Memorandum Example

1. 1
Memorandum
To: ProfessorThompson
From: Nikki Imanaka
Date: September4,2017
Subject: Deliverable 1
Here is the prose style analysisyourequestedonanoldpiece of writingIdid inhighschool. Itis a letter
writtentothe future classtreasurer. Includedin thismemoare myfindings addressingthe three major
concepts:to be concise,tobe precise,andtobe direct.
BeingConcise:
To be concise meansthateverywordina sentence isneededandthe purpose forwritingthemismet.
UnnecessaryWords.I foundthat mywritingwasweakinthisarea. I use a lot of unnecessary
wordsto make my sentencesmore dramatic.
 “I joinedbecause myfriendswere joining too.”
 “…you will mostlikelybe unsuccessful.”
 “…you mustbe especially carefulwhendealingwith…”
 “…be as neatas youpossiblycan.”
It isobviousthatmy friends were joininginadditiontomyself sothe “too”isunnecessary.Inthe
second andthird examples,Icandelete “most”and “especially”withouttakingawayfromthe
meaningof the sentences.Inthe thirdexample,Icanreplace the sectionwith“be neat.”
Level of Specifics& Detail. I foundthat I did well presentingagoodamountof detail formy
audience.Forexample,whenIpresentedacharacteristic, Ithendescribeditwithmore detailto
make sure that the studentI was writingtoknew whatI was talkingabout:
 “…must be detail-oriented. Whenyou doyourwork,get itcheckedbyanyone and
everyone tomake sure thatit containszeromistakes.
 “…you will be dependingoncommittee memberstohelpyougetyourworkdone.”
In the firstexample,Iwantedmyaudiencetoknow the level of “detail-oriented”thatIwas
talkingabout. Inthe secondexample, Iwasexplainingwhyreliable friendswouldbe important.
If I hadjustsaid that reliablefriendsare important,the future treasurerwouldn’thave known
whyit wasimportantand whateffectitwouldhave onthem.
BeingPrecise:
To be precise meansthattechnical terminologyisusedwhenappropriate tothe audience’sknowledge.
Use of Jargon. I was writingtothe future classtreasurerof my highschool,sothere was no
jargonto be used,andI didn’tuse anyjargonfrom anyotherfieldof studyto confuse the reader
.
 “…whendealingwiththe treasurybook”

2. 2
Thisis the onlyexample of atermthat may notbe understoodbyeveryone,butthe future class
treasurerwouldbe expectedtoknow or wouldhave a good ideaof whata treasurybookis.
BeingDirect:
To be directmeanstobe straightforward.
Strong Nouns and Verbs. I was decentaboutusingstrongnouns and verbsforthe most part,
but I founda fewweaktobe verbs. I realizedthatIusedthe verb“make” inhalf of my
sentences.
 “The firstreasonI joined was…”
 “…make reliable friends.”
 “…make everythinglegible.”
 “…make sure it containszeromistakes.”
 “…make it easiertofind.”
Some of the sentencesare fine but Icouldhave replaced some of my“make”phrases with
“write legibly”, “doublecheckcalculations”,“know whoyoucanrelyon”, and“organize your
work”,to reduce the repetition.Thisalsomakesmywritingmore straightforwardbecause the
verbs‘check’,‘write’,‘know’,and‘organize’are more descriptive than‘make sure’or‘make it
easier.’
Use of Mostly Active Voice. Active voice meansthe subjectof asentence isdoingthe action.My
writingwasstrongin thisaspectbecause I usedactive voice toexplainwhatIdidand whatthe
future treasurershoulddo.
 “I became…”
 “I joined…”
 “I thought…”
 “I hope…”
 “…take yourtime and…”
Since I wasthe main subjectof the sentences,Iusedactive voice bystartingmysentenceswith
“I.” The last example showsa sentence where myaudience wasthe subject.Iused“take your
time”insteadof a passive voice whichcouldhave soundedlike “extratime mustbe takento…”
Topic Position.The beginningof asentence orparagraph setsupthe topic.I useda topic
sentence foreachparagraphof my writingpiece. Ifoundthatmywritingwasstrongin this
conceptarea.
 “I became classtreasurerfora couple of reasons.”
 “If youwant tobe successful inLeadershipaswell asyourrole as JuniorClassTreasurer,
youshould knowa fewthings.
The firstexample isthe firstsentence of aparagraphwhere IexplainedwhyI chose tobecome
the class treasurera yearago. The secondexample isthe firstsentence of aparagraph where I
gave the future treasurertipsonhow to be successful basedonmyexperiences.

3. 3
Stress Position.The stressof a sentence orparagraphshouldbe at the end.It iswhere readers
lookforthe mainpointthe writeristryingto make.I foundthat I didwell puttingstressesatthe
endof mysentences andparagraphs.
 “The firstreasonI joinedwasbecause Ireallywantedthe experience of beingaleader
and the opportunitytohelpmyclass.”
 There are alsomanypeople whowill be gladtoassistyouif youare everstruggling,so
do notbe afraidto ask.”
The firstexample isasentence where Iputthe stresson beingaleaderandhavingan
opportunitytohelp.The secondexample isasentence thatIput at the endingof a paragraph. It
was a goodway to sumup and remindmyaudience thatthere are people whocanhelpthemso
theydo notneedto be intimidatedbythe responsibilitiesof the position.
Noticeable errors:
Noticeable errorsrefertothe general grammarand spellingerrorsinthe writing.
I didnot findanynoticeable errorsinmywriting.
Conclusion:
One of the biggestweaknessesinthiswritingwasmyuse of unnecessarywords.Ididn’trealizethatI
was fillingmysentenceswithwordsthatdidn’taddmuchmeaning.Iuseda lotof wordsto make
somethingsoundmore dramatic.Isee now thatthis isfine forcertainkindsof writing,butwith
professionalwritingthere isnoneedforthistype of dramatizing.The readerjustwantstoknow what I
am tryingto communicate tothem.Theydon’twantto read extrawords.
In the future,if Ireallyneedtostressa pointaboutsomethingIshouldjustwrite anothersentence that
explainswhyitisveryimportant ratherthanadd unnecessarywords. IthinkIam now more attunedto
writingforthoughtful anddirectcommunication.