1. HELLO!
AS YOU ENTER, PLEASE…
 SEAT YOURSELF NEXT TO A
TRUSTED PEER EDITOR
 2 OR 4 TO A TABLE ONLY
OMG! How exciting is this?!

2. WELCOME BACK,
OH BRILLIANT
WRITERS!
Today‟s Objectives:
1) To review your essay organization
2) To enhance precision & concision in your
writing
3) To add flair & joy to your writing & the writing
process
WORD UP & WRITE ON

3. READ ALOUD!
 Read your question & essay to your
If it partner (5 mins.)
SOUNDS
wrong…  Writers,if while reading you hear a
it problem, simply highlight & continue
probably reading, don’t stop to fix it!
is!  Partners, listen for two things:
1. Has the writer answered the
question?
2. Does the essay reflect her/his true
voice?
 Switch readers  complete same

4. IF YOU HAVEN’T
ANSWERED THE QUESTION
&/OR IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE
YOU,
START OVER!

5. REMEMBER:
 no-nos
The list of topic
 This is about YOU  your ethos, values,
aspirations
 Cast aside your humility, you are AWESOME!
AND…
 SHOW don’t TELL!
 Examples and analysis and reflection!

6. Mini Workshop #1:
Organization
http://www.ismckenzie.com/organization-cartoon/
Introduction Body + Transitions 

7. Mini Workshop #1:
Organization
Consider what type of organization you have:
 How was it in the past?  How is it now?  How
may it be in the future? So what?
 My first impression.  My later view.  My
present evaluation. So what?
 A notable mistake.  Efforts to adjust or correct.
 The outcome. So what?
 How does it appear?  What is it really like? 
Why is there this difference? So what?
 How can it be done?  Steps A, B, C.  What is
the result? So what?

8. Mini Workshop #1: Evidence &
Org.
 Specific Details
 Supply anecdotal evidence to show
accomplishments
 Supply SPECIFICS: names, places, and
descriptions
 Explain the concrete outcomes of your endeavors
 Allow readers to SEE your ethos in action
 Most questions ask for a moment or event and
what you learned from it, don’t spend the whole
essay describing the event, you need to focus on
learning, growth, change, epiphany, etc…
 10% Description + (90% Analysis x Reflection)
=

9. Mini Workshop #1:
Organization
Typical / Formal Creative / Narrative
Essays Approaches
Identify & Highlight: Identify & Highlight:
 INTRO: Thesis / big idea  Main idea / theme of
piece
 Topic sentence for each  Near the beginning
body paragraph  Elements/examples that
 Transition words and support this topic
phrases within  Transition words and
paragraphs
phrases throughout your
 Concluding &/or piece
transition sent. for each
body para.

10. 3rd Inning Stretch
 Stand up!
 In 30 seconds, find a partner at ANOTHER table!
 Read the BEST part/sentence of your essay,
explain:
WHAT MAKES IT “GOOD”?
 THEN, briefly explain the part of your essay
that needs the most work! (1.5 minutes per
partner)

11. Choose a Paragraph
 Go back to that area you pointed out as
needed most work…
 We are going to beat it with a CAVE MAN
CLUB
http://marcpro-strava.com/blog/2012/08/

12. Mini Workshop #2: NOUN /
VERB
http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/n/nouns.asp
I miss the good old days when all we had
to worry about was nouns and verbs

13. Identify Nouns, Verbs, and
Modifiers
 Highlight all key nouns, pronouns, and
adjectives with another color.
 The beautiful Sarah wore the perfect shoes
with her prom dress; she was dressed
smashingly.
 Grammar reminder: Adjectives modify nouns
 Highlight all verbs and adverbs with one
color.
 The beautiful Sarah wore the perfect shoes
with her prom dress; she was dressed

14. Mini Workshop #2:
NOUN/VERB
 It was, it is, there was, there are, etc..
 Instead of using the ambiguous “it,” state the
noun you mean
 Only use state of being verbs if you absolutely
have to Instead use VIBRANT action verbs
Example:
It was cold the day my grandfather died.
Instead… The weather grew frigid the day
my
grandfather died.
 If you have to use adjectives, or adverbs,
make them count!

