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Developing Positive Self-Talk for Confidence and Self Esteem
1. Innovations in Behavioral Healthcare
http://foundationsevents.com/counselortoolbox
Meetup Thursday June 20th at 6pm at Merridee's
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2. Building Positive Self
Talk for Confidence and
Self-Esteem
Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Executive Director: AllCEUs Counselor Education
Host: Counselor Toolbox Podcast
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3. Objectives
Identify the function of negative self talk
Explain the benefits of positive self talk
Describe 15 methods for teaching positive self
talk to people of all ages
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4. Function of Negative Self Talk
Protection from threats and failure
I can’t do this.
I’m not smart enough to…
I cannot find a decent partner
Nobody wants to be my friend
I am ugly
I could lost my job at any moment
Attention (See UFD…)
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5. Ugly, Fat and Dumb
The ugly, fat, and dumb game is a method of attaining attention by the
individual in any given group whom needs the most attention (not
necessarily the individual with the lowest self-esteem).
An individual draws attention to their own (perceived or real) flaws in
order to get others to announce their own in an attempt to make the
first person feel better and subsequently, lowering their own self-esteem
For example:
While eating dinner, Sally announces her weight to the table and calls herself fat
causing all the other girls at the table (who nearly all clearly weigh more) to
announce their weight in an attempt to make Sally feel better about herself.
If someone at the table isn’t of lower weight, they find another deprecating thing
to say about themselves– “But you are so pretty. I would kill to have your hair.
Mine is like a rats nest.”
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6. Benefits of Positive Self Talk
Reduced cortisol and HPA-Axis activation
Reduced pain
Improved physical health (Less stress-related
disease)
Increased energy
Greater life satisfaction
Improved immunity
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7. Unconditional Positive Regard
From attachment figures who teach positive talk
From self
Encourage the use of the phrase
“I love you even…”
Even when you make mistakes
Even when you forget
Even when you are having a bad hair day
Even when you get angry
Even when you are sad
Even when you lose/fail
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8. Self Awareness
Who you are
I have the ability to… (things you do)
Explore…try new things (climb trees, cook, crochet,
draw…)
I am… (inner qualities)
Creative, kind, compassionate, curious, a good listener…
Keep a daily journal or account of your successes, good
qualities and accomplishments (What you did right)
What you say to yourself
Journaling with restatements
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9. Mantras
Don’t wait until you are stressed. Practice positive self
talk throughout the day—Every day (Positive Thinking Apps)
Mantras
I am capable.
I am lovable.
Today is going to be an awesome day.
I choose to be present in all that I do.
I feel energetic and alive.
I can achieve my goals.
I love challenges and what I learn from overcoming them.
I’ve got this
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10. Visualization
Visualization helps people’s brains “see” how they can
succeed (or fail)
Negative self talk “teaches” the brain that negative things
will happen which increases anxiety and distress, reduces
concentration and increases a sense of helplessness.
Positive self-talk helps people’s brains “see” that
Success is possible
Happiness is possible
The person has power
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12. Visualization
Visualizations combined with desensitization help
reduce anxiety and distress around…
Public speaking
Tryouts or job interviews
Driving
Starting a new school/job
Taking a test
…
Have people watch others who are successful
and/or role play then use that data to visualize.
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13. Environments
Surround yourself with positivity
Parents model positivity
Listen to positive songs
Have family members bring a positive quote or song (lyrics) with
them to dinner once a week and put it on the fridge.
Give yourself a pep talk every morning.
Keep a success wall/scrapbook
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• Jimmy Eat World – The Middle
• High Hopes – Frank Sinatra (Rubber
Tree Plant)
• High Hopes- Panic! at the Disco
• Indestructible – Disturbed
• Undefeated – Skillet
• I am Woman – MC Lyte
• Me, Shake It Off –Taylor Swift
• I Love Me –Meghan Trainor
• I’m Alright- Jo Dee Messina
• Stronger –Britney Spears
• Flares –The Script
• Light Behind Your Eyes-My Chemical
Romance
Empowering-songs-
to-help-you-through-
a-breakup
Songs-to-help-you-
through-anxiety-
depression
14. Personalizing
When you take things personally you are often
assuming you have control over how other people feel
or react or the way things happen.
