6. BENEFITS OF ETIQUETTES AND MANNERISM
> Image building
> Reflect upbringing
> Makes respectable in society
> Increases success rate
> Rewarding relationship
> Earns consideration
> Conflict management
> leading a very successful , peaceful and professional life.
7. DRESS CODE:- lounge suit or DJ.
never in sport jacket etc. hats,
gloves, over coats, sticks, shawls,
umbrellas should not be taken in
officers mess (also when) calling
on. In uniform according to
authorisation.
WATCHES:- to be worn on the left
wrist and should not be sporty or
whacky.
8. ATTITUDE TOWARDS LADIES:- Take due care of the
pleasure and comfort of ladies in mess (and in general also).
Do not remain seated in presence of a lady standing for want
of a seat.
Offer seat to adult women. Hand shake should be gentle and
brief.
Smoke and drink only when she approves.
Avoid obscene body action , abusive and vulgar speech.
Don’t Discuss any private/ personal affairs or a topic she find
lucid .
Every action should be accompanied by polite smile.
9. Both social and official.
Aim is that get to know each other
and develop a good understanding.
First duty of officer on reporting.
10. Done on first day.
Dress code: ceremonial
Call on seniors as well as juniors.
Only official conversation.
Not more than 15-20 minutes.
May use visiting cards before entering into
other offices/dept.
11. ONLY AFTER OFFICIAL CALL-ON.
AIM IS TO PAY REGARDS TO LADYWIVES AND THAT
FAMILY GETS AQUAINTED.
REQUEST FOR SOCIAL CALL ON IS MADE WITH THE
LADYWIVES.
DRESS CODE: LOUNGE SUIT OR FORMAL CIVIES
GENERALLY IN THE EVENING UNLESS TOLD OTHERWISE
12. Calling-on on Sundays & holiday should be
avoided.
In between you may ask if you are keeping
them away from any engagement.
Calls should be return in person answerly as
possible.
Junior officer should call on first.
13. ON TALK :-
Do:
1. interests the other’s fellow and let him talk
about it.
2. Be a good listener.
3. Take your time when talking.
4. Introduce yourself when necessary.
5. Watch your language. Beware of swearing –
and old slang.
14. Don’t:
1. “Hog” the conversation.
2. Talk about yourself exclusively.
3. Interrupt or spoil anyone’s story.
4. Try to be too clever.
5. Talk about unpleasant things.
6. Gossip about anyone.
15. Do not remove your cap unless told to do so.
Do not go outside without head gear.
Do not sit unless asked to do so.
Do not keep cap or any other item on the table of senior
officer.
When a senior officer enters or leave office of a junior,
latter should rise from his chair.
When a senior officer is present a junior does not salute.
16. While sitting with senior officer, do not get up for an
officer senior to you.
Junior walks on left side.
Greetings are not exchanged in toilets.
Avoid loud, noisy greetings.
Do not smile while saluting.
Do not salute in half-hearted way.
Remove your cap before entering mess or lounge.
When salute with right hand is not possible due to
physical incapacity, salute with left hand.
17. Office/residence without permission.
On dining table
In public when in uniform.
While walking in open.
In conferences, classrooms.
On parades except break.
In lady’s company without her permission.
Use ash tray for Cigarette butts.
18. Permission of the President, Mess
Committee before you invite a guest to a
mess function.
Receive your guests on arrival , introduce
them to the chief host and to as many other
officers.
Guide your guest about mess manners and
etiquette.
19. GENERAL
Not expected to drink in public.
Even if you drink in private, you are
expected to do so in modernization.
If you are a teetotaler, do not refuse
invitation to cocktail parties only on that
account.
Never press alcoholic drinks to those
who do not drink.
20. At large parties, it is not necessary to take
leave of everyone present individually. It is
enough to take leave of the person with
whom you may be sitting or talking and of
the host and the hostess.
Leave taking should be brief. Do not give the
impression of a VIP departure.
21. DO’s AND DON’Ts : OFFICE
A) DO’S
i. Do make your motto “ Do it now” and stick to
it at all times.
ii. Do everything you do, thoroughly. Check
back the task or action in case of doubt
iii. Do be very punctilious about saluting and
salute smartly AT ALL TIMES.
iv. Do be ‘straight’ and call a ‘spade’ a ‘spade’.
22. v. Do respect everything that is regimental. See
that no unauthorized person uses your
regimental notepaper or wears your tie or
makes use of any such regimental thing.
vi. Do keep your ‘family’ i.e. regimental troubles
to yourself. Don’t wash dirty linen in public.
vii. Do own up your mistakes before you are found
out.
viii.Do go to your Commandant or Second- in-
Command or to your Adjutant when you are in
trouble, of any description, and tell them all
about it. They will save you many
embarrassments in life, if you do it at the very
first instance.