15. Mini Workshop #2: NOUNS!
 Clarify vague pronouns  have clear
antecedents
 Especially important with it, personal pronouns, and
vague nouns
 It
seems they enjoy those things.
 He learned a lot from that experience.
 Use specific nouns and avoid adjectives:
 crone, hag
 frumpy old woman  jalopy, rattletrap
 Dilapidated vehicle
 hovel, shack
 Dingy, broken down house

16. Mini Workshop #2: VERBS!
Concision comes in small packages…
 Simplify verb forms:
 What had had happened was… (no perfect tenses;
K.I.S.S.)  I now realize…
 I have come to the understanding…
 I relish…
 I do indeed take pleasure in…
 adverbs  Use precise
Cut superfluous  sprint, gallop, dash verbs:
 Run very quickly  guffaw, chortle, chuckle
 Laugh wholeheartedly
 gambol, caper, frolic
 Dance wildly

17. Mini Workshop #2: VERBS +
TONE!
 Tone & diction:
Make your words SHOW how you
feel!
 When the doorbell rang, I got off my
bed and went to answer the door.
 What is the tone?
 What words are “flat” or “vague”?
 How might they be changed?

18. Time to EDIT!
 Now, you will comb through that
paragraph you identified earlier
 Check nouns and pronouns and their
antecedents  replace vague words &
pronouns
 Replace state of being verbs with action
verbs
 Keep only the most telling adjectives and
adverbs
 Spend 7 minutes finessing your
paragraph

19. 7th Inning Stretch
 Stand up!
 In 30 seconds, find A NEW
partner at ANOTHER
table!
 Read your first & your last
sentences

20. http://static.zoovy.com/img/gkworld/
Flair
Mini Workshop #3: Adding

21. Mini Workshop #3: Adding
Flair
 First line = first impression (punch „em in the
face)
 All this happened, more or less. K.
Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)
 The naked parrot looked like a human fetus spliced
onto a kosher chicken. T. Robbins, Fierce Invalids Home from Hot
Climates (2000)
 Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. V. Nabokov, Lolita
(1955)
 Last line = leave a lasting impression
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this
world. M. Oliver

22. Mini Workshop #3: Adding
Flair
 Read your first and last line to your
partner
 Discuss your starters and finishers
 How might you spice them up?
 Take 5 minutes to re-work one or
both  Make them memorable
 Let’s hear a few good ones!

23. Mini Workshop #3: Adding
Flair
 Metaphors
 While volunteering at the hospital, I realized I was
a lost boat afloat in the tempest of life.
 Similes
 Like
a beacon in the distance, my mother’s advice
aided me once again!
 Sentence Variety / Inverted word order
 Learned I did that patience is a necessity not a
virtue.
 Industrious am I; genius I am not.

24. Sentence
Variety
 Playing with how
you organize
your ideas in a
sentence also
allows you to
emphasize
certain elements
 This particular
start
emphasizes
Roy’s mistake…

25. Sentence Variety…
 Roy dooms the entire earth to
annihilation, when, in an attempt to be friendly, he
inadvertently seizes their leader by the head and
shakes vigorously.
 Emphasizes Roy‟s imminent annihilation
 Roy seizes their leader by the head and shakes
vigorously, inadvertently dooming the entire earth
to annihilation with his attempt at being friendly.
 Emphasizes Roy‟s social faux pas
 In an attempt to be friendly, Roy seizes their
leader by the head and shakes
vigorously, inadvertently dooming the entire earth
to annihilation.

26. Refine your sentences!
 Go back to the paragraph you are refining
 Check each sentence to assure it’s perfect
 Add sentence variety where necessary
 Add a metaphor or simile  just try it now, and
see if you like it 
 Take 10 minutes to edit sentences
 Share your ideas with your partner

27. Write On! Be the Sausage!
 Go forth and endeavor to share
your brilliance with the world!
 Finish essays early so you have time
to polish them
 Get other eyes on them
 Set appointments with teachers and
counselors for help, discussion,
finessing