Intentional Conversation

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Focus on Intentional Dialogue (for understanding) and Intentional Confrontation (for change). But looks at the concept of intentional conversation also in more general terms.

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Intentional Conversation

  1. 1. Intentional Conversation Mini-Workshop Bukal Life Care Presented by Robert Munson, ThD
  2. 2. Communication There are four basic forms of human communication: -Verbal -Non-Verbal -Written -Visual <We will focus on Verbal and Non-verbal>
  3. 3. Intentional Conversation? Definition: A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high (2) opinions vary (3) emotions run strong. (Patterson) In these situations, there is a desire of one to change the mind of the other or gain understanding (of the other or from the other).
  4. 4. Intentional Conversation? Definition: A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high (2) opinions vary (3) emotions run strong. (Patterson) In these situations, there is a desire of one to change the mind of the other or gain understanding (of the other or from the other).
  5. 5. Communication with a Purpose One-Way Two-Way Communication Communication Teaching/ Seeking Understanding Lecture Dialogue/ Discussion Seeking Change Argument/ Apologetics/ Confrontation Preaching/ Polemics We will focus on two-way communication, so we will focus on dialogue and confrontation.
  6. 6. When is an Intentional Conversation needed? Whenever you -feel uncomfortable, -have second thoughts, or -try to avoid saying what you need to say, what you aren’t saying is your hard conversation. (Abrams)
  7. 7. What if we need to have an intentional conversations but don't? -Our beliefs and our actions are not aligned -We experience a high level of tension, discomfort, stress. -We give support to what is wrong through silence and inaction. -Our trustworthiness can be questioned. -Relationships we want to protect become strained and damaged.
  8. 8. Successful Intentional Conversations require a PLAN Goal, Situation, Script <As such, it will feel strange... artificial... fake. But give it a chance. Preaching and teaching utilizes plans.>
  9. 9. Plan (Goal/Situation/Script) Action/Conversation Evaluate Follow-up
  10. 10. 1. Goal a. b. c. d. Seek to understand? Seek understanding? Seek to change? Seek change? <Should the goal be known by the other or a surprise?>
  11. 11. 2. Situation a. When would be a good time? b. What would be a good place? c. What would be the right emotional state? <Can a location of a meeting affect the outcome?>
  12. 12. 3. Script a. Semi-structured b. Thought through c. Practiced <Should one use notes?>cc
  13. 13. Intentional Dialogue This is for gaining understanding. Typically, the need for dialogue is related more to understanding of values and feelings more than about facts. v Typically, the need is to focus more on perceptions than “truth” or blame.
  14. 14. Intentional Dialogue <See Handout. Divide into groups and then into 2s. Others can critique.>     “A” share a BIG moment (happy or sad). “B” Mirror v “B” Validate “B” Empathize
  15. 15. Intentional Confrontation Guidelines (Maxwell) -Confront ASAP (right time and place) -Separate the person from their actions -Only confront what the person can change -Give person the benefit of the doubt v -Be specific -Avoid sarcasm -Avoid words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ -Express feelings -Give a “game plan” -Affirm the person
  16. 16. Intentional Confrontation A Simple 3-Step Plan is the “A.I.R.” Plan  “A” is for Awareness. Make the other aware of the situation/concern.  “I” is for Impact. Make the other aware of the v impact on work/relationship/others.  “R” is for Request. Make the other aware of what you desire to be different. <Note: if no resolution is achieved, seek collaboration. “What do you think can be done to resolve this issue?>
  17. 17. Intentional Confrontation <See Handout. The handout is a plan for personal relationships. Break into groups and then into 2s. “A” and “B”>  Frustrating Behavior  My Feeling v  My Story  My Reactive Behavior  My Fear  My Childhood Response  My Desire
  18. 18. Intentional Confrontation If you simply want to attack or blame... you don't need intentional communication/ confrontation. Intentional communication in confrontation is beneficial when the goal is correction and v reconciliation.
  19. 19. Is Intentional Conversation Always Successful? NO!!! -Intentional dialogue requires mutual respect. -Intentional confrontation requires a willingness for both parties to grow and reconcile. (Mediation may be required). v Other types of intentional conversation can also fail (ask any salesman... no words can guarantee results). All one can do is plan for success.
  20. 20. References -Leverington, John and Becky. Marriage Encounter Training Handouts. October 2012. Narramore Christian Foundation. Chiang Mai, Thailand. -Maxwell, John. “Developing the Leaders Around You.” -Maybin, Sarita. “If You Can’t Say Something Nice, What Do You Say?” -”courageousintentionalconversations.ppt” at http://2011e1690.wikispaces.com.

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