Sally didn’t text me today. She must be mad at me.
I didn’t get that job/role/position they must have hated me.
I don’t know what I did, but Dad was in an awful mood all
day today.
Encourage people to
Look for 3 alternate (nonpersonal) explanations
Examine the facts. Did it have anything to do with you?
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15. Catastrophizing
Expecting the worst
Encourage people to
Evaluate probability
Make a plan B
Examples
If I ask him out, he will laugh in my face
I am sure I am going to bomb that audition/try out
There is no way I can win this election/promotion
Any day now I could lose my job then be homeless
I have a pain in my side, so it must be cancer
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16. Magnification
Focusing on the negative aspects of an event
Change the negative to a neutral, a positive or a challenge
I can’t run today because I sprained my ankle
I guess I get a recovery day since my ankle is sprained
What else could I do for cardio that doesn’t put weight on my
ankle
Jake said no when I asked him out. I am mortified
I can ask someone else out
He will never know what he is missing out on. I have a lot to
offer.
I didn’t get that job
There are better things in store for me
There is probably a different job that is a better fit
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17. Self-Other Comparisons
Coming to the understanding that it is likely there
will always be someone out there better than you
at some things is vital to mental health
Focus on being the best person you can be that
day, and better than the day before.
What do you do well?
What did you do well yesterday?
What could you do better on today?
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18. Global Statements
Global negative statements generally start with
I am…
I must…
Focus on your language.
How different does it feel to say
“I am stupid” vs. “I am stupid at math.”
“I am ugly” vs. “I look bad in this outfit”
“I am useless” vs. “I am not sure how I contribute to this
situation”
“I must be the best” vs. “I must be the best that I can
be”
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19. Locus of Control
Too internal means you try to control EVERYTHING
Identify parts of the situation you did NOT have control
over
I should be able to achieve anything I try to do
It is my fault that my mother got sick
To external means you feel you have NO control
Identify parts of the situation you had control over
I only did well because of luck
It was bad luck that I fumbled the pass
Just my luck the teacher collected homework today
I got demoted because my boss has it in for me
Instead of saying I can’t, say I won’t or I choose not to.
Focus on the present and improving the next moment
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20. Minimization of the Positive
Too often people focus on what went
wrong or what they don’t have.
(evaluations, money, relationships)
Encourage people to
Spend 10 minutes each day focusing on
what went right
Find the silver lining in the bad
Remember all the other things that are
okay, even when one thing goes awry.
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21. All or Nothing Thinking
These self statements usually contain the words
always, never, every, nobody, etc.
Encourage people to
Look for exceptions and what is different
I will never be happy again
I am always depressed
Find ways to remedy the issue
Nobody ever calls me to go out on the weekend
I never can seem to lose weight
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22. Emotional Reasoning
I feel scared to give a speech, therefore it must be
something scary.
I am scared to start driving, so it must be dangerous.
I am angry that people are always mean and rude.
Encourage people to
Find 3 alternate explanations
Evaluate the facts of the situation
Check for all or nothing thinking
See if they are confusing high and low probability events
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23. For Kids
Put positive notes in their coats,
lunch boxes etc.
Give them kudos (or even stars)
for being the best that they can
be.
Keep a good things jar for each
person in the family. Each time
they do something well or helpful
they get to put a penny in the jar.
Reinforces that even if they do not
succeed, if they did the best that
they could do there will be benefits
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24. Summary
Positive self talk helps you feel empowered and good
about being the best you that you can be.
Feelings of empowerment reduce feelings of helplessness
and hopelessness and can protect against depression,
anxiety and a host of stress related illnesses.
Positive self-talk does not mean ignoring the negative it
means
Embracing the good with the bad
Learning to evaluate situations objectively
Seeing failure (or the potential for failure) as a learning
opportunity
Fully recognizing your strengths and capabilities
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