23. xi. Do realise that as officers and gentlemen
you belong to a class whose word is trusted.
It is a heritage you should be proud of.
xii. Do take an active part in games, especially in
those, which the men of your unit play.
xiii. Do stick to the customs of the service and of
your unit, no matter how trivial such
customs may appear to you. They help to
maintain the espirit- de- corps so essentially
to keep up the good name, the tradition and
the efficiency of your unit.
xiv. Be punctual.
24. xv. An officer visit the eating places in civil
areas, which are commensurate with
his status, and does not buy things
from roadside while in uniform.
xvi. Be a good influence on other officers in
respect of sober habits yet is socially an
effective member of the team.
xvii. Your room should be neat and tidy as
becoming of a dignified officer and
gentleman and not a zoo.
25. xv. You must converse with ladies in a get
together without being forced to.
xvi. Control your temper, drinking habits and
finances.
xvii. Be straight forward and upright at all times.
Honesty and integrity are the greatest
virtues.
xviii. Inculcate the habit of reading.
xix. You must have hobbies to pass spare time
fruitfully.
xx. Obey Mess rules and avoid disorderly
behaviour.
26. B) DON’TS
i. Don’t allow or practice sycophancy.
ii. Don’t accept hospitality that you cannot
return.
iii. Don’t praise senior on their face and talk ill
of any behind his back.
iv. Don’t make statements unless you are sure
of the facts and figures.
v. Don’t talk in a loud voice- it is a bad form to
do so.
27. vi. Don’t be too dressy, but do be smart in your
turn out at all times.
vii. Don’t ever contradict your senior officer. If
you disagrees with their views, merely say “
Hope you won’t think I am contradicting you,
but I feel etc, etc.”
viii. Don’t be snobbish or conceited- it is bad
manners and it does not do any good in life –
you will merely become unpopular with your
brother officers and others in the station.
ix. Don’t brag of what you can do at games and
at your work; let the others find out for
themselves what you are really worth.
28. x. Don’t ever sign any document, official or
otherwise, without first reading it from top to
bottom. You might be badly let down by
your clerks if you don’t read it.
xi. Don’t grouse that you have too much work
to do in your unit. Grousing is a sure sign of
slackness and slackers are not wanted in the
SSB.
xii. Don’t give your opinion unless you are sure
of facts.
xiii. Don’t for goodness sake talk ‘ shop’ in the
mess or at private parties.
29. xxiii. Don’t make personal jokes- some take
them well but a lot take them ill.
xxiv. Don’t try to purchase cheap popularity.
xxv. Don’t draw public attention by eccentric
behaviour or by a vulgar display of
wealth if you are blessed with it.
xxvi. Don’t be too free with the other ranks
in your unit nor stand too offish. Get to
know them well and you will get a ‘ lot
out of them’.
xxvii. Don’t take part in low jokes in the
vernacular with the other ranks.
30. xxviii. Don’t tell/ tales out of school with the hope
of gaining favour of your senior officers. It is
unbecoming of an officer to indulge in
‘carrying tales’.
xxix. Don’t run into debt and if you do own up
about it to your Commandant and tell him all
the debts owed.
xxx. Don’t refer to your unit Commandant as ‘Co’
but refer to him as ‘Commanding Officer’. It
is more respectful.
xxxi. Don’t discuss religion and politics in the
Mess.
xxxii. Don’t praise senior on their face and talk ill
of any behind his back.
31. IMPORTANT DEFINITION
MANNERS:- Manners refers to a way a thing is done, a
person’s outward bearing and behaviour during social
interactions. They include distinctive ways: polite,
courteous, well behaved, refined actions or activities or in
other words manners are implementation of etiquettes.
ETIQUETTES:- Etiquettes refer to the code of conduct,
properties , civilities, decorum and politeness.
ETHICS:- Ethics means rule of conduct moral principles,
sense of right and wrong and sense of duty.
COURTEOUS:- Courteous means refined respectful,
tacdtful and gracious actions.
VALUES:- Values means ideals ,moral code, code ethics,
beliefs and practices.
32. 1.Sos’ MESS/CLUB:-
The 'objectives' are:
To provide recreational facilities to
the members of the club.
To give an exposure to the member to
the various facets of club life.
To organize cultural functions on
suitable occasions.
35. Table setting with glasses for sherry, red
wine, champagne.
36.
37.
38.
39. The table napkin is not intended for
use as towel but is meant to protect
your clothes and just to touch the
lips, if necessary.
