2. Goals for This Workshop:
Be able to identify ineffective description
Know resources for alternative vocabulary
Have tools for revising description
3. When Description Is Used
Scenes
Introductory paragraphs, narratives
People
Profiles, character analyses
Business
Résumés, reports, research papers
Processes
Process analyses, recipes, personal experience
4. Ineffective Description
Uses dull, ordinary vocabulary
Lacks sensory information
Fails to follow a logical sequence
Provides unfocused, excessive detail
5. Effective Descriptions
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers
2. Have words for readers’ sensory
imagination
3. Tell readers what is important for
them to know
6. Dull Verbs and Modifiers
I went up the beach, past colorful rocks,
and then I could see him looking into an
old log.
Who looked?
What kinds of colors?
How was the action done?
7. Some Vivid Verbs & Modifiers
“I stumbled a little woozily up the beach,
clambering over the boulders of quietly
hallucinatory colours, and then from my new
vantage point saw Mark away in the distance
on his knees and peering into an old log”
(Adams 121).
9. Where do I find the words?
EVERYWHERE!
Formal sources: reference books,
professional journals, news media, etc.
Informal sources: peers, TV, Internet
blogs, videos, novels, poetry, podcast
interviews—especially with
writer-performers
10. Accurate Nouns?
Nouns are names for people, places, and
things—they can be very accurate, or
very generic.
Choose whichever is appropriate.
What makes a choice appropriate?
12. Dull Verbs
Dull verbs only tell us the basic facts,
lacking descriptive dimension:
I walked to the store.
13. Revising Verbs I
Changing the verb can add meaningful information
in just one word:
- I slogged to the store.
Now we know it took great effort to do the action,
and we may feel what the author felt.
14. Dull Verbs II
Some common boring verbs:
be, do, get,
go, have, make,
put, run, see,
take, talk, use
15. Revising Verbs II
To enliven your verbs, circle the repeated
boring ones, and replace them with more
meaningful verbs:
She ran to answer the phone.
She sprinted to answer the phone.
16. Power Verbs in Résumés
Created
Studied
Excelled
Formulated
Designed
Led
Produced
Supervised
Formed
Managed
Honored
Recognized
Accomplished
Achieved
Wrote
Served
Executed
Constructed
Generated
Initiated
Negotiated
Operated
Mastered
Developed
Presented
Dynamic, achievement-oriented verbs, such as
17. Clumsy Modifiers
Dull Adjectives:
good, bad, nice, great, different, happy
Confusing placement:
The damaged student’s car
I fought off the dog in my pajamas.
Finding it ransacked, I entered the house.
18. Adjectives
Adjectives (and adverbs) prevent an action or
a thing being any other way:
He spoke softly.
He didn’t speak loudly or hysterically.
My generous neighbor.
Our attention is drawn to the neighbor’s generosity, not
sense of humor or annoying habits.
19. Revising Adjectives
He was a nice guy.
It was a difficult time for me.
What’s your definition of nice?
What made it difficult? How was it so?
20. Effective Descriptions
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers
2. Have words for readers’ sensory
imagination
3. Tell readers what is important for
them to know
23. Sensory Information
Before writing, visualize the scene, situation,
person, or process.
Note the colors, arrangements or
sequences, sounds, smells, thoughts or
feelings involved.
24. Sensory Detail
“The smell of the bush, the smell of the dust and
grass, caught at [Mma Ramotswe’s] heart as it
always did; and now there was added a whiff of
wood smoke, that marvellous, acrid smell that
insinuates itself through the still air of morning
as people make their breakfast and warm their
hands by the flames” (Smith 196).
25. Effective Descriptions
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers
2. Have words for readers’ sensory
imagination
3. Tell readers what is important for
them to know
27. Decide What Is Important
As writers for an American audience,
YOU need to decide what is important
for your readers to know—and what
can be left out.
Every bit of description has to have a
purpose.
28. Not every sense needs mentioning…
I tentatively approached the door. It had a smooth, egg-
shaped, brass doorknob, and turned without resistance. I
pushed open the door and looked around the room that
smelled of rose water and ozone. I turned and walked with
creaking footsteps across the hallway to the next door down
on my right at the two o’clock position. It was inlaid with
mother-of-pearl in the shape of tulips. Through the door I
could hear shouting.
29. Tools for Revising 1
Engage your senses!
Recall or imagine the sounds, smells, tones of
voice, textures, etc.
Determine if the words on the page
represent the most important sensory details.
30. What Would You Change?
I tentatively approached the door. It had a smooth, egg-
shaped, brass doorknob, and turned without resistance. I
pushed open the door and looked around the room that
smelled of rose water and ozone. I turned and walked with
creaking footsteps across the hallway to the next door down
on my right at the two o’clock position. It was inlaid with
mother-of-pearl in the shape of tulips. Through the door I
could hear shouting.
31. Tools for Revising 2
Consider your audience
We use different words and phrases for
different settings.
What does it mean to be appropriate?
32. Technical Writing
Job applications
Tailor your experience to each job description
Process Reports
Include what has an effect on the outcome
Make every statement NEW information
33. Characterization in Profile Essays
States of mind: mood, emotions, personality
Physical expressions show readers
e.g., fast heartbeat, twitchy smile, bright eyes
Speech mannerisms
Quality of dress: neat, frumpy, expensive,
cheap . . .
Can show class, gender, etc.
34. Tools for Revising 3
Engage your best writing tools: a thesaurus
and a dictionary!
1) Find an alternate related to your first word.
2) Look up the meaning of the alternate to see
if it really fits.
3) If it doesn’t fit, rinse and repeat!
35. Take Time to Brainstorm!
Visualize
Feel your own emotions
Giving physical sensations “shows”
readers instead of just “telling” readers
Consider several words
for the same topic
Recall your own experiences
36. Questions to ask while drafting
What did it look like?
Where was it in relation to other things?
What did you smell? Hear? Taste?
How did you feel at the time? Afterward?
Physical sensations
Emotional sensation
37. Drafting
Draft and put aside for a while
Revise for importance to audience,
relevance to topic, and
order or sequence for organization
38. Review: Effective Descriptions
1. Have accurate nouns, verbs,
and modifiers
2. Have words for readers’ sensory
imagination
3. Tell readers what is important for
them to know
39. Bibliography
Adams, Douglas and Mark Carwardine. Last Chance to See. New York: Ballantine,
1990.
Littlefield, Jamie. “25 Powerful Verbs for Your Résumé.” About.com. 2009. The New York
Times Co. 26 Jan. 2009.
http://distancelearn.about.com/od/usingyourdegree/a/15verbs.htm
Lunsford, Andrea. “20 Most Common Errors.” EasyWriter Resources. n.d. Bedford/St.
Martin’s. 12 April 2011. http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/easywriter3e/20errors/19.asp
Meyers, Alan. Writing with Confidence: Writing Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
6th Edition. New York: Longman, 2000.
Smith, Alexander McCall. Morality for Beautiful Girls. New York: Anchor, 2002.
Thackston, Karen. “Copywriting and Your Five Senses.” About.com. 2006. The New
York Times Co. 20 Oct. 2006
http://advertising.about.com/od/copywriting/a/fivesenses.htm
