Why the best leaders always listen first

1. WHY THE BEST LEADERS ALWAYS LISTEN
FIRST

3. His name was Jerry, and he was the best boss I've
ever had. I was working at a small startup in
Minneapolis in the 90s. Being young and hungry to
show the masses I was ready to conquer the work
world, I had somehow fallen into a role as a middle
manager reporting to a director who had the ear of
the CEO. My daily routine was to saunter over to
the corner office looking for anyone who had some
authority and engage that person in witty banter.
Most days, I found Jerry doing roughly the same
thing. This was long before the age of cell phones
being permanently affixed to our hands and ears,
so making an in-person drive-by in an office setting
made more sense than trying to find someone
using a clunky desk phone.

4. The one thing I remember about every
conversation I had with my boss at the time,
especially during these impromptu chats when I
was trying to impress the bigwigs, was that he was
an exceptional listener. In fact, his number one skill
as a leader was that he would always listen to me
first and then speak. He was obviously skilled at
this technique. By listening first, he was gathering
information. He was surveying. He was analyzing.
I hate to use a sports analogy, because some of
you just tuned out. (It's the same group of people
who watched the Super Bowl earlier this month
because of the commercials.) Yet, it's perfectly
appropriate in this case. In sports, it's always best
to listen first. It's like a coach who first watches his
team play and then determines where they need to
make changes.

5. How can any leader start by talking first and directing
people, making demands and relaying company
information, or trying to steer workers in a new
direction if he or she hasn't done some homework?
It's critical to look and listen first.
Jerry usually asked me about my team. He was
genuine about it. He wasn't just using the technique
because he was waiting to speak and waiting to tell
me what to do. He listened carefully because he
wanted to provide the best guidance possible. He'd
start with a basic question about how things were
going and if I had any issues.
It's an interesting communication strategy. We all like
to be heard. No one likes to feel as though they are
just being told something, that this is all a one-way
street, and you don't have a voice. I immediately liked
my boss from the moment he hired me (in fact, he
mostly listened to me during the interview as well).

6. And, I kept liking him in every discussion we had for
the five years after my hire date. (Sadly, knowing his
age at the time in the 90s, I am sure he is either well
advanced in years or dearly departed.)
That's what made him such a good leader. That was
the hook. By listening first, you let people share
information about their work issues and their personal
life. They like you because you are good at listening.
At the same time, you are gathering information. I'm
convinced all wisdom comes from the ability to listen
first, because you can't direct people effectively until
you know more of the information. We say a fool will
rush in, and we mean that a fool starts speaking and
acting without discernment.
Jerry was a great boss because he knew how to
listen. And, when Jerry spoke, it was always after
accumulating enough information and asking enough
questions.

7. What's your approach to leadership? Too often, I see the
leaders of small companies who talk first, act second, and
then listen as a last resort. They don't seem to realize why
that doesn't work. By speaking and acting first, they
assume they are leading a team because they are the
first to share and direct employees. There's a mistaken
belief that leadership is being the first one to come up
with the solution. In my experience, the best leader in a
company is often the last person to come up with a
solution, because the best decisions come after getting all
of the facts straight. This is the classic "quiet leader" who
sits in the back of the room and waits to reveal the real
course of action, the one people will actually follow. In
many ways, I miss Jerry because he was so full of good
advice. I've striven to model that example of listening
intently and being slow to share my advice.
Who is your favorite boss? If you have some good
examples of what made that boss so exceptional, share
them in comments or on my Twitter feed.

8. THANK YOU