3. Listen First, Talk Second
Why is this the key to communication?
It is a deep need of people to be understood.
You can learn this simple habit-to see things from
another’s point of view before sharing your own- a
whole new world of understanding will be opened up to
you.
4. Five Poor Listening Skills
Spacing Out
Pretend Listening
Selective Listening
Word Listening
Self-centered Listening
5. Spacing out
Your mind is in another place and you are caught up in
your own thoughts
When someone is talking to us but we ignore them
because our mind is wandering off in another galaxy.
6. Pretend listening
This is more common
When we aren’t paying attention but we pretend we are by making
insightful comments
Such as yeah,cool,sound great.
The speaker usually figures it out quickly and feels that they are not
important enough o be listened to
7. Selective Listening
You only listen to the part of the conversation that
interests you
A key word will catch your interest and then you may
change the conversation to something you want to talk
about with that word in it.
8. Word Listening
We actually pay attention, but only listen to the words
and not the body language or the emotions that are
behind the words.
You don’t seem to be on the same page as the speaker
9. Self-centered Listening
We listen from our own point of view. Instead of
listening in the other people’s shoes, we want them in
our shoes
Often say things like –I know exactly how you feel
Or You think that your day was bad, you should hear
about my day
10. Judging
Sometimes,as we listen to others, we make judgments
about them and what they’re saying.
If you are judging people, how will you have a time to
listen?
11. Advising
“this is when we give drawn from our own experience”
Instead of listening of what being said, you think about
your own personal experience and give advice based on
that.
12. Probing
“probing occurs when you try to dig up emotions before
people are ready to share them”
Parents probe teenagers all the time.
People feel like they are being interrogated.
13. Genuine Listening
Three ways to be a genuine listener
First, listen with your eyes, heart, and ears
Second, stand in their shoes
Third, practice mirroring
14. Listen with your eyes, heart and ears.
7% of communication is contained in words,53% is body
language ,40% is tone of voice
For example, you can change the meaning of a sentence
just by emaphasizing different words:
I didn’t say you had an attitude problem.
I didn’t say YOU have an attitude problem.
15. STAND IN THEIR SHOES
Many people look at conversation as a competition, its
my point of view vs. your’s.
Put your’s aside and listen to what they had to say.
16. Practice mirroring
Think like a mirror
What does a do? It doesn’t judge, it doesn’t give advice,
it reflects
Repeat back what the other person is saying and
feeling.
17. Communicating with parents
If you want to improve your relationship with your
parents, try listening to them.
Parents have problem too, worrying about their jobs,
how they will pay for your braces, unfulfilled dreams.
They laugh, cry, get their feelings hurt, and don’t
always have it together, just like you and me.
18. Parents
What would my parents consider a deposit?
Jump in their shoes and think about it from their point of
view
Doing dishes
Taking out the garbage
Get home on time
19. Then Seek to be Understood
Summary
take the time to really listen to people.
Make sure that you are letting them say what they need to say, and
then you speak.
Make sure that you are willing to listen to everyone that you talk to,
this includes friends, parents, other etc.
When you really listen to what people are saying, you can better
understand what is being said.