World They live In. New York.
Bodhi, B. (1984). The Noble Eightfold Path: Way To The End Of Suffering. Onalaska, Washington, U.S.A. Pariyatti Publishing.
Broderick, P. & Blewitt, P. (2010). The Life Span: Human Development For Helping Professionals. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey.
Chan, W.T. (1963). A Source Book In Chinese Philosophy. Princeton, New Jersey. Princeton University Press.
Coleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships. New York, New York. Bantum.
Coleman, D. (2005). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. New York, New York. Random House, Inc.
Hawkins, D. (1995). Power Vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior. Sedona, Arizona. Veritas Publishing, Inc.
Kassin, Fein, & Markus (2008). Social Psychology. Belmont, California. Wadsworth, Cengage Learning, Inc.
Katherine, A. (1991). Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin. New York, New York. Parkside Publishing Corporation.
Langer, E. (1989). Mindfulness. Cambridge, Mass. Da Capo Press.
Schunk, D. (2012). Learning Theories: An Educational Perspective.Pearson. Boston, Mass.
Skinner, B.F. (1971). Beyond Freedom And Dignity. New York, New York. Bantum Books, Inc.
Snyder, C. R. (2002). Hope theory: Rainbows in the mind. Psychological Inquiry, 13(4), 249-275
Ryckman, R. (1989). Theories Of Personality. Belmont, California. Brooks/Cole Publishing Company.
Wilkinson, B. (2003). The Dream Giver. Sisters, Oregon, U.S.A. Multnomah Publishers.

Concentration. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/concentration
Contemplation. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/contemplation
Analysis. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/analysis
Situational Design. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/situational-design
Goal-Setting. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/goal-setting
Forecasting. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forecasting
Strategy Formation. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/strategyformation
Intentionality. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/intentionality
Mindfulness. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mindfulness
Communion. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/communion
Vulnerability. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/vulnerability
Boundaries. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/boundaries
Accountability. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/accountability
Motivation. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/motivation

Emotional Intelligence. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/emotional-intelligence
Situational Awareness. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/situational-awareness
Situational Assessment. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/situational-assessment
Situational Understanding. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/situational-understanding
Goal-Directed Action. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/goal-directedness
Social Intelligence. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/social-intelligence
Stress Management. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stress-management
Conflict Resolution. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conflict-resolution
Negotiation. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/negotiation
Delayed Gratification. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/delayed-gratification
Critical Thinking. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/critical-thinking
Depth Perception. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/depth-perception
Pattern Recognition. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pattern-recognition

Problem Recognition. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/problem-recognition
Assertive Problem-Solving. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/assertive-problem-solving
Assertive Communication. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/assertive-communication
Limit-Setting. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com.
Retrieved August, 2012, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/limit-setting

Hero Training

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

What's hot

What's hot (20)

Similar to Hero Training

Similar to Hero Training (8)

Recently uploaded

Recently uploaded (20)

Hero Training