2. In the beginning, states Brihadaranyaka
Upanishad, this universe was nothing but the
self in the form of a man. He looked around and
saw that there was nothing but himself,
whereupon his first shout was, “It is I!” whence
the concept “I” arose. Then he was afraid. (That
is why anyone alone is afraid.)
3. But he considered: “Since there is no one here but
myself, what is there to fear?” Whereupon the fear
departed. However, he still lacked delight and
desired a second. Thus first came ‘fear’ and then
‘desire’. This ‘desire’ drove him out to seek
relationships.
4. Men are social beings. They crave to live in
groups. It is their natural propensity to aggregate
and lead life collectively. Way back in 51 BC, Cicero
argued that men/women by nature are good and
cooperative.
It is by virtue of their social instinct that they tend
to come together and work in democratic
associations. We all spend a great deal of time
interacting with people. Life is simply
inconceivable without relationships.
5. However, interactions with certain people are
perceived as enjoyable while with some others as
unpleasant. Those relations that are found to be
enjoyable are nurtured for long, while others are
abandoned half-way.
A better understanding about our impact on
others and of the impact of others on us will
certainly enhance the scope for good relations.
This ability to perceive the dynamics behind
interpersonal relations and making use of them
for structuring good relations is termed as
‘interpersonal competency’.
6. ‘Interpersonal competency’ enables us to achieve
our personal goals as well as team goals for it
enables us to build meaningful relations with the
people with whom we work. It generates
cooperation and collaboration.
Similarly, an interpersonally competent manager
creates a congenial atmosphere at workplace.
This, in turn, encourages members to freely air
their feelings, doubts, and even question others’
wisdom. Such a healthy atmosphere builds
harmony among the members leading to high
productivity.
7. The development of ‘interpersonal competence’
starts with the knowing of “oneself” more
accurately. ‘Self-concept’ addresses the question,
‘who am I’. A strong self-concept is essential for
healthy and satisfying interaction.
Every one of us has several selves—as a son, a
husband, a father, an officer, an executive, and so
forth. Situations and roles may change but it is the
people’s beliefs about themselves that ultimately
determine their interaction with others.
8. An individual’s self-concept is a reflection of the
individual’s past experiences with other persons.
These reflections distinguish him/her from the rest
and once formulated, tend to resist change. This
resistance to change affords stability leading to
consistency in his/her relations with others.
9. Interpersonal Needs
We need each other basically for three reasons:
one, inclusion—the need for interaction and
association; two, control—the need for control
and power over others; and three, affection—
the need for love and affection.
10. When we compare these interpersonal needs with
‘self-concept’, we find that people with ‘inclusion
need’ feel that their self is significant and
worthwhile; people with the need for ‘control’
perceive themselves as competent and
responsible and people with ‘affection-need’ think
of themselves as lovable.
11. Interpersonal Orientation
People vary greatly in how they relate to
and influence others. They differ in the
manner in which they react to emotional
stimuli.
12. The manner in which a person reacts to the
emotional content of group interaction is what
determines his/her individual style.
There are three basic types of interpersonal
orientations: one, the tough battler, who bullies
down others; two, the friendly helper, who rejects
aggression and offers warmth; and three, the
objective thinker, who reacts at mind to mind
level.
13. How ‘Relationships’ Develop
Normally, people choose to interact with those
with whom they can readily establish a
harmonious relationship.
For example, Dakshayani, who thinks herself
intelligent, prefers to relate with all those who
appreciate her intelligence. In other words,
people, to a great extent, prefer to interact with
those who are perceived as confirming their ‘self-
concept’.
14. Common tastes, values, etc., are likely to bring two
people together into relationship more quickly.
Mostly, it is the reinforcement of ‘self-concept’
that defines relations between two individuals.
In other words, what fostering and nurturing of
relationships between two individuals calls for is
reinforcement of the other’s ‘self-concept’.
15. Formation of successful working
relationships takes time. It is a pretty
long arduous process. Usually, its
development takes the following
sequence:
16. Forming First Impressions:
First impressions, though often inaccurate, are
lasting impressions. They are lasting because
they influence our way of looking at the data
emanating from the person subsequently.
17. Developing Mutual Expectations:
When people are mutually impressed, they tend to
enter into a long-term relationship. These
relationships create certain expectations about each
other. For instance, when a new employee joins an
organization, the manager expects him/her to be
productive, loyal etc., while the employee expects
the manager to be fair and considerate to him/her.
Ultimately, a set of mutual expectations that were
found working well and tested, assumes the status
of a ‘psychological-contract’ and governs
subsequent relations.
18. Honoring ‘Psychological-Contracts’:
An effective interpersonal or work relationship
develops only when the participants honor their
psychological contracts. Each party to the
contract expects the other to be faithful in the
relationship. He/she expects the other not to take
arbitrary action and be honest with him/her.
19. When it comes to workplaces, one study
revealed that executives expect three things
from their colleagues for maintaining healthy
relationships: reliable character, professional
competence and sound judgment.