Do not spread the napkin at or
around the neck. Spread it across
your lap.
It should be kept back in the plate
in the folded manner and not like
you throw a litter.
40. Do not keep the mess bearer waiting while
he approaches you to serve. The plates are
heavy.
Do not pile up food in your plate; it is bad
manners to do so. Take only one chapatti at
a time. If you want anything more, you can
always have a second helping.
Never form a queue while you have food in
a buffet party.
Wait till the Chief Guest is served before
you begin eating, also guests at your own
table.
The soup- spoon is placed on the extreme
right.
The other implements are used for each
course from outside to inside except for the
sweet dish, the spoon and the fork will, be
found in front.
41. There are separate knife for fish and meat dishes.
The soup should be taken in small sips and
noiselessly.
When the soup level goes down the soup bowl
may be tilted away from you.
Avoid drawing soup into the mouth with a hiss.
When a spoon and a fork are used for eating
dishes like rice, the fork is used as a stopper and
only the spoon is used to raise the food to the
mouth. The fork is not put in the mouth. When the
knife and the fork re used for meat, etc it is the
fork, which is used for
42. TABLE-MANNERS
Correct dress for the time of the day.
Hair well groomed. Hand & face washed &
nails grinned.
Liquor &Wine is discouraged.
While sitting on a dining table sit upright.
43. Never place elbows on table.
First Talk to guest on the right &
then left. talking should be limited.
Handle fork and knife correctly.
While leaving close the fork &Knife
& fold the napkin.
44. Ladies should leave first.
Fish knife & Fork should be used while taking fish.
For meats large fork &knife should be used.
Chapattis will be kept in the side place on the left hand &
portions large broken or rolled up with the hands if required.
When the meals is finished knife and fork are places side by
side on the plate.
Sweets are taken with dessert spoon.
Pan if served should be taken with thumb &under finger of
the tight hand.
45. When not eating hands should be kept still. do not fidget
about with the crockery and cutlery lying on the table.
Large mouthfuls must never be taken. Salt if required be
placed on side of the plate. Avoid speaking with the
mouthful.
Knife and fork are held primarily with the thumb and first
finger. the end of the handle in palm of hand.
46. Help the lady to your right into and
out of her seat. Help them during
the meal.
Make conversation with the persons
to the right and left and
occasionally across with the table.
47. 1. Forks:
1. pudding or first course
2. main course
3. Fish;
2. knives:
1. Meat
2. Butter
3. fish;
3. pudding spoon:
soup, teaspoon, coffee spoon.
48.
49. JEWELLERY:- should not be very
gaudy. It should be suitable.
SMOKING:- only when the senior most
officers pleases.
50. WALKING:- to the left of the senior,
right side of lady wives.
ADDRESSING:- the sr. calls the junior by
name & junior by sir the lady wives should
be addressed as “MADAM”.
51. SALUTING LADIES:- all
officers whether senior must
salute the lady wife when
recognised. in civvies if with
headgear remove it with right
hand &wish or fold hands.
52. CORRECT SPEECH:-ability for
correct carpel and dignified speech
and correct pronunciation .avoid
slangs .
CONVERSATION:- should be
reciprocal and not monopolized every
officer should maintain a broad point of
view.
53. INTRODUCING:-
A:- A gentleman is introduced
to a lady.
B:- A single woman to a
married woman.
C:- A junior to a senior
D:- A younger to an elder on.
E:- A bachelor to a married man.
54. ATTITUDE AS SENIOR OFFICER:- whenever invited
as chief guest if is required to move around and greet all.
when ladies in mess to give due courtesy. always remain
approachable.
55. ATTITUDE AS JUNIOR OFFICER:-
when commanding officer or the chief
guest arrives all junior stand up when the
guest comes the junior must walk up to
accompany him or better way would be to
receive at the main entrance of the mess.
while in mess avoid reading papers
monopolizing place that is fire place and
fan. if wanting to play radio seek
permission .A senior without a chair must
be offered .When ladies in mess give due
courtesy. Do not sit as loner or secluded in
a group .It is a primary duty to reach out
to the chief guest or senior most officers
and converse while catering for his
pleasure in the mess and keep changing
places & interact with as many invitees as
possible including the lady wives.
56. DRINKING:- Drinking should be resorted to only when the
senior most officer is offered and he starts if he is a teetotaler
then since officers mess bar is an informal place . junior can go
there or with due permission & pleasure of the chief guest may
do it publicly also.
