1. HOW TO WRITE
IN A
PERSUASIVE
AND CONCISE
WAY
Saigon, July 30, 2022
Tôn Nữ Tường Vy
2. 1. Steps to write an essay
Planning Drafting Editing
Brainstorming
Outlining
3. 2. How to make your essay persuasive?
• STAR model (Situation, Task, Action, Result)
• - + - then your needs (Because you still need something to develop
further (that their academic program offers), it is the right time for you to study now)
• Storytelling
4. Exercise: Edit the sentences
https://jamboard.google.com/d/1KLiIoNuXeLX6ZMl1qJ7S9g-
iyZEWUKl5cJrDDWH9LN8/edit?usp=sharing
5. 3. How to make your essay concise?
Remove redundant pairs
First and foremost, full and complete, each and every, hopes and dreams, whole
entire, true and accurate, always and forever
Example: For each and every book you purchase, you will receive a free bookmark.
Revision: For every book you purchase, you will receive a free bookmark.
6. Remove unnecessary qualifiers
actually, really, basically, probably, very, definitely, somewhat, kind of, extremely,
practically.
Example: Because a great many of the words in this sentence are basically unnecessary, it
would really be a very good idea to edit somewhat for conciseness.
Revision: Because many words in this sentence are unnecessary, we should edit it.
7. Simplify prepositional phrases
Overuse of prepositional phrases (which begin with words like “in,” “for,” “at,”
“on,” “through,” and “over”) can make a sentence clunky and unclear.
Example: The reason for the failure of the basketball team of the X University in the
Final Four game against the team from Y was that on that day and at that time, some
players were frequently unable to rebound the ball.
Revision: X’s basketball team lost the Final Four game against Y because it could not
consistently rebound the ball.
8. Remove unnecessary modifiers
The meaning of a word or phrase implies its modifier, making the
modifier unnecessary.
Example: Do not try to anticipate in advance those events that will completely
revolutionize society.
Revision: Do not try to anticipate revolutionary events.
9. Phrases -> words
“The reason for”, “due to the fact that”, “in light of the fact that”, “given the fact
that”, and “considering the fact that” can be replaced with “because”, “since”,
or “why”.
Example: In the event that going out for the purpose of eating with them cannot be
avoided, it is necessary that we first go to the ATM, in light of the fact that I am out of
cash.
Revision: If we must go out to eat with them, we should first go to the ATM because I
am out of cash.
10. Negatives -> Affirmatives
Avoid negative, negative of negative, complicated types of “if”, “wish”. Avoid general
words. Use simple structure and words. Give more details which are relevant and
strong.
Example: If I had not done that, I would not have been as myself today.
Revision: Because of the 2-year job with Teach for Vietnam, I have more passion for
education.
11. Passive voice -> Active voice
Example: Lương Văn Can scholarship was awarded to me when I was at the second
year of university.
Revision: I received Lương Văn Can scholarship when I was a sophomore for my
project of “X”.
12. 4. Important notes when editing your draft
• Understand correctly the prompt/ essay requirements
• Stick to your main ideas: Always ask “Is it related/ supporting to the thesis statement/
topic sentence?” for every sentence.
• Sentence -> phrase; Phrase -> word
• Show, not tell. But show one strong and detailed example is better than many.
• Don’t “lậm” IELTS writing for its long and cao siêu ways of writing. The readers will be
distracted and frustrated about them and lose focus on your points. Keep it SIMPLE and
STRONG: Ask “What quality of me that this detail is showing?”
• Don’t assume the readers are in your field to understand all the abbreviations,
terminologies or issues. Ask someone who is not in the field to check whether it is easy
to understand.
13. Avoid run-on sentences:
• Find sentences longer than 2 lines, more than 2 clauses
• Find sentence structures, find linking words/ conjunctions (read to know
what they are here)
• Find important words, ideas to keep
• Find repeated/ irrelevant/ not so important ones to remove or change
• Paraphrase: Shorten the sentence, or split them into 2 sentences. 5 steps:
Only include the information that is relevant to our argument (paraphrase is shorter than the
original)
Retain key terms because changing them could change the meaning
Try presenting information in a different order
Choose: keep the structure but with a shorter, simpler clause, OR change the whole structure