So, it is essential to know what the other party in
the relation is expecting and ensure that those
mutual commitments are honored so that
healthy relations can be maintained over a long
period.
20. Developing Trust and Influence:
Fairly satisfying psychological contracts tend to
increase the levels of trust and confidence
between the parties. Such increased levels of
influence enhance each party’s ability to shape
the behavior and thinking of the other and the
relationship thus lasts longer.
21. How to Develop Interpersonal Skills
The quality of relationships between two
individuals is largely dependent on the way the
parties relate to each other.
Again, how they relate to each other depends on
their own personalities. Some people have greater
necessity to maintain close relationships, while
some others remain passive.
22. To know how we are revealing our ‘self’ to
others, how we are initiating relations, and what
are the skills used to nurture the relations by
seeking feedback from others, we can use a
schematic model known as Johari Window. It is
also known as a ‘disclosure/feedback model of
self awareness’.
23. The central feature of the ‘Johari window’ is the
reduction of the individual’s hidden behavior
through self disclosure and reduction of the ‘blind
behavior’ through feedback from others.
An individual, who ever wants to be productive in
the organizational context or in the context of
one’s life needs to reveal himself; acquire, in turn,
insights into ‘self’ through feedback and work
towards increasing the ‘arena’ and build on that
platform excellent human network.
24. Johari Window, as a tool is known to help
individuals to know about their ‘self’, and how it is
being perceived by others, paving the way for
better interpersonal understanding and sound
relations. The central point emerging out of Johari
Window is that one should reveal oneself so that
one can get feedback from the group members
about one’s personality to work towards better
relations.
This, in turn, facilitates enlargement of open arena
reducing the hidden or the unknown self. Such
transparency makes one sensitive to interpersonal
requirements which eventually lead to happy
relations.
25.
26. Tamas is the quality of inertia, or in man, the state of
stupor. It aims at the satisfaction of the senses. Its
end is pleasure. Its character is ignorance... Rajas is
the emotional energy exciting desires. It makes man
restless and long for power; when subdued, it has its
gentle side of affection, pity and love… Sattva is the
intelligent side of man. It promotes stability of
character and fosters goodness. It alone is
competent to guide men right. Its virtue is practical
wisdom; its end is performance of duty. No man is
devoid of these qualities.
— Radhakrishnan (1923)
27. The Indian monistic and dualistic metaphysical
theories talk about the mental processes that we
human beings undergo in relation to material
objects of the phenomenal world under the
concept—“Triguna” that constitutes three gunas
namely ‘sattva’, ‘rajas’ and ‘tamas’.
The word guna means “quality” and “constituent”;
the three gunas are considered to be the basic
building blocks of human nature.
28. From a psychological perspective, they are
considered the three fundamental components
of the human mind, “exhibiting themselves at
different levels of consciousness”. They are not
fixed states of mind but are said to be
continuously interchanging.
As a result, the predominance of a particular
guna at a given point of time is said to influence
the temperament and personality characteristics
of individuals. They are also said to be
influencing the perceptions and cognitions of
individuals.
29. The predominance of sattva over the other two
gunas indicates love for wisdom, spiritual
excellence and other such noble qualities one
craves to cultivate. People of sattvic nature are
known to be productive, exhibiting realistic and
appropriate perceptions.
Sattva guna exhibits no egoism while encouraging
genuine behavior, ethical standards, expression of
inner calm and tranquility and evenness of
temperament.
30. The predominance of rajas in an individual indicates
activity, passions, emotions and desires.
The third guna, tamas, indicates ignorance,
idleness, errors in cognition and delusions. The
dominance of rajas or tamas is said to build up
pathogenic conditions around the people who are
endowed with such gunas.
31. It is generally accepted among the Indian
philosophers that the predominance of rajas and
tamas could lead to psychological disturbances in
an individual, whereas a predominance of sattva
guna in a person would lead to positive mental
health and positive functioning.
Sattva guna is often related to the person’s
broader awareness of the self and the world. And
thus, a man of sattva guna is said to be marching
towards self-realization.
32. In a nutshell, the triguna doctrine of Indian
philosophy ordains one to cultivate the sattva
guna that promotes self-awareness and, in turn,
tranquility of mind as it alone makes one very
productive to oneself and to the society at large.
33. In today’s economy, organizations are more inclined
towards team-based working to improve
productivity. In that context, people endowed with
a sound interpersonal competency are likely to
succeed in fostering healthy relationships. In
interpersonal relations what matters most is not
others but the ‘self’.
It is the ‘self’ in terms of ‘what it is’; ‘what are its
needs’; ‘what is its orientation towards interpersonal
relations’, which defines the kind of relations that
one strikes and nurtures. To know the self there are
two ways: one, honest introspection, and two,
seeking feedback from others.
34. The Indian doctrine of Triguna states that by
practicing sattva guna one can lead a very
open and pure life. By virtue of practicing
sattva guna one is left with nothing to keep
as a secret from others. This automatically
generates trust, reinforcing faith in the
relationships.
35. Coming together is a beginning
Keeping together is progress
Working together is success
—Henry Ford