57. CONVERSATION IN MESS:- No shop talking, no loose
gossiping, controversial subjects such as religion moment,
politics is a taboo in mess. Letter should not be opened in
mess during dinner. Smoking is not permitted. Drink with
in own limits. Be punctual on meals. When leaving thanks
the senior most and others. Do not leave the mess unless all
visitors have left or seek permission if one has to leave
abruptly for some reason. During the dinner walk up to
the president and obtain permission.
A KIND WORD COSTS SO LITTLE, YET MEANS SO MUCH
58. DOS AND DONT’S IN MESS
DOS:
Be punctual.
Do respect everything that is regimental.
Do stick to the Customs of the force no matter how insignificant
they may appear. they helps maintain espirit-de-corps so essential to
keep the good name, the tradition & efficient of the force.
59. DONT’S:
Don't talks in a loud voice-it is bad to do so.
Don't be too dressy but do be smart in
turnout at all times.
Don't ever contradict your senior officer & if
necessary do it humbly.
Don't be snobbish or conceited. you will
merely become unpopular.
Don't boast about your potential others will
find you real worth.
Don't ever make a statement or given
opinion unless you have facts and figures.
Don't talk “shop "in the mess or at private
parties.
Don't be too flashy or grouse about your
work in office.
Don't bring official matters to interface with
private affairs.
60. Don't get into the “most despicable” habit
of discussing brother officers.
Don't ever criticize units or different
formation & its people.
Don't sit tight &expect people in station to
come & entertain you.
Don't wash dirty linen in public.
Don't talk about your financial position-
sound or otherwise.
Don't be sarcastic.
Don't be too sensitive or imaginative-don’t
get offended every time.
Don't make personal joke. some take them
well others may not.
Don't discuss politics & religion in mess.
Don't draw attention by vulgar display of
wealth or eccentric behaviour.
Don't take part in low jokes.
61. SHOULD BE WHITE.
SQUARE CORNERED.
ENGRAVING OR EMBOSSING(BLACK)
SIZE OF CARD
Men : 3 inches in length and 1 ¼ inches in width.
Ladies: 3 ¼ inches in length and 2 ¼ inches in width.
NAME PRINTED IN CENTRE.
SCRIPT IN LONG HAND RATHER THAN BLOCK
LETTERS.
NO ABBREVIATIONS.
LADIES CARD SHOULD BEAR NAME OF
HUSBAND AND NOT HER OWN NAME.
e.g. MRS. KANISHKA PATEL AND NOT MRS. ALKA PATEL
62. SENIOR TO JUNIOR:
“MY DEAR DEEPAK”
JUNIOR TO SENIOR:
“DEAR SHRI SINHA”
LETTER IS ENDED BY WRITING:
YOURS SINCERELY
WHILE ADDRESSING TO LT. COLONEL
AND ABOVE:
“DEAR COLONEL….”
SAME APPLIES FOR MAJOR GENERAL AND
ABOVE.
WRITE IN PROPER DO PAD
63. The P.M.C. Officers' Mess, ISA
&
All Faculty Officers'
Request the pleasure of the company of
Sh. Nagendera Singh & Family
To: Dinner
On: 2 August, 2008
At: 2030 hours. At:
Anand Lok Officers' Mess
R.S.V.P
Mess Secretary
Tel: 02974-235241
Dress: Formal
64. Declining an invitation: -
It is also written on the same lines except
that the words “which he has pleasure in
accepting would be replaced by “but
regrets his inability to accept owing to
previous engagement”.
65. Principal/ IGP, Staff and DAGOs 35th
Batch request the pleasure of the
attendance of
Smt. & Shri ______________________
at the Passing- Out Parade on Tuesday,
29th Jan, 2004 at 0930 a.m. The salute
will be taken by Shri S.C.Chaube, IPS,
Director General, CRPF.
– High Tea – 10.45 hours RSVP
66. Note:-
Visitors are requested to be in their seats by
0910 hrs.
Please display the enclosed car parking ticket on
the windscreen of your car.
It is requested that children under 15 years of
age are not brought to the function.
Seat can only be reserved if your acceptance is
received not later than 18th Feb, 2003.
Dress : Officers - Uniform
Civilian - Appropriate dress.
Please bring this card with you
67. Smt. & B.P Singh request
the pleasure of the company of
Smt. & Shri__________________
to Dinner on Wednesday, 26th Feb,
2008
at 2030 hours.
RSVP
Qtr. No. 2,
68. Start with “Good Morning” or “Good Afternoon”.
Try to choose convenient hours for ringing up.
Introduce yourself.
Keep a pen and pad beside the telephone instrument.
Keep your temper under control.
When finishing a call, don’t end up too abruptly and slam
back the receiver without warning.
Do not shout.
