Return on Relationship It's not what I'm doing, it's what you think I'm doing.

Relationship Management The single most important measure of business success in the 21 st Century Every circle of influence requires relationship management Perceived reality is reality I have to know what you think before I can know what I need to do

The single most important measure of business success in the 21 st Century

Every circle of influence requires relationship management

Perceived reality is reality

I have to know what you think before I can know what I need to do

Relationship Management The simple steps for managing perceived reality It starts – and ends – with me

The simple steps for managing perceived reality

It starts – and ends – with me

First Things First The single most important ingredient in relationship influence is: ATTITUDE

The single most important ingredient in relationship influence is:

ATTITUDE

Attitude Evaluation 1. The Reality Check Am I getting the responses I really want?

1. The Reality Check

Am I getting the responses I really want?

Attitude Evaluation 2. Responsibility Check What attitude signals am I sending out?

2. Responsibility Check

What attitude signals am I sending out?

Attitude Evaluation 3. Adjustment Check What can I do to reset the relationship temperature?

3. Adjustment Check

What can I do to reset the relationship temperature?

Relationship Temperature Thermometer: Measuring Perceived Reality Thermostat: Adjusting Perceived Reality Standard Temperature and Pressure: Set by the vertical relationship – the BIGGER values of my life

Thermometer: Measuring Perceived Reality

Thermostat: Adjusting Perceived Reality

Standard Temperature and Pressure: Set by the vertical relationship – the BIGGER values of my life

7 Relationship Temperature Controls Response to Criticism

Response to Criticism

Response to Criticism How much of your personal self-worth is subject to the input of others? How well do you “measure up”? Have you established a baseline that depends only on your vertical relationship? Do you have your values in place? Do you encourage feedback from all?

How much of your personal self-worth is subject to the input of others?

How well do you “measure up”?

Have you established a baseline that depends only on your vertical relationship?

Do you have your values in place?

Do you encourage feedback from all?

7 Relationship Temperature Controls Response to Criticism Empowering Others

Response to Criticism

Empowering Others

Empowering Others Empowering means transferring what I do and what I know to someone else Compliance is not empowering Have I made a tangible commitment to show someone else how to do what I do? Who is my apprentice? “I call you friends”

Empowering means transferring what I do and what I know to someone else

Compliance is not empowering

Have I made a tangible commitment to show someone else how to do what I do?

Who is my apprentice?

“I call you friends”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls Response to Criticism Empowering Others Authority vs. Control

Response to Criticism

Empowering Others

Authority vs. Control

Authority vs. Control Authority – what is given to me by another De jure or de facto The essence of influence is invitation Every follower is be a volunteer “Come after me”

Authority – what is given to me by another

De jure or de facto

The essence of influence is invitation

Every follower is be a volunteer

“Come after me”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls Response to Criticism Empowering Others Authority vs. Control Emotional Discipline

Response to Criticism

Empowering Others

Authority vs. Control

Emotional Discipline

Emotional Discipline Reaction vs. Response An attitude of identification Do I first ask “How do they feel?” The Fearless Moral Inventory “counting the cost”

Reaction vs. Response

An attitude of identification

Do I first ask “How do they feel?”

The Fearless Moral Inventory

“counting the cost”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls Response to Criticism Empowering Others Authority vs. Control Emotional Discipline Handling Fears

Response to Criticism

Empowering Others

Authority vs. Control

Emotional Discipline

Handling Fears

Handling Fears The biggest roadblock to successful relationships Fear is a one-way mirror Fear-based relationships avoid truth and hide feelings If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love me “Do you love me?”

The biggest roadblock to successful relationships

Fear is a one-way mirror

Fear-based relationships avoid truth and hide feelings

If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love me

“Do you love me?”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls Response to Criticism Empowering Others Authority vs. Control Emotional Discipline Handling Fears Demonstrating Compassion

Response to Criticism

Empowering Others

Authority vs. Control

Emotional Discipline

Handling Fears

Demonstrating Compassion

Demonstrating Compassion Not sympathy, not empathy, not proxy delegation Greek – gut reaction Why I must act! How am I demonstrating the heart of compassion? “Jesus wept.”

Not sympathy, not empathy, not proxy delegation

Greek – gut reaction

Why I must act!

How am I demonstrating the heart of compassion?

“Jesus wept.”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls Response to Criticism Empowering Others Authority vs. Control Emotional Discipline Handling Fears Demonstrating Compassion Exhibiting Humility

Response to Criticism

Empowering Others

Authority vs. Control

Emotional Discipline

Handling Fears

Demonstrating Compassion

Exhibiting Humility

Exhibiting Humility The Level 5 Leader Not a state of being (character) Hebrew – ana = act of the will (decision) Putting the highest value into action The serving leader

The Level 5 Leader

Not a state of being (character)

Hebrew – ana = act of the will (decision)

Putting the highest value into action

The serving leader

What does Upside Down Leadership look like? I decide To make You My friend Regardless of your response Friendship: It’s my call!

I decide

To make You

My friend

Regardless of your response

Friendship: It’s my call!

FRIENDSHIP THE 1% SOLUTION How can I make a 1% difference TODAY ? St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